Leaving David Beckham on the bench for the first half of a critical Euro League Soccer game would be like sitting Wayne Gretzky for an important Olympic shootout.
England losing in an important soccer match is like Toronto losing in an important hockey game, expected.
Seeing the best sailing race in the world being postponed by lawyers fighting over the rules I finally see why it is called America’s Cup.
The Royal Bank of Canada is suing former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick over money he is supposed to owe them. A spokesperson for Vick say that the amount is so small it is not worth kibbling over.
OJ Simpson is going to trial over sports memorabilia, Pete Rose is being persecuted for signing baseballs saying I”I cheated” and Barry Bonds is going to face his former collectable partner in court over his alleged perjury. Going to jail as a result of sports paraphernalia is the new signing of the times.
One of the people scheduled to testify about Bonds steroid use is his ex girlfriend who is in a unique position to discuss shrinkage.
Seeing Saskatchewan Roughriders quarterback Kerry Joseph agree to take a $150,000 pay cut to play for the team makes me remember what sports is all about, playing a game for a still ridiculous amount of money. Kerry said he was happy to take the pay cut and is just hoping the officials with the Riders gave him the actual negatives.
Asked if he would take a huge pay cut Calgary Stampeders quarterback Henry Burris said he just wants to focus on the Grey Cup and then leave for a 2 month holiday. The other quarterbacks in the league couldn’t be reached for comment as they were busy sticking Kerry Joseph Voodoo Dolls with pins.
The sentencing of former NY Mets clubhouse drug dealer Kirk Radomski has been re-scheduled until later in December. Asked why the delay prosecutors were reported to have said they just wanted something for Barry Bonds Christmas stocking.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
1st Down and Looong!
Top 3 Signs your prison cellmate was a pro football player
#3 Before a rampage asks prisoners to huddle up
#2 When asked to pass the shiv tells you to go long
#1 Has spent time in solitary for illegal use of the hands
Mike Tyson was issued standard pink underwear for his one day stay in prison despite his insistence he was a boxer man. The prison Tyson was in is located next to a dog pound or as Michael Vick called it Hell.
Green Bay Packers are denying reports they offered a bounty for defensive players instead calling it a head tax. In a related story the Edmonton Oilers are denying reports they offer players incentives to live in Edmonton.
Tennessee Titans suspended defensive lineman Packman Jones is defending himself against allegations he started a fight with a teammate earlier this week. According to Jones he was just trying to keep himself in playing shape.
Toronto Maple Leafs GM John Ferguson Jr. is pointing out his recent draft success especially seeing the potential in goalie Tuukka Rask.
After years of waiting for a Grey Cup Saskatchewan Roughrider fans are hoping to hear the theme song from deliverance on Sunday.
In an effort to crack down on drug use in Canada the Government has come up with new laws that include stiffer sentences, more dedicated police and a regulation limiting the number of NFL stars allowed on the Toronto Argonauts.
#3 Before a rampage asks prisoners to huddle up
#2 When asked to pass the shiv tells you to go long
#1 Has spent time in solitary for illegal use of the hands
Mike Tyson was issued standard pink underwear for his one day stay in prison despite his insistence he was a boxer man. The prison Tyson was in is located next to a dog pound or as Michael Vick called it Hell.
Green Bay Packers are denying reports they offered a bounty for defensive players instead calling it a head tax. In a related story the Edmonton Oilers are denying reports they offer players incentives to live in Edmonton.
Tennessee Titans suspended defensive lineman Packman Jones is defending himself against allegations he started a fight with a teammate earlier this week. According to Jones he was just trying to keep himself in playing shape.
Toronto Maple Leafs GM John Ferguson Jr. is pointing out his recent draft success especially seeing the potential in goalie Tuukka Rask.
After years of waiting for a Grey Cup Saskatchewan Roughrider fans are hoping to hear the theme song from deliverance on Sunday.
In an effort to crack down on drug use in Canada the Government has come up with new laws that include stiffer sentences, more dedicated police and a regulation limiting the number of NFL stars allowed on the Toronto Argonauts.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Going for Green
After leaking the news that they were going to replace Coach Tom Higgins with John Huffnagel before the start of their playoff game the Calgary Stampeders are now saying they will not officially announce the signing until after the Grey Cup. This will give the team time to get all three rings of the circus in order.
The St. Louis Blues are creating a bronze statue of Al MacInnis which will still be more difficult to get around than the Calgary Flames defense.
