Yes you're fired... did I Sutter?

In what had to be the strangest firing in the history of pro sports the Calgary Flames relieved GM Daryl Sutter and replaced him with AGM Jay Feaster. Feaster was the GM of the Tampa Bay Lightening when they beat Sutters Flames in a highly disputed Stanley Cup Final. Brother Brent Sutter is the coach and was asked to report on rumours started 2 minutes after Daryl was let go, of a rift between the 2 brothers. Player development head Rich Sutter denied the allegations, special advisor Ron Sutter was unavailable for comment and scout Duane Sutter felt unprepared to discuss the move. It was up to President of the Flames Ken King, Daryl’s long-time friend and consigliore, to ask him to step down. If this was soccer it would be the most popular show in Brazil

King was obviously shaken up during the announcement and denied speculation there were harsh words spoken saying he talked with Daryl’s mom Grace Sutter before and she promised he had been told to play nice and put all his toys back in the box.

A spokesman for the Toronto Maple Leafs was not quoted saying they are reportedly interested in talking with Daryl’s mom to see if she can get Ron Wilson to quit.

If the Leafs could get Daryl to agree to a 3 year contract to coach the team, combined with current GM Brian Burke it could be the 1st time that management would be fined more for infractions than the players

Could you imagine Daryl, Brian and Don Cherry in the same city? A spokesperson for CBC sports went quiet, smiled brightly then wet his pants.

Top 5 New Year’s resolutions for Brett Favre
# 5 Return to rotary dial phone
# 4 Make decision regarding future
# 3 Figure out why pass to Jenn Sterger fell incomplete
# 2 Try out a new Beiber inspired hairdo
# 1 Star in movie based on his dreams called “Interception”

Hey it is called Foot Ball...

The US Government has repealed the “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” policy for gays and lesbians serving in the military. Don’t ask, Don’t tell is also a policy of Calgary Flames GM Daryl Sutter only he calls it Tuesday.

Craigslist has stopped listing erotic ads in Canada. Now if you want to hook up with a woman you have to do what every Canadian male had to do in the past, play in the NHL.

A Saskatoon disc jockey has come under fire for getting high on the air with a hallucinogenic herb causing him to double over with laughter. Officials warn of the dangers and say if Canadians wish to have a hearty laugh they should stick to watching the Toronto Maple Leafs kill a penalty.


Didn’t know Sarah Palin was such a big football fan until I saw her Xmas card where she was lined up in the shotgun formation

A new version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas is currently holding casting calls with the inside track being given to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and Union executive DeMaurice Smith.

In what had to be an unfortunate spell check error the Xmas card from Brett Favre ExtenZe his best for the upcoming year.

Top 5 signs you’re at an NBA Xmas party

# 5 Elves are all over 6’
# 4 Packages are being unwrapped with no gifts exchanged
# 3 The rounds are live and the punch mostly sucker
# 2 The Holly Wreath got packed in a bong
# 1 Guest list is pretty well all Ho, Ho, Ho’s

Actor Marilu Henner has a condition called autobiographical superior memory which allows her to remember every day of her life. The condition is also known to Toronto sports fans a hell.

Social media King Mark Zukerberg is in China and sources say he is considering starting a joint venture. The new website will become a place to post embarrassing pictures and gossip about your Friends and will be called Losing Facebook.


Rex Ryan says he will not talk about the foot fetish video saying he doesn't concentrate on the pleasures but rather his focus is on the agony of defeat...


I always wondered how a 350 lb. guy got the nickname twinkle toes...


I can't help but feel the video leak is a way to take the pressure of his team... it must be a part of an over arching plan...


He says mostly he is sorry for his wife and the person who posted the video should feel like a heel...


The news hit his players hard but they all promised to be more understanding of Rex and would toe the line in the future...

Blow them Boys

Really Calgary sports media?

Is every answer to the question...

“What wrong with the Flames?”

...the Sutters?

That’s it?

That is all you have?

Statistically the last 5 years have been some of the most successful

Really enjoyable from the point of view of us...

Flames Fans...

We made it to the Stanley Cup final and we all know that if there wasn’t a lockout it would have been a spectacular year...

we really coulda been a contenders...

The Flames have lost recent 1st round picks to addictions, injury and tragic death

Yet every year we were competitive...

every year we coulda won it all (OK cap space issues, crippling injuries and horrific slumps aside)

Why must the Sutters go Calgary sports media?

What? Won’t they drink with you?

Is it easier or more profitable to write negative articles and fluff analysis?

The Flames Fans hope the Sutters are not going anywhere...

They are winners and sometimes winners lose... but most Flames Fans know... they will win again... because they are winners.

We Flames Fans hope they are given every opportunity to create a powerhouse

Most Flames Fans biggest nightmare is not the Sutters...

It is the Sutters ... leaving

I haven’t read the current Global warming statistics to confirm but I have a hunch they may be moving the herd up a little north... the grass is greener and the droughts are not as prolonged. To a rancher a well fed herd is a happy herd.

That should sober up anyone who thinks calling for the head of a Sutter is smart...

Could you imagine... as a Flames Fan... the Oiler rookies up in Edmonton... coached by Daryl... managed by Brent... scouted by pretty well every relative from Red Deer... and then there is the cousins...

Now let’s pretend the Sutters entice either Jay Bowmeister or Mark Giradino in a couple of years... if you want a real chill think of them being free agents or “traded” by Daryl to Brent...

Mikka might be willing to stop nearly everything humanly possible... for a couple years... for a lot of money...

and Ignila might want to to win one for him and his wives hometown in 2 years...

This is like the Miami Heat only it would be really cold for Flames Fans...

So here is a recap...

Short of oral sex... the sports writing community should strive to represent a more accurate reflection of the views of Flames Fans... perform the service of documenting the victories and defeats or the Flames will be playing the future Sutters and their Oilers... and they still have draft choices...

The reason we are Flames Fans goes beyond hockey.

Calgary is a very educated (whatever that means) City...

Statistics Canada will back it up...

We are technologically savvy...

We understand business...

All Flames Fans have a life... but we are connected virtually to their success

Flames Fans are really OK with the Sutters building a dynasty...

Flames Fans don’t see the logic or fun in blowing it up...

When your fantasy team is wearing Victoria Secret...

Why put a burlap sack over it?

Brett before King

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FIFA for fun

Glad to see Tiger Woods doing well again despite mental health experts who think Tiger may suffer from a rare form of sex addiction that causes men who are rich and powerful to act out. Most women say it’s just par for the course.

I asked my GF if I had the symptoms of this rare sex addict disease and she said I had too much dough and not enough money

The prevailing slogan of the day is “Man Up” and it’s hard because the only man doing it is Tiger and no one wants to admit it

Announcer in the NHL are using “Man Up” to describe hits from behind, a refusal to fight after delivering a foul or when TSN’s Jennifer Hedges comes into the press box

Now that Sidney Crosby has moved out of owner and hall of famer Mario Lemieux’s basement it’s no wonder it is having a positive effect on his scoring

I wonder if Super Mario mentored Crosby in scoring on the days off... I mean a guy doesn’t get the nickname Super Mario for nothing

Crosby says he won’t shave off the moustache he grew for Movember in support of prostate cancer as he is on a tear. Being a man from the ‘70’s I can relate to how a guy with a porn star ‘stach can really scare.

With all the fuss over concussions in sports you would think more players would be interested in hard caps.

Jenn Sterger the woman who was texted images of Brett Favres junk says she won’t ask for money if Favre is punished by the NFL. Asked to comment Favre says he should be punished by Sterger herself because he has been a very bad man.

Worms that were genetically modified by McGill University researchers not only survived exposure to a banned poison, they lived even longer than normal worms causing speculation Favre may return for yet one more season.


Prince Charles and his wife, Camilla, were attacked during student riots. Charles says he is sympathetic to the cause and if they want to talk he is all ears.


NY Jets coach Rex Ryan buried a football during practice at their field as a way of putting the humiliating loss to the NE Patriots behind him. In a surprise twist after a couple of feet he uncovered the body of Jimmy Hoffa


An ongoing effort to track down cheese contaminated with listeria has resulted in food products being pulled from shelves, a warning to cheese lovers and most important a recall of Green Bay Packer Cheese Head hats

This week marks the 30th anniversary of the death of John Lennon and the news that was delivered during a Monday Night Football game. This has resulted in the tradition of MNF reading the obituary of coaches hired by Cleveland, Washington and Denver.


Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall says that in the aftermath of a controversial takeover bid for PotashCorp the province wants to clarify what it considers to be a strategic resource. At the top of the list is oil followed by wheat and watermelons.


Former NBA star Allen Iverson says he's happy with his new career in Turkey. In particular he is thrilled the team doesn’t put too much emphasis on practice.


Top 5 signs FIFA World Cup win by Qatar was perfectly organized, perfectly transparent and perfectly under control
# 5 Negotiating hookers wore transparent lingerie
# 4 Luxury cars given as presents had perfect control
# 3 The schedule of hookers to FIFA officials was really well organized
# 2 All bribes and coercive payments were made in daylight
# 1 Female spectators and the wives of players will be allowed to wear transparent veils during games

Working out the bugs

TSN spent a lot of the West final discussing Roughrider QB Darian Durant talking to his father at half time during the Riders last game with BC. Calgary Stampeders DB Brendan Browner tried the same thing but he must have been put on hold.

Ajax Amsterdam suspended striker Luis Suarez for two matches for biting an opponent. With the way soccer players like to embellish he was probably just pretending to take a bite.

