Police seized weapons and ammo at the home of Plaxico Burris sending him scrambling to find stocking stuffers for his posse.
The police also took his bloodied sweatpants and runners meaning he will have to visit Sports Mart before he can go out on New Years.
Due to a drop in advertising revenue the NY Times is said to be trying to sell their stake in the Boston Red Sox. The first clue the shares were for sale appeared in a Classified Ad under the heading “The perfect gift for the man who used to have everything”.
The trainer for Roger Clemens has reserved the right to sue Roger over his claims the trainer is lying about administering steroids. When asked if the trainer should have these rights a spokesman for Clemens says it is a bit of a stretch.
Lance Armstrong says his girlfriend became pregnant naturally and by this he meant she was introduced to Travis Henry. Lance is proud of being able to father a baby naturally despite losing a testicle to cancer, sitting on a bike for hours on end and getting sacked by Sheryl Crow.
With the economy in such trouble you would have thought the NY Yankees might wait until Boxing Day to see if they could get some of the players they wanted on sale.
The economic slowdown is hitting the 2010 Olympics with organizers saying they will not have individual ceremonies and instead mail winners their medals COD.
Top 3 Signs you probably made Santa’s naughty list
# 3 You left out Detroit Lions season tickets for Santa instead of cookies and milk
# 2 The only Holly, Noel and Candy you saw this season was at Club Supersex
# 1 Roger Clemens asks you to spike the Christmas punch
Minnesota Wild star Marian Gaborik has been told to take 2 games off to rest his sore groin or as they call it in the NBA a road trip injury.
NY Jets Shaun Ellis was fined $10,000 for throwing a snowball at fans and it could have been worse but NY Giants linebacker Antonio Pierce got the snow out of the City before anyone noticed.
President Bush gave out pardons this year to white collar criminals, tax evaders and the defensive line coaches for the Detroit Lions.
After seeing pictures of a buff President elect Obama SI is considering a new entrant for their swimsuit issue.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
The Gift that keeps on smouldering
Top 3 Signs you are on Santa’s Naughty List
# 3 You get Detroit Lions tickets in your stocking
# 2 Unlike previous years no HGH in the sugarplums
# 1 Rudolph leaves his sloppy seconds on your carpet
The US Federal Reserve lowered the interest rate to near zero just about the same as for a Florida/Tampa Wednesday night NHL game.
Unusual week for things being thrown as President Bush had shoes hurled at him; Sean Avery had the book lobbed at him and the Cleveland Browns tossed in the towel.
Tennessee Titans QB Vince Young is suing a promoter over the use of the name inVINCEable. In other news a lawyer is trying to trademark the rights to the name unsAVERY.
Tiger Woods says his reconstructed leg will be better than ever and with an estimated loss of $6 million in earnings who can doubt him?
A man made medical history this week as he had a complete face transplant. Dr.’s say the anonymous patient is fine and hopes to resume his hockey career with a new team after he completes anger management therapy.
Buying holiday gifts must be tough for Kobe because with all the gifts he has given his wife over his affairs a diamond to him isn’t forever; at best it’s a stocking stuffer.
With the number of elderly sports executives having remarkable success rejuvenating franchises, maybe we should demand Don Cherry to be our Governor General.
Isn’t giving sports athletes a paid suspension like Santa putting you on the naughty list and still giving you a toy?
The way athletes are being fined for bad behaviour is impacting the lives of our children. Now instead of them being scared by stories like “Goldilocks and the 3 Bears” their biggest fear is the 15% escrows on their signing bonuses.
Athletes were hit hard when their investments evaporated this year. As a result teams retiring sweaters now have to both raise the jersey and pass the hat.
Chris Bosh had a horrible night shooting Wednesday with his scoring percentage less than the janitor gets trying to hook up at a Victoria Secret Christmas Party.
# 3 You get Detroit Lions tickets in your stocking
# 2 Unlike previous years no HGH in the sugarplums
# 1 Rudolph leaves his sloppy seconds on your carpet
The US Federal Reserve lowered the interest rate to near zero just about the same as for a Florida/Tampa Wednesday night NHL game.
Unusual week for things being thrown as President Bush had shoes hurled at him; Sean Avery had the book lobbed at him and the Cleveland Browns tossed in the towel.
Tennessee Titans QB Vince Young is suing a promoter over the use of the name inVINCEable. In other news a lawyer is trying to trademark the rights to the name unsAVERY.
Tiger Woods says his reconstructed leg will be better than ever and with an estimated loss of $6 million in earnings who can doubt him?
A man made medical history this week as he had a complete face transplant. Dr.’s say the anonymous patient is fine and hopes to resume his hockey career with a new team after he completes anger management therapy.
Buying holiday gifts must be tough for Kobe because with all the gifts he has given his wife over his affairs a diamond to him isn’t forever; at best it’s a stocking stuffer.
With the number of elderly sports executives having remarkable success rejuvenating franchises, maybe we should demand Don Cherry to be our Governor General.
Isn’t giving sports athletes a paid suspension like Santa putting you on the naughty list and still giving you a toy?
The way athletes are being fined for bad behaviour is impacting the lives of our children. Now instead of them being scared by stories like “Goldilocks and the 3 Bears” their biggest fear is the 15% escrows on their signing bonuses.
Athletes were hit hard when their investments evaporated this year. As a result teams retiring sweaters now have to both raise the jersey and pass the hat.
Chris Bosh had a horrible night shooting Wednesday with his scoring percentage less than the janitor gets trying to hook up at a Victoria Secret Christmas Party.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
You auto be a pitcher
Am I the only one who thinks the Tampa Bay Lightening are being set up to be a new chapter in the Saw horror movie franchise?
Former coach Barry Melrose went on a rant describing the meddling by the Tampa Bay owners saying they told him who to play, who to sit and who to axe. Sounds like a good plot. We could call it “Revenge of the hacked off mullet!”
Not to criticize Melrose but if you take a job coaching a team owned by a director, shouldn’t you take a look at the script first?
Tampa Bay owner Len Barrie tried to paint Melrose and an old fashioned coach out of touch with today’s player and had no system. New coach Rick Tocchet was quick to point out he has a system but is not sure if card counting will transfer to the ice.
The NHL owners had a presentation from a couple of economists at their winter meetings nicknamed Doom and Gloom. Organizers planned the event as a bit of comic relief after listening to the financial reports from Phoenix and Florida.
Dallas Cowboy owner Jerry Jones questioned the toughness of his star running back Marion Barber after he missed a game due to a broken pinkie toe. I guess a running back having a broken foot is totally different from a quarterback having a broken hand. As a way to get some perspective can’t Jones have his jaw wired shut so he can see what it is like to lose his meat and potatoes?
Jones later retracted his comments saying he thought Barber was so tough he could shoot himself and still play. A spokesman for Plaxico Burris replied “It’s tougher than you think”.
Top 3 signs CFL Teams are concerned about the financial climate
# 3 – A $14 Coke at a Stadium will now come with 50% off refill coupon
# 2 – Winnipeg Cheerleaders have opened a 1-900 number
# 1 – Watermelon futures are down sharply
Baseball teams are being very cautious with their money during the current free agency period. This has to be the first time the league has ever been charged with a balk.
The NY Yankees are being frugal despite their interest in star pitcher CC Sabathia. The Yankees are holding firm on their offer of no more than 250 times the average wage of an auto worker.
If you feel joy at the pain and suffering of someone the Germans have a word for it Schadenfreude. In Canada we call it following the Leafs.
Because there are so many athletes and owners you could feel Schadenfreude for I am conserving mine for an owner to be named later.
The real difference between European and US football is how the players deal with injuries. A Euro when hit will fall down like a shot whereas when a US player is felled it is usually by an actual bullet. Is it too late to call the Plaxico Burress incident a real thigh slapper?
Chicago Bulls star Derrick Rose was cut for 10 stitches after rolling over on a knife while sleeping. The really difficult part according to Rose was trying to get to sleep at the Club.
Researchers say chemicals in the water are affecting the testosterone level of men and when told of this Boston Celtics Glen “Big Baby” Davis broke into tears on the bench.
The NBA has introduced a line of clothing they say reflects the culture of the game. Designers say the sweatpants will make you look like the real deal but as always caution fans to wear a holster.
The NHL has a clothing line coming out in the spring which will feature work wear based on the Detroit Red Wings and a leisure line modeled on Maple Leaf players.
Despite making lousy cars Detroit auto executives told Congress their pay should not be affected and entered the roster of the Detroit Lions in as evidence.
Wouldn’t a real penalty for Sean Avery be to force him to play 6 more games against Dion Phaneuf?
Wall Street is being hit by a cash crunch; Main Street is pummelled with layoffs and foreclosures and it appears Easy Street is in the midst of a psychiatric meltdown.
Columbus Blue Jacket prospect Stefan Legein lost his passion for hockey over the summer but has since found it while beginning his alternate career at McDonalds.
Legein says he had to decompress after an injury and weigh the pros and cons of a professional career. He came to the conclusion a hockey paycheque would allow him to pay for more pros and he wouldn’t have to work with as many cons.
The Arena Football League is said to be in danger of folding which could be a boon for the CFL. The league says they can always use more QB’s, running backs and popcorn sellers.
Canada’s athlete of the year Chantal Petitclerc is trying to drum up support for the auto industry by asking for a new set of wheels, but is passing on the undercoating.
The US House of Representatives passed a bill that would create a “Car Czar” to oversee the bailout money. The NHL has a similar person to oversee finances but he is more of a “Used Car Czar”. What will it take to put you in a Franchise?
Regina is looking at building a Dome Stadium which will surely end the great tradition of throwing beerballs at opposing teams. Doesn’t this sound like the ultimate roofing job? Maybe they can get an estimate to cover the whole City. If the vote fell on a January snowstorm I think you might get surprising support.
The Governor of Illinois was arrested after wiretaps showed he was trying to extort bribes from groups including the Chicago Cubs. The management for the Cubs balked at his demands saying they could get a decent middle relief pitcher for the millions the Governor was asking.