After signing a big money contract it appears Calgary Flames goalie Mikka Kipprusof has come down with (Roman) Tureks syndrome. The only difference between Tureks syndrome and Turrets syndrome is that the swearing comes from the fans.
Michael Vick turned himself in early for prison saying he hoped his actions would show that you can teach an old dog a new trick. Vick says he wanted to be in prison before Christmas to beat the Holiday rush.
Mike Tyson spent one day in jail for a DUI charge and later phoned Lindsay Lohan to swap prison tales. Asked how he was able to get out early Tyson said he managed to get the ear of the warden.
Toronto is fighting for the right to hold the 100th Grey Cup game but are asking for the game to be played at 8:00 AM so it doesn’t conflict with the NFL pre game show on TV.
I love how the “Big City” media are quick to jump on the Winnipeg-Saskatchewan fans as being dim, uncultured hicks unlike the refined fans from Edmonton, Montreal and Vancouver who nearly burned down their Cities while celebrating sporting events. I guess they are right because fans in the prairies tend to pick weeds instead of smoking them and drink coke instead of snorting it.
You have to wonder who are more gullible, fans from the prairies or refined scalpers from Toronto who hoped to make money buying Grey Cup tickets.
Seattle Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck received electrical stimulation on his ribs to help him play on Sunday prompting the RCMP to issue a press release extolling the health benefits of a good tasering.
Canadian Olympic Athletes will be rewarded if they finish with a medal in upcoming games. Gold medals will be worth $20,000, silver $ 15,000 and bronze $ 10,000 while those finishing 4th will be scorned for their lack of patriotism. Olympic officials say they wanted to extend an olive branch to winners but they demanded cash instead.
New slogan for Canada’s Olympic athletes “Who wants to be a Thousandaire?”
Olympic officials were divided on how to motivate athletes with some in favor of cash incentives for medals and others supporting the idea of increasing the deposit for returned bottles.
Asked how they would spend the money athletes in Saskatchewan said they would put it towards a house, in Manitoba they would buy a car and in B.C. they would get a tall mocachino non fat latte with extra foam.
A spokesperson for former PM Brian Mulroney was outraged saying to pay for performance goes against everything Mr. Mulroney stands for.
Top 3 Signs the Riders are in the Grey Cup
#3 Watermelons are considered the years best cash crop
#2 Toronto sports writers are running out of adjectives for hillbilly
#1 The last person leaving Sask. For Toronto is being asked to turn off the lights
The St. Louis Blues are creating a bronze statue of Al MacInnis which will still be more difficult to get around than the Calgary Flames defense.
After signing a big money contract it appears Calgary Flames goalie Mikka Kipprusof has come down with (Roman) Tureks syndrome. The only difference between Tureks syndrome and Turrets syndrome is that the swearing comes from the fans.
Michael Vick turned himself in early for prison saying he hoped his actions would show that you can teach an old dog a new trick. Vick says he wanted to be in prison before Christmas to beat the Holiday rush.
Mike Tyson spent one day in jail for a DUI charge and later phoned Lindsay Lohan to swap prison tales. Asked how he was able to get out early Tyson said he managed to get the ear of the warden.
Toronto is fighting for the right to hold the 100th Grey Cup game but are asking for the game to be played at 8:00 AM so it doesn’t conflict with the NFL pre game show on TV.
I love how the “Big City” media are quick to jump on the Winnipeg-Saskatchewan fans as being dim, uncultured hicks unlike the refined fans from Edmonton, Montreal and Vancouver who nearly burned down their Cities while celebrating sporting events. I guess they are right because fans in the prairies tend to pick weeds instead of smoking them and drink coke instead of snorting it.
You have to wonder who are more gullible, fans from the prairies or refined scalpers from Toronto who hoped to make money buying Grey Cup tickets.
Seattle Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck received electrical stimulation on his ribs to help him play on Sunday prompting the RCMP to issue a press release extolling the health benefits of a good tasering.
Canadian Olympic Athletes will be rewarded if they finish with a medal in upcoming games. Gold medals will be worth $20,000, silver $ 15,000 and bronze $ 10,000 while those finishing 4th will be scorned for their lack of patriotism. Olympic officials say they wanted to extend an olive branch to winners but they demanded cash instead.
New slogan for Canada’s Olympic athletes “Who wants to be a Thousandaire?”
Olympic officials were divided on how to motivate athletes with some in favor of cash incