Teats Up!

Two massage therapists have sued Brett Favre claiming he texted him for a hook up after a rub down. The texts were said to be highly sexual and worst of all were done from a hands free devise. Favre says he was only kidding… kind of like a pump fake

A town in Arkansas is trying to figure out why thousands of birds fell from the sky on New Year’s Day. Scientists are baffled saying the only similar phenomenon they have seen is Canadian Leafs dropping like flies in January

One theory is the birds were hit by fireworks from the New Year’s celebration. Ornithologists say birds eventually discover a new flight pattern to avoid celebrations which is why they tend to fly over Toronto during any pro teams playoffs.

The Art Gallery of Alberta has removed its ban on breastfeeding saying it was following the lead of the Provinces NHL teams who have spent most of the year sucking the hind teat.

Roger Goodell the head of the NFL sent 5 million email messages to fans advising them of their position in the upcoming negotiations. Asked why he didn’t text them Goodell said they have a firm policy for texting

NY Jets coach Rex Ryan reacting to past defeats from Payton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts says the game is personal and he won’t pussy foot around with him. In addition he feels like a heel for letting him walk all over them and will do some sole searching to find a way to step it up on his arch rival.

EA Sports is updating the gaming platform for Tiger Woods 12 by inserting a hole from Augusta National and a Ho from Hooters International

A homeless recovering addict man has been offered a job with the Cleveland Cavaliers as an announcer. The job has opened up a bunch of other offers and there is unconfirmed reports he may look to ply his trade in Miami. He insists he loves Cleveland and will make up his mind on a radio show called The Destitution