Mr. Sandman buy me a team

Officials are still having trouble determining if South African runner Caster Semenya is male or female. Tests so far are inconclusive and as a last resort are waiting to see if Travis Henry will accept a conjujical visit.

The NHL has tendered an offer to buy the Phoenix Coyotes. The offer is far less than the one given by Jim Balsillie as Commissioner Gary Bettman says he’s a little short at the moment.

The NHL says it is not in a conflict of interest and as a show of good faith to the other teams plans to ice the same shoddy product as in the past.

The IOC says they will help Vancouver with any shortfalls in their Olympic budget. They plan to raise the money by asking delegates to donate 10% of the bribes and graft they have been given in the past.

Louisville coach Rick Pitino says the sex scandal has been hell for his family and worst of all has totally ruined all you can eat Wednesdays for them.

Calgary Flames coach Brent Sutter gave a motivational talk to rodeo athletes before they left for the world championships in Brazil. Brent stressed teamwork, focus and most of all brand loyalty.

Police are questioning Oakland Raiders Head Coach Tom Cable after an altercation between him and assistant coach Randy Hanson ended with Hanson being hospitalized with a broken face. Cable denies any wrong doing and then beat up the reporter who asked the question.

A source in Minnesota says Vikings players are divided on the signing of Brett Favre with some saying they think he will help the team and others who are still trying to get an autograph.

San Francisco rookie Michael Crabtree wants $ 23 million in guaranteed money. He says it is his duty to hold out in order to help stimulate the stripper economy his version of cash for knockers.

Top 5 stipulations in the NHL bid to buy the Phoenix Coyotes
# 5 Judge must drink the Kool-Aid before reading the bid
# 4 Creditors accept autograph pictures of Shane Doan in lieu of cash
# 3 Arena to be re-named Jobbed.com
# 2 No Blackberries to be allowed in Phoenix
# 1 Potential owners must be no taller than 5’4”

The Grass is greener...

Blue Bombers QB Stephan Lefors has been asked to take a pay cut of $60,000 because he is no longer the starting QB. No word on if Coach Mike Kelly is losing any money for coaching like an assistant.

Bernie Madeoff is applying to the NHL for a prison franchise after getting glowing recommendations from the Gary Bettman and the Board of Directors. The deal is contingent with NY State officials moving the prison to Phoenix.

I have Mats Sundin in my NHL pool but it is in the shallow end.

The NCAA has wiped out the record of Memphis after their coach was hit with recruiting violations. The process is similar to Leafs fans forgetting the last 5 years ever happened, but with more drugs and hookers.

Tampa Bay Lightening owners are facing economic problems due to bad investments and a tanking real estate market. Things have gotten so bad one of them will leave and try to buy the Phoenix franchise.

Can you use pop bottles as collateral for an NHL franchise?

Dany Heatley says he won’t sign with Edmonton because he wants options and he has already been in one car wreck so why kill his career over it?

Is it possible to trade Heatley to Winnipeg and have the Bombers cut his salary?

Dwayne De Rosario says he will leave Toronto FC unless they get better grass coincidentally the same reason Rickey Williams gave for leaving the Miami Dolphins.

The Jamaican men’s relay team failed to set another world record prompting call for drug testing to determine why.