Oprah gave everyone in her audience a Volkswagen Beetle which is the most free bugs given to an audience since the last NBA All star game

The union head for the NBA says he is 99% certain the league will lock out the players for next year and is advising his clients to save their money. So it looks like LeBron James will just have to settle for taking his towel to South Beach.

The Pope has changed years of Catholic doctrine by saying there is some groups that should be allowed to use condoms. The Pope says condoms should be available for prostitutes, sex trade workers and NFL players.

The Alberta Government is using some athletes in their campaign to try and reduce bullying among school children. The ads focus on kids being told that just because someone says or does something they don’t agree with does not give them the right to bully or exclude them from groups. The ads will be given air time on TV once the government has finished ejecting members from cabinet who complain about the health care system.

A report to the Federal Government shows 82 first nation’s leaders make more money than the PM. In exceptional cases some native leaders make almost as much as a 4th line centre for the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Ontario is on edge as a judge is set to rule on a prostitution law that could make the sale of sex legal and uncontrolled in the Province. Finally some good news for the Toronto Raptors as this could help in the signing of big name free agents.

The new book by Sarah Palin in which she promotes good old fashioned US values has her wearing a US flag bracelet that looks suspiciously like one made in China.

Edmonton Eskimos DE Adam Braidwood was charged with unlawful confinement after it was alleged he kept a man in the trunk of his car. The incident is unusual as it is one of the rare times a defensive lineman gets charged with holding.

Tennessee Titans QB Vince Young has apologized to his coach after having a meltdown by sending him a text. Asked what he thought Brett Favre said he thought the method was revealing.

Canada will apply to host the 2015 FIFA World Cup of soccer or as the MLS call it a smorgasbroad.

What is with the Toronto Raptors? They are winning, playing entertaining basketball and all without Chris Bosh videos showing fans how to vote for in for the All Star team.

A new survey shows Canadians are in favour of healthier options in fast food restaurants. The survey says it will improve health for those that mostly eat the food including the poor, people on fixed incomes and CFL teams on road trips trying to stretch their per diems.

Wally Ball

I wasn’t until the Edmonton Eskimo punter Derek Schieveone hit an 18 yarder in the last minute of a half I got the shrives at least one word play. It’s like being a golfer named Whiff, a tennis player named Fault or a Leaf labelled can’t miss.

It seems like everyone is afraid of having the BC Lions into the playoffs and with a questionable QB, suspect defence and a rash of injuries I think the other teams are worried Wally Buono is going to suit up for the game

Top 5 signs it’s CFL playoff time
# 5 The Leafs and Oilers are almost mathematically eliminated from their playoff run
# 4 Baseball has been over for an hour
# 3 After passing for 70% of the year offenses now stress running
# 2 Per diems for players is increased by $2.25
# 1 Canadians are always reminding NFL fans our balls are bigger and because it’s cold they are...

The NHL has decided to let the captains pick their all star teams and have formally agreed eeny meeny miny moe will be used for tough roster decisions.

The Dallas Cowboys lost their domain name dallas-cowboys.com when they forgot to renew their registration so somewhere in Russia a 14 year old computer geek has Jerry Jones over the barrel.

Shawne Merriman injured himself during his 1st practice with the Buffalo Bills thus forcing him to leave early. The injury was blamed on Merriman gaining 10 lbs and his body not being used to it. Merriman says if he gains enough he may never have to play for the Bills this year.

For those wondering Saskatchewan and Hamilton will be victorious in the CFL and the Titans and Eagles in the NFL. You’re welcome.

Howling Good Hockey

I feel for Brett Sutter he has it tough. Your Dad is the GM, your uncle is the coach, another uncle is the player development rep, you are being spotted in games at best and your cousin is lighting it up with another team. I think he deserves a trophy every day he doesn’t get into a fight. It’s like being the Principles kid, the daughter of an actress or Gary Bettmans body double. One hint I will give Brett don’t mention your disabled brother when you are being charged with punching out a taxi driver. If you are giving a shout out do it to Patrick Kane of the Chicago Blackhawks.

I love the howl that goes off when the Phoenix Coyotes score a goal at Jobbing.com stadium, especially on a Wednesday when they are playing Columbus. The echo from the howl reminds me of a dog running away in Saskatchewan... it goes on for ever...

In honour of the rehabilitation of Michael Vick a new reality show is coming called Conviction Gridiron. Each week a new NFL player will be released from prison and try to catch on with a team. According to the producers of the show it will be a show of hope and best of all there is an unending supply. Plaxico Burris... come on down!

The Lance Armstrong drug scandal is widening to include France and European countries and soon will rival the Nuremberg Trials for testimony and scope. At some point prosecutors hope to issue a scathing report but not until they check out training facilities in Hawaii, Fiji and Bali during the winter.

George W Bush is reflective of the damage he has caused during his term as President but his biggest regret is turning up for almost all of the Texas Rangers home losses during the playoffs. Collateral damage, worldwide financial chaos and national disgrace are one thing but a World Series title is forever.

It looks like the Washington Redskins need help with their ownership during the final 2 minutes before signing a contract. I think Donovan is worth $78 million but only if he can mentor another ex-con like Vick.

Montreal Canadian goaltender Carey Price was named the 1st star of the week by the NHL. In celebration Canadians fans looted a Gap and later blew out the traditional burning Police car.

Brett Favre says he won’t have an MRI to examine his sore shoulder saying he has looked at it with his X-ray vision and confirmed a mere mortal would never play again but he’s OK.

One of the great horses of all time Zenyatta has been retired to pasture where she will be expected not to pass the boys.

Tiger Woods says he got away from his core values and now likes nothing more than to give his child a bath. This surprised 12 of his 19 former flings who reported he wasn’t that fond of playing rub a dub dub in the tub.

The Canadian armed forces have purchased 500 video games for use by soldiers with titles like "Gears of War", "Call of Duty", "Mortal Kombat" and "Assassins Creed." The only non shooter game is Tiger Woods 2011 which teaches the soldiers how to grip a club and conduct a secret rendezvous while under curfew.

Bend it like Curler

David Beckham says he will play out his contract with the LA Galaxy and hopes his stay with the team didn’t totally upset what was important, him getting a chance to play for England in 2019.

It’s a telling sign that the only highlights we remember from the David Beckham stay in LA were hair related

Mark McGuire says he will return to the St. Louis Cardinals despite an unproductive 1st year being a hitting coach. McGuire says he will try giving it a bigger shot next time.

Jim Armstrong of Richmond, B.C. Canada’s representative the Paralympics curling pleaded guilty to selling and dispensing counterfeit Viagra drugs with intent to mislead or defraud. Armstrong says he felt pressured into pleading guilty and when the judge asked what his plea was he had to hurry... hurry... hard!

There is a possibility the rest of his team may have to forfeit the medals they won during the games. Asked for comment the team says they felt stiffed.

Toronto has elected a drunken overweight red necked far right conservative for Mayor while Calgary has elected a Muslim, Harvard educated, gay, person of colour to represent their city. Next thing you know the Leafs will be ahead of the Flames in the standings.

It now makes sense when Leafs GM Brian Burke says his team needs a gut check.

After being sent down by the Edmonton Oilers defenseman Sheldon Souray suffered a hand injury in a fight but being the team player he is Sheldon was quick to show Oilers management what finger was broken

A new book called Discrimination in the NHL says French Canadian players are overlooked for English speaking players. Asked to comment Don Cherry said “Non”.

I agree completely with the premise and would suggest the bias goes further as French Canadian rioters never get the publicity or rewards they deserve.

The Alberta Government is coming under fire for the increased wait times in hospital emergency rooms. A spokesman agrees the times have gone up but say they expect them to decrease once teams visiting the Edmonton Oilers stop picking fights with Steve MacIntyre

A wind warning was issued for Toronto which came the same week Leafs GM Brian Burke says he is exploring trade possibilities... coincidence?

France is rioting over an increase in the retirement age which has confused Quebecers as they didn’t know the retirement age had a hockey team

Canada is lobbying the makers of the new Lord of the Rings prequel saying they could use members of the Montreal Canadians as extra Hobbits

Retire or fire

Man U striker Wayne Rooney says he wants out of his lifelong relationship and is looking to play the field, he also wants to play soccer somewhere else.

After getting into a fight with his girlfriends father NY Mets pitcher K-Rod has forfeited $3 million in salary for his discretion. Asked why he hit him K-Rod said he was only trying to brush him off his home plate.

The Tour De France route was unveiled for next year and in a surprising turn will no longer schedule pit stops at Lourdes but will still test for holy water.

France is reeling with riots protesting an increase in the retirement age. In a show of support Montreal Canadians fans agreed to join the protest by throwing bricks at store fronts and setting fire to police cars during non game nights.

The French are rioting over proposed legislation calling for an increase in the retirement age. Protesters are furious with the NFL as well saying they should set an example and force Brett Favre to retire.

Google is being chastised by the Canadian Government for the way its search engine violates privacy. In particular they have found that despite repeated requests when searching for great hockey in the search engine it still list the Maple Leafs, Oilers and Flames.

A prisoner in Canada has won the right to get more meat in his sandwiches. After reviewing the policy the CFL players association says they will challenge the per diem amount given to their players calling it cruel and unusual.

The Canadian Transportation Agency has ruled Air Canada must provide nut free flights thus disrupting the travel plans of Calgary Stampeders Nik Lewis

President Obama will appear on the TV show Mythbusters in an attempt to explain the correlation with hitting a 3 point shot to winning the Presidency

Good to see Barry Bonds at the San Francisco Giants game and even more impressive he is able to take off his hat. It is nice to see someone with his accomplishments retire and not get a big head over them.

