Stroke Play!

A new drug has been developed that has been shown to help increase memory functions of mice. The drug is said to be successful except the mice still refuse to admit they were injected by their trainers.

Michael Phelps was in the news when a stripper said she had a 3- some with Phelps and another woman that lasted over 3 hours. Asked to comment his coach said he was happy that Michael was finally devoting some time to improving his stroke.

Kentucky Derby winner Mine that Bird must have felt jilted when the jockey that rode him to victory flipped him the bird for another mount in the Preakness.

A member of the International Olympic Committee is being investigated for taking kickbacks from marketing deals with the IIHF. Asked to comment IOC officials were stunned saying they had no idea anyone in their organization worked for their bribes.

After being caught taking female fertility drugs Dodgers slugger Manny Ramirez was saddened by his suspension but said he will be back in time for the season’s second trimester.

This is May sweeps week for TV shows with the season finale of House, Lost and Hockey Night in Canada.

Miss California defended herself against allegations she knowingly had topless pictures of herself taken saying the wind was to blame and vowed never to pose in the right field of Yankee Stadium again.

Sean Avery has been hired by the NHL radio network to give his opinions on the playoffs. This is an attempt to give Avery a forum and at the same time pay for part of his anger management program.

It is hoped the stuff coming out of Avery’s mouth will be drowned out by all the other idiot shock jocks on the air.

The Phoenix Coyotes are having a rally to support keeping their team and as in a clever marketing hook are trying to see if they can break the record for the most people in a phone booth.

New NFL Players Association executive director DeMaurice Smith has finally signed his contract and says the delay was due to discrepancies in his B sample signature.

The NHL has determined Carolina Panthers forward Scott Walker didn’t deserve a suspension for his sucker punch on Boston Bruins defenseman Aaron Ward. They say after reviewing the tapes with officials from the RCMP it was possible a stapler was involved.
Toronto Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke is trying desperately to trade up in the draft to get John Taverres saying no player is untouchable especially the ones who didn’t get touched all of last year.

The girlfriend of Dallas Mavericks star Dirk Nowitzki who is under arrest for services fraud has been linked to other professional athletes. Former Dallas Star forward Sean Avery is being questioned to see if she was one of his exes.

Top 3 least popular Mothers Day gifts
# 3 Court side seats with Mark Cuban
# 2 A conjical visit with Travis Henry
# 1 Being introduced to your daughters new fiancée Sean Avery

I thought they had outlawed torture in Washington but I guess nobody told the Pittsburgh Penguins.