No jump for joy

There will be no Olympics for women in the ski jumping program the 1st time a member of the IOC has turned down a jump from any woman.

The Washington Redskins addressed their bizarre play when they lined up 7 players to the short side of the field and then faked a field goal. The play will now be called the white flag of surrender.

The Canadian Olympic ski team lost 5 top competitors to injury in the last 2 weeks or as the Detroit Red Wings call it, Tuesday.

Elin Woods says she was suspicious Tiger may be having affairs when instead of stocking last year at Xmas he hung up nylons.

The PGA has been supportive of Tiger although they have looked into claims he played around without counting all his strokes.

Top 5 signs you are at a bad Xmas party
# 5 Tiger Woods keeps hogging all the time under the tinsel
# 4 John Torterella gets drunk and starts telling you what he thinks
# 3 Tim Donaghy gives 2:1 odds against having a good time
# 2 Only appetizers being served are suspiciously old watermelon balls
# 1 Mike Millbury stays sober and tells you what he thinks

You know the Global Warming Summit was doomed to failure when Barack Obama said he had to leave before it was over so he could watch the Redskins beat the Giants.

Top 5 signs you might not make Canada’s Olympic hockey team
# 5 You wear a Maple Leaf on your NHL team jersey
# 4 Coach calls you “gritty”
# 3 Injury report lists you as “whatever”
# 2 The last goal you scored was with a Po Finn hockey stick
# 1 You got a hernia lacing up your skates

The NHL is upset the Russian Olympic team may make changes at the last minute saying they should base their picks on the same old boys’ network that Canada employs.

AT&T says they will no longer put their logo on Tigers bag the 1st time Tigers bag and a mobile phone have not been lucky to him.

Florida coach Urban Myers was sent to hospital complaining of chest pains but officials released him with the advice to not put his whole paycheque in his wallet.

Urbans wife Shelly called 911 saying he was unresponsive and wasn’t sure what club to use to snap him out of it.

The Pittsburgh Steelers are worried New England and Cincinnati will “lay down” so they don’t get into the playoffs. Players were incensed saying the script the received from the NFL at the start of the year clearly shows them in the playoffs.

An Alberta farmer will try to win $1 million by shooting 20 pucks into the net during the intermission of the Canada-USA Junior game. The amount is determined by an average of the NHL salary for 20 goal scorers.

Asked what he would do with the money the man said he would probably just keep farming until it was gone.

Top 5 New Year’s resolutions for Canadian men
# 5 Promise to only watch the games that REALLY matter
# 4 Get the Canadian Flag tattoo removed from your butt
# 3 Stop telling the wife and kids to shut the $%#@&* up when Don Cherry is on
# 2 Fix the holes in the wall created after really dumb plays
# 1 Quit bugging your wife to put on the lingerie and go deep