Plowed to the Max

The Oakland Raiders justified their selection of Terrelle Pryor in the supplemental draft saying his immature indiscretions with the Law would balance the more mature indiscretions of the team in general.

Cincinnati management was outraged because they thought the fix was to go their way and threatened to put a cap in someone’s ass if it wasn’t changed. The official tat of the capping is trademarked PT Patent Threatened!

Giving a 69 year old with wife a related illness control of the team is a risky matter. The condition Idon’twanttoliveinsaskatchewan is rampant and only the affliction Idon’twanttoliveinedmonton has a higher degree of infection than the wives of coaches working in Saskatchewan. Team officials with both the Riders and Oilers unofficially stated the obvious when they released a statement praising the patience and tolerance or the wives and promising to construct condo’s near the airport... like soon.

Do you know if you play the fight song to the Indianapolis Colts backwards it spells Bret Favre.

The CFL has a history of employing wise, innovative, dedicated men to run many of the great teams and revive moribund franchises which is such a contrast to the idiocy of the legislative process. They should swap places and have CFL executives and coaches in the White House, House of Representatives and Senate. The world would look a whole lot different if the US Chairman of Fed was Angelo Moska, Ken Miller was Chief of Staff and Nancy Pelosi was Commissioner of the CFL.

A planet 4000 light years from earth has been discovered and believed to be covered with diamonds. Astronomers say the planet is carbon rich and they play to name the body Kobe’s Apology.

Former NFL and MLB player Bo Jackson is now the part owner of a Bank. It turns out Bo know credit default swap mortgage backed derivatives as well as baseball.

A sea lion rescued on the west coast of Vancouver Island is in critical condition and hopes for recovery are said to be less than the BC Lions chances for a playoff. Nothing against Se Lions but when did our health care system become transformed as an animal hospital? Natives have other words for a wounded Sea Lion… lunch and a coat.
Over $1 million in Blackberry phones were stolen from a warehouse in Ontario. The thieves were very professional with one Police official calling the robbery Text Book.

Oilsands protesters are planning a gathering in Ottawa and hope to get to the event using hope, love and Unicorn tears for fuel. The protestors say they will have sit downs and local events once they are unable to travel due to lack of oil.

There's a baby boom in Calgary, with the city expecting a record 18,000 births this year. Officials say the youthful population, strong economy and recent visits from NBA players among the reasons.

Calgarians who were upset the NDP under Jack Layton used their City and resources to score political points in Quebec were still planning to attend his funeral. According to a spokesman for the group they just wanted to make sure he was dead.

The Calgary Stampeders vow to get to the bottom of a tweet that landed quarterback Henry Burris in hot water saying sexist taunts have no place outside of normal groupie chat.

A farmer in Saskatchewan is rumored to be the lucky winner of $40 million in the Lotto Max draw. Asked what he plans to do with the winnings the new millionaire said he will just keep farming until it is all gone.

SaskTel has been ordered to make changes in how it collects information from sick workers after an arbitrator ruled the company was not respecting employee privacy. The ruling validated workers claims for missing work due to Rider Fever.

A tax credit is now available for Saskatchewan families with children studying arts. This has led to a rush in classes offering watermelon carving, face painting and opponent taunting.