Top 5 signs TSN wants you for their NHL playoff panel
# 5 As GM your last 1st round pick finished 2nd in scoring for the Molson Muscle of the Toronto Beer League
# 4 As a coach you watched over 200 playoff games, most in High Definition
# 3 As a GM you found a way to go over the salary cap before there was one and still miss the playoffs
# 2 As a player you defined the terms goon, healthy scratch and sieve
# 1 Your haircut looks better than Pierre McGuire
Former NY Knicks coach Isaiah Thomas has landed a job with Florida International College. The contract is for 5 years and includes a base salary, incentives and freshman assistants that can’t spell harassment.
TSN (Toronto Sports Network) will broadcast the Flames/Blackhawks playoff round after getting the third choice after CBC. When asked what it would be like to broadcast a Canadian team for the first time officials with the network were stunned saying they didn’t know Canada had purchased Chicago.
Leafs GM Brian Burke says he wants to win and have a parade to which forward Juri Thirsti added “and I would be proud to lead it”.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
This relationship had a shot!
A woman recently went to hospital and found she had a bullet in her head for 12 years and when asked about it said she always knew her relationship with Plaxico Burris had a shot to succeed.
Tough viewing choice on Sunday, do I watch the old men compete for the world curling championship or the old fat men compete for golf`s biggest prize?
I guess it was fitting Angel Cabrera won the Masters on Easter Sunday as it was obvious he got up early to finish off the chocolate eggs.
Sprinter Usain Bolt said “when you are a child in Jamaica you learn how to roll a joint” which is part of the Governments “No leaf left behind program”.
With Bolt and Michael Phelps getting caught up in smoking pot the cloud hanging over the coming world championships won’t be one of suspicion.
Due to salary cap restrictions the Calgary Flames were forced to play the last 3 games with 15 instead of 18 skaters. The worst part according to team officials was they lost out on the extra air miles.
Toronto Maple Leafs coach Ron Wilson says the team will be worse next year and won’t start competing until sometime in 2011. Asked to comment Leaf fans agreed noting this was when his contract was due to expire.
Chris Bosh took the microphone during the last game of the year for the Raptors and when asked if the team would get better passed the question to Ron Wilson.
Despite only losing 5 games this year the coach of the Canadian women’s Olympic hockey team says she should quit because it’s all about winning. Asked to comment Ron Wilson called her a loser.
The Toronto Blue Jays got off to a 5-1 start the best they have done in over 10 years. Asked if they could keep up the pace team officials referred the question to Ron Wilson.
English football team Chelsea says manager Guus Hiddink won't be returning to the club next season despite doing a "great job," and staying near the top of the league standings. Asked to comment Ron Wilson said the English are nuts.
The USA has named Ron Wilson as the coach for the 2010 Olympic hockey team. Wilson says he doesn’t expect much from the team but they will really suck in 2014.
Former Detroit Tigers pitcher Mark (The Bird) Fidrych was found dead on his farm this week. Officials say the death appears to be accidental but as of yet have not ruled out fowl play.
The NHL held their annual lottery with the Tampa Bay Lightening considering trading their selection for a few Lotto 649 tickets.
NY Yankees Alex Rodriguez began workouts to rehabilitate his hip and team officials hope he will be in mid-April condition in time for October.
The price for the Buffalo Bills tickets in Toronto has been released and they are much lower than last year. Officials with Rogers Communication who have the rights to the game say this is a result of the recession, poor demand last year and the sudden realization they got stiffed.
Rogers say the tickets will be delivered to purchasers and ask they wait at home to get them sometime between 9:00 AM – 5:00PM.
The Toronto Rock were eliminated from playoff contention earlier this week as per their contract to be a professional team in Toronto.
The Toronto Marlies say ticket sales for the upcoming playoffs are slow with and most people who call have the same question “Is this an April Fools prank?”
The Argos, Leafs, Raptors, Rock and Blue Jays all missed out on the playoffs the past year. Officials with the City are worried they may not retain their World Class designation and are now going to hand out participation medals.
The NHL has decided to play the next outdoor game at Fenway Park in Boston and as a nod to the Red Sox will allow Jason Bay to play goal.
The Government of Saskatchewan is looking into options for the aging Mosaic field in Regina. Plans are to upgrade the stadium or move it to a larger population of people from Saskatchewan, like Calgary.
French drug testing official were suspicious when Lance Armstrong made them wait for 20 minutes while he showered and it wasn’t even Saturday.
