Bowlers are planning a rally this afternoon to save the only
bowling alley on Vancouver’s Westside. The group say they plan to march in a
triangular pattern, wear someone else’s shoes and if necessary strike.
Extreme athlete Felix Baumgartner is making final
preparations for a death-defying, 23-mile free fall into the southeastern New
Mexico desert. Experts say this is the fastest free fall since Christie Clarke
last led in the polls.
The Cowichan River could run bone dry before the end of the
month if rain doesn’t start falling by the bucketful, raising concerns for
environmentalists, municipal officials and representatives of the nearby paper
mill. The environmentalists want to see the fish saved, the municipal officials
want the revenue from tourists and the pulp mills will have to take the
3-headed salmon off the cafeteria menu.
I am excited to see my Saskatchewan Roughriders are now on a
season ending roll. The only thing better will be to see the Opinion 250 “sports
expert” changing his screen saver from a Lion back to a 5-hole goal on Luongo.
Tiger Woods said he stayed up all night after the Ryder Cup
agonizing about the one that got away. So good to see he misses his ex.
Putting San Francisco Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum in the
bullpen is like sending Winnipeg Blue Bombers QB Buck Pierce out to run back
punts… senseless.
3 of the new Toronto Raptors are out of the line-up with
injuries that will need “bedrest”, so you can bet scoring will be up.
The NHL wiped out the first 2 weeks of regular season games
which leaves the Toronto Maple Leafs 1 point ahead of last years pace.
A short video released on Youtube depicting gross ignorance
and incompetence has inflamed religious people across the world. A spokesman
for the NFL says there is nothing they can do to remove the final minutes of
the Monday night game between Green Bay and Seattle. An NFL spokesman then
reminded players and coaches to protect the shield during the riots.
I think it is fair to say there are a lot of cheesed off
heads in Green Bay this week.
Love the new slogan for the replacement referees “For a few
dollars less…”
My beloved Saskatchewan Roughriders not only beat the
Calgary Stampeders they caught Jon Cornish with his pants down. Cornish was
forced to apologize for “mooning” Saskatchewan fans but he said it was just in
response to cracks he heard all game.
The GM of the Detroit Red Wings called players cattle this
week leaving many NHL players feeling they have a beef. If the players are
cattle what are fans and taxpayers who subsidize the owners, fertilizer?
The CFL has ruled that long hair is part of the uniform and
can be used to tackle a player. This ruling is being seen as a game changer for
the newly formed UBL United Barbers League.
Daryl Katz the owner for the Edmonton Oilers was in Seattle
trying to find a way to blackmail the Edmonton City Council to give him more
money for his arena. A spokesman for the City say they refused to be bullied
but later retracted the comment and issued an apology saying they could be more
accommodating and adding “moo”.
Former Winnipeg Blue Bomber Doug Brown took to Twitter
saying he need not pack toothpaste or deodorant for his trip to Regina. This
turned out to be ironic as the toothless Bombers completely stunk out the
joint.
Tiger Woods was close to winning the weekends PGA tournament
saying all he needed was a little luck, a few dropped putts and a f*#cki*ng
break. Despite losing Woods became the 1st golfer to win over $100
million or as his ex-wife called it… chump change.
The NFL will start the year without their regular officials
due to a dispute with the union. The officials say they currently get .00003%
of revenues which team owners say could better be used on necessities like
Snugglies with team logos.
Vancouver Canucks goalie Roberto Luongo says a return to
Florida makes sense for everyone and would allow him to be close to friends,
family and save money with the Blue-plate specials for a pre-game meal.
Toronto Blue Jays pitcher Rickey Romero is 0-10 with an ERA
over 6 in his last few starts or as Brian Burke calls it “extension territory”.
Hamilton Tiger Cats returner Chris Williams has 6 kick
returns for a touchdown this year. To put it into perspective the NFL record
for lifetime returns is 15 held by Oakland Raiders season ticket holders.
