March out like a Lion

Pittsburgh Penguins forward Matt Cooke is in trouble with the league again for another shot to the head of an opponent. Under the new rules Cooke will be expected to say he is sorry and could be remorseful for up to a week.

It’s difficult to say what is more disturbing, to watch hockey when it is summer or baseball when it is winter. They say spring is on the way when March comes in like a lion. What happens if it comes in like a Detroit Lion all bark and no bite?

A man who was kicked out of a Halifax bar says he has lost his sense of taste. For proof he has shown the judge his latest purchase a vintage Vancouver Canuck yellow and black jersey.

Top 5 signs your March Madness bracket is toast
# 5 Picked you teams based on personality
# 4 Filled your bracket with teams high in morals and integrity
# 3 Your #1 in the draw pick excels academically
# 2 The star freshman from your #1 pick is living up to his name
# 1 Your wife has picked more winners than you

In a sudden reversal Saskatchewan Roughrider mascot Gainer the Gopher has decided to be called a groundhog and now predicts 25 more weeks of winter.

The Conservative Government had a difficult issue this budget. To give $450 million to the Quebec NHL bid or piss off every other Canadian. The complaint from Canadians is the Government will be giving money to billionaires to pay millionaires to play a game. One budget proposal to alleviate this concern was to have a hot dog vendor apply for a $450 million site improvement loan. The idea was nixed when it was discovered they could not find a hot dog stand in Quebec that wasn’t owned by a billionaire. In Toronto Rogers Communication and MLSE officials demanded the witch hunt against the price of hot dogs stop. Out of concern for the Quebec hot dog vendorhood, both companies will donate $.10 from the sale of each special edition $49.95 hot dog will go towards the cost of making it all go away.

I know it is not something we all want to talk about and highly unpopular in Calgary but I am really supportive of the Quebec City NHL arena money. If memory serves the Calgary Flames received a lot of “Infrastructure” funding during the Liberal governments of the ‘70’s and ‘80’s that went into luxury box upgrades and more composite sticks. Fans in Canada (OK Vancouver sorry) have been given nothing but pain and unmet dreams of mediocrity. The suffering should be shared equally by Quebec.
A spokesman for the Quebec “council pour artistique financial independence”, when told of the Quebec City NHL bid and request for $450 million asked for more money for his plate spinning group.

The University of Calgary held a night in support of homelessness where students slept on the floor or as CFL players call it training camp.

The new Wonder Woman costume was unveiled and was immediately panned by Toronto sports broadcast legend Bob McCowan who dismissed it as not being sporty enough.

A 500 lb escaped felon was captured ion Alberta this week. Police say he tried to blend in by passing himself off as an offensive tackle for the Edmonton Eskimos.

Global News' Mark McAllister is feeling better after a scary moment during Monday night's broadcast. McAllister was wrapping up a piece on Libya when he began speaking in gibberish. A spokesman for Global says the reporter was merely trying to establish his credentials for a new talk sport show.

The defense in Barry Bonds steroid trial says they were unaware of the drugs being injected into the former slugger and maintain the unusual growth of his body and most noticeably his noggin were due to him getting a fat head over his greatness.

Bonds says he will now enter politics and throw his hat into the ring causing other candidate to wonder if they might have to make the ring bigger.