My thanks to Cam Hutchinson for supporting this creation. Cheers DJW

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Mr. Sandman buy me a team

Officials are still having trouble determining if South African runner Caster Semenya is male or female. Tests so far are inconclusive and as a last resort are waiting to see if Travis Henry will accept a conjujical visit.

The NHL has tendered an offer to buy the Phoenix Coyotes. The offer is far less than the one given by Jim Balsillie as Commissioner Gary Bettman says he’s a little short at the moment.

The NHL says it is not in a conflict of interest and as a show of good faith to the other teams plans to ice the same shoddy product as in the past.

The IOC says they will help Vancouver with any shortfalls in their Olympic budget. They plan to raise the money by asking delegates to donate 10% of the bribes and graft they have been given in the past.

Louisville coach Rick Pitino says the sex scandal has been hell for his family and worst of all has totally ruined all you can eat Wednesdays for them.

Calgary Flames coach Brent Sutter gave a motivational talk to rodeo athletes before they left for the world championships in Brazil. Brent stressed teamwork, focus and most of all brand loyalty.

Police are questioning Oakland Raiders Head Coach Tom Cable after an altercation between him and assistant coach Randy Hanson ended with Hanson being hospitalized with a broken face. Cable denies any wrong doing and then beat up the reporter who asked the question.

A source in Minnesota says Vikings players are divided on the signing of Brett Favre with some saying they think he will help the team and others who are still trying to get an autograph.

San Francisco rookie Michael Crabtree wants $ 23 million in guaranteed money. He says it is his duty to hold out in order to help stimulate the stripper economy his version of cash for knockers.

Top 5 stipulations in the NHL bid to buy the Phoenix Coyotes
# 5 Judge must drink the Kool-Aid before reading the bid
# 4 Creditors accept autograph pictures of Shane Doan in lieu of cash
# 3 Arena to be re-named Jobbed.com
# 2 No Blackberries to be allowed in Phoenix
# 1 Potential owners must be no taller than 5’4”

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