Jesus What a Pasting

TSN talking head Mike Millbury is suddenly a part of the Canadian Government’s Infrastructure Program as nearly everything he says is shovel ready.

The Saskatchewan Roughriders hired Gary Etcheverry as their defensive coach and in a nod to the past the Toronto Argonauts are trying to find a way to re-animate Sam Etcheverry for their quarterback spot.

The coach of a Christian school girl’s basketball team in Dallas was fired when his team beat an opponent 100-0 prompting the question “Would Jesus run up the score on a team”. A spokesman for the NBA has responded saying any coach that can get that kind of result obviously walks on water.

The NY Yankees signed pitcher Andy Pettitte to a one year contract worth $ 6 million with the possibility to earn another $ 6 million in bonuses. A spokesman for the Yankees says the bonuses will be tied to performance goals such as wins, ERA and scowls.

The Gowanus Canal in NY City has been found to be filled with Gomorra prompting officials to institute a ban on further cruises by the Minnesota Vikings.

Watching Gary Bettman take shots at further Canadian ownership in the NHL is confused me because I thought this was the Chinese year of the Ox not the Rat.

Is the person hired by the NHL to count fans at the Nashville and Phoenix games the same one who predicted a budget surplus for Canada this year?

NHL players are being asked to give 25% of their salaries into a stabilization fund. The fund is primarily medical and used to purchase the anti-psychotic drugs to stabilize the delusions from Head Office.

The NHL is polling Canadians to get their opinion on fighting and so far the respondents are divided between banning fights, making fighting easier and trying to save up for a ticket to a game.

Dallas Cowboy receiver Terrel Owen has his own Reality TV Show that will explore his attempt to change his life. The title has yet to be announced but discussions are ongoing to get the rights to The Biggest Loser.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button has an interesting NHL connection when the character ages backwards and at 50 can finally crack the Detroit Red Wings lineup.

When I heard there was a movie about a grown man becoming a baby I thought it was about the NBA draft.

Top 5 signs you are at a bad Superbowl party
# 5 Lingerie Bowl consists of the host and his wife trying to spice up their love life at halftime
# 4 The serve no name beans, burritos and toilet paper.
# 3 Wife constantly flicking the channel to see who’s on 60 Minutes
# 2 Just before the game start the hosts bookie and associates come to collect on his past bets
# 1 You’re stuck on the couch between Jack Layton and Stephen Harper