Hats off to Barry

The Calgary Flames are blaming part of their troubles on bad ice which is like the Miami Dolphins blaming their troubles on poorly painted end zone stripes. In fairness I have to agree the ice is bad. There are more bad bounces at a Flames game than a Roscoe Tanner cheque.

The Anaheim Ducks have to move about $1 million worth of salary to make it possible for Scott Niedermayer to return to the team or about 25% of what Todd Bertuzzi is scheduled to make for his history with Brian Burke. Word is the Ducks will try to unload a player, demote someone to the minors or blame it all on Kevin Lowe.

The NHL players are trying to offset their carbon footprint by having players pay $29 a ton for credits. This measure is popular with most players except Keith Tkahuck who wants to know if it is based on his weight.

The Vancouver Canucks are denying reports that then coach Marc Crawford ordered someone on the team to “get” Steve Moore. They feel the whole thing is just a dyslexic mix up when they were asking the team to “get more out of Steve”.

Barry Bonds showed up for court with 6 lawyers saying they each had a different hat to wear.

Tiger Woods wife Elin Nordegren Woods was awarded $182,000 for the fake nude pictures of her that appeared in an Irish magazine. Told of the award Toronto Maple Leafs forward Jiri Thisty said he plans to sue as well claiming the nude pictures of him did not live up to the real thing.

Former MLB player David Segui admitted to taking both growth hormones and steroids although in his defence he said he played most of his Little League years “clean”.

Speculation is Michael Vick received a harsh sentence because the judge in his case was a dog owner which is like saying Conrad Black was treated badly because his judge read the newspaper and Robert Pickton fell into the hands of a pig loving judge.

Vinnie Testaverte said Michael Vick doesn’t have to worry after he gets out of prison because he will still have his best 15 years ahead of him. I feel sorry for the loved ones Vick will leave behind the season ticket holders of the Atlanta Falcons who thought they had a contender.

Minor league baseball player Raul Padron was suspended for 50 games for violating the ban on performance enhancing drugs. The ban would have been longer but with a 228 batting average and 13 home runs it was felt he wasn’t taking the recommended dosage.

Nathalie Lambert was named Canada’s Chef de Mission for the 2010 Olympic Games narrowly beating out Chef Ramsay and the Iron Chef.

The New England Patriots are 27 point favourites over the NY Jets which is the biggest pre-game spread since William “The Refrigerator” Perry went to an all you can eat buffet.

The Green Bay Packers are upset about the low hit on their quarterback Brett Favre and have asked the NFL to review the film saying it was clearly below the walker.

There seems to be a lot of 1 year deals being made with MLB players as the owners are reluctant to tie up money for a long period of time and players have to console themselves by making a lifetime’s wages before insanity resumes to the process.

With Tim Tebow winning the Heisman Trophy football coaches are now looking for quarterbacks who can run, throw and chew gum at the same time. The ideal quarterback according to scouts now is a Michael Vick type without the rabid temper.

Madison Gardens and NY Knicks Coach Isaiah Thomas agreed to pay $11.5 million in an out of court sexual harassment settlement. The amount was determined by using a percentage of the amount NBA players spend at strip clubs each year in NY. Thomas says the settlement clearly shows he is innocent and then left to do some jewellery shopping for his wife.

NBA forward Ron Artest was so happy to win his civil trial resulting from a brawl in the stands of a game he fired a 21 gun salute at a favourite Nightclub.

The International Olympic Committee will wait to award some of the medals from previous Games until they have talked with BALCO CEO Victor Conte about possible steroid use by winners. The Games in question are the ones in 2004, 2000, 1998 1994 and most of the ‘80’s and ‘70’s.

The IOC has refused a request by Tibet to have a team compete in the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing. A statement released by the IOC says Tibet will have to be content to be at one with themselves.

Top 3 ways athletes can deal with the polluted air in Beijing
# 3 Remember to chew air thoroughly before swallowing
# 2 Start training now during downtown rush hour traffic
# 1 After Games are over request new lungs from Chinese prison organ “donor”