The Canadian comedy awards are being questioned when not a single Toronto sports team won for funniest performance by a cast or ensemble. At the very least the Leafs should have been nominated for a lifetime achievement award.

The Mayo Clinic in Boston is hosting a conference on concussions with input from hockey and football teams. Baseball will be represented by former President and Texas Rangers owner George Bush as they feel a head injury would explain a lot.
The United Kingdom is reeling after severe cuts were implemented to try and get their deficit under control. The cuts affect everyone and even Prince Charles will have to let go some of his groomsmen forcing him to walk Camilla by himself.

California held its annual earthquake prevention day which was oddly timed to coincide with the SF Giants shaking the baseball world with their performance.

Infectous fun

I think Marvel comics were a bit late to create a comic based on NHL teams I mean Super Mario writes itself...

Top 5 Marvel super powers for NHL players
# 5 Able to say sorry at super speed
# 4 Turn team owners into paupers in a single court battle
# 3 Fly under American sports fan radar
# 2 Change Union heads at the speed of sound
# 1 OMG… his mullet… it’s alive!

The NFL is abuzz with speculation Minnesota QB Brett Favre sent pictures of his privates to a former NY Jets staffer. Officials are not sure what to call the incident... a quick snap, the offside pass or another day in the NFL. Brett’s wife has become a real stats fan as she awaits word whether the pass will be ruled complete or incomplete

Age is a real difference between Favre and younger QB's while the younger ones use a wristband to call plays all he has on his wrist is a Medic Alert bracelet.

Don Cherry spent most of Coaches Corner getting an award from the Canadian military. Cherry was honoured for his support, promotion and ability to shoot down all his detractors

The Dallas Stars are refusing to comment on the public intoxication charges against Mike Riberio saying it’s private

A Nigerian sprinter has tested positive at the Commonwealth Games the 1st athlete to test positive for something other than dengue fever

Not a good sign when your event is plagued with problems and it’s the real plague

After seeing his party get wiped off the electoral map, a worldwide recession linked to his policies and his team losing 2 games with him in the stands... we can now assume George Bush was not nicknamed W for winning.

Roy Hailiday must think a perfect game is one where he doesn’t wear a Toronto Blue Jays uniform,

Watching the film of San Francisco pitcher Tim Lincecomb leaping up after his team beat the Atlanta Braves was fun. Asked how he felt Tim said he hasn’t been as high since he went to the Black Eyed Peas concert

Not sure what was more embarrassing Henry Burris in a bra or the Stampeders defense caught with their pants down

In the hole!

A hook-up of Tiger Woods plans to release an hour long videotape of her and Tiger with about 35 minutes of sex. This confirms what a lot of people have seen... Tiger spends a lot of time lining up the hole...

The NFL supported women’s cancer with pink gloves, chinstraps and personal breast exams by players after the games

Despite signing a 5 year agreement with Rona Calgary Flames officials are adamant the team is not re-building

A Montreal man was ordered to pay $1 billion after sending out spam on Facebook and worse was unfriended by Chad Ochocinco.

The CFL is asking for $12 million from the Federal Government to host the 100th Grey Cup. The money will be used to promote the event in Toronto. A few million will be also given for Quebec to hold a French language tribute in song, dance and mime.

You would think from the way the Buffalo Bills are playing the CFL would offer to pay to have them play a few more games in Toronto.

Steve Tambalini the GM of the Edmonton Oilers was asked why he sent Sheldon Souray to Rochester in the AHL . He said it was the best fit for the team after SKA Siberia declined their offer.

Sesame Street is tackling issues such as HIV and drug abuse in their new shows for Nigeria. Next up they plan to introduce a new character Mr. Zero who will explain soccer scoring.

A cargo ship in Montreal was found to have a container filled with illegal immigrants. The low wage workers were thought to be in Canada to compete with Canadians for low paying jobs but none of them were able to throw a football.

Don't go Heidi!

The difference between NFL and CFL off site games? CFL teams come back loaded up on lobster... NFL teams catch their fill of crabs...

I know the nickname has been taken but I vote the Big M for Matt Dunigan... m for mute... do we really need to know coach Marcel Belfray of the Tiger Cats has piercing bedroom blue eyes?

It would have been nice if TSN could had given us an Atlantic perspective on the Atlantic Game... but CBC wouldn’t release Rex Murphy

The CFL players are coming down hard on the repeat vicious chop blocks from the Hamilton Tiger Cats Jason Jimenez who has already ended one career. The cry is being taken up by any employee who has to work with a lunatic especially Canada Post. The employees of Canada Post are in a bind... do they agree with the CFL players or honour Jimenez with a going postal stamp?

Canada is sending its national curling teams to the Summer Commonwealth Games in New Delhi not to complete just to sweep up some of the mouse droppings. In order to get the athletes used to the unsanitary conditions Team Canada is training and eating on Yonge Street in Toronto.

I guess the Stampeders Henry Burris has a home jersey an away jersey and an away from home jersey. Let’s see... double barrelled offense, playing for the cup... front loaded contract... bunch of boobs and Henry...yup got’em all...

The Montreal Canadians have chosen a unilingual English American captain causing riots, looting , a challenge from the Quebec language Police, an angry Bloc is considering staying home from Parliament, the Quebec Liberals say more judges will be appointed to spearhead an inquiry and the mascot for the Quebec Winter Carnival was seen lining his pockets with Kleenex instead of money. Or as it is known in Quebec... Tuesday.

A rejected MacLean’s cover had the Quebec Winter Carnival mascot stuffing his pocket with NHL tickets...

It has a nice ring to it when LaPolice can be fined. Ist time this week for a Quebec authority figure.

Not to say golf is desperate to create a controversy but Rory McIlroy says he was misquoted in reports he wants to play Tiger Woods and set the record straight saying he told the reporter “nice day”.

The Alberta Government set up a workplace safety website and the #1 complaint was for the bone restructuring company owned by BC Lions lineman Jason Jiminez
NFL fans are upset Brett Favre won’t retire and devastated Heidi Klum did.

Chill Montreal

Not sure who has the hardest record to justify... Alberta Premier Ed Stelmach defending the Oil Sands... Edmonton GM Kevin Lowe defending the Oilers or Calgary GM Darryl Sutter defending his personality...

A surprise in the poll to determine who is the most popular candidate for mayor of Calgary when Darien Durant placed in the top 5

Jesse Lumsden signed with the Calgary Stampeders but only after he was given assurance they don’t still shoot workhorses that go lame...

Former Arizona Cardinals QB and devout Christian Kurt Warner was surprised when he heard so many people were praying for him. It turns out fans were asking for divine intervention so he would be kicked off Dancing with the Stars so he could go back to the team

After sitting out the pre season and then signing a huge contract NY Jets CB Darrelle Revis is on the shelf with a strained hamstring. Asked how he will pass the time away from football Revis replied... comfortably...

For a person addicted to morphine working for the Edmonton Eskimos is going to be a pain

Top 5 NFL/ Michael Vic/dog fighting puns/double entrants’/satire/ridicule/rhyme type jokes
#5 He’s been let off the leash... kept on a short one or reignited the debate over chemical castration...
#4 Vic may play in the shotgun but can’t pull the trigger...
#3 Vic wants to play defence but NFL will not allow him to be a Rover
#2 In the CFL a career ending tackle is called horse collaring in the NFL it’s fatal and called dog collaring
#1 Bite me

According to experts the American recession ended in July of 2009. Toronto Maple Leafs could relate as their team turned the corner in February of 2006

Carey Price has asked Canadians fans to “chill” after they booed him during a pre season loss. Asked to comment Montreal Canadians fans took exception to the hothead and excitable label and then resumed burning his effigy, looting the Gap and filming their angst for a Radio Canada live performance special...

A Dutchy subject...

The signing of Jesse Lumsden to a CFL contract is day to day when the running back tweaked his wrist while practicing putting his name to a contract...

A TV company is promoting their new 3D sets using a cardboard cut out of NFL stars falling down. In order for the cardboard cut outs to have a more realistic feel... the NFL stars were coached by 2D TV Sports talking heads... if I’m not mistaken Peyton Manning is channelling his inner Dutchy...

The homeless World Cup of soccer starts next week to which the CFLPA has objected saying they could at least have considered offering football...

The NY Jets are being investigated by the NFL after reports they harassed a Mexican female reporter at a recent practice. The Jets have apologized saying they thought she was a woman applying to be baby momma # 9 for cornerback Antonio Cromartie

NY Jets corner back Antonio Cromartie was asked about NE Patriots wide receiver Randy Moss asking for more money to take care of his family. Cromartie asked for a moment to take off his shoes to determine how much child support he has to pay...

During the Chicago Blackhawks playoff run each time they scored a goal a song by the band The Fratellis was played. The band has since split up citing the usual... salary cap restrictions.

Discussions are underway to set up an expansion draft for an Ottawa football franchise that is scheduled to return to the CFL for the 2013 season. Each team is expected to place 4 players in the pool but the CFL rejected Edmonton’s request to place 44.

A vacant field...

I know the Saskatchewan Roughriders have fanatical followers but there was 6000 out for a practice in Calgary and they were playing Winnipeg... at home in Regina...

Gary Bettman approved the contract of Ilya Kolvachuck and in addition retroactively blessed the deal given by the Ottawa Senators to Alexandre Daigle

Ben Roethisberger had his suspension from the NFL reduced from 6 games to 4 when Commissioner Roger Goodell determined he had not molested anyone in public for over 3 months... a personal record

The 1st athlete to test positive for human growth hormone in North America was a Canadian University athlete who was suspended from football but received a scholarship in science.

