Some purists are questioning the use of an extensive elbow guard by Barry Bonds saying the rule book states it can only be used to protect an injury. In his defense Barry says he has had a bruised ego for the past 15 years.
The guard has been shown to create more fulcrums thus accelerating the momentum and substantially increasing the bat speed. The scientists who did the study are saddened by the conclusion as it now means they have to go back to trying to figure out why bridges collapse.
Matt Murphy' the student who caught Barry Bonds record breaking homerun is the first New York fan to catch anything in Giants Stadium other than a right hook. How ironic is it that a man from Queens caught a ball in San Francisco?
Reports of possible contamination in the water and food at the Beijing Olympics are going over like a lead balloon with officials. The balloon later tested well over the acceptable level of lead.
Organizers of the “Redneck Olympics” are being questioned after the weekend event ended with 54 arrests on charges ranging from public drunkenness to public urination. In addition to the fines the people charged will likely have to give back their medals.
Asked if he will appeal his one game suspension Edmonton Eskimo linebacker AJ Glass said “It’s a toss up”.
Glad to see Jay Mohr is back writing jokes for Fox Sports because why should their news department have all the one-liners?
The new owners of the Tampa Bay Lightning are denying rumors they named the company Absolute after the Vodka they drank while coming up with the idea. Maybe they were a bit blurry eyed and thought the amount they were paying for 3 players was for the whole team.
One of the sounds you don’t want to hear on a Golf course is Tiger Woods whistling “Baby needs new Booties”.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Here...Taste This!
Watching the 33 white haired owners of the Edmonton Oilers say they will take the team into the future is like having your grandpa show you how to snowboard.
Brady Quinn has signed a 5 year contract ending his holdout and says the loss of practice time should not affect the Cleveland Browns ability to finish last. Actually losing a few days of practice may prolong his career by a few snaps.
I’m betting Mark Philippoussis picks the 28 year old over the 48 year old but only because fellow tennis player Nikolay Davydenko has $3 million on her to win.
After nearly running over Boston Red Sox outfielder Coco Crisp the Seattle Mariners mascot Mariner Moose was racked with guilt.
I don’t know how it was possible but after hitting the record home run Barry Bonds head seems to have shrunk not swollen with pride.
Now that the record is official we should all sit back and admire Barry Bonds for what is really most impressive, his hot mistress.
Bud Selig decided to get together with George Mitchell the chief steroid inspector instead of attending the record breaking home run by Barry Bonds. Bud felt it was in the best interest of baseball to try and tarnish the record from a suitable distance.
Tim Horton’s is upset over the blatant rip off of its “Roll up the Rim to Win” campaign by Wendy’s with their “Lift the Lip” promotion. In retaliation Tim Horton’s is copying the Wendy’s “Kick to Win” event with one called “Punt the Pigtailed Phony”.
Seeing Jesse Lumsden on top of all the rushing statistics in the CFL you can’t help but imagine how much better he would be if he was an American.
Packman Jones has decided to spend his off season working for TNA Wrestling and will feature signature moves such as the “Bail and Release”, “Subpoena Suplex” and of course the “Bodyguard Caps ‘em”.
The excitement in Beijing now just one year away from hosting the Olympic Games is so intense you can not only feel it in the air you can taste it. Preparations for the Games are almost complete with venues being finished, housing completed and most of the bribes nearly in place.
A Calgary TV station is being accused of sabotage after showing a clip of a trick play used by the Stampeders in a game with Edmonton. A spokesperson for the TV station was shocked saying “who knew people in Edmonton had TV’s?”
Brady Quinn has signed a 5 year contract ending his holdout and says the loss of practice time should not affect the Cleveland Browns ability to finish last. Actually losing a few days of practice may prolong his career by a few snaps.
I’m betting Mark Philippoussis picks the 28 year old over the 48 year old but only because fellow tennis player Nikolay Davydenko has $3 million on her to win.
After nearly running over Boston Red Sox outfielder Coco Crisp the Seattle Mariners mascot Mariner Moose was racked with guilt.
I don’t know how it was possible but after hitting the record home run Barry Bonds head seems to have shrunk not swollen with pride.