A 70 year old Indian woman gave birth recently and in an interview credited God, her faith and an accidental meeting with Travis Henry.
The Illinois Governor who tried to sell a Senate seat had to own a piece of the Nashville Predators I just know it.
Gary Bettman came out of the meeting with the Doom and Gloom economic experts surprisingly optimistic about the finances of the NHL. This is the first time a panic was created when a chicken little didn’t say the sky was falling.
Experts feel the comiing economic Tsunami will envelope the world and suck up all of the money in circulation. Bettman was optimistic they were immune to a Tsunami as this known in NHL language as season ticket renewal.
How sad is it that Gary Bettman is the financial voice of calm?
Michael Phelps says he asked his parents to take him off of Ritalin. This is told in his new book “Taking Speed kills your kids speed.”
Michael says he didn’t tell his parents at first and used the money from the sale of his pills to get the gill implants.
The man carrying the gun in the OJ Simpson memorabilia robbery was given a suspended sentence. Asked to comment by CNN a group of OJ experts beat themselves up in a frenzy to get to the microphone.
At the end of each news clip on OJ’s trial I kept waiting to see an advertisement from the American Legal Foundation.
When asked what he felt would suffer the most during his imprisonment OJ replied his short game.
Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson is in need of a heart transplant but won’t be able to get one from fellow NFL owners as they have theirs mortgaged in asset backed securities.
Former coach Barry Melrose went on a rant describing the meddling by the Tampa Bay owners saying they told him who to play, who to sit and who to axe. Sounds like a good plot. We could call it “Revenge of the hacked off mullet!”
Not to criticize Melrose but if you take a job coaching a team owned by a director, shouldn’t you take a look at the script first?
Tampa Bay owner Len Barrie tried to paint Melrose and an old fashioned coach out of touch with today’s player and had no system. New coach Rick Tocchet was quick to point out he has a system but is not sure if card counting will transfer to the ice.
The NHL owners had a presentation from a couple of economists at their winter meetings nicknamed Doom and Gloom. Organizers planned the event as a bit of comic relief after listening to the financial reports from Phoenix and Florida.
Dallas Cowboy owner Jerry Jones questioned the toughness of his star running back Marion Barber after he missed a game due to a broken pinkie toe. I guess a running back having a broken foot is totally different from a quarterback having a broken hand. As a way to get some perspective can’t Jones have his jaw wired shut so he can see what it is like to lose his meat and potatoes?
Jones later retracted his comments saying he thought Barber was so tough he could shoot himself and still play. A spokesman for Plaxico Burris replied “It’s tougher than you think”.
Top 3 signs CFL Teams are concerned about the financial climate
# 3 – A $14 Coke at a Stadium will now come with 50% off refill coupon
# 2 – Winnipeg Cheerleaders have opened a 1-900 number
# 1 – Watermelon futures are down sharply
Baseball teams are being very cautious with their money during the current free agency period. This has to be the first time the league has ever been charged with a balk.
The NY Yankees are being frugal despite their interest in star pitcher CC Sabathia. The Yankees are holding firm on their offer of no more than 250 times the average wage of an auto worker.
If you feel joy at the pain and suffering of someone the Germans have a word for it Schadenfreude. In Canada we call it following the Leafs.
Because there are so many athletes and owners you could feel Schadenfreude for I am conserving mine for an owner to be named later.
The real difference between European and US football is how the players deal with injuries. A Euro when hit will fall down like a shot whereas when a US player is felled it is usually by an actual bullet. Is it too late to call the Plaxico Burress incident a real thigh slapper?
Chicago Bulls star Derrick Rose was cut for 10 stitches after rolling over on a knife while sleeping. The really difficult part according to Rose was trying to get to sleep at the Club.
Researchers say chemicals in the water are affecting the testosterone level of men and when told of this Boston Celtics Glen “Big Baby” Davis broke into tears on the bench.
The NBA has introduced a line of clothing they say reflects the culture of the game. Designers say the sweatpants will make you look like the real deal but as always caution fans to wear a holster.
The NHL has a clothing line coming out in the spring which will feature work wear based on the Detroit Red Wings and a leisure line modeled on Maple Leaf players.
Despite making lousy cars Detroit auto executives told Congress their pay should not be affected and entered the roster of the Detroit Lions in as evidence.
Wouldn’t a real penalty for Sean Avery be to force him to play 6 more games against Dion Phaneuf?
Wall Street is being hit by a cash crunch; Main Street is pummelled with layoffs and foreclosures and it appears Easy Street is in the midst of a psychiatric meltdown.
Columbus Blue Jacket prospect Stefan Legein lost his passion for hockey over the summer but has since found it while beginning his alternate career at McDonalds.
Legein says he had to decompress after an injury and weigh the pros and cons of a professional career. He came to the conclusion a hockey paycheque would allow him to pay for more pros and he wouldn’t have to work with as many cons.
The Arena Football League is said to be in danger of folding which could be a boon for the CFL. The league says they can always use more QB’s, running backs and popcorn sellers.
Canada’s athlete of the year Chantal Petitclerc is trying to drum up support for the auto industry by asking for a new set of wheels, but is passing on the undercoating.
The US House of Representatives passed a bill that would create a “Car Czar” to oversee the bailout money. The NHL has a similar person to oversee finances but he is more of a “Used Car Czar”. What will it take to put you in a Franchise?
Regina is looking at building a Dome Stadium which will surely end the great tradition of throwing beerballs at opposing teams. Doesn’t this sound like the ultimate roofing job? Maybe they can get an estimate to cover the whole City. If the vote fell on a January snowstorm I think you might get surprising support.
The Governor of Illinois was arrested after wiretaps showed he was trying to extort bribes from groups including the Chicago Cubs. The management for the Cubs balked at his demands saying they could get a decent middle relief pitcher for the millions the Governor was asking.
A 70 year old Indian woman gave birth recently and in an interview credited God, her faith and an accidental meeting with Travis Henry.
The Illinois Governor who tried to sell a Senate seat had to own a piece of the Nashville Predators I just know it.
Gary Bettman came out of the meeting with the Doom and Gloom economic experts surprisingly optimistic about the finances of the NHL. This is the first time a panic was created when a chicken little didn’t say the sky was falling.
Experts feel the comiing economic Tsunami will envelope the world and suck up all of the money in circulation. Bettman was optimistic they were immune to a Tsunami as this known in NHL language as season ticket renewal.
How sad is it that Gary Bettman is the financial voice of calm?
Michael Phelps says he asked his parents to take him off of Ritalin. This is told in his new book “Taking Speed kills your kids speed.”
Michael says he didn’t tell his parents at first and used the money from the sale of his pills to get the gill implants.
The man carrying the gun in the OJ Simpson memorabilia robbery was given a suspended sentence. Asked to comment by CNN a group of OJ experts beat themselves up in a frenzy to get to the microphone.
At the end of each news clip on OJ’s trial I kept waiting to see an advertisement from the American Legal Foundation.
When asked what he felt would suffer the most during his imprisonment OJ replied his short game.
Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson is in need of a heart transplant but won’t be able to get one from fellow NFL owners as they have theirs mortgaged in asset backed securities.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
A shot in the dark
With the acquittal of Jr. Hockey coach David Frost I guess players will still be able to practice 3 on 1’s after hours.
Despite not being a fan Sportsnet paid tribute to owner Ted Rogers when he passed away when one of the Connected Sports Babes pretended he was more than just a creepy old rich man.
Calgary Flames Jerome Iginla is being sued by a home builder who knows his case is flimsy but feels he needs to take a shot anyway. His lead witness is Sean Avery.
The case is expected to go before the Crown as soon as Mike Holmes can render his opinion.
The builder doesn’t believe he can receive a fair trial in Calgary because of the celebrity of Iginla and has asked the judge to move the trial to a neutral site that has no NHL roots like the United States.
NY Knicks Stephane Marbury refused to go to work against Detroit despite being paid $20 million a year. Marbury says he is showing solidarity for auto workers who refuse to take a pay cut.
Everyone complains how hard it is on Wall Street and Main Street but it appears from all the sports athletes going nuts it can’t be that good on Easy Street either.
The only group that wanted Sean Avery to play after his comments were his teammates. They felt robbed of the potential entertainment value it would have provided the road trip.
I know it’s early in the Avery era, but my money is on drugs as the disease causing most of it in the autobiographical autopsy that is sure to be released in a few years... although you can never toss out mental illness, family tragedy or syphilis.
Most Hockey fans will overlook his comments although they will never forgive him for taking the job at Vogue.
When asked if the comments were just publicity stunts Tampa Bay Lightning head coach Rick Tochett said hopefully and set the line at 2:1.
When told the words were delivered in the heart of Conservative support in Calgary a spokesperson for Quebec artists was quoted as saying “Bravo”.
Avery has hit all the right notes by not only inflaming women and inciting men but by posing as an ice skating deadman he has aroused the interest of teenage Zombie enthusiasts.
Isn’t having the fate of the Parliament of Canada in the hands of a Haitian born Governor General about the same as Gary Bettman looking out for the best interests of hockey?
Top 3 Signs your girlfriend hates hockey
# 3 Tore down your Sean Avery poster and replaced it with one of Lorena Bobbit
# 2 Sighs every time you tell her hockey is on TV
# 1 Is constantly asking “How come you don’t make as much as Jerome?”
The Toronto Raptors fired head coach Sam Mitchell and in an attempt to re-create other Toronto teams who have hired successful personnel from the past are trying to reincarnate James Nasmith.
There were some similarities between the shootings in Mumbai India and Plaxico Burris. The people in India mediated afterward while those in the Club medicated while it was going on.
NY is defiantly a different market because if you were receiving treatment for a hamstring injury in Canada chance are someone would have noticed the gun going off.
When I first heard a professional athlete shot off his gun in a club I naturally assumed Travis Henry was going to be a father again.
Despite not being a fan Sportsnet paid tribute to owner Ted Rogers when he passed away when one of the Connected Sports Babes pretended he was more than just a creepy old rich man.