The Minnesota Vikings are still upset that the New Orleans Saints took what they called cheap shots at QB Brett Favre in last year’s playoff game. In an effort to drive the narrative the Vikings are teaming up with the American Association for Retired People to promote a campaign against elder abuse.

Bill “Spaceman” Lee became the oldest player to pitch a professional baseball game last week at 62. Bill was tickled when he received congratulations from kids like Chris Chelios, Jamie Moyer and Brett Favre.

The Houston Texans have signed former Arizona Cardinals QB Matt Leinhart to be their 3rd string QB in what had to be a left-handed compliment on his ability

Leaving Tiger Woods off a Ryder Cup team would be like not using members of the Cincinnati Bengals in an episode of Arrested Development...

The Saskatchewan Roughriders have reached a decision as to where a new stadium will be built. The choice was between vacant land south of Regina to Montana, vacant land east to Alberta, vacant land west to Manitoba or vacant land north to Alaska...

The Quebec Provincial Government say they will pay 45% of the cost for a new arena in Quebec City and expect the balance of the funds will come from a traditional Quebec revenue source... taxpayers of Alberta...

Winnipeg Blue Bombers QB Buck Pierce will be out indefinitely after suffering an elbow injury during the Labour Day game with Saskatchewan. Pierce was originally scheduled to be out 2 weeks but he aggravated the injury while attempting to button up his shirt...

A report from the 2010 Winter Olympic organizers found snowboarders had the most injuries which came as no surprise to any football player who will tell you there are always more injuries when you play on grass...

France has been hit by a series of strikes from their transit workers and it is bringing back memories of the World Cup for the nation.... because after the team went on strike the county didn’t go anywhere in the tournament either...

A preacher in the US is threatening to hold a Koran burning to protest the 10th anniversary of 911. To put this in perspective for Canadians it would be like burning one of our holy relics... Toronto Maple Leaf season tickets... to complain about getting beat by the Detroit Red Wings

Reggie Bush might have to give back the bronze bust he won in College but I thought he had already broken up with Kim Kardashian...

A report from Canadian Border Services Agency revealed there was an increased amount of testing for radioactive devices during the Vancouver Olympics. In the end the only nuclear meltdown was when Russian President Vladimir Putin blasted his countries Olympic effort...

US researchers trying to answer the question “Does money buy happiness?” say they have found evidence happiness starts with an income of $75,000. When asked to comment a spokesman for the CFL Players Association says he found the results depressing...

Bombs Away!

After the Saskatchewan Roughriders lost to the Edmonton Eskimos in front of a packed house at Commonwealth Stadium Coach Ken Miller was philosophical saying it’s hard to keep focused when you are in front of so many supporters

Japan used the long bomb to cripple Hawaii in the Little League World Series... what too soon?

Brett Favre threw 2 interceptions, had a fumble and was sacked twice in the 1st half of a pre-season game so... he’s already in playoff form

Fox News shill Glen Beck held a rally in Washington called restoring hope attended by thousands of supporter. This was second only to the Washington Redskins pre season game nicknamed... Scoring... I hope

Edmonton Oilers goaltender Nikolai Khabibulin has been found guilty of speeding and driving under the influence of alcohol. Khabibulin will be sentenced later and will be subject to immigration laws that will require him to leave Arizona and move to Edmonton. A spokesman for his wife was quoted as saying... AAAAAAUGHH!!!!

Khabibulin received 30 days in jail and they can be served around his work schedule. He chose to be in jail days when the Oilers would be playing the Penguins, Capitals and Red Wings

Roger Clemens pleaded not guilty in a Washington court to lying to Congress then flew to a charity golf tournament later. A controversy erupted in the tournament when Clemens was accused of using a mulligan by tournament officials... later confirmed by his caddy... but he vehemently denies the allegations

It was surprising to hear the Feds were considering subpoenaing his hairstylist to testify but after seeing his new frosted locks maybe only his hairdresser knows for sure

David Asper has made an offer to purchase the Winnipeg Blue Bombers saying he will pay $75 million towards the new stadium. Fans say they would be more impressed if Mr. Asper bought them something useful... like a QB


And from Hartley Miller... love this one...

33 miners trapped in a collapsed mine for nearly a month in Chile has been sent soccer videos. Haven't the miners suffered enough? Officials were happy with the choice saying At least they weren't sent Maple Leafs videos

Ancient Championship History

American born NBA player Matt Bonner in an attempt to play for Canada at the World Basketball Championships had his application for a quick citizenship denied. Officals say if he wants to have his request speeded up he has to do what everyone else does… come into Canada by paying a human trafficker and claim to be a refugee…

Chicago Cubs manager Lou Pinella retired to spend more time with this mom reversing the general trend of players to extend their careers to get away from their baby mommas

Washington Redskins DE Albert Haynesworth says he has a muscle condition known as rhabdomyolysis and it was aggravated when he spent the summer hauling cheques to the bank

Anaheim Ducks forward Joffrey Lupul says he will miss the upcoming training camp with a blood infection to which Albert said... oh yeah... I have a blood infection

Top 5 signs your baseball announcer is getting on in years
# 5 Vince Scully once dated his grandmother
# 4 Needs a 3rd, 5th and 7th inning stretch
# 3 Eats his evening pre-game meal at noon
# 2 Uses binoculars to read his script
# 1 Constantly refers to the game as Rounders

Construction crews in Edmonton recently uncovered a fossilized artifact that could either be a dinosaur bone or a remnant of a championship trophy

A 12 year old player from Taipei’s little league baseball team weighs 205 lbs. A team spokesman says he not only is their best hitter he also is able to buy the beer for the coaches after the game

Seriously a 205 lb 12 year old? What are they feeding the kids in Taipei? Other slow kids?

Oregon State offensive lineman Tyler Patrick Thomas was tasered when he charged police while naked on a woman’s lawn. Police said he took off at them from a 3 point stance and later clarified it to a 4 point stance

The Chicago Bulls unveiled a statue of former great Scottie Pippen. Asked when they plan to have a similar honour for a player, Toronto Raptors officials said when someone stops acting like a statue during games.

Miners in Chilie are expected to be trapped underground for the next 4 months the longest time anyone has been left in the dark since Thomas Kaberle learned he might be traded

The Edmonton Eskimos are expecting a near capacity crowd for the weekend game with the Saskatchewan Roughriders and in a show of hometown support Rider fans say they will cheer for the occasional Eskimo success

The Canadian Medical Association says MMA fighting is linked to severe brain injury and disability. Asked to comment an MME spokesman said...uhhh... ummmm... what was the question?

NFL owners are considering an 18 game season to add more meaningful games to which fans of the Detroit Lions asked... what is a meaningful game?

It took me the longest time to realize The Expendables wasn’t about NHL free agents expecting to haul in over $2 million as a cap hit

The Alberta Government is considering introducing a sales tax saying the people of Alberta are now used to their NHL teams taxing their patience

Tiger Woods shot a 65 and is leading tournament just days after his divorced was finalized. He credits his Buddhist beliefs saying Nirodha or the end of suffering finally caught up with him

Alberta Culture Minister Lindsay Blackett says his much-publicized remark that Canadian television is "crap" referred not to current shows on air, but to watching the Eskimos


Kurt Browning watched his house nearly burn to the ground after trying to dry out his car seats with a leaf blower the most expensive blow job since President Clinton

Same Sex MME Coupling

If the CFL like all sports enterprises is trying to cultivate alternative revenue sources they should look into licensing erectile drugs like Cialis, Viagra or Molsons ... as part of an on air running promotion with the announcers... because no one mentions scoring, drilling or hooking up more than the TSN crew...



The Toronto Raptors waived forward-centre Dwayne Jones on Monday. It was a shock to Raptor fans who expected the five-year NBA veteran who has averaged 1.3 points in 82 career games to replace the scoring of Hedo Turkoglu



The Province of Ontario has given approval for future Mixed Martial Arts fighting MME saying they decided to follow the lead of California and license all forms of same sex couplings...



The reasons given for licensing MME events was said to be economic as the Province was billions of dollars in the red and needed to balance it out with a moral deficit as well...



The Province says they will reap a windfall in tourism, broadcast rights, fees and registrations and say additional expertise will be gained in the area of performance enhancing drug development, speech therapy and of course the practical experience with brain injuries...



Tourism officials are test marketing a new slogan for the Province... Ontario come for the mindless savagery and stay because you can't walk or remember where you are going...



Alberta was considering allowing MME events but even the calf ropers said it was too cruel...



France has come down hard on their World Cup footie team by placing 5 players on suspension and more important limiting smoke breaks during training



Despite a year of poor results Tiger Woods is still #1 in rankings as the PGA... like divorce courts... heavily weigh past performance



Despite getting “many significant and promising offers” the Toronto Maple Leafs have decided to keep Thomas Kaberle and will now go with plan B... losing



Denver Broncos QB Tim Tebow was drilled as he scored during a pre season game with the Cincinnati Bengals causing him to wear a new slogan on his eye black... #@$%&@#



Tebow was nailed in practice causing him to be helped off the field. He then compared the hit to Judas at the Last Supper



Former British PM Tony Blair plans to donate the profits from his memoir to the Royal British Legion to help injured servicemen. No word on if former President George Bush will give any of his profits towards US serviceman when his baseball popup book comes out





Edmonton's Royal Alexandra Hospital emergency department is launching a survey of homeless people in an attempt to find ways to better serve them. One suggestion... pay CFL players a living wage...