Now that the record is official we should all sit back and admire Barry Bonds for what is really most impressive, his hot mistress.
Bud Selig decided to get together with George Mitchell the chief steroid inspector instead of attending the record breaking home run by Barry Bonds. Bud felt it was in the best interest of baseball to try and tarnish the record from a suitable distance.
Tim Horton’s is upset over the blatant rip off of its “Roll up the Rim to Win” campaign by Wendy’s with their “Lift the Lip” promotion. In retaliation Tim Horton’s is copying the Wendy’s “Kick to Win” event with one called “Punt the Pigtailed Phony”.
Seeing Jesse Lumsden on top of all the rushing statistics in the CFL you can’t help but imagine how much better he would be if he was an American.
Packman Jones has decided to spend his off season working for TNA Wrestling and will feature signature moves such as the “Bail and Release”, “Subpoena Suplex” and of course the “Bodyguard Caps ‘em”.
The excitement in Beijing now just one year away from hosting the Olympic Games is so intense you can not only feel it in the air you can taste it. Preparations for the Games are almost complete with venues being finished, housing completed and most of the bribes nearly in place.
A Calgary TV station is being accused of sabotage after showing a clip of a trick play used by the Stampeders in a game with Edmonton. A spokesperson for the TV station was shocked saying “who knew people in Edmonton had TV’s?”
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Robbie drives NASCAR crazy
What a huge scrum this weekend as people grabbed for the balls of Barry Bonds, Alex Rodriguez and AJ Glass.
The movie 300 came out on the weekend Tom Glavin reached that milestone and Disturbia the same time Barry Bonds reached his.
After surviving a controversy over a whip, Jockey Jose Santos was inducted into the horse racing Hall of Fame and in his acceptance speech thanked his wife, his kids and most of all Marv Albert.
Tests on Terrel Owens showed his pain was not in his back but somewhat south of there.
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady celebrated his 30th birthday by spending quiet time waiting for a text message to see if he was a father.
Union officials for baseball umpires are not happy with MLB asking for background checks saying it is an offer they can refuse.
The Calgary Stampeders have activated defensive tackle Demetrious Maxie from retirement for their game against Montreal saying he gives them a veteran presence, leadership skills and above all a senior’s discount at the Clubs.
Micro-Organisms frozen for thousands of years have been brought back to life thus giving hope to fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs.
The British Government is striving to prevent another outbreak of foot and mouth disease and in a related story Jeremy Roenick has still not announced if he is going to retire.
NASCAR’S Robbie Gordon was put on probation for the rest of the year, will miss the next race, pay a $35,000 fine and be forced to hang a “student driver” sign on his bumper.
Watching the white haired owners of the Edmonton Oilers say they will take the team into the future is like having your grandpa explain to you the intricacies of video file sharing. The old men are still hoping they get to keep the Rexall Drugs discount.
Brady Quinn has signed a 5 year contract ending his holdout and says the loss of practice time should not affect the Cleveland Browns ability to finish last. Actually losing a few days of practice may prolong his career by a few snaps.
The movie 300 came out on the weekend Tom Glavin reached that milestone and Disturbia the same time Barry Bonds reached his.
After surviving a controversy over a whip, Jockey Jose Santos was inducted into the horse racing Hall of Fame and in his acceptance speech thanked his wife, his kids and most of all Marv Albert.
Tests on Terrel Owens showed his pain was not in his back but somewhat south of there.
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady celebrated his 30th birthday by spending quiet time waiting for a text message to see if he was a father.
Union officials for baseball umpires are not happy with MLB asking for background checks saying it is an offer they can refuse.
The Calgary Stampeders have activated defensive tackle Demetrious Maxie from retirement for their game against Montreal saying he gives them a veteran presence, leadership skills and above all a senior’s discount at the Clubs.
Micro-Organisms frozen for thousands of years have been brought back to life thus giving hope to fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs.
The British Government is striving to prevent another outbreak of foot and mouth disease and in a related story Jeremy Roenick has still not announced if he is going to retire.
NASCAR’S Robbie Gordon was put on probation for the rest of the year, will miss the next race, pay a $35,000 fine and be forced to hang a “student driver” sign on his bumper.
