Poligans

Barack Obama held a huge rally in Oregon that was like The Champions Cup Final with 75,000 fans singing their fight songs with no real goals to speak of.

What a week for epic finals with Manchester vs Chelsea for the Champions cup, Penguins vs Red Wings for the Stanley Cup and David vs David for the Karaokee Cup.

Losing the Champions Cup must have been a slap in the face for Chelsea’s Didier Drogba.

With the youthful Pittsburgh Penguins in the final the NHL has decided to capitalize on it by putting the final on Tele-Tunes.

CNN followed a burning expensive house in California for more time than they have with Asian survivors of natural disasters pleading for tents or as the Toronto Sports Network calls it fair and balanced journalism.

William Shatner is reporting in his autobiography that Don Cherry was in a play with him at Stratford and even then he was trying to get the Roman Soldiers to stop wearing visors.

The City of Calgary is accepting applications to recycle the trash with private companies including it is rumoured a bid from Miami Dolphins coach Tony Soparano.

A Big Carbon Footprint

Dwayne Wade has bought his mom a Church so now technically the Miami Heat have a prayer next year.

Amputee sprinter Oscar Pistorius was cleared to run against able bodied athletes and says he will try to get into the Olympics with every carbon fibre of his being.

In attempt to keep Pistorius from running Olympic officials are now claiming his entry would not be environmentally friendly because he leaves a huge carbon footprint

After playing the new Nintendo Wii Fit Games I have to give my fitness level two really, really big thumbs up.

It seems some latex gloves used in medical, dental and sports procedures have bugs imbedded in them. Bummer!

The US and the NY Yankees seem to be modeled on each other. They both have cartoonish father/son dynasties, spend enormous money on offensive weapons and declare mission accomplished despite all evidence to the contrary.

In order to help with the lottery draft the officials with the Chicago Bulls wore lucky thongs to help the balls drop in their favour.

Headline on the retirement of Mike Piazza “Piazza to Go”

Statistics Canada says US tourism has fallen in the last few years especially ones named Stanley.

Triple Crown contender Big Brown has a “mysterious” white spot just above his rib cage that some say marks him for greatness. This mark has been seen on the ribs of NHL player Keith Tkachuk but was found to be from eating too many White Spot hamburgers.

It seems one of the girls in the bondage sex scandal with F! Chief Max Mosley was married to a British MI5 Agent which might explain him saying on the tape “My name is Bound... James Bound”.

A group of women ski jumpers are suing to be included in the Olympic Games a move that they admit takes a leap of faith.

After seeing all the bribery and sexual corruption allegation against Olympic Officials it appears this will be the first group of women that won’t be allowed to jump them.

The Tampa Bay Rays introduced a group of tubby male cheerleaders this year and if they keep playing the way they are will soon hire fat ladies to sing to the other teams.

Not so quiet on the Eastern Front!

Former CFL quarterback Matt Dunigan has a new show on the Food Network called Road Grill and by the looks of his physique he has a secret sauce or two.

NHL tough guy Chris Simon has agreed to play in the new Russian Hockey League and will change his name to Boris Breakitoff.

A 7 year old baseball player in Massachusetts was benched because his mom didn’t work the concession stand a rare case of a boy not getting to first base because his mom wouldn’t handle the wieners.

The Indianapolis 500 has a Bump Day which is the last chance to qualify for the event not to be confused with when Travis Henry’s newest girlfriend begins to show.

A new CD commemorating 40 years of futility for the Toronto Maple Leafs has been released with a working title, “The Chronicles of Nada”.

The Alberta Government has decided to shut down the Regional Health Authorities and centralize the urgent care services in the Edmonton Oilers dressing room.

Tiger Woods was named one of the fittest men in the world and then was quickly put on injured reserved.

Barack Obama was voted one of the world’s fittest men and yet he still can’t finish the victory lap.

Top 3 signs you might not make the list of fittest men

# 3 You got winded reading the names of the winners

# 2 You decide to watch Oprah because the remote is too far away

# 1 The most used piece of exercise equipment you own is a defibrillator

Federal Defence Minister Peter MacKay is playing for the Nova Scotia Keltics a club rugby team and says the scrums at Parliament Hill are tougher because they always hit below the belt.

A photographer was speared by a javelin at a track and field meet the first time a person from the paparazzi has got the point.

The WWE has suspended wrestler Darren Matthews for drug violations although they refused to say what drug the 6’ 450 lb. Matthews was taking.

The parents of a boy who was struck in the head by a ball hit from a metal bat is suing the manufacturer saying there is ample evidence aluminum can lead to memory loss.

Parti On!

NY Yankee Jason Giambi says he wears a gold thong to break slumps or as Marv Albert calls it evening wear.

Giambi didn’t want to have the information made public saying it was a secret between him and Victoria.

A Japanese man has invented a solar powered bra and when Roger Clemens saw it his eyes just lit up.

Cleveland Browns offensive lineman Ryan Tucker broke his hip during practice or as Chris Chelios called it his greatest nightmare.

I didn’t know Steven Spielberg was a hockey fan but the original title to the new Indiana Jones movie was Indiana Jones and the Lost Ratings.

Elvis Stojko, who failed to win an Olympic gold medal, can still climb up on his podium to tell other athletes not to go to the Games.

Not sure what possessed Canadian Autumn Kelly to marry into the Royal family until I saw a picture of her after she had got hit in the head with a puck.

Prince Charles was very interested in Autumn talking about her adventures as a hockey player saying “I’m all ears”.

The Sikh religion celebrated their 309^th year and coincidentally the end of the 1^st Cricket game ever played.

Disgraced NBA referee Tim Donaghy could face up to 20 years in prison for betting on games he officiated and will probably need more than a whistle to stop the impending hard fouls.

The Huston Astros refused to get into a war of words with Baseball Canada saying they didn’t want to engage in any Clapp Trap.

The Government of Myanmar has told the Canadian Government they don’t need help with their national disaster reminding them they have never said a word about the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Stephen Harper might not be forthcoming during Question Period but he did pretty well answering questions about the Russia Canada first period.

Harper said he was dismayed by all the elbowing, bickering and cheap shots but was happy to be away from Ottawa to see the game.

TSN wanted to have Don Cherry for the Canada Russia game but were stymied by Quebec language laws that state a public figure must know at least one of the official languages.

I thought all the whistling during the Canada Russia game was to show disapproval by European fans but it turned out to be Canadian men showing approval for the beautiful Quebec women.

The new Russian Hockey League says they will have a salary cap to avoid their dreams turning to ruble.

The Parti Québécois is claiming they have massive support for separation citing chants of “Go Canada Go” during the World Hockey Championships in Quebec City.

A documentary on Mike Tyson at the Cannes Film Festival was very well received with many heavy hitters in attendance.

It must have been a tossup after the Canada Russia game between playing Queens “We are the champions” or “Bohemian Rhapsody.

My favourite Russian right winger is a tie between Vladimir Putin and Alexander Ovechkin.