Same Sex MME Coupling

If the CFL like all sports enterprises is trying to cultivate alternative revenue sources they should look into licensing erectile drugs like Cialis, Viagra or Molsons ... as part of an on air running promotion with the announcers... because no one mentions scoring, drilling or hooking up more than the TSN crew...



The Toronto Raptors waived forward-centre Dwayne Jones on Monday. It was a shock to Raptor fans who expected the five-year NBA veteran who has averaged 1.3 points in 82 career games to replace the scoring of Hedo Turkoglu



The Province of Ontario has given approval for future Mixed Martial Arts fighting MME saying they decided to follow the lead of California and license all forms of same sex couplings...



The reasons given for licensing MME events was said to be economic as the Province was billions of dollars in the red and needed to balance it out with a moral deficit as well...



The Province says they will reap a windfall in tourism, broadcast rights, fees and registrations and say additional expertise will be gained in the area of performance enhancing drug development, speech therapy and of course the practical experience with brain injuries...



Tourism officials are test marketing a new slogan for the Province... Ontario come for the mindless savagery and stay because you can't walk or remember where you are going...



Alberta was considering allowing MME events but even the calf ropers said it was too cruel...



France has come down hard on their World Cup footie team by placing 5 players on suspension and more important limiting smoke breaks during training



Despite a year of poor results Tiger Woods is still #1 in rankings as the PGA... like divorce courts... heavily weigh past performance



Despite getting “many significant and promising offers” the Toronto Maple Leafs have decided to keep Thomas Kaberle and will now go with plan B... losing



Denver Broncos QB Tim Tebow was drilled as he scored during a pre season game with the Cincinnati Bengals causing him to wear a new slogan on his eye black... #@$%&@#



Tebow was nailed in practice causing him to be helped off the field. He then compared the hit to Judas at the Last Supper



Former British PM Tony Blair plans to donate the profits from his memoir to the Royal British Legion to help injured servicemen. No word on if former President George Bush will give any of his profits towards US serviceman when his baseball popup book comes out





Edmonton's Royal Alexandra Hospital emergency department is launching a survey of homeless people in an attempt to find ways to better serve them. One suggestion... pay CFL players a living wage...





A University of Alberta dentistry professor has received a $1-million US grant to continue his research into restoring damaged dental roots using ultrasound and stem cells. The research will be carried out during the NHL season when subjects are readily available





Officials are upset when the ship loaded with refugees from Sri Lanka arrived in Victoria asking for asylum and not a single passenger was able to crack the Canadian National Soccer team line-up





People who collect celebrity memorabilia are anxiously awaiting the weekend, when props and costumes from the TV show Lost go up for auction. This is the second auction for Lost memorabilia after the Edmonton City Council offered equipment from their professional teams





This week represents the end of the Muslim holy month of Ramadan not to be confused with the end of the NFL training camp hook-ups which is known as the Ramada Throng



The Minnesota Twins removed pitcher Kevin Slowey in the 7th inning despite him throwing a no hitter up to that point. This contrasts the Pittsburgh Pirates who in order to remove a pitcher who has a no hitter going does so in the 2nd



A bull in Spain jumped into the stadium during a fight which was the most serious case of bull in a stadium since Mike Kelly left Winnipeg



Minnesota Vikings QB Brett Favre was escorted back to practice by 3 teammates a move which resonated with anyone who has elderly parents as they sometimes wander off and can’t find their way home...



The reason it took 3 players to get Favre back was made clear by team officials... one to pack his bags and 2 to help find the Blackberry his wife hid...



Favre says he decided to unretired in order to spend less time with his family and more quality time sexting the people he lusts



Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagovitch was found not guilty of selling valuable seats in Chicago. Jurors say they were swayed when some of the seats for sale were for Chicago Cubs World Series games



The Potash Corp is under a hostile takeover offer from an Australian company in what is sure to be the biggest battle for a fertilizer based product since LeBron took his talents to Miami





Top 5 rejected rules for the NHL

# 5 Replace the term icing with frosting

# 4 After 10 fights a player is promoted to MME

# 3 Blue lines widened to the thickness of Don Cherry’s collar

# 2 Instigator rule applies if fights don’t start with “Mother may I?”

# 1 Stick curves to be measured against groupies curves