Watching the white haired owners of the Edmonton Oilers say they will take the team into the future is like having your grandpa explain to you the intricacies of video file sharing. The old men are still hoping they get to keep the Rexall Drugs discount.
Brady Quinn has signed a 5 year contract ending his holdout and says the loss of practice time should not affect the Cleveland Browns ability to finish last. Actually losing a few days of practice may prolong his career by a few snaps.
Monday, August 6, 2007
Balls and Nuts
To put the historic Saturday launches in perspective Page 1 went to Barry Bonds, Page 4 was for Alex Rodriguez and Page 74 mentioned NASA’s probe to Mars.
After winning the Firestone Event Tiger Woods was mindful of his sponsor by refusing to answer if he felt he was having a Good Year.
Mexican Lorena Ochoa became the first woman to ever win an event at historic St. Andrews, home of the exclusively male Royal & Ancient Club. Ochoa said crossing a border to work on the greens of a+ Club that would not have her as a member and wanted her to leave afterwards made her feel “at home”.
Seeing all the streamers being thrown on the field at the Toronto-Los Angles soccer game I was unaware you could rent the field for a birthday party. Not saying the soccer players go down easily but one forward was taken out by a two-ply.
Terrell Owens missed practice on Sunday and is listed as day to day with lower back and upper ego damage.
Tom Glavine pitched his 300th win on Saturday an thus became the first person to reach a record this year and not be booed.
After watching Edmonton Eskimos AJ Glass throw an opponents helmet 35 yards downfield his mother said “he always was headstrong”. AJ says he became enraged when Calgary Stampeders lineman Jeff Pilon “grabbed his balls” to which Pilon said “nuts”.
The only person more upset with Edmonton linebacker Kenny Onatolu getting thrown out of the game with Calgary, than Kenny, was the announcer trying to pronounce his name.
Anthony Harfrove of the Buffalo Bills was charged with a number of offenses in a scuffle with police the most serious of which was being out after curfew.
Headline after San Diego Padres picture Clay Hensley was demoted after serving up the 755th home run to a man he “admires”. “Clay aching and packing after serving up homer to American Idol”
The Toronto Maple Leafs are looking to hire Scotty Bowman in a newly created position of “Person who has touched the Stanley Cup”. In addition to walking around with a superior attitude Bowman will be expected to roll his eyes, sigh during press conferences and collect a fat cheque.
After winning the Firestone Event Tiger Woods was mindful of his sponsor by refusing to answer if he felt he was having a Good Year.
Mexican Lorena Ochoa became the first woman to ever win an event at historic St. Andrews, home of the exclusively male Royal & Ancient Club. Ochoa said crossing a border to work on the greens of a+ Club that would not have her as a member and wanted her to leave afterwards made her feel “at home”.
Seeing all the streamers being thrown on the field at the Toronto-Los Angles soccer game I was unaware you could rent the field for a birthday party. Not saying the soccer players go down easily but one forward was taken out by a two-ply.
Terrell Owens missed practice on Sunday and is listed as day to day with lower back and upper ego damage.
Tom Glavine pitched his 300th win on Saturday an thus became the first person to reach a record this year and not be booed.
After watching Edmonton Eskimos AJ Glass throw an opponents helmet 35 yards downfield his mother said “he always was headstrong”. AJ says he became enraged when Calgary Stampeders lineman Jeff Pilon “grabbed his balls” to which Pilon said “nuts”.
The only person more upset with Edmonton linebacker Kenny Onatolu getting thrown out of the game with Calgary, than Kenny, was the announcer trying to pronounce his name.
Anthony Harfrove of the Buffalo Bills was charged with a number of offenses in a scuffle with police the most serious of which was being out after curfew.
Headline after San Diego Padres picture Clay Hensley was demoted after serving up the 755th home run to a man he “admires”. “Clay aching and packing after serving up homer to American Idol”
The Toronto Maple Leafs are looking to hire Scotty Bowman in a newly created position of “Person who has touched the Stanley Cup”. In addition to walking around with a superior attitude Bowman will be expected to roll his eyes, sigh during press conferences and collect a fat cheque.
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