A University of Alberta dentistry professor has received a $1-million US grant to continue his research into restoring damaged dental roots using ultrasound and stem cells. The research will be carried out during the NHL season when subjects are readily available





Officials are upset when the ship loaded with refugees from Sri Lanka arrived in Victoria asking for asylum and not a single passenger was able to crack the Canadian National Soccer team line-up





People who collect celebrity memorabilia are anxiously awaiting the weekend, when props and costumes from the TV show Lost go up for auction. This is the second auction for Lost memorabilia after the Edmonton City Council offered equipment from their professional teams





This week represents the end of the Muslim holy month of Ramadan not to be confused with the end of the NFL training camp hook-ups which is known as the Ramada Throng



The Minnesota Twins removed pitcher Kevin Slowey in the 7th inning despite him throwing a no hitter up to that point. This contrasts the Pittsburgh Pirates who in order to remove a pitcher who has a no hitter going does so in the 2nd



A bull in Spain jumped into the stadium during a fight which was the most serious case of bull in a stadium since Mike Kelly left Winnipeg



Minnesota Vikings QB Brett Favre was escorted back to practice by 3 teammates a move which resonated with anyone who has elderly parents as they sometimes wander off and can’t find their way home...



The reason it took 3 players to get Favre back was made clear by team officials... one to pack his bags and 2 to help find the Blackberry his wife hid...



Favre says he decided to unretired in order to spend less time with his family and more quality time sexting the people he lusts



Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagovitch was found not guilty of selling valuable seats in Chicago. Jurors say they were swayed when some of the seats for sale were for Chicago Cubs World Series games



The Potash Corp is under a hostile takeover offer from an Australian company in what is sure to be the biggest battle for a fertilizer based product since LeBron took his talents to Miami





Top 5 rejected rules for the NHL

# 5 Replace the term icing with frosting

# 4 After 10 fights a player is promoted to MME

# 3 Blue lines widened to the thickness of Don Cherry’s collar

# 2 Instigator rule applies if fights don’t start with “Mother may I?”

# 1 Stick curves to be measured against groupies curves

Weak Kneed

I have heard the Tampa Bay Stadium is a dump but saying it should be replaced because of the catwalk is like saying Boston has to replace Fenway Park because of the Green Monster

Like almost everyone who faced Nolan Ryan from the mound Mark Cuban got the high hard one during negotiations with Ryan over the purchase of the Texas Rangers. In what must have been the financial equivalent of a brush back pitch Ryan was left with ownership of the Rangers and Cuban blaming the media

Lee Westwood who was playing with Tiger Woods, removed himself from the Bridgestone Invitational with an ankle injury after the second round. It was considered by experts to be an improvement as this is the 1st time in weeks someone playing around with Tiger hasn`t been left weak kneed...

In a surprise twist the owner of the Hamilton Tiger Cats says the location of the new stadium is between a site outside Hamilton or one in Phoenix

Houston Texans LB Brian Cushing claims he was experiencing “over trained athlete syndrome” after testing positive for performance enhancing drugs. It’s similar to the condition of Albert Hainsworth except for being the exact opposite

The World Health Organization say they believe the H1N1 Flu has run its course and can now focus on a cure for the Philly Flu

Watching the Jet Blue flight attendant lose his mind makes me wonder why the NBA let this guy slip thorough their scouting

Calgary researchers have created a microchip that "communicates" with brain cells and when implanted in a patient. The 1st question from the chip was “What’s up with the Flames signing Jokinen?”



Phil Mickelson says he is suffering from a rare form of arthritis which makes playing golf very painful. This means that both Phil and Tiger Woods are suffering from the effects of swollen joints

The NY Nets have given their intention to the NBA for a name change in 2 years thus opening up the path for the Brooklyn Roughriders

After voiding the contract offered by the NJ Devils to Alex Kovalchuck the NHL also increased their drug testing policy to now include team owners before and after contract proposals

Alberts Fat Wallet

After a game interrupted by lightning and hail it was only fitting Danny Machochia of the Edmonton Eskimos was let go. At one point ownership said it would take a force of nature to remove him and if you ask any wife of a professional athlete... hail stones on the ground in Edmonton in July is a sign of hell freezing over...

Andy Fantuz tore apart the Hamilton Tigercats defense after the release of his Fantuz Flakes cereal... so much so that they are going to introduce another cereal this time using shreddies

NY Jets cornerback Darrell Revis is sitting out training camp saying he wants to be the highest paid DB in the NFL. It appears the only thing he isn’t able to cover is his greed

I guess if you ask Heido Turkulu or Chris Bosh Toronto has become a world no class city

Denver Broncos rookie QB Tim Tiebow has the best selling jersey in the NFL. Asked to comment on why his jersey is so popular Tim said “God knows”

BP has started to plug the leak in the Gulf coast and thanks are being sent to Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert for providing the advanced mudslinging technology used to plug the hole

The United Arab Emirates is threatening to ban the use of RIM technologies Blackberries due to possible security problems. NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman was quick to point out he was the 1st one to ban RIM owner Jim Balsillie and it was for something more important than national security... a personal vendetta

Former NHL tough guy Geroges Laraque has been named deputy leader of the Green party. Laraque beat out other potential candidates when he informed them he would actually beat them for the job

Laraque is a vegetarian and says he has helped other NHL’ers become vegetarians... mostly by removing the ability to chew meat

Chinese authorities are being accused by a Conservative MP of trying to bribe officials with money and sexual favours causing USC to open a new recruiting campus in Beijing

The Washington Redskins have updated the odds out of shape DE Albert Hainsworth practicing from slim to fat chance

What a coincidence the X-Games coincided with the beginning of NFL training camp or as the groupies call it the XXX Games

Protesters in Calgary lowered a banner from the Calgary Tower with an anti-oil message. It was originally thought to be the work of Greenpeace but turned out to be disgruntled Flames fans who misspelled Oli

The #1 movie this year is Inception about a group of individuals who enter the dreams of people and steal their ideas. This is not to be confused with In Edmonton where every day is a living nightmare and the sporting teams steal your hope.

Lebron James took out a full page ad in an Akron Ohio newspaper as a gesture to his hometown fans. The ad would have only been a ½ page but it would not have allowed the gesture to include his complete middle finger

A Canadian group is rumoured to be interested in purchasing the Liverpool Football Club. Speculation is centred on Maple Leafs Sports as they have the money and experience running a team that can’t score and has underachieved for decades

A challenge to the new 0 tolerance drinking law for young drivers in Ontario has been filed in court. The brief accuses the Government of discrimination based on age, a breach of the Charter of Rights and more important is going to adversely affect the chances of the Raptors ever getting a big name NBA star

A survey of adults in North America has found a vast majority are pessimistic about their future. The survey found those in Cleveland and Toronto had the least optimistic view while Miami was surprisingly upbeat

The President of Iran Mahmoud Ahmadinejad escaped an assignation attack when a grenade thrown at him missed by a mere 100 yards thus answering the question “ Whatever happened to Ryan Leaf?”

The Calgary Flames unveiled a new uniform for the Heritage Classic and the day after the Calgary Hitmen and Regina Pats will play the 1st outdoor CHL game. Despite the new sweaters fans attending the games will probably wear what they always do to McMahon Stadium... something whit a Roughriders logo on it

A new survey shows Canadians swear more than most Countries and blame it on frustration, anger and watching Toronto pro sports teams

Conservative Cabinet minister Stockwell Day says the Government will build prisons for criminals for crimes that go unreported. Not to be outdone the City of Toronto says they will build a museum for championship trophies and awards collected by their pro sports teams

A testie camera

Robert McCune... a defensive end for the Calgary Stampeders... spent 4 years active duty in Afghanistan, Iraq, Korea and Kuwait...played NFL football with Washington, Baltimore and Cleveland... and originally looked at playing in the CFL for the Eskimos... but even he can’t get his wife to move to Edmonton...

I know the purpose of putting black under your eyes... to reduce the glare of the Sun... so what is the point of the Calgary Stampeders wearing a black patch with a white horse in the middle? It’s used as an excuse by receivers... couldn’t see the ball because the horse was in my eyes...

With Rickey Ray and Jason Moss playing QB for Edmonton they don’t need a microphone in the helmet as they both have great satellite reception... I’ll bet during the QB meetings everyone is all ears...

I would like to have a say in the player drafting of my favourite teams... I think the last round of the draft should be for fans only that way we can at least have the satisfaction of watching a player we pick make the big time.

18 people were killed during a “Love Fest” stampede in Germany but PETA was happy to point out no horses were lost in the tragedy

Asked what the secret was in their home win over Saskatchewan Calgary Stampeders head coach John Hufnagel said it was to score 1st and take the crowd out of the game

Both the Alberta NHL teams were cited for food violations in their arenas and the charges mirrored their seasons. The Oilers had instances of serving up raw meat while the Flames were guilty of being a choking hazard.

In what has to be a nod to this year’s World Cup there was another no hitter in the Major Leagues of baseball or as soccer fans call it a no no.

Rookie Dez Brant of the Dallas Cowboys says he won’t carry the pads for veterans even though it is an established tradition. Dez says he is paid to play football and once he finds a way to untie himself from the goalpost will prove it.

Team Radio Shack was penalized for changing jerseys on the last day of the Tour de France when they wore a number 28 to recognize the 28 million people who are battling cancer. The Toronto Maple Leafs says they plan to honour their futility by wearing jerseys with 43 the number of years since they have been relevant.