Calgary Flames Jerome Iginla is being sued by a home builder who knows his case is flimsy but feels he needs to take a shot anyway. His lead witness is Sean Avery.
The case is expected to go before the Crown as soon as Mike Holmes can render his opinion.
The builder doesn’t believe he can receive a fair trial in Calgary because of the celebrity of Iginla and has asked the judge to move the trial to a neutral site that has no NHL roots like the United States.
NY Knicks Stephane Marbury refused to go to work against Detroit despite being paid $20 million a year. Marbury says he is showing solidarity for auto workers who refuse to take a pay cut.
Everyone complains how hard it is on Wall Street and Main Street but it appears from all the sports athletes going nuts it can’t be that good on Easy Street either.
The only group that wanted Sean Avery to play after his comments were his teammates. They felt robbed of the potential entertainment value it would have provided the road trip.
I know it’s early in the Avery era, but my money is on drugs as the disease causing most of it in the autobiographical autopsy that is sure to be released in a few years... although you can never toss out mental illness, family tragedy or syphilis.
Most Hockey fans will overlook his comments although they will never forgive him for taking the job at Vogue.
When asked if the comments were just publicity stunts Tampa Bay Lightning head coach Rick Tochett said hopefully and set the line at 2:1.
When told the words were delivered in the heart of Conservative support in Calgary a spokesperson for Quebec artists was quoted as saying “Bravo”.
Avery has hit all the right notes by not only inflaming women and inciting men but by posing as an ice skating deadman he has aroused the interest of teenage Zombie enthusiasts.
Isn’t having the fate of the Parliament of Canada in the hands of a Haitian born Governor General about the same as Gary Bettman looking out for the best interests of hockey?
Top 3 Signs your girlfriend hates hockey
# 3 Tore down your Sean Avery poster and replaced it with one of Lorena Bobbit
# 2 Sighs every time you tell her hockey is on TV
# 1 Is constantly asking “How come you don’t make as much as Jerome?”
The Toronto Raptors fired head coach Sam Mitchell and in an attempt to re-create other Toronto teams who have hired successful personnel from the past are trying to reincarnate James Nasmith.
There were some similarities between the shootings in Mumbai India and Plaxico Burris. The people in India mediated afterward while those in the Club medicated while it was going on.
NY is defiantly a different market because if you were receiving treatment for a hamstring injury in Canada chance are someone would have noticed the gun going off.
When I first heard a professional athlete shot off his gun in a club I naturally assumed Travis Henry was going to be a father again.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Disrespect Yourself
Part of Saskatchewan was lit up by an event that was described as a meteorite, comet or Michael Bishop flaming out.
The event lit up Saskatchewan almost as much as last year’s Grey Cup win.
It looks like President elect Obama is creating a “team of rivals” to help him during the economic difficulties or as MLSE calls it a Board meeting.
With the economy spiralling down MLB teams are reluctant to give contracts of over $100 million unless the term is less than 4 years.
Two of Cuba’s top baseball players were left off the team’s roster for the upcoming World Series of Baseball with sources saying they had planned to defect. Meanwhile many of Canada’s best players have been left off the roster because they were defective.
After QB Henry Burris complained over getting beat out for league MVP coach John Hufnagel performed a really inspiring pre-game speech exhorting the team to win one for the griper.
Top 3 signs your Grey Cup Champion team is being disrespected
# 3 Players have to wait in line for admission to Club Super Sex
# 2 During Grey Cup parade they make you wear a stupid hat
# 1 Half of the fans greeting you at the airport are wearing Saskatchewan Roughrider jerseys
With GM discontinuing its sponsorship with Tiger Woods they now have no Tiger but are still in the tank.
43 year old Claude Lemieux has signed a contract to play with the San Jose Sharks and Chris Chelios is looking forward to hazing the new rookie.
Tom Cruise’s daughter Suri was named the most powerful toddler by Forbes magazine to which Travis Henry replied quantity should count for something.
Cleveland Browns QB Brady Quinn is out for the rest of the year with a broken index finger in an injury sustained while he was running around Derek Anderson saying he is # 1.
After throwing 7 interceptions in his past 2 games Donovan McNab feels he is still capable of playing and has talked to the Saskatchewan Roughriders about a possible deal.
The Conservative Government has decided against a bailout of the auto industry saying they don’t want to throw good money after bad, or as the Maple Leafs call it free agency.
The CFL is upset with the Montreal Canadians for having a retirement ceremony featuring Patrick Roy on Grey Cup weekend and have asked the Maple Leafs to schedule their coronation of Brian Burke for after the game has ended.
If they retired the actual jersey Patrick Roy wore there would be no room for future awards.
Formula 1 asked Montreal for $150 million to guarantee future races or as the Big 3 auto makers call it “chump change”.
Chad (Ocho Cinco) Johnson was deactivated from the Cincinnati Bengals line-up meaning #85 got 86’d.
Chad says he accidentally slept in as compared to most games when he was sleep walking.
It was reported Tony Romo took a homeless man to a movie called Role Model... how perfect is that?
Quebec voters have stuffed the ballot box for the NHL All Star game the first time Quebec has determined the outcome of an election since October.
A court will hear arguments the federal government illegally seized samples of urine from MLB teams and if they are successful baseball can still claim they have no drug problems.
The Republicans are blaming Barack Obama for the state of the economy which is like blaming Brian Burke for the play of the Leafs.
Michael Bishop knew he was having a bad game but when he tried to throw in the towel it was knocked down by the water boy.
With the economy tanking Governments are looking at infrastructure spending to bolster employment with major spending planned for building roads, bridges and the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Responding to the economic crisis the NFL will reduce the price of Super Bowl tickets from an arm and a leg to a leg with an option on the arm later.
Top 3 signs your attendance numbers have been padded
# 3 Person who announces a full house is able to do it without a microphone
# 2 Instead of a head count team now employing a limb count
# 1 Numbers are calculated by former Wall Street executives
The event lit up Saskatchewan almost as much as last year’s Grey Cup win.
It looks like President elect Obama is creating a “team of rivals” to help him during the economic difficulties or as MLSE calls it a Board meeting.
With the economy spiralling down MLB teams are reluctant to give contracts of over $100 million unless the term is less than 4 years.
Two of Cuba’s top baseball players were left off the team’s roster for the upcoming World Series of Baseball with sources saying they had planned to defect. Meanwhile many of Canada’s best players have been left off the roster because they were defective.
After QB Henry Burris complained over getting beat out for league MVP coach John Hufnagel performed a really inspiring pre-game speech exhorting the team to win one for the griper.
Top 3 signs your Grey Cup Champion team is being disrespected
# 3 Players have to wait in line for admission to Club Super Sex
# 2 During Grey Cup parade they make you wear a stupid hat
# 1 Half of the fans greeting you at the airport are wearing Saskatchewan Roughrider jerseys
With GM discontinuing its sponsorship with Tiger Woods they now have no Tiger but are still in the tank.
43 year old Claude Lemieux has signed a contract to play with the San Jose Sharks and Chris Chelios is looking forward to hazing the new rookie.
Tom Cruise’s daughter Suri was named the most powerful toddler by Forbes magazine to which Travis Henry replied quantity should count for something.
Cleveland Browns QB Brady Quinn is out for the rest of the year with a broken index finger in an injury sustained while he was running around Derek Anderson saying he is # 1.
After throwing 7 interceptions in his past 2 games Donovan McNab feels he is still capable of playing and has talked to the Saskatchewan Roughriders about a possible deal.
The Conservative Government has decided against a bailout of the auto industry saying they don’t want to throw good money after bad, or as the Maple Leafs call it free agency.
The CFL is upset with the Montreal Canadians for having a retirement ceremony featuring Patrick Roy on Grey Cup weekend and have asked the Maple Leafs to schedule their coronation of Brian Burke for after the game has ended.
If they retired the actual jersey Patrick Roy wore there would be no room for future awards.
Formula 1 asked Montreal for $150 million to guarantee future races or as the Big 3 auto makers call it “chump change”.
Chad (Ocho Cinco) Johnson was deactivated from the Cincinnati Bengals line-up meaning #85 got 86’d.
Chad says he accidentally slept in as compared to most games when he was sleep walking.
It was reported Tony Romo took a homeless man to a movie called Role Model... how perfect is that?
Quebec voters have stuffed the ballot box for the NHL All Star game the first time Quebec has determined the outcome of an election since October.
A court will hear arguments the federal government illegally seized samples of urine from MLB teams and if they are successful baseball can still claim they have no drug problems.
The Republicans are blaming Barack Obama for the state of the economy which is like blaming Brian Burke for the play of the Leafs.
Michael Bishop knew he was having a bad game but when he tried to throw in the towel it was knocked down by the water boy.
With the economy tanking Governments are looking at infrastructure spending to bolster employment with major spending planned for building roads, bridges and the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Responding to the economic crisis the NFL will reduce the price of Super Bowl tickets from an arm and a leg to a leg with an option on the arm later.
Top 3 signs your attendance numbers have been padded
# 3 Person who announces a full house is able to do it without a microphone
# 2 Instead of a head count team now employing a limb count
# 1 Numbers are calculated by former Wall Street executives
Friday, November 7, 2008
Yes We Can!
During the election CNN unveiled a hologram which allows the anchor to see the reporter but walk right through it or as the Detroit Lions call it, the front four.
After 2 consecutive wins with backup Kevin Weekes in net the New Jersey Devils answered the question of their ability to win without Martin Brodeur with “yes we can”.
A-Rod is dating Madonna thus denying NFL quarterbacks the chance to add a cougar to their wildcat offence.
Tickets to the playoff game in Regina sold out in less than 35 minutes thus proving what most women in Saskatchewan know, Roughrider fans are quick to please.
An 18 year old cheerleader from the New England Patriots was dismissed after pictures on her facebook page showed her with a sharpie in her hand beside a passed out man with swastikas on his face. Officials said they are OK with high heels not heil ones.
On a historic day in the US Barry Bonds lawyer asked the court to throw out his charges of lying saying “yes you can”.
