On bended knee...

I find it ironic that confirmed bachelor Tom Brady is injured when his knee hit the ground.

Toronto Maple Leafs are upset with Liberal leader Stephane Dion when he kicked off his campaign by saying he will exceed the public’s low expectations. Officials are accusing Dion of stealing from their new marketing strategy.

After watching the Green Bay Packers put up the points in their opening game it seems Mr. Rogers neighbourhood may be the end zone.

With Don Mathews now running the Argos Toronto can boast a complete blue plate special of sports managers.

Top 3 suggested titles for the new TV show based on Sean Avery
# 3 Sean of the Dread
# 2 Avery which way but lose
# 1 How I hit that Mother
Avery was given a show because he aced the screen test.

Two more Sumo wrestlers were found to be using marijuana and officials say they will continue to weed out the offenders.

I was suspicious some of the Sumo wrestlers were using pot when their ring names were Mary Jane, Herb and Bud.

Headline in Hamilton after the Tiger Cats fired their head coach “Taaffe Pulled”

When asked who will benefit most from Toronto sports teams all being headed by Sr. Citizens officials with the City said “depends”.

Winnipeg Blue Bomber Tom Canada had his trade to Hamilton nullified as he was in the hospital with an enlarged spleen. CFL officials say if a player is injured they are only allowed to be traded to Saskatchewan.

The Detroit Red Wings have signed defenseman Chris Chelios to a 1 year contract or as officials call it a long term deal.

Reaction to Lance Armstrong returning to professional cycling was swift with most riders saying “nuts”.

The bad news is Slovakia’s women’s hockey team defeated Bulgaria 82-0 in a qualifier for the Olympics, the worse news is it is a best of 2 total goals.

The City of Calgary is increasing property taxes to tackle gangs and the Stampeders are eyeing a ticket price increase for their gang tackling.

Going to a Republican rally and seeing John McCain instead of Sarah Palin is like going to a Pittsburgh Penguins game and seeing Tyler Kennedy instead of Sidney Crosby.

Canadian figure skating World Champion Jeffrey Buttle is retiring and says like most athletes he will miss the competition, the camaraderie and the free tights.

Jeffrey says he never felt special because like everyone he puts on his lycra-spandex, glitter covered, lace trimmed bodysuit one leg at a time.

Defensive tackle John Chick will be out for a month with a finger injury so in the interim he will resume his website of favourite movies called John’s Chick Flick Picks.

Floyd Landis says he will try for a return after his suspension for drug use ends saying he hopes to recapture time in a bottle.