The NHL is doing its part to help with the Gulf Coast oil spill by providing BP with help in sending unwanted salaries to Russia

I thought TSN was getting a little too close with their camera work during CFL games but the benefits are impressive... especially the Proctor Cam which is useful in screening the prostate...

The camera and lenses have a really cool editing function which allowed a close up on a critical fumble during the Argo/Lions game and... thanks to the Ballistrator Cam... we now know that even though his testicles hit the ground it... is still a fumble...

That had to be embarrassing for the receiver when they kept circling his testies with the Telestrator and measuring them against the ball...

The isolation features allow TSN to follow each player from zip up to zip on the field which can be awkward... especially for the poor on field reporters... the TSN team in the booth needs to be there with updates faster than a lawyer to a disaster...so the guys upstairs keep up the pressure by announcing on air... we don’t seem to know what is happening... just as soon as we hear something we will pass it on... don’t make me think I’ve been drinking since noon...

The poor reporter is walking up to the player with 5 guys yapping in their ears telling what to ask... excuse me #86... you just dropped the ball... Matt upstairs says it was a sure 6... so your bad... Josh wants to know how is this affecting your mothers’ cancer... Shultzie wants an update on your negotiations for next year and on your Twitter account did you really mean LOL:)?

Wiki Leaks posted over 92000 documents in the Internet outlining the troubles the US and their allies are having in Afghanistan. This is not to be confused with Wiki Leafs where naked pictures of Toronto Maple Leafs forwards are posted.

The Federal Government is catching flack over their suggestion to stop taking the long form census. Asked to comment a spokesman for the Saskatchewan Roughriders said anything that encourages accurate counting should be encouraged

Weather or not Golf

Watching the golfers play into the wind and rain at the British Open on a 150 year old course makes you wish the NHL would play the Stanley Cup on a historic site... like the Ottawa Canal.

Very confusing week tuned into the Weather Channel and a golf game broke out... went to the ER and a rodeo broke out... went to a eulogy and a baseball game broke out

What is it with Tiger Woods dropping his club on the greens when he misses a putt? It shows no respect for other players and you would think he has learned by now to keep control of his shaft.

With the Saskatchewan Roughriders wearing their retro jerseys it was the 1st time everyone in Calgary was cheering for the red and white

Louis Oosthuizen is cashing in on his British Open triumph with new sponsorship deals with The Gap, Chicklets and Space Mountain

CFL receivers seem to be dropping a lot of passes this season. Instead of keeping their eye on the ball the players seem to be looking on the field for loose change

The NHL rejected the contract of Ilya Kovalchuk when it was determined the last 5 years of the deal would put him under the cap hit of the CFL

Radical Muslim Clerics are demanding their followers not wear the jersey of the Manchester Red Devils. Instead they would like to see them support their local teams by wearing clothing of the Stoned to Deathers, Limb Removers or Suicide Bombers

The City of Calgary is losing population and to correct this trend they plan to have more CFL games with Saskatchewan

Top 5 signs your NHL contract may be invalid
# 5 After every game the player gets his weight in beer
# 4 Manager insists you sign it with a glitter pen
# 3 If you don’t make the playoffs the player has to mow the owners lawn
# 2 Contract expires when there is world peace
# 1 The last 3 years you are paid in chickens

Spy n Trade

From Edward Osborne a student in Calgary... Calgarian Jim Kinnear the CEO of Pengrowth Management paid $11 million to purchase a house that is on the 18th green of St Andrews golf and country club in Scotland. Asked why he would pay so much Kinnear said he has always wanted to retire and be able to kick millionaire golfers off his lawn.

It was tough watching the CFL game from Empire Stadium especially since they left the cameras back at the old BC Place

The images during the TSN broadcast were brutal... the wind blew the “mounted” shots like a flag in a stiff breeze... I couldn’t make out half of the players when they went into the shadows... and the only ones more clueless than the cameramen as to who had the ball was the announcers

The camera work was so bad the announcers started Tweeting “WTF?” to both their loyal followers

The NFL Network is televising some of the CFL games with the Edmonton Eskimos being only team not being shown this year. Network officials say they wanted to include them but their wives wanted nothing to do with Edmonton.

Critics are wondering why the US sent 10 spies to Russia and only received 4 back in return. The answer was pretty simple... the US needed to shed some salary to stay under the cap. As the swap comes during NBA free agency it’s being called a spy n trade

The BC Government will end up paying $925 million to stage the 2010 Winter Olympics. Officials are really excited saying it works out to less than the cost of a couple of extra tall frappe mocha non fat cinnamon foam cappuccinos per taxpayer

A recent survey show STD rates have skyrocketed in seniors with the biggest jump in men still active in pro sports. I guess when they say the guys are having a rubber match they must be breaking

NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman made over $7 million last year in salary and bonuses. If we stick him in the minors will next year’s pay count against the cap?

Oakland Police say because of budget cuts they will no longer respond to all calls and want the public to go on line to report non-life threatening crimes. In addition they are considering opening a Facebook page to post all the infractions involving the Oakland Raiders

It’s difficult to see who is having the most trouble with the cap the Chicago Blackhawks, the Miami Heat or BP

Jesse Jackson says that Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert who paid over $120 million to a player is making comments like a plantation owner about a runaway slave. Now wait a cotton picking minute...

Former NY Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has died thus paving the way for him to fire and re-hire deceased manager Billy Martin from the Angels

38 year old Cyclist Lance Armstrong has been involved in 4 accidents in this year’s Tour de France. Experts say Armstrong hasn’t yet adapted to his aging body and gets run over when he goes into the passing lane

The YMCA is changing its name to just “Y” which is being contested by Cleveland Cavaliers fans who have a trademark pending on Y??? Y??? Y???

Tiger Woods has changed his putter so now he doesn’t even have loyalty to his clubs. Someone should tell him you dance with the one who brung ya...

Tiger says his new putter has a better groove technology because what Tiger needs is to get his groove back

Mel Gibson is a big fan of World Cup football... his favourite position... strike her

Watching the golfers play into the wind and rain at the British Open on a 150 year old course makes you long for the NHL to play the Stanley Cup on a historic site... like the Ottawa Canal.

The derision to the decision

It looks like Flames GM Darryl Sutter has traded in his pickup truck for a DeLorean.

Health Canada says they have over 9 million doses of the H1N1 Flu shots that will expire at the end of the year. It could have been much worse but during the World Cup there has been a huge increase in the number of football fans calling in sick with flu like symptoms

Goalies at the World Cup have a save percentage on average of .700 or as the NHL calls it Oileresque

Don Coryell the innovator behind today’s football passing schemes did this week. The funeral was held and as a tribute the pallbearers dropped back into the shotgun and rolled right before handing him off

A Chinese tight rope walker has set a Guinness book record by staying on a high wire for 60 days. This eclipsed the earlier record for balancing acts held by The Chicago Blackhawks who stayed within pennies of the salary cap

Jamarcus Russell the former 1st round pick of the Oakland Raiders was arrested and charged with possession of a cough syrup with codeine. In an effort to reduce his charges Russell apparently gave up his supplier... Snuffelufagus

An octopus has selected Spain to advance in the World Cup over Germany although I would have thought with all those hands it would have picked Uruguay

The octopus was German and named Paul but after the game ended with Spain winning he was renamed main course

A fan fell 30’ reaching for a foul ball during a Ranger-Indians game causing a 30 minute delay. This is the longest delay for a Rangers game since the team let former President and part owner George Bush write out the starting line-up

Top 5 questions Tiger Woods won’t answer
# 5 Boxers, briefs or commando?
# 4 Who got more action you or your Dad?
# 3 Did you hear any good jokes in Limerick?
# 2 Do you wash your own balls?
# 1 Do Tigers mate better in captivity or in the wild?

A leading Dutch environmental agency has taken the blame for some of the glaring errors in the Global Warming report saying they were rushed, understaffed and hung over after watching their team reach the World Cup finals

After being shut out during their game with Germany, England’s World Cup team is being called toothless thus joining the rest of the population

The Chinese government signed a $130 million deal for Canadian wheat in what was described as a difficult negotiation. Both sides argued over price, delivery and payment terms. They only came to an agreement after the Saskatchewan Roughriders agreed to toss in some watermelon helmets

Police say they know who was responsible for shooting another man following Michael Vick's birthday celebration, but the shooter will not be charged "at this time". Police say they know who the victim is but after fleeing the scene he won’t speak or roll over the shooter. Police can only speculate on the motive but think someone may have had a bone to pick with him.


An audit has found millions in fraud and graft as the Russian Olympic team prepared for the Vancouver Games. Officials say they hope to get convictions as they caught many of the offenders’ red handed


Canadian lawmakers say recreational boaters must be more prepared for possible accidents while on the water. Operators of vessels should have more experience with a sinking ship, and suggest training with the Leafs, Argos or Jays


An espionage scandal between Russia and the United States ended with a swap of prisoners between the countries. In an attempt to free up some payroll the Calgary Flames hoped to toss Ales Kotalik into the deal


Following ESPN`s 1 hour special Lebron James `The Decision ‘` is a 60 month ESPN follow-up `The Derision`` starring Cleveland, NY, Chicago and anyone who wants to watch actual sports. Does this make it eligible for job creation tax breaks


When the decision came down every son who had a mom of retirement age knew... he was headed to Miami...


BP is hoping to capitalize on the signing by capping the well before he arrives and calling it a welcoming present...


Quick... is this too much for a comic book... Lebron, Chris and Dwayne signed in Miami to team up and plug the BP oil spill in the Gulf before the tar balls land on South Beach...


Lebron said he wanted to thank the man above... Pat Riley


The economy in Cleveland must be getting better when you can burn a $200 jersey...