Sports Illustrated asked both Barack Obama and John McCain what they thought was the most serious issue in sports and surprisingly they both replied low blows.
Now that Obama has won the Whitehouse they now say the Bradley effect applies to the fact the NY Knicks can only win a championship with white men.
A second man has died after completing the NY marathon but on the bright side he had never been in better shape.
Marion Jones says she took steroids because she didn’t lover herself enough to which Barry Bonds replied it was just another piece of evidence to show I’m innocent.
The St. Louis Blues were undefeated until Sarah Palin dropped a puck for their opening game to which John McCain said “tell me about it”.
Due to the global credit crisis the Right to Play Foundation is being scaled back and will now be called the Right to Pay.
Top 3 Most Popular Sports related Halloween Costumes
# 3 The Travis Henry Fertility Doctor
# 2 The Michael Vick Dog Trainer
# 1 The Gary Bettman Garden Gnome
Winnipeg Blue Bomber Milt Stegal offered a money back guarantee they will win this weekend the first time an athlete has put his money where his mouth is since the last trip to a strip club.
Stephen Ames is defending his Walt Disney World title this year and when asked to pick the toughest hole he mentioned both the one with the windmill and the clown face.
Buffalo has been awarded the 2011 World Jr. Hockey Championships and say they will let Toronto have exhibition and games between Poland and Switzerland.
Kansas City Chief Larry Johnson has been charged with spitting a drink on a girl a charge he is vehemently denying with the explanation being he is a wine connoisseur and she just got in the way.
Bud Selig says he tried to make it fair for everyone during the downpour during the 5th game of the World Series but it’s tough to level the playing field in a waterfall.
Portland Trailblazer Greg Odem lasted 7 minutes before being taken out of the game with another injury and again I missed the bet by taking the over on if he would last 10 minutes.
The red carpet used by Sarah Palin to drop the puck at a St. Louis Blues game ended up injuring the Blues goalie thus increasing the number of people she has hamstrung this year.
I thought most of the injuries Sarah would create would be related to groin pulls.
Which job would you like the least, Commissioner of Baseball after the rules showed the Phillies they really should have won, CEO of the brokerage firm that told you to get out on Monday and later seeing the market gain 1200 points or leader of the Liberal pary?
Top 3 Signs the Baseball game should be called due to rain
# 3 Pitchers spit ball doesn’t have as much movement as the throw back from the catcher
# 2 Umpire uses chest protector to double as flotation device
# 1 Players actually need to stick their hands down pants for warmth
After 2 consecutive wins with backup Kevin Weekes in net the New Jersey Devils answered the question of their ability to win without Martin Brodeur with “yes we can”.
A-Rod is dating Madonna thus denying NFL quarterbacks the chance to add a cougar to their wildcat offence.
Tickets to the playoff game in Regina sold out in less than 35 minutes thus proving what most women in Saskatchewan know, Roughrider fans are quick to please.
An 18 year old cheerleader from the New England Patriots was dismissed after pictures on her facebook page showed her with a sharpie in her hand beside a passed out man with swastikas on his face. Officials said they are OK with high heels not heil ones.
On a historic day in the US Barry Bonds lawyer asked the court to throw out his charges of lying saying “yes you can”.
Sports Illustrated asked both Barack Obama and John McCain what they thought was the most serious issue in sports and surprisingly they both replied low blows.
Now that Obama has won the Whitehouse they now say the Bradley effect applies to the fact the NY Knicks can only win a championship with white men.
A second man has died after completing the NY marathon but on the bright side he had never been in better shape.
Marion Jones says she took steroids because she didn’t lover herself enough to which Barry Bonds replied it was just another piece of evidence to show I’m innocent.
The St. Louis Blues were undefeated until Sarah Palin dropped a puck for their opening game to which John McCain said “tell me about it”.
Due to the global credit crisis the Right to Play Foundation is being scaled back and will now be called the Right to Pay.
Top 3 Most Popular Sports related Halloween Costumes
# 3 The Travis Henry Fertility Doctor
# 2 The Michael Vick Dog Trainer
# 1 The Gary Bettman Garden Gnome
Winnipeg Blue Bomber Milt Stegal offered a money back guarantee they will win this weekend the first time an athlete has put his money where his mouth is since the last trip to a strip club.
Stephen Ames is defending his Walt Disney World title this year and when asked to pick the toughest hole he mentioned both the one with the windmill and the clown face.
Buffalo has been awarded the 2011 World Jr. Hockey Championships and say they will let Toronto have exhibition and games between Poland and Switzerland.
Kansas City Chief Larry Johnson has been charged with spitting a drink on a girl a charge he is vehemently denying with the explanation being he is a wine connoisseur and she just got in the way.
Bud Selig says he tried to make it fair for everyone during the downpour during the 5th game of the World Series but it’s tough to level the playing field in a waterfall.
Portland Trailblazer Greg Odem lasted 7 minutes before being taken out of the game with another injury and again I missed the bet by taking the over on if he would last 10 minutes.
The red carpet used by Sarah Palin to drop the puck at a St. Louis Blues game ended up injuring the Blues goalie thus increasing the number of people she has hamstrung this year.
I thought most of the injuries Sarah would create would be related to groin pulls.
Which job would you like the least, Commissioner of Baseball after the rules showed the Phillies they really should have won, CEO of the brokerage firm that told you to get out on Monday and later seeing the market gain 1200 points or leader of the Liberal pary?
Top 3 Signs the Baseball game should be called due to rain
# 3 Pitchers spit ball doesn’t have as much movement as the throw back from the catcher
# 2 Umpire uses chest protector to double as flotation device
# 1 Players actually need to stick their hands down pants for warmth
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Turn over a couple of new Leafs
After correctly predicting the Roughriders to win the Grey Cup, Giants to win the Super Bowl, Turkey to get into the World Cup Quarter finals and The Rays to win the World Series you would think my pick of St. Louis to win a playoff round is gold.
What I didn’t mention is I had Elizabeth May winning a seat, the stock market reaching new highs and the Riders remaining healthy because of all the nutritious watermelon they eat.
Toronto is in the running for a new NHL franchise and already the speculation is Mats Sundin will be the captain and Brian Burke the GM.
Sundin had a physical prior to starting workouts and as it turns out he may have too much heart to play for the Leafs
The report was quickly denied by Commissioner Gary Bettman who says he still hasn’t ruled out a second team for Nashville.
Sending in someone who is cold and hasn’t faced a shot all game? Isn’t that what the Republicans did with Sarah Palin?
The Calgary Flames had a player assessed 9 minutes in penalties and really I didn’t know having an ugly haircut was worth 2 minutes.
Manchester United is said to be releasing Owen Hargreaves over his injuries and speculation is he might sign with Barcelona, Chelsea or the Roughriders.
Why does it seem like the Riders starting QB was the one that got the last musical chair?
With time off for good behaviour Michael Vick could be out of prison by July just in time for the dog days of summer.
Two Edmonton Oilers were chastised for signing autographs when the promoter was charging $25 each. This is the most heat an Oiler has been given over a signature since Peter Pocklington signed the trade papers for Wayne Gretzky.
Carolina Hurricanes defenseman Mike Commodore is getting flack over a picture of him in his underwear surrounded by $100 bills. Mike says it was all innocent fun as he was doing a celebration dance next to a bunch of nearsighted NBA players.
The Alberta government has raised the deposit on pop and beer bottles with the CFL warning this could ruin the fairness of the league wide salary cap.
Having President Bush host a worldwide summit on the economy is like former Ottawa Renegades owners Bernie and Lonie Glieberman hosting a meeting on creating a successful sports franchise.
London is having trouble getting the financing to build the athletes housing for the 2012 Olympics and it may turn out they will copy China and create space out of actual bird nests.
Gary Bettman says the outdoor game in Chicago at Wrigley Field will sell out unless the financial collapse gums up the works.
Quarterback Brett Favre has denied tampering saying he only talked to the Detroit Lions coach to set up a hunting trip not discuss Green Bays shotfun offence.
F-1 head Bernie Ecclestone says Montreal still owes them money from past races to which the rest of Canada replied get in line.
What I didn’t mention is I had Elizabeth May winning a seat, the stock market reaching new highs and the Riders remaining healthy because of all the nutritious watermelon they eat.
Toronto is in the running for a new NHL franchise and already the speculation is Mats Sundin will be the captain and Brian Burke the GM.
Sundin had a physical prior to starting workouts and as it turns out he may have too much heart to play for the Leafs
The report was quickly denied by Commissioner Gary Bettman who says he still hasn’t ruled out a second team for Nashville.
Sending in someone who is cold and hasn’t faced a shot all game? Isn’t that what the Republicans did with Sarah Palin?
The Calgary Flames had a player assessed 9 minutes in penalties and really I didn’t know having an ugly haircut was worth 2 minutes.
Manchester United is said to be releasing Owen Hargreaves over his injuries and speculation is he might sign with Barcelona, Chelsea or the Roughriders.
Why does it seem like the Riders starting QB was the one that got the last musical chair?
With time off for good behaviour Michael Vick could be out of prison by July just in time for the dog days of summer.
Two Edmonton Oilers were chastised for signing autographs when the promoter was charging $25 each. This is the most heat an Oiler has been given over a signature since Peter Pocklington signed the trade papers for Wayne Gretzky.
Carolina Hurricanes defenseman Mike Commodore is getting flack over a picture of him in his underwear surrounded by $100 bills. Mike says it was all innocent fun as he was doing a celebration dance next to a bunch of nearsighted NBA players.
The Alberta government has raised the deposit on pop and beer bottles with the CFL warning this could ruin the fairness of the league wide salary cap.
Having President Bush host a worldwide summit on the economy is like former Ottawa Renegades owners Bernie and Lonie Glieberman hosting a meeting on creating a successful sports franchise.
London is having trouble getting the financing to build the athletes housing for the 2012 Olympics and it may turn out they will copy China and create space out of actual bird nests.
