The straight dope

Jockey Jeremy Rose was sanctioned for hitting a horse in the eye with his whip and his punishment included a suspension, anger management classes and a seminar from Marv Albert on the proper use of a crop.

The popular Iraqi national soccer team was disbanded by officials in the Government in what has to be a soccercide bummer.

I think Brett Favre is spending too much time with the Green Bay cheese heads because he is milking his retirement way too much.

With Calgary facing severe housing shortages, homelessness and a lack of Hospital beds the Stampede Board say they desperately need to spend $500 million on the rodeo proving it’s not just the cowboys who are good at tossing around bull.

US Banks are having a record run on their stability which experts blame on the sub-prime mortgage scandal, increasing jobs cuts and too many NBA draft picks trying to cash their bonus cheques all at once.

The New Yorker Magazine is defending the cover portraying Barack Obama and his wife Michelle as terrorists as satire. Editors with the magazine say it is similar to showing the Cubs hoisting the World Series trophy, The Leafs celebrating a Stanley Cup win or Don Cherry kissing a speedy French Canadian playmaker.

Top 3 ways to sell golf now that Tiger Woods is injured
# 3 Allow members in the gallery to try and block the tee shots
# 2 Hire Hooters girls to retrieve shots that go in the water
# 1 Have NASCAR drivers race players to their balls in pimped out carts

Hundreds of people lined up demanding their money back saying they believe the institution wouldn’t make until the end of summer but officials with the Toronto Blue Jays say they won’t give season ticket holders a refund.

Texas Rangers slugger Josh Hamilton gives all of the credit for his success to finding God causing MLB officials to open an inquiry as to whether Holy Spirits could be considered performance enhancing.

Free agent running back Travis Henry the father of nine children with nine different women has tested positive for marijuana putting to rest the myth the drug is not a performance enhancer.

After being released by the Denver Broncos, Travis apparently needed to find his own mile high state.

Is Hellboy a movie or what a Chinese labourer says to his wife when she asks him how his day was after scooping algae out of the Olympic sailing venue?

Restaurants in Beijing will still be able to sell donkey to Olympic visitors thus assuring the US men’s basketball team can get a decent piece of ass.

Alexander Medvedev of the Russian Continental Hockey League has offered $200,000 to the Nashville Predators for signing away Alexander Radulov. The figure is insulting for Nashville which spent more than that on lawyers to avoid paying the Russians when they first lured Radulov away.

Former Ottawa Senators goalie Ray Emery has denied he has a drug problem saying the only dope was him.

After hours of careful scrutiny I can say without a doubt the pictures of the half naked women were not Winnipeg Blue Bomber cheerleaders because there is not a single mosquito bite on them.

It might have been a corporate tie-in when customers of failed bank IndyMac were told they could only take out 500.

I’m conflicted as to who plays the best Two-Face Tommy Lee Jones, Aaron Eckhart or NHL GM’s during salary arbitration.

The number of homeless people in Calgary has risen significantly in the last few months with official blaming the high cost of housing, low wage jobs and an increase in the Stampeders practice roster.

China has reacted to the outrage in Western media outlets that they are not being open by offering reporters a special viewing of the military to be held at Tiananmen Square.

The MLB All Star Game was played like a chess game by the manager of the AL team using the sacrifice bunt, sacrifice fly and especially sending out Red Sox closer Jonathon Papelbon as the sacrificial lamb.

Brett Favre says no team in their right mind would spend a good chunk of their salary cap to have a successful quarterback carrying a clipboard to which Argos Michael Bishop said “don’t be too sure”.

Stephen Page the lead singer of the Barenaked Ladies who played at an NHL All Star game was arrested on charges of cocaine possession so I guess we know what he would buy with $1 million dollars.

Alpine Canada CEO Ken Read stepped down because his son was promoted to the Jr. Ski circuit. This is different than the NHL which has more nepotism than an Arkansas wedding.

In his next cage match UFC fighter Rampage Jackson may not be eager to tap out.

Isn’t fleeing from police in a vehicle with your picture on the side like trying to leave the scene of an accident in the Popemobile?

Who could have thought a guy who named himself Rampage, wears a chain around his neck, howls in the air and makes a living beating the snot out of people would have road rage?

There was an awkward moment as Police were arresting Rampage Jackson for his demolition derby when they ran out of handcuffs and had to borrow the chain on his neck.

Toronto Argos lineman Ross Weaver is getting married this weekend and will miss the game against the Eskimos as it is more important to secure a game chick than a game cheque.

Canada beat South Korea in an exciting basketball game played in Athens Greece and witnessed by over 30 people if you include the referees, coaches and towel boys.

The Toronto Maple Leafs added an extra pre-season game to their schedule and officials are confident this will make up for not making the playoffs for the past 3 years.
The Leafs say the quality of the game will be up to their meaningless regular season games calibre.

After being scheduled for surgery you have to wonder if Florida Marlins pitcher Sergio Mitre saw it coming.

The NFL says they will crack down on players using gang signs which could cause some confusion as the outlawed signs include “V” for victory, a single finger indicating #1 and the full fist for power. Officials said they became suspicious when members of the Miami Dolphins were seen using the gestures.