I bet the guy who set fire to the jersey puts it on EBay... Who wouldn`t pay 2.1 million for the charred hopes and dreams of Cleveland?


The best commercial during `The Decision" was the pitch for the Black and Decker electric butt shiner


History was made Thursday when an airplane took off and flew 24 hours using only solar power. Meanwhile the Cleveland Cavaliers have seen their NBA hopes come crashing down to earth


Since they have had no really good draft picks in the last few years the Calgary Flames have let go their scouting staff calling them redundant


The Flames now have 2 people with a GM title or a double Feaster


The humane Society is protesting in Calgary saying what is being done there is cruel and unusual punishment and that’s just what the Flames are up to, the Calgary Stampede Rodeo is bad too

Upon fewer review

There were 300 arrests Saturday evening in Toronto as part of the Gr8 protest slightly more than the number arrested during riots following the English/American World Cup losses earlier in the day.

When told there were 300 arrested in protest to the loss of civil and environmental controls and corporate raiders a British Football supporter was quoted as saying “cute”.

A spokesperson for the riot says they hope to make a small profit from a combination of the revenue from looting, blog related advertising and better than projected prices on raw materials. This was due to surplus sticks, bricks, pucks, Molotov cocktails and kegs leftover from the Montreal Canadians short lived playoff run

Who says Harper doesn’t attend extravagant arts and culture ceremonies with wildly divergent forms of artistic expression?

They arrested and held the rioters in an old film studio; I think the previous movie filmed there was a Police Squad sequel. The processing center was a boon to the anarchists who were taking civil disobedience majors in College as they could edit their term papers on the spot.

Do you call a guy with a cell phone at a riot embedded or does he have to get bedded 1st? I am so jealous. There are really hot women in passionate debate of the issues leading today’s riots. When I was a young rioter we were lucky if we got a pretty RN in recovery

The Gr8 Riot of Toronto was so familiar. When I was a kid it was called the boys got drunk... someone hit a Cop... with a car... a fire got started... the boys were in jail and the women had to go and bail their asses out. The proper name in Saskatchewan wasn’t riot it was called a Bonspiel

Top 5 signs your riot left over from the Montreal Canadians playoff run
# 5 It is funded with a Canada Council Grant
# 4 Smoking is recommended
# 3 Invitations state dress is black tie & balaclava
# 2 Pucks are added to the traditional police car torching
# 1 The rioters making a difference are the ones wearing Jaroslav Halack masks

I was kinda creeped out by the reaction of Peter Mansbridge to all the coverage that was supplied from freelance sources. I thought he should have spent more time with the new British Prime Minister instead of constantly asking the interns if he was still relevant...

The CBC really went all out with the coverage... but with the previous network commitments I found it hard to tell what was World Cup rioting and what was Gr8 rioting.

I thought the CBC had all the right angles and bringing in Don Cherry for a special Coaches Corner was a masterstroke. Don was in fine form showing how Canadian rioters were far more aggressive in the corners than their Swedish counterparts

You know what the Gr8 security needed to help with crowd control? A few dozen hockey referees. It was a riot in Toronto. A few guys in Zebra stripes giving out penalties, it would have been over in less than 3 hours commercials included.

Most of the rioters had probably played hockey and just the sight of a referee would be enough to have them drop the puck and head to a penalty box.

I spent the weekend glued to the cover as the great minds sat around tables and plotted the future with expert assistance and commentary. The end really was a bit of a surprise with the winner being Team Taylor over Team Tyler. I smell a sequel to Twilight!

I wonder who had more hand infractions this weekend players during World Cup Games, anarchists at the Gr8 Riot or Cougars prowling the NHL teenage draft?

The Alberta Government released a report saying they are only $1 billion in debt for this year instead of the projected $4.5 billion. The announcement was timed to coincide with the Wildrose Party meeting and a way of showing fiscal conservatives they had a grip on the finances. It just feels like the Phoenix Coyotes – Jim Balsille court fight. Substitute Gary Bettman for Ed Stelmach and Jim Balsille for Danielle Smith and the game is the same as they are both fighting for power, money and are on thin ice with the rules.

Being a member of the Calgary Flames draft team had the same clout as being the Greek finance minister at the G 20 Summit.

I felt bad for Brian Burke and Daryl Sutter when the other owners made the Flames and the Leafs sit at a kiddie draft tables.

F1 was thankful a catastrophe was averted during a spectacular crash this weekend that ended up with the driver walking away. After reviewing the video it was confirmed that the poster he flew over was a licensed sponsor of the circuit.

There was over 110,000 people in Philadelphia for the 3 game Jays home stand and increase over the 100,000 fans the Jays had for the month of June

FIFA is taking calls for replay on controversial goals very seriously and hope to have an answer when they meet in a retreat in Tahiti to discuss efficiencies.

The CFL Players Association has agreed to a new collective bargaining agreement that sets a new minimum wage in line with the wages of the concession workers other pro sports teams.

When the CFLPA says they had to make concessions in this contract, it took players a while to learn how to make popcorn without burning it

The agreement also has a new drug testing policy. The players will be randomly tested. Recreational drugs are not included as any athlete making what they do need access to drugs that make you forget.

The Alberta Government has increased the number of retirement beds in the Province just in time to see the Flames and Oilers send a bunch of veterans out to pasture.

FIFA says they will revisit technology upgrades in future World Cups. They hope to have news and will issue a press release once the typesetters return from vacation

I wonder if Oilers who were released or waived felt like a Martin Luther King Jr. speech... Free from last... Free from last...

The term Free Agency as applied to millionaire athletes is like the term Corporate Oversight to Wall Street brokers

Four Russians are alleged to have been spies for Russia and were found to have forged Canadian identities. Officials became suspicious when the individuals pronounced about “aboot”, thought Ron Lancaster was a curler and cheered for Russia in the Olympic hockey tournament

A spokesman for the US border services said Canadians blend in so well because they sound American. This was followed with an angry call from Quebec for an apology and for funds to form a committee examining potential damage awards to all French Canadians.

One of the spy suspects has a racy Facebook page with pictures of her in various stages of dress which should have been a tip off as not a one of them was filmed wearing a Flames, Leafs or Canadians jersey

One of the alleged spies has disappeared and authorities are worried he may play hockey which would pretty well make him invisible to the US public

I love how the teams in pro sport agree to a salary cap and then spend millions buying out contracts, sending salary to the minors or “loaning” players to a KLH squad... in an effort to stay under the salary cap. The salary cap counts only as much as a conscious counts to a money manager from Goldman Saks

The Calgary Flames are trying to rid themselves of the contract of Ales Kotalik and will buy him out if necessary for the cost of $ 4 million or roughly the team salary of the Calgary Stampeders 32 man roster for 2010.

I don’t know what I am going to watch when the World Cup ends as the only Network that regularly broadcasts less scoring at 7:00 AM is Nickleodeon

I really hope he makes a comeback but it is beginning to look like a Cheechoo train wreck

Nigeria has pulled funding for their national football team and they will not compete with other nations for 2 years as backlash for the team not making it to the World Cup playoff. The move has been criticized as counterproductive because Nigeria can only get better by playing world class teams. NHL experts say it is like giving away 2 1st round draft picks for a proven scorer

Soccer Blu!

The French have a name for someone who is sent home with pay for disgraceful performance and conduct... the working class.

In honour of the French team’s performance the 24 hours of Le Mans will be re-named the Grand Pricks

The French performance has called for a radical overhaul of the influence bureaucracy is having on team morale. And they will... once the Ad Hoc Committee is formed they expect to issue a statement mission in the New Year

This has to be the 1st time a Frenchman has complained after being sent home from his job early. Except for retirement

African Nations are having a difficult time getting through the qualifiers and in an ironic repeat of most 3rd world aid, the celebration in South Africa has eliminated the hosts.

It must be a real ironic twist for Americans to go into Africa and get robbed by officials rather than bribing them to rob Africans

Pat Quinn got a promotion from the Edmonton Oilers from Head Coach to special assistant. This is like the CEO of BP getting a promotion from managing the Gulf oil crisis to cleaning oily pelicans

The Calgary Flames are getting set for the upcoming NHL entry draft or as they are calling it Passover

The San Jose Sharks have parted ways with goaltender Evengi Nabokov saying they wanted to go a different direction... as winners

A 5.0 earthquake rocked Ontario and Quebec this week. The last time the ground had shook this much was when Sidney Crosby scored the Golden Goal for team Canada

The quake rattled windows and tossed valuables off display cases but fortunately no Toronto sports team had any hardware to break

It’s fun watching a rookie from small town Canada standing up at a podium in Vegas to accept an award. I especially liked their speeches and the way they thanked the person most responsible for getting them to where they are... the cooks

There have been a record number of Bear attacks reported in parts of Canada this year. But by far and away the most clawing of Canadians has to go to the cougars and the hockey players at the NHL awards. If they finally decide to put an NHL team in Saskatoon you can bet they will name it the Cougars. One enterprising agent is pitching an adult video called “The Cougars of the Saskatoon Valley”

The NHL promised big name entertainment in Vegas and they delivered with George Stroumboulopoulos

When 6’9” Tyler Meyers won the Calder Cup he brought up foolscap lined paper filled with a list of people to thank. I don’t think he is a polished speaker yet. The only thing shaking more than his paper were the new rookies sitting in the audience.