Gary Bettman says the outdoor game in Chicago at Wrigley Field will sell out unless the financial collapse gums up the works.
Quarterback Brett Favre has denied tampering saying he only talked to the Detroit Lions coach to set up a hunting trip not discuss Green Bays shotfun offence.
F-1 head Bernie Ecclestone says Montreal still owes them money from past races to which the rest of Canada replied get in line.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Deadman Singing!
With Elizabeth May being shut out of seats and the Roughriders getting crushed by the Stampeders I guess Kermit was right, it’s not easy being Green.
The CFL has announced its entertainment for the Grey Cup halftime show with BC band Theory of a Deadman narrowly edging out Hamilton’s Theory of a Losing Season.
I thought Theory of a Deadman was Professor Stephane Dion’s Green Shift platform.
Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner Big Brown injured his foot during a workout and will now be retired to stud. His owners hope he will soon be producing sires and in an effort to get him on the right track hired Travis Henry as his groom.
According to Jay Leno Sarah Palin shouldn’t be upset she was booed when she dropped the puck in Philadelphia Flyers home opener because their fans are so tough they jeer the Zamboni driver if he makes a bad turn.
I know Sarah calls herself a hockey mom but the way she has been attacking Obama it would have been more appropriate to let her kick the opening ball in an Eagles game.
Toronto Maple Leaf Ryan Hollweg says he is being picked on after his third hitting from behind penalty and wishes referees would address the real problem Steve Downey.
The IOC says the 300 drug tests from the Beijing Olympics that went missing have been found and surprisingly they were in Joe the Plumbers truck.
A report says nearly 1 in 10 athletes at the Olympics were injured or as the Saskatchewan Roughriders call it an average practice.
Denis Savard was fired by the Chicago Blackhawks after opening the season 3-1 or as the Toronto Maple Leafs call it a reason to offer an extension.
President Bush had the Detroit Red Wings at the White House in celebration of their Stanley Cup win. The meeting became awkward when Bush asked some of the players for cab fare at the end.
France says they will not sponsor a Grand Prix race next year opening the door for Montreal if they can get the Federal Government to agree speeding dangerously is a part of Quebec culture.
The Anaheim Ducks have started the season losing their first 4 games prompting team officials to accuse GM Brian Burke of preparing to take over the Maple Leafs.
FIA president Max Mosley says he will cut costs next year and supports say if anyone is good at belt tightening, it’s Max.
Seeing the success of the Blue Jays, Leafs and Argos by hiring executives from the past Toronto today fired Mayor David Miller and replaced him with Mel Lastman.
The CFL has announced its entertainment for the Grey Cup halftime show with BC band Theory of a Deadman narrowly edging out Hamilton’s Theory of a Losing Season.
I thought Theory of a Deadman was Professor Stephane Dion’s Green Shift platform.
Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner Big Brown injured his foot during a workout and will now be retired to stud. His owners hope he will soon be producing sires and in an effort to get him on the right track hired Travis Henry as his groom.
According to Jay Leno Sarah Palin shouldn’t be upset she was booed when she dropped the puck in Philadelphia Flyers home opener because their fans are so tough they jeer the Zamboni driver if he makes a bad turn.
I know Sarah calls herself a hockey mom but the way she has been attacking Obama it would have been more appropriate to let her kick the opening ball in an Eagles game.
Toronto Maple Leaf Ryan Hollweg says he is being picked on after his third hitting from behind penalty and wishes referees would address the real problem Steve Downey.
The IOC says the 300 drug tests from the Beijing Olympics that went missing have been found and surprisingly they were in Joe the Plumbers truck.
A report says nearly 1 in 10 athletes at the Olympics were injured or as the Saskatchewan Roughriders call it an average practice.
Denis Savard was fired by the Chicago Blackhawks after opening the season 3-1 or as the Toronto Maple Leafs call it a reason to offer an extension.
President Bush had the Detroit Red Wings at the White House in celebration of their Stanley Cup win. The meeting became awkward when Bush asked some of the players for cab fare at the end.
France says they will not sponsor a Grand Prix race next year opening the door for Montreal if they can get the Federal Government to agree speeding dangerously is a part of Quebec culture.
The Anaheim Ducks have started the season losing their first 4 games prompting team officials to accuse GM Brian Burke of preparing to take over the Maple Leafs.
FIA president Max Mosley says he will cut costs next year and supports say if anyone is good at belt tightening, it’s Max.
Seeing the success of the Blue Jays, Leafs and Argos by hiring executives from the past Toronto today fired Mayor David Miller and replaced him with Mel Lastman.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Baby Steps
Soccer team Chelsea has recruited a 12 year old to play for the team saying they hope to emulate the success of China.
Former Detroit Lion Eric Hipple says he suffered from clinical depression and with advancements in medical science he hopes current Lions fans will seek help.
The current economic meltdown has forced the Canadian Olympic committee to change the name of the Own the Podium program to the heavily financed podium program.
A woman has pleaded not guilty to stalking LA Lakers forward Luke Walton saying she was just trying to post up to him.
The Formula 1 race for Montreal has been canceled with organizers saying the teams needs a vacation from their grueling schedule. In its place the City of Montreal will remove speed limits for the early morning commute.
The F-1 race brings in $100 million to the Montreal economy which the Liberals say they will replace with a Green Shift race. The object will be to race to Ottawa and ask for more money.
The International Olympic Committee will re-test hundreds of blood samples from Olympic athletes who competed in China. Sources say they are looking for traces of melamine, lead and ginseng.
The World anti-doping agency has removed a hair growth drug from the banned drug list when it was shown the only thing it masks is insecurity.
The drug was thought to be a performance enhancer but it turned out to be a bald faced lie.
Packman Jones was involved in an altercation with his personal bodyguard which is like having the offensive line sack their own quarterback.
Jones says he was only trying to prevent his guard from preventing him from doing something stupid.
Sarah Palin will drop the puck in the home opener for the Philadelphia Flyers the first time a pit-bull has been on the team with lipstick.
Sarah says she is very familiar with hockey as her daughter’s boyfriend is quite a scorer.
Players with the French soccer team Olympique Marseille were forced to pass the hat when Exxon refused the pilots credit card for their flight home. Officials believe this is the first time a sports team has had to take a collection for leaving a strip without seeing clothes being removed.
Former NBA great Larry Bird won a lawsuit allowing him the right to use the phrase “The Legend of French Lick” opening the door for Marv Albert to use the phrase “Legend of the French Tickler”.
Top 3 signs your NHL team may not make the playoffs
# 3 Signed Chris Chelios to kick start the youth movement
# 2 Your top rookie was the MVP in the Zimbabwe Jr. league
# 1 Players demand separate rooms for team bonding trip
Sean Avery said in an interview he could market the NHL better than the officials in charge but when asked to back up his words hid behind a model from Vogue.
Avery says the NHL needs to create more hero and villain plotlines which will create the type of legitimacy seen in professional wrestling.
Top 3 Sean Avery suggestions to market the NHL
# 3 Scrap new water resistant uniforms in favour of chiffon
# 2 Focus less on the players skill and more on his GQ rating
# 1 Create a new magazine called “A” featuring him on the cover each month
My fearless predictions for the coming NHL season have Pittsburgh beating Calgary in the Stanley Cup, Toronto making the playoffs and Nashville players being asked to pay for their own sticks.
The financial crisis has NHL owners telling players they might have to tighten their cups.
With former Nashville owner Boots Del Biaggio filing for bankruptcy the only luxury box of interest is the one he might end up living in.
The NHL expanding to Europe instead of Canada is like putting your money into real estate instead of a mattress.
The financial turmoil may take a toll on sports journalism with the best looking female talking heads being courted by investment TV.
Sportsnet turns 10 this year and in honour of the event announcers are sporting retro haircuts.
The Edmonton Oilers were in Jasper for a bonding retreat and spent the time riding bikes, hiking and looking for a bar that wouldn’t ask for ID’s.
The stock market crash has affected the NBA with strip clubs complaining the rain has dwindled to a drizzle.
Former Detroit Lion Eric Hipple says he suffered from clinical depression and with advancements in medical science he hopes current Lions fans will seek help.
The current economic meltdown has forced the Canadian Olympic committee to change the name of the Own the Podium program to the heavily financed podium program.
A woman has pleaded not guilty to stalking LA Lakers forward Luke Walton saying she was just trying to post up to him.
The Formula 1 race for Montreal has been canceled with organizers saying the teams needs a vacation from their grueling schedule. In its place the City of Montreal will remove speed limits for the early morning commute.
The F-1 race brings in $100 million to the Montreal economy which the Liberals say they will replace with a Green Shift race. The object will be to race to Ottawa and ask for more money.
The International Olympic Committee will re-test hundreds of blood samples from Olympic athletes who competed in China. Sources say they are looking for traces of melamine, lead and ginseng.
The World anti-doping agency has removed a hair growth drug from the banned drug list when it was shown the only thing it masks is insecurity.
The drug was thought to be a performance enhancer but it turned out to be a bald faced lie.
Packman Jones was involved in an altercation with his personal bodyguard which is like having the offensive line sack their own quarterback.
Jones says he was only trying to prevent his guard from preventing him from doing something stupid.
Sarah Palin will drop the puck in the home opener for the Philadelphia Flyers the first time a pit-bull has been on the team with lipstick.
Sarah says she is very familiar with hockey as her daughter’s boyfriend is quite a scorer.
Players with the French soccer team Olympique Marseille were forced to pass the hat when Exxon refused the pilots credit card for their flight home. Officials believe this is the first time a sports team has had to take a collection for leaving a strip without seeing clothes being removed.
Former NBA great Larry Bird won a lawsuit allowing him the right to use the phrase “The Legend of French Lick” opening the door for Marv Albert to use the phrase “Legend of the French Tickler”.
Top 3 signs your NHL team may not make the playoffs
# 3 Signed Chris Chelios to kick start the youth movement
# 2 Your top rookie was the MVP in the Zimbabwe Jr. league
# 1 Players demand separate rooms for team bonding trip
Sean Avery said in an interview he could market the NHL better than the officials in charge but when asked to back up his words hid behind a model from Vogue.
Avery says the NHL needs to create more hero and villain plotlines which will create the type of legitimacy seen in professional wrestling.
Top 3 Sean Avery suggestions to market the NHL
# 3 Scrap new water resistant uniforms in favour of chiffon
# 2 Focus less on the players skill and more on his GQ rating
# 1 Create a new magazine called “A” featuring him on the cover each month
My fearless predictions for the coming NHL season have Pittsburgh beating Calgary in the Stanley Cup, Toronto making the playoffs and Nashville players being asked to pay for their own sticks.
The financial crisis has NHL owners telling players they might have to tighten their cups.
With former Nashville owner Boots Del Biaggio filing for bankruptcy the only luxury box of interest is the one he might end up living in.
The NHL expanding to Europe instead of Canada is like putting your money into real estate instead of a mattress.
The financial turmoil may take a toll on sports journalism with the best looking female talking heads being courted by investment TV.
Sportsnet turns 10 this year and in honour of the event announcers are sporting retro haircuts.
The Edmonton Oilers were in Jasper for a bonding retreat and spent the time riding bikes, hiking and looking for a bar that wouldn’t ask for ID’s.
The stock market crash has affected the NBA with strip clubs complaining the rain has dwindled to a drizzle.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Pinball CFL Style
Top 3 signs your teams owner is nuts
# 3 Trades his # 1 pick for a couple of Canadian Maple bats.
# 2 Signs his 73 year old GM to a 10 year contract
# 1 Buys a US NHL team as an investment
Former Denver Bronco Travis Henry was arrested for trafficking in cocaine and immediately instructed his attorney to submit a “Babies need a few pair of shoes” defence.
Henry says he was set-up and thought he was buying baby powder in bulk.
Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis fired Coach Lane Kiffin and says he won’t pay him because he lied and said congress would pass the bailout plan.
Why is it now that the Argonauts are treating the quarterback position like a pinball game?
The Vancouver Canucks named Roberto Longo as their captain despite the fact he can’t officially wear the “C”. They also named the Sedin twins as their franchise players and decal double mocha as their official beverage.
Naming a captain who can’t talk to officials is like naming a catcher that can’t give signs to the pitcher.
With the financial crisis hitting Wall Street it may be that the Yankees will be the new sponsor of Chase Manhattan Bank.
Watching a bunch of self serving people sitting around a table discussing the national interest I was confused... is it an election debate or a Maple Leafs board meeting?
Tony Mandarich the 6’2 350 lb. 1st round draft pick for Green Bay now says he was taking steroids. In other news grass is green, the sky is blue and the sun disappears every night.
NY Mets pitcher Johan Santana had surgery on his knee and is confident he will be in the line-up in time for the annual fall collapse.
Al Davis has accused Bill Belichick of tampering saying he has secretly filmed Davis during a rare coherent phase.
The Montreal Alouttes have hired David Suzuki to help them go green while the Miami Dolphins say they will stick with advice from Rickey Williams.
The Toronto Blue Jays say they invented green and for years have recycled the same excuse for losing.
You heard it here first... the St. Louis Blues will make the playoffs and become the surprise of the NHL season.
It seems there is a trend towards having 3 days rest between big moments with MLB pitchers and the US congress leading the way.
Women ski jumpers are continuing their protest to be included in the 2010 Olympics saying if voters are allowed to take a leap into the unknown...
Lance Armstron rejected a call from the French anti-doping agency to re-test his 1999 urine sample saying... piss off.
# 3 Trades his # 1 pick for a couple of Canadian Maple bats.
# 2 Signs his 73 year old GM to a 10 year contract
# 1 Buys a US NHL team as an investment
Former Denver Bronco Travis Henry was arrested for trafficking in cocaine and immediately instructed his attorney to submit a “Babies need a few pair of shoes” defence.
Henry says he was set-up and thought he was buying baby powder in bulk.
Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis fired Coach Lane Kiffin and says he won’t pay him because he lied and said congress would pass the bailout plan.
Why is it now that the Argonauts are treating the quarterback position like a pinball game?
The Vancouver Canucks named Roberto Longo as their captain despite the fact he can’t officially wear the “C”. They also named the Sedin twins as their franchise players and decal double mocha as their official beverage.
Naming a captain who can’t talk to officials is like naming a catcher that can’t give signs to the pitcher.
With the financial crisis hitting Wall Street it may be that the Yankees will be the new sponsor of Chase Manhattan Bank.
Watching a bunch of self serving people sitting around a table discussing the national interest I was confused... is it an election debate or a Maple Leafs board meeting?
Tony Mandarich the 6’2 350 lb. 1st round draft pick for Green Bay now says he was taking steroids. In other news grass is green, the sky is blue and the sun disappears every night.
NY Mets pitcher Johan Santana had surgery on his knee and is confident he will be in the line-up in time for the annual fall collapse.
Al Davis has accused Bill Belichick of tampering saying he has secretly filmed Davis during a rare coherent phase.
The Montreal Alouttes have hired David Suzuki to help them go green while the Miami Dolphins say they will stick with advice from Rickey Williams.
The Toronto Blue Jays say they invented green and for years have recycled the same excuse for losing.
You heard it here first... the St. Louis Blues will make the playoffs and become the surprise of the NHL season.
It seems there is a trend towards having 3 days rest between big moments with MLB pitchers and the US congress leading the way.
Women ski jumpers are continuing their protest to be included in the 2010 Olympics saying if voters are allowed to take a leap into the unknown...
Lance Armstron rejected a call from the French anti-doping agency to re-test his 1999 urine sample saying... piss off.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Union Rules!
Calgary Flames coach Mike Keenan met with goaltender Mikka Kiprosof in the off season to have a tea and in a surprise turn Mikka pulled him out half way through and had a coffee with this wife.
People Against Drugs a charitable agency in Texas spent “millions of dollars” supporting a team in the NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series. A spokesman for the agency says in retrospect they shouldn’t have left the budget in the hands of their crack financial team.
OJ Simpson is having a difficult time with his latest trial because most of the stolen sporting goods labelled in question actually do fit.
A horse from the US Olympic dressage team has tested positive for a banned substance and now instead of being the glue that holds the team together will probably end up just being glue.
The New England Patriots were so upset with their loss to Miami they labelled the film of the game Burn after Viewing.
Patriot players reported the difficulty they had with Miami’s direct snap was nothing compared to dealing with coach Belichick when he snapped.
Convicted NBA referee Tim Donaghy reported to prison and had a tough day as he was dunked, fouled and inmates constantly palmed the ball.
The upside to the potentially inflationary bailout of Wall Street is that the $200 million paid on salary by the Yankees will soon seem like chump change.
NASCAR says they will test all drivers, pit crew and officials for performance enhancing drugs but reassured fans Budweiser is not on the list.
Top 3 signs your football fans have had too much to drink
# 3 Tests downwind from the stadium show the breeze is 20 mph and well over .08.
# 2 The fight to get a urinal is more vicious than anything on the field
# 1 You think a watermelon on your head will impress the ladies.
A study at Boston University is asking athletes to donate their brains for a study on concussions. Players who have had several concussions say asking for their brains is stupid because they need them.
The study is also asking politicians to donate their brains as well since the whiplash from changing positions daily can be traumatic.
A Newspaper story claiming soccer star Christian Ronaldo spent $20,000 on champagne while partying with 4 models was met with a lawsuit by Ronaldo. Lawyers for the player say it was $25,000 and they weren’t models but actresses.
A story like that about an NBA player would be praised for the restraint shown.
A Saskatchewan offence built around Foord? Tough!
St. Louis Blues Erik Johnson will miss the rest of the year because of a golf cart accident. A spokesman with the Toronto Maple Leafs said their players are in no danger as they are experienced golfers with years of extra practice.
Former Canadian Auto Worker head Buzz Hargrove was added to an advisory board of the NHLPA and his first suggestions was to lengthen the schedule so more road trips could be done by car.
John McCain rushing back to Washington to get a deal done is like Lou Pinella rushing back to Tampa to help the Rays get into the playoffs.
Nashville Predators have sold less than 12,000 season tickets for the upcoming year thus putting the boots to another financial rescue.
The Detroit Lions released team president Matt Millen the only president with a lower approval rating than Bush.
A bomb scare at the Philadelphia Phillies stadium was a result of foil wrapped hot dogs shot by the Phillie Fanatic being mistaken for bombs. Officials with the Fanatic were sorry but still say the promotion was a wiener.
The NHL is concerned the credit crisis will hit their league because many teams have mortgaged their future on dubious securities.
People Against Drugs a charitable agency in Texas spent “millions of dollars” supporting a team in the NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series. A spokesman for the agency says in retrospect they shouldn’t have left the budget in the hands of their crack financial team.
OJ Simpson is having a difficult time with his latest trial because most of the stolen sporting goods labelled in question actually do fit.
A horse from the US Olympic dressage team has tested positive for a banned substance and now instead of being the glue that holds the team together will probably end up just being glue.
The New England Patriots were so upset with their loss to Miami they labelled the film of the game Burn after Viewing.
Patriot players reported the difficulty they had with Miami’s direct snap was nothing compared to dealing with coach Belichick when he snapped.
Convicted NBA referee Tim Donaghy reported to prison and had a tough day as he was dunked, fouled and inmates constantly palmed the ball.
The upside to the potentially inflationary bailout of Wall Street is that the $200 million paid on salary by the Yankees will soon seem like chump change.
NASCAR says they will test all drivers, pit crew and officials for performance enhancing drugs but reassured fans Budweiser is not on the list.
Top 3 signs your football fans have had too much to drink
# 3 Tests downwind from the stadium show the breeze is 20 mph and well over .08.
# 2 The fight to get a urinal is more vicious than anything on the field
# 1 You think a watermelon on your head will impress the ladies.
A study at Boston University is asking athletes to donate their brains for a study on concussions. Players who have had several concussions say asking for their brains is stupid because they need them.
The study is also asking politicians to donate their brains as well since the whiplash from changing positions daily can be traumatic.
A Newspaper story claiming soccer star Christian Ronaldo spent $20,000 on champagne while partying with 4 models was met with a lawsuit by Ronaldo. Lawyers for the player say it was $25,000 and they weren’t models but actresses.
A story like that about an NBA player would be praised for the restraint shown.
A Saskatchewan offence built around Foord? Tough!
St. Louis Blues Erik Johnson will miss the rest of the year because of a golf cart accident. A spokesman with the Toronto Maple Leafs said their players are in no danger as they are experienced golfers with years of extra practice.
Former Canadian Auto Worker head Buzz Hargrove was added to an advisory board of the NHLPA and his first suggestions was to lengthen the schedule so more road trips could be done by car.
John McCain rushing back to Washington to get a deal done is like Lou Pinella rushing back to Tampa to help the Rays get into the playoffs.
Nashville Predators have sold less than 12,000 season tickets for the upcoming year thus putting the boots to another financial rescue.
The Detroit Lions released team president Matt Millen the only president with a lower approval rating than Bush.
A bomb scare at the Philadelphia Phillies stadium was a result of foil wrapped hot dogs shot by the Phillie Fanatic being mistaken for bombs. Officials with the Fanatic were sorry but still say the promotion was a wiener.
The NHL is concerned the credit crisis will hit their league because many teams have mortgaged their future on dubious securities.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Averybody hate Him!
Sean Avery was offered a TV sit com after he aced the screen test.
Avery says the show will be a romantic comedy with a tentative plot revolving around him falling in love with his press clippings.
Carl Lewis is stopping just short of accusing Usain Bolt of taking performance enhancing drugs. Bolt was shocked because after listening to him attempt the American anthem he thought Lewis had died of embarrassment.
If every NFL player who had mental problems was treated like Vince Young there wouldn’t be enough psychologists left to treat the people in the financial sector.
Toronto Argonaut quarterback Kerry Joseph was demoted to second string so now he will have to take the money and sit.
Former hockey great Bobby Hull went off on a rant against today’s players wasting thousands of dollars on rookie initiation meals. Hull says it makes him want to pull out his hair, but it would ruin the transplant.
Toronto Argonauts quarterback Cody Picket has a rope in his locker in tribute to his days as a rodeo cowboy. Upon hearing this F1 head Max Mosley said “that’s it... I’m secretly a cowboy.”
A survey has reported 30% of men say sex is better after their team has won especially after watching the lingerie bowl.
The balance of the men say sex is better when their partners’ team has won.
The NHL says insurance costs will prevent star players from attending international events. This means the increase in premiums will decrease the number of premium players.
Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk announced he will try to purchase a MLS franchise and in a surprise move plans to call them the Roughriders.
It will be a toss-up as to who will tee off first players on the Ryder Cup or fans of Montreal and Edmonton who won’t be able to see their CFL teams play.
TSN says the conflict was unavoidable and said they tried to make alternate arrangements but those picky Montreal fans didn’t want to get up at 6:00 AM for a game.
The NY Mets say their biggest mistake during their playoff drive was not adding Dr. Heimlich when the roster expanded.
Top 3 Signs your NHL teams’ owner spent too much on free agents
# 3 His account says the books are scarier than his last horror film
# 2 His financial planner says his investments in Bank stocks are worth more than his investment in players’ salaries
# 3 Teams’ insurance company won’t allow the team to fly together as it will constitute too much risk.
Teachers in Saskatchewan are surprised by students’ lack of understanding on food saying kids think meat comes from a freezer, cereal comes from a store and watermelons come from a Riders game.
A tie worn by Montreal Canadians coach Guy Carbonneau was auctioned for $100,000 at a charity event the most paid for a tie since Al Gore.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
On bended knee...
I find it ironic that confirmed bachelor Tom Brady is injured when his knee hit the ground.
Toronto Maple Leafs are upset with Liberal leader Stephane Dion when he kicked off his campaign by saying he will exceed the public’s low expectations. Officials are accusing Dion of stealing from their new marketing strategy.
After watching the Green Bay Packers put up the points in their opening game it seems Mr. Rogers neighbourhood may be the end zone.
With Don Mathews now running the Argos Toronto can boast a complete blue plate special of sports managers.
Top 3 suggested titles for the new TV show based on Sean Avery
# 3 Sean of the Dread
# 2 Avery which way but lose
# 1 How I hit that Mother
Avery was given a show because he aced the screen test.
Two more Sumo wrestlers were found to be using marijuana and officials say they will continue to weed out the offenders.
I was suspicious some of the Sumo wrestlers were using pot when their ring names were Mary Jane, Herb and Bud.
Headline in Hamilton after the Tiger Cats fired their head coach “Taaffe Pulled”
When asked who will benefit most from Toronto sports teams all being headed by Sr. Citizens officials with the City said “depends”.
Winnipeg Blue Bomber Tom Canada had his trade to Hamilton nullified as he was in the hospital with an enlarged spleen. CFL officials say if a player is injured they are only allowed to be traded to Saskatchewan.
The Detroit Red Wings have signed defenseman Chris Chelios to a 1 year contract or as officials call it a long term deal.
Reaction to Lance Armstrong returning to professional cycling was swift with most riders saying “nuts”.
The bad news is Slovakia’s women’s hockey team defeated Bulgaria 82-0 in a qualifier for the Olympics, the worse news is it is a best of 2 total goals.
The City of Calgary is increasing property taxes to tackle gangs and the Stampeders are eyeing a ticket price increase for their gang tackling.
Going to a Republican rally and seeing John McCain instead of Sarah Palin is like going to a Pittsburgh Penguins game and seeing Tyler Kennedy instead of Sidney Crosby.
Canadian figure skating World Champion Jeffrey Buttle is retiring and says like most athletes he will miss the competition, the camaraderie and the free tights.
Jeffrey says he never felt special because like everyone he puts on his lycra-spandex, glitter covered, lace trimmed bodysuit one leg at a time.
Defensive tackle John Chick will be out for a month with a finger injury so in the interim he will resume his website of favourite movies called John’s Chick Flick Picks.
Floyd Landis says he will try for a return after his suspension for drug use ends saying he hopes to recapture time in a bottle.
Toronto Maple Leafs are upset with Liberal leader Stephane Dion when he kicked off his campaign by saying he will exceed the public’s low expectations. Officials are accusing Dion of stealing from their new marketing strategy.
After watching the Green Bay Packers put up the points in their opening game it seems Mr. Rogers neighbourhood may be the end zone.
With Don Mathews now running the Argos Toronto can boast a complete blue plate special of sports managers.
Top 3 suggested titles for the new TV show based on Sean Avery
# 3 Sean of the Dread
# 2 Avery which way but lose
# 1 How I hit that Mother
Avery was given a show because he aced the screen test.
Two more Sumo wrestlers were found to be using marijuana and officials say they will continue to weed out the offenders.
I was suspicious some of the Sumo wrestlers were using pot when their ring names were Mary Jane, Herb and Bud.
Headline in Hamilton after the Tiger Cats fired their head coach “Taaffe Pulled”
When asked who will benefit most from Toronto sports teams all being headed by Sr. Citizens officials with the City said “depends”.
Winnipeg Blue Bomber Tom Canada had his trade to Hamilton nullified as he was in the hospital with an enlarged spleen. CFL officials say if a player is injured they are only allowed to be traded to Saskatchewan.
The Detroit Red Wings have signed defenseman Chris Chelios to a 1 year contract or as officials call it a long term deal.
Reaction to Lance Armstrong returning to professional cycling was swift with most riders saying “nuts”.
The bad news is Slovakia’s women’s hockey team defeated Bulgaria 82-0 in a qualifier for the Olympics, the worse news is it is a best of 2 total goals.
The City of Calgary is increasing property taxes to tackle gangs and the Stampeders are eyeing a ticket price increase for their gang tackling.
Going to a Republican rally and seeing John McCain instead of Sarah Palin is like going to a Pittsburgh Penguins game and seeing Tyler Kennedy instead of Sidney Crosby.
Canadian figure skating World Champion Jeffrey Buttle is retiring and says like most athletes he will miss the competition, the camaraderie and the free tights.
Jeffrey says he never felt special because like everyone he puts on his lycra-spandex, glitter covered, lace trimmed bodysuit one leg at a time.
Defensive tackle John Chick will be out for a month with a finger injury so in the interim he will resume his website of favourite movies called John’s Chick Flick Picks.
Floyd Landis says he will try for a return after his suspension for drug use ends saying he hopes to recapture time in a bottle.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
A Big Fat One
If Wendy’s really want to create excitement around their Kick to Win promotion they will offer people a shot at the idiot in Regina who brings a siren to the game and turns it on when the opposing team has the ball.
I’m all for cheering and shouting but if your contribution to a game is pushing a button to emit an irritating noise stay in the parking lot.
As if vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin didn’t have enough problems it turns out the father of her unwed daughters’ baby is Travis Henry.
The Toronto Maple Leafs traded defenseman Bryan McCabe to the Florida Panthers for a scapegoat to be designated later.
Two Jamaican athletes have been implicated in a steroid shipment scandal with the sprinters admitting they purchased the drugs but swearing they didn’t inhale.
The Jamaican athletes caught up in the drug shipments were hurdlers the first time a Jamaican was not involved in a high hurdles scandal.
Two Russian Sumo wrestlers have tested positive for marijuana use. Officials became suspicious when the wrestlers had the munchies between their 8th and 9th meals of the day.
Top 3 Signs your NFL team may not make the playoffs...
# 3 Your star player takes the first 8 weeks off to be on American Idol
# 2 Teammates describe the new offensive line as “cuddly”
# 1 The MVP from the pre-season was your trainer
Toronto Argonauts receiver Arland Bruce III was fined by the CFL after putting on a Spiderman mask during a touchdown celebration. Asked to comment CFL officials said “Oh what a web he weave when he celebrate the receive”.
