Lotto Luck

The Edmonton Oilers shareholders have received another offer for the team which proves Rexall Drugs owner Daryl Katz isn’t the only one with access to hallucinogens. The proposal is called Plan B which narrowly beat out the other suggestion Poison Pill.

The NY Yankees will set a record with a $218 million payroll next year, a figure which includes salaries, bonuses and hush money.

The military engineers behind British submarines have agreed to help their nation design equipment to compete in the 2010 Winter Olympics opening up the potential for the first bobsled to sink during a run.

Police are looking for a man who bilked people in Toronto by saying they could win the Lotto once a curse was lifted from them. Police became suspicious when the man said the curse would be lifted when the Maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup.

Notre Dame dams the dame

Anyone who says they would have picked Eli Manning to be in the Super Bowl over Peyton Manning is the same person that would have taken Brett Gretzky in their hockey pool over Wayne.

Tough day for glass as Dion Pnaeuf shattered two panes in the game and one later when he was shaving.

Peter Forsberg skated for Swedish team MoDo and after taking one lap around the rink managed to get two contract offers and one GM fired for not making one.

The Saskatchewan Roughriders began their search for a new head coach by stating the qualifications required. The candidate must have coaching experience, be willing to work towards a championship and have a decent exit strategy if they win one. The Riders were interested in defensive coach Ritchie Hall until he explained his reluctance to leave after having some success. Let’s face it if someone wants to stay in Regina he must have problems.

The NFL has banned Buffalo Bills defensive end Anthony Hargrove for substance violation. Because of NFL rules the substance was not revealed and Anthony didn’t have the balls to come clean.

After scoring 3 shorthanded goals against Carolina NY Islanders coach Ted Nolan became the first coach to pull a forward.

The NHL has decided to award points for creativity during the shoot out at this year’s All Star game. Points will be awarded for creativity, difficulty and ringing the five hole bell. An effort to spice up the game to appeal to the youth failed when the new uniforms repelled water at the wet t shirt rehearsal.

A study has determined on an average day 100 million people are having sex. The amount lowers drastically during heat waves and reaches a peak during the NBA All Star Game.

John Ferguson Jr. says he will stand behind his record which is good because no goalie wants to stand behind that defence.

Roger Clemens is considering playing another year with the Houston Astros saying he feels pumped.

New England quarterback Tom Brady was seen with a plastic cast on his foot after visiting his ex girlfriend. Fans of the Patriots were relieved to find out it was just a boot put on him by his current girlfriend for double parking.

Two TV Shows revolving around the NHL premiered this week. “MVP” is about a fictitious Toronto hockey team and one about wives of NHL players that signed with Edmonton called “The Week the Women Left Town.”

After missing half or the regular season Scott Niedermayer was added to this years All Star team. This has Peter Forsberg increasing his daily skating workouts in hopes of signing a contract in time to be included as well.

Not sure who had the worse injury Sidney Crosby when he crashed into the boards or executives of the NHL network who leap from their offices windows after hearing the news.

First it was Golf channel reporter Kelly Tilghman being suspended for remarks about Tiger Woods and now ESPN’s Dana Jacobson has come under fire for her portrayal of Notre Dame in a televised roast. I remember when men had to beg women to talk trash and now they are getting suspended for it.

The Catholic Church is outraged over the remarks Dana made about Notre Dame asking “What have we ever done to women to deserve this kind of treatment?”

Why is it Canadians are always hurt by labour disputes? This year the Academy Awards are going to be interrupted by a writers strike with Canadians heavily represented, the baseball strike wiped out the chance for Montreal to win the World Series and we all know Toronto would have won the Stanley Cup during the walkout year.

The Winter X Games have gone green which will make snowboarders very very happy. The beer will be in corn based cups, the napkins are from a sugarcane based by-product and only chemically free, organically grown pot will be used by snowboarders.

A Cheap Shot

Usually a frozen rope is a term for a hard thrown pass but in Sundays NFL game in Green Bay it was the string to tie up your pants.

The real winner on the frozen seats of Green Bay was the local distributor of Preparation H.

The Packers lost despite a “Packer Prayer” that was being circulated on the internet making out Brett Favre to be a saviour. I guess The Lord decided to smite them because at the good book says “Thou shall have no other God before me”.

When we were kids in the ‘70’s a high ankle sprain was when you got stoned and fell off your platform heels.

The US Congress is praising the NFL for its drug testing program and ability to find 6’ 350 lb. players who can run the 40 in 4 seconds without needing drugs. This is the same Congress that called sub prime mortgages a boon to the economy.

The Buffalo Bills are closer to getting NFL approval to play a regular season game in Toronto. Meanwhile Buffalo Sabres coach hopes his team will play a game the next time they visit Toronto as well.

The Calgary Flames had their annual skills competition with Adrian Aucoin winning the hardest shot contest with an old fashioned wood stick. His shot of 103 MPH was deemed the best even though Dion Phaneuf’s composite broken blade went 104. The stick Adrian used cost $30.00 or about the cost of a couple of double doubles on the way to the rink.

The economy took a hit on Monday with stocks being sold off quicker than a Roger Clemens fastball. This is the biggest drop of stock since Bobby Petrino left the Atlanta Falcons in a lurch.

The first person Cliff Fletcher called when he became the new TO GM was to Doug Riseborough to see if they could pull off another 10 player trade. Now that the Maple Leafs GM problem is resolved they can turn their attention to their next problem, finding someone to replace the new GM.