The band Shinedown played their hit Sound of Madness or as it is known by in the NHLPA... a conference call

I guess it was fitting for the US Military to present a trophy at the NHL awards. The Canadian teams especially have ties as the Leafs are “being all they can be”, the Flames are “an army of one” and the Oilers are sending baby faced recruits into live fire

A Canadian official is under fire by hinting the Chinese may be increasing their influence by giving money to Government programs. This has caused a scandal as the process of bribing officials already has rules similar to getting an NHL franchise and no one asked Gary Bettman for permission

A car in Toronto was stopped by Police and found packed with pick axes, gasoline containers, baseball bats, a crossbow and chainsaws. At first there was a concern over a terrorist plot at the G-20 Conference but later is was revealed to be just an English fan stocking up before the big World Cup game with Germany

A men’s single Wimbledon tennis match between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut finally ended when Isner got a winner in the 5th set with a score of 70-68. This is the longest match in tennis history just beating out the Chrissy Evert Jimmy McEnroe match of the ‘80’s

Skirting the issue

The terminology between American football and World Cup football is so different. For instance in the World Cup a set piece is when players line up for a free or corner kick whereas in American football it’s when you have a groupie waiting for you at a hotel.

World Cup referees have been given lessons in detecting profanities in both French and English. Referees were given speeches by former PM Jean Chretien as he was able to swear in neither official language.

You know Argentina was dominating Nigeria in World Cup play when their coach Diego Maradona had more touches than most of the Nigerian side

Maradona is in a spat with Brazilian great Pele saying he should be put in a museum which is ironic as most football fans see Maradona as the one to be placed in an institution

Can’t believe all the fuss over the horn blowing this week I mean if Dion Phaneuf thinks he can be captain of the Leafs more power to him

After watching Brazil barely squeak by North Korea during World Cup play it appears the North Koreans were able to disguise players with rockets for shots. Leader of North Korea Kim Jong-Il has paid 1000 Chinese actors to cheer for their team in South Africa. After hearing a team is paying to have fans watch an overmatched squad Leafs GM Brian Burke called for the civilized world to remove this dangerous despot.

Tennessee Titans QB Vince Young was involved in a fight at a club when a bouncer gave him the upside down Texas Longhorns salute. Asked to comment NFL Commissioner Roger Godel gave an entirely different hand gesture

A report on wellbeing of Canadians say the average person spends less time on leisure than 10 years ago. The only groups to have an increase were the Blue Jays, Argonauts and Leafs

The Calgary Stampede chose Oklahoma cowboys Jet and Cord McCoy of the American TV show Amazing Race as this year’s parade marshal. Asked why they didn’t select one of the many Olympic athletes from Canada, Stampede officials gave a whole lot of bull

The Saskatchewan Roughriders will wear a retro red, silver and black jersey this year in honour of their 100th anniversary. They will also sell 2010 of the jerseys although the exact amount will be confirmed after a re-count

The US Government is investigating reports of a Sasquatch citing but the mystery may be solved and now that the Stanley Cup playoffs are over Philadelphia Flyers forward Scott Hartnell says he will shave.

After the BP Chairman referred to small people there was a huge uproar with many groups demanded an apology including shrimp worker, short order cooks and the Montreal Canadians

The comments were taken personally by Gary Bettman who demanded BP buy the Phoenix Coyotes as compensation

In an attempt to capitalize on the excitement of World Cup BP says they will enlist the help of Korean footballers and try to contain the spill in the Gulf using a Jung shot

Warren Buffett is urging billionaires to give away half their wealth to charities. Experts say this could potentially cure many diseases, save the environment or keep hockey in the Sunbelt States

The Dutch Embassy is protesting the arrest of women who wore orange miniskirts to do a World Cup ambush promotion for a brewery saying the charges don’t have a tanned, nicely shaped leg to stand on

A real Corker!

90 year old White House reporter Helen Thomas resigned after controversial comments about Israel. Asked for his opinion Don Cherry said he upset she was forced out and blamed it on French Canadians, Russians and Swedes.

I don’t know what the big deal is with Pete Rose having a corked bat. Some of the best sportswriters have been corked for years... right... Hartley... Cam?

Toronto Raptors forward Hedo Turkoglu says he wants out of the City and is asking to be traded to another club preferably Club Supersex

The Edmonton Eskimos announced they have sold all of the tickets for the upcoming Grey Cup game. They credit it to their marketing efforts towards women by calling the game Stars on Ice

A new report says getting hit in minor hockey causes injuries. This contradicts earlier reports saying getting hit results in fairy dust and lemon drops. The report goes on to suggest keeping kids safely indoors eating chips, drinking pop and taking blood thinners to avoid heart attacks.

A company in England is being investigated for selling a machine that is supposed to detect bombs but in fact is useless. The fraud came to life when it didn’t go off during a Flames/Leafs game

A Portuguese photographer was robbed at gunpoint Wednesday at a World Cup hotel. The man was unconcerned saying it was still cheaper than the hotels minibar.

The online social network Twitter is preparing for a record number of tweets per day during the World Cup. Coincidentally with the number of drunken fans South African police say they expect a huge increase in the number of twits as well. FYI if you are acting like a twit and you are hit with a police baton the proper tweet is “thwack”.

A Calgary candidate for mayor is touting the idea of applying for the 2022 Winter Olympics. He says he would have applied for the Summer Games but he doesn’t have 2020 vision.

Scientists say they will try a new sucker system to get oil out of the Gulf of Mexico. They say the suckers were delayed because of previous commitments to buying a hockey team in Phoenix

A minor league baseball team in Florida will no longer refer to batting practice with its commonly used moniker, "BP," in protest of the British Petroleum oil spill. They will also forbid players from making a slick play, uttering crude remarks or taking a leak.


I’m so old I can remember when “No Sex Please... We’re British” was a movie and not a directive to England’s World Cup players

New World Cup motto for England... Abstinence makes the halves seem longer...

The CFL says it will equip quarterbacks' helmets with special headsets that allow coaches to communicate directly with their pivots. Because of cost restraints teams will use commercial AM channels requiring the QB to be more dialled in than usual. As a way of increasing revenue the CFL is considering expanding the 20 second clock to allow teams to run commercials.

Seattle Seahawks Golden Tate was given a "trespass warning" for breaking into a Top Pot at 3 AM Saturday morning and taking a donut. Team officials were shocked saying they are now questioning Tate’s intelligence as robbing a donut shop is sure to bring cops out in full force.

A Mohave County judge on Wednesday dismissed all Arizona charges against polygamist leader Warren Jeffs. The ruling is expected to hinder prosecution of cases against suspected polygamists in the State, but be a boon in the recruiting efforts of the NBA’s Phoenix Suns.

Police in Ontario are looking for a man who bought 1200 lbs of ammonia nitrate which is used as fertilizer but can be a part of a bomb. Police were suspicious as the spreading of fertilizer in Ontario is usually done during planting season in April or in September at the training camp for the Leafs.

Top 5 signs you may not win the Canadian Grand Prix in Montreal
# 5 You need a GPS device to follow the circuit
# 4 The Oil in your gear box is from the BP Gulf spill
# 3 You got beat by your 6 year old niece in Wii Mario Kart
# 2 You spend the night before having a poutine eating contest
# 1 You demand an ashtray be added to the cockpit

You know Tiger Woods has agreed to play in Limerick Ireland because he started his press release with “There once was a golfer from Nantucket...”

What a Ball!

Adidas is vigorously defending the quality of the ball it has made for the World Cup saying it is the roundest ball ever made. The ball is made from a patented process called GripnGroove which is coincidentally the theme song for most NBA groupies

Players have said it reminds them of a beach ball to which Adidas spokesman replied they just have to be sure to push in the nozzle once it is inflated

This is the 1st time a scandal has erupted over balls at the World Cup not attached to a player

Rookies report to CFL camps this week and as part of the new collective agreement they will spend the 1st day passing around the collection plate

The International Cycling Union is denying reports athletes have been using electric motors placed inside the bike frames. They say the reports are false and nothing to get wound up about

BP is defending the practice of its executives playing rounds of gold while attempting to cap the Gulf oil spill saying they have a long and respected tradition of stopping for tee times

Russia says they will perform an experiment to simulate a trip to Mars by having astronauts confined to a Spartan, desolate space for 10 months or as CFL players call it a 2 year contract with the Riders

England is imposing a 2 week sex ban for players at the World Cup and will monitor their room to ensure compliance. This is the 1st time an English sex scandal had teeth

Philadelphia Flyers defenseman Chris Pronger is being criticized for throwing the game pucks in the trash from the 1st 2 playoff games. Pronger says this is in honour of his teenage years when he would throw away the rubber when he couldn’t score

Top 5 signs you made a bad call
# 5 You called the infield fly rule and you refereeing football
# 4 You gave a batter a walk after 3 pitches
# 3 The manager runs out and thanks you
# 2 Lens Crafter offers you a promotional job
# 1 You disallowed a goal in hockey because of goaltending

Jose Canseco says he will be a manager in the major leagues in the future if the game will just give him a shot

Tiger Woods says he will no longer employ a swing coach but will instead go over tapes of his past performance. Really... is a joke possibly funnier than what is on everyone’s mind?

The Toronto Maple Leafs are shopping defenseman Thomas Kaberle around in advance of the upcoming NHL draft. The Leafs are said to be looking for a proven scorer, toughness in the corners or a player to round out their golf foursomes

Gordie Howe was given an honorary doctorate from the University of Saskatchewan. According to anyone who had ever gone into the corner with him he won’t be called Dr. Feelgood

You would think with all the teeth he has knocked out he might get a Doctorate of Dentistry

I’m sure I speak for the rest of the NBA fans when I say I hope the Boston Los Angles final has no winner when