Balls and Nuts

To put the historic Saturday launches in perspective Page 1 went to Barry Bonds, Page 4 was for Alex Rodriguez and Page 74 mentioned NASA’s probe to Mars.

After winning the Firestone Event Tiger Woods was mindful of his sponsor by refusing to answer if he felt he was having a Good Year.

Mexican Lorena Ochoa became the first woman to ever win an event at historic St. Andrews, home of the exclusively male Royal & Ancient Club. Ochoa said crossing a border to work on the greens of a+ Club that would not have her as a member and wanted her to leave afterwards made her feel “at home”.

Seeing all the streamers being thrown on the field at the Toronto-Los Angles soccer game I was unaware you could rent the field for a birthday party. Not saying the soccer players go down easily but one forward was taken out by a two-ply.

Terrell Owens missed practice on Sunday and is listed as day to day with lower back and upper ego damage.

Tom Glavine pitched his 300th win on Saturday an thus became the first person to reach a record this year and not be booed.

After watching Edmonton Eskimos AJ Glass throw an opponents helmet 35 yards downfield his mother said “he always was headstrong”. AJ says he became enraged when Calgary Stampeders lineman Jeff Pilon “grabbed his balls” to which Pilon said “nuts”.

The only person more upset with Edmonton linebacker Kenny Onatolu getting thrown out of the game with Calgary, than Kenny, was the announcer trying to pronounce his name.

Anthony Harfrove of the Buffalo Bills was charged with a number of offenses in a scuffle with police the most serious of which was being out after curfew.

Headline after San Diego Padres picture Clay Hensley was demoted after serving up the 755th home run to a man he “admires”. “Clay aching and packing after serving up homer to American Idol”

The Toronto Maple Leafs are looking to hire Scotty Bowman in a newly created position of “Person who has touched the Stanley Cup”. In addition to walking around with a superior attitude Bowman will be expected to roll his eyes, sigh during press conferences and collect a fat cheque.