Former NFL player Michael Vick has been returned to prison despite saying he has not finished his bankruptcy proceedings because his dog ate the paperwork.
The Government of Alberta has raised taxes on liquor saying they might be able to balance the budget if Oilers fans will cooperate and drown their sorrows.
Canada has moved up to 89th in the world rankings for FIFA keeping us in line to challenge Zambia for a Top 80 ranking.
The Calgary Flames had to play with 16 forwards because injuries put them against the Salary Cap. The bad news was they were down 2 skaters, the good news is the players out improved their + and – stats. The problem started when they traded for 2 expensive players at the deadline, just another reason Alberta is against a Cap and Trade policy.
Tough viewing choice on Sunday, do I watch the old men compete for the world curling championship or the old fat men compete for golf`s biggest prize?
I guess it was fitting Angel Cabrera won the Masters on Easter Sunday as it was obvious he got up early to finish off the chocolate eggs.
Sprinter Usain Bolt said “when you are a child in Jamaica you learn how to roll a joint” which is part of the Governments “No leaf left behind program”.
With Bolt and Michael Phelps getting caught up in smoking pot the cloud hanging over the coming world championships won’t be one of suspicion.
Due to salary cap restrictions the Calgary Flames were forced to play the last 3 games with 15 instead of 18 skaters. The worst part according to team officials was they lost out on the extra air miles.
Toronto Maple Leafs coach Ron Wilson says the team will be worse next year and won’t start competing until sometime in 2011. Asked to comment Leaf fans agreed noting this was when his contract was due to expire.
Chris Bosh took the microphone during the last game of the year for the Raptors and when asked if the team would get better passed the question to Ron Wilson.
Despite only losing 5 games this year the coach of the Canadian women’s Olympic hockey team says she should quit because it’s all about winning. Asked to comment Ron Wilson called her a loser.
The Toronto Blue Jays got off to a 5-1 start the best they have done in over 10 years. Asked if they could keep up the pace team officials referred the question to Ron Wilson.
English football team Chelsea says manager Guus Hiddink won't be returning to the club next season despite doing a "great job," and staying near the top of the league standings. Asked to comment Ron Wilson said the English are nuts.
The USA has named Ron Wilson as the coach for the 2010 Olympic hockey team. Wilson says he doesn’t expect much from the team but they will really suck in 2014.
Former Detroit Tigers pitcher Mark (The Bird) Fidrych was found dead on his farm this week. Officials say the death appears to be accidental but as of yet have not ruled out fowl play.
The NHL held their annual lottery with the Tampa Bay Lightening considering trading their selection for a few Lotto 649 tickets.
NY Yankees Alex Rodriguez began workouts to rehabilitate his hip and team officials hope he will be in mid-April condition in time for October.
The price for the Buffalo Bills tickets in Toronto has been released and they are much lower than last year. Officials with Rogers Communication who have the rights to the game say this is a result of the recession, poor demand last year and the sudden realization they got stiffed.
Rogers say the tickets will be delivered to purchasers and ask they wait at home to get them sometime between 9:00 AM – 5:00PM.
The Toronto Rock were eliminated from playoff contention earlier this week as per their contract to be a professional team in Toronto.
The Toronto Marlies say ticket sales for the upcoming playoffs are slow with and most people who call have the same question “Is this an April Fools prank?”
The Argos, Leafs, Raptors, Rock and Blue Jays all missed out on the playoffs the past year. Officials with the City are worried they may not retain their World Class designation and are now going to hand out participation medals.
The NHL has decided to play the next outdoor game at Fenway Park in Boston and as a nod to the Red Sox will allow Jason Bay to play goal.
The Government of Saskatchewan is looking into options for the aging Mosaic field in Regina. Plans are to upgrade the stadium or move it to a larger population of people from Saskatchewan, like Calgary.
French drug testing official were suspicious when Lance Armstrong made them wait for 20 minutes while he showered and it wasn’t even Saturday.
Former NFL player Michael Vick has been returned to prison despite saying he has not finished his bankruptcy proceedings because his dog ate the paperwork.
The Government of Alberta has raised taxes on liquor saying they might be able to balance the budget if Oilers fans will cooperate and drown their sorrows.
Canada has moved up to 89th in the world rankings for FIFA keeping us in line to challenge Zambia for a Top 80 ranking.
The Calgary Flames had to play with 16 forwards because injuries put them against the Salary Cap. The bad news was they were down 2 skaters, the good news is the players out improved their + and – stats. The problem started when they traded for 2 expensive players at the deadline, just another reason Alberta is against a Cap and Trade policy.
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