Quite a chess game unfolded for the Saskatchewan Roughriders when a Bishop was brought to the Queen City causing pawn Marcus Crandal to get rooked in the night
LPGA golfer Lorena Ochoa of Mexico says the rule requiring players speak English is unfair saying for the first few years on Tour the only words she needed were “Mucho Gracias” when accepting the winners cheques.
The Facebook page of the baby father of the daughter of the new Republican vice-presidential nominee says he is an avid hockey player with a reputation for being an energy guy. After all the recent events maybe he should look at becoming a sniper because it seems when he shoots he scores.
With the Republican convention being held at the Excel Center in Minneapolis finally fans of the Minnesota Wild get to see a team that is not afraid to go into the corners, high stick the opponents and is egar to take the gloves off.
Calgary Stampeders quarterback Dave Dickenson is out with another concussion and the injury was not a result of a hit. It turns out Dave accidentally used the rough towel to wipe off some sweat from his forehead causing team officials to switch to Downey as the clubs official fabric softener.
Two rookies were released from the NBA transition program after officials found them in their rooms with hookers and drugs. A spokesman for the league says the players were surprisingly quick studies who had mastered the basics.
It seems ironic to me that the Calgary Stampeders were complaining QB Henry Burris was injured after being horse-collared.
A new release out this week is called Traitor or as it is known in gaming circles the cover of Madden NFL 2009.
Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad Johnston has changed his name to Ocho Cinco to reflect his uniform number upsetting former NBA player Charles Barkley who wanted it to reflect his golf handicap.
The CFL is involved in unique fund raising events with some of the teams this year with the Stampeders auctioning off game jerseys, the Eskimo’s getting bids for commemorative helmets and the Roughriders letting fans autograph casts and purchase autographed hospital gowns.
I’m all for cheering and shouting but if your contribution to a game is pushing a button to emit an irritating noise stay in the parking lot.
As if vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin didn’t have enough problems it turns out the father of her unwed daughters’ baby is Travis Henry.
The Toronto Maple Leafs traded defenseman Bryan McCabe to the Florida Panthers for a scapegoat to be designated later.
Two Jamaican athletes have been implicated in a steroid shipment scandal with the sprinters admitting they purchased the drugs but swearing they didn’t inhale.
The Jamaican athletes caught up in the drug shipments were hurdlers the first time a Jamaican was not involved in a high hurdles scandal.
Two Russian Sumo wrestlers have tested positive for marijuana use. Officials became suspicious when the wrestlers had the munchies between their 8th and 9th meals of the day.
Top 3 Signs your NFL team may not make the playoffs...
# 3 Your star player takes the first 8 weeks off to be on American Idol
# 2 Teammates describe the new offensive line as “cuddly”
# 1 The MVP from the pre-season was your trainer
Toronto Argonauts receiver Arland Bruce III was fined by the CFL after putting on a Spiderman mask during a touchdown celebration. Asked to comment CFL officials said “Oh what a web he weave when he celebrate the receive”.
Quite a chess game unfolded for the Saskatchewan Roughriders when a Bishop was brought to the Queen City causing pawn Marcus Crandal to get rooked in the night
LPGA golfer Lorena Ochoa of Mexico says the rule requiring players speak English is unfair saying for the first few years on Tour the only words she needed were “Mucho Gracias” when accepting the winners cheques.
The Facebook page of the baby father of the daughter of the new Republican vice-presidential nominee says he is an avid hockey player with a reputation for being an energy guy. After all the recent events maybe he should look at becoming a sniper because it seems when he shoots he scores.
With the Republican convention being held at the Excel Center in Minneapolis finally fans of the Minnesota Wild get to see a team that is not afraid to go into the corners, high stick the opponents and is egar to take the gloves off.
Calgary Stampeders quarterback Dave Dickenson is out with another concussion and the injury was not a result of a hit. It turns out Dave accidentally used the rough towel to wipe off some sweat from his forehead causing team officials to switch to Downey as the clubs official fabric softener.
Two rookies were released from the NBA transition program after officials found them in their rooms with hookers and drugs. A spokesman for the league says the players were surprisingly quick studies who had mastered the basics.
It seems ironic to me that the Calgary Stampeders were complaining QB Henry Burris was injured after being horse-collared.
A new release out this week is called Traitor or as it is known in gaming circles the cover of Madden NFL 2009.
Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad Johnston has changed his name to Ocho Cinco to reflect his uniform number upsetting former NBA player Charles Barkley who wanted it to reflect his golf handicap.
The CFL is involved in unique fund raising events with some of the teams this year with the Stampeders auctioning off game jerseys, the Eskimo’s getting bids for commemorative helmets and the Roughriders letting fans autograph casts and purchase autographed hospital gowns.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Meat the Leafs
Top 10 Cringe Worthy Moments from the 2008 Beijing Olympics
# 10 Canadian Tai Kwon Do competitor getting robbed in a preliminary match due to poor refereeing
# 9 Cuban Tai Kwon Do competitor putting his foot down against poor refereeing
# 8 The way the camera made it look like Michael Phelps lost the 8th gold medal race
# 7 A Turkish Wrestler putting his money where his medal is about the refereeing
# 6 Athletes who apologize for losing
# 5 When a former Gold Medal athlete is re-outed on Prime Time TV
# 4 Seeing male sports commentators suddenly become experts on the age of young girls
# 3 Being awed by the way China created the alchemists dream of turning lead into Gold Medals
# 2 Watching the false start in the men’s 100 meter hurdles competition
And the # 1 Cringe Worthy Moment from the 2008 Beijing Olympics....
Seeing the IOC Delegates pour fawning words to their Chinese hosts at the closing ceremony while publicly criticizing Games superstar Usain Bolt for his celebrations...
The Calgary Flames held a press conference to introduce their newest additions to the team. The most intimidating appears to be 7 year old Tad Bertuzzi who rode shotgun for his dad Todd.
Todd made a point of asking fans to just leave his family out of any grievances they have against his past and then posed for pictures of Tad for the front cover of the morning papers.
Now that it is all over and China has captured the most Gold Medals it just once again confirms that children are our greatest resource... so start mining them early....
As Toronto Argonauts coach Rich Stu(m?)bler tries to shock life into his team with the release of popular veteran Orlando Steinhauer and trade of QB Michael Bishop I’m reminded of trying to give my 1973 Chev Bel Aire a boost in -40 weather.
At the start of the year everyone in Saskatchewan was worried about the quarterback position but it has turned out well with a 6-2 record and each of the 5 QB's who have seen game action appear able to lead the team.
With over half of the original receiving core out of commission and only having days to learn the offense instead of a playbook on his wrist new QB Michael Bishop is going to use a stick to draw up plays in the huddle.
According to his family the triple by-pass former Boston Red Sox slugger Carl Yastrzemski received was his real triple crown.
The skill, teamwork and coordination displayed by the inmates during an impossible breakout at the Regina jail can only mean the worst... the inmates are in possession of a Roughriders play book.
Maybe the Regina Police can use the Services of the Saskatchewan Roughrider in apprehending the escapees as they appear to have got the man they were looking for in Bishop.
This is a big week for adjusting the team salaries in the CFL as veteran players will be guaranteed pay for the rest of the year, salary cap deadlines are enforced and many back to school coupons expire.
The Brazilian Soccer Federation admitted they are a year behind schedule building the stadium for the 2010 World Cup but feel things will get back on track once their labour pool returns from the Beijing Games.
The LPGA is advising players they must have a conversational level of English in order to remain on tour. This leaves Prime Minister of Canada as one of the last jobs available to a person with little ability in English.
After hearing Maple Leaf hot dogs were making people sick I can’t be the only one who thought of Mats Sundin.
This is a rare case of the namesake company causing more severe choking than the original.
Someone has to say it... because the headline says it all...: “Maple Leaf fails to meat expectations”
The coincidence between the two companies is eerie... #1 has a wise grey haired man attempting damage control by taking apart the contaminated pieces and performing a thorough cleaning... #2 has a wise grey haired man pulling old stock off the shelves, even if it still has some value and taking a hit against earnings...
#1 is committed to restoring the integrity of a Toronto Icon... # 2 is looking at the farm as the problem...
# 1 is saying they will not listen to professional advice from lawyers... #2 is sorry and will now listen to professional advice...
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Judge not....
With a new Canadian porn channel coming to TV Saturday will soon be Hooker Night in Canada.
61 year old Ian Millar won silver in the equestrian team competition justifying the Canadians youth movement.
With McDonalds helping our children our next Olympic motto won’t be Higher, Faster Stronger but rather Huger, Fatter, and Smellier.
An awkward moment when Ron Maclean asked swimmer Mark Tewksbury about being gay and Mark then commenting Ron looked better in his leather chaps the night before.
First out of the blocks on the 100 metre butt coving race is former Vancouver Canucks coach Marc Crawford but Todd Bertuzzi and the rest of the management team will be looking to make up ground.
The NHL is incensed with the way the new Russian Hockey League is poaching players saying they should respect the integrity of International greats such as Alan Eggalson.
With Toronto Blue Jays GM JP Richardi taking away Canada’s top pitcher before the Olympics he now can lay claim to managing 2 teams out of the playoffs in 1 year.
What is more surprising the Chinese using an underage gymnast or a female allowing anyone to add 2 years to her age?
After the failures of Canada’s Perdita Felicien and China’s Liu Xiang it appears the pressure of a nation is the most difficult hurdle to overcome.
Top 3 signs the Olympic judges may be biased towards the Chinese
# 3 Gives an extra point to the Chinese boxer for “artistic impression”
# 2 Justifies his marks by saying “1.2 billion people can’t be wrong”
# 1 Chinese officials constantly reminding judges they invented gunpowder
Most
Canadians can relate to Olympic Tri-Athlete Simon Whittaker as we are always trying to pay our bills, trying to maintain our weight and trying to keep our jobs.
I like to learn the scoring for sports I know nothing about. After watching a Tai Kwon Do woman’s match it seems the one that gets kicked the most wins.
Tai Kwon Do is an old Olympic word meaning to judge blindly.
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