The Mammoth Hunter

The Winter Classic was held in Chicago and the response was so great the only person with seats left at a reasonable price was Governor Rod Blagojevich.

Before the game each person was given a card to hold up at a certain time to spell out sayings for the TV audience. I think someone got to the printer because when they asked for people to turn up their cards it spelled out “For Sale... 1 Senate Seat”.

Veteran Detroit Red Wings defenseman Chris Chelios was a part of the Winter Classic, the 1st time he has played in a meaningful outdoor game since the Neanderthals played the Cro-Magnons for the Mammoth Cup.

How old is Chelios? When he played hockey outside as a kid players wore beaver skin helmets. He met Lord Stanley personally. He had to carve out his own stick as part of clearing the land.

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is lobbying for the next Winter Classic and says it should be international because from her window she can see that Russia has a pretty good team.

The Denver Broncos held a press conference with both owner Pat Bowlen and ex-coach Mike Shanahan coming close to tears. Mike was chocked up because his time in Denver was done and Pat was near tears because he was still going to have to pay Mike $15 million on his contract.

John Daley was suspended from the PGA tour for 6 months or as he calls it Miller Time.

Charles Barkley was stopped for suspicion of drunk driving so I guess he doesn’t have a designated driver in his my 5.

In what must be a first the Toronto Maple Leafs forward Jiri Thusty was recalled from the minors when the team posted a comment on his Facebook page for him to get dressed and report to Toronto.

Everyone is so in awe of how focused the fans are at the Winter Classic but it is only because no one can IM without freezing off a digit.

In another show of common sense leadership, President elect Barack Obama declined an invitation to stand in a frozen Wrigley Field and instead remained on the beach in Hawaii.

Top 5 Signs your team had a bad 2008
# 5 Team had lousy chemistry but yet many tested positive
# 4 Teams 3 biggest injuries were lower body, upper body and lead.
# 3 Your top soccer striker was a Canadian
# 2 The only time the team had a sell-out was Fathers Day.
And the # 1 sign your team had a bad 2008...
Your countries Olympic gymnastics team was already past puberty

With Tony Sparano having such a successful year and the NY Ginats courting Jets assistant coach Steve Spagnulo for their vacancy how long until we see Big Pussy on an NFL bench?

Forensic accountants have uncovered a possible game fixing scandal in the mafia when as part of their net gains on the balance sheet they included tennis players.

Being surprised tennis is fixed is like believing a 180 pound second baseman can hit 40 home runs naturally.

Top 5 signs your NFL coach is going to be fired
# 5 Believes character is more important than winning
# 4 Alcohol level is higher than winning percentage
# 3 Tried an end around with the Cheerleaders
# 2 Keeps sending out the kicker to block on short yardage plays
And the # 1 sign your NFL coach is going to be fired
He has 3 years left on his contract and the owner keeps praising him to the media.

Stuntman Robbie Knieveal flew over a volcano on his motorcycle on New Years the biggest leap of faith in sports in 2008. Other candidates were Brett Favre’s signing with the Jets, The Dallas Stars taking a chance on Sean Avery and any father that let his daughter date Travis Henry.

International cricket has adopted tough new drug testing for players and to be assured of compliance the tests will be administered as a part of tea time.

Officials say they became aware of the drug problems with players when they were spotted rubbing the cream on themselves at tea time.

Sprinter Usain Bolt was named Athlete of the Year for his world record sprints although he wasn’t the fastest man in a track suit to sprint after a gun went off. That honour went to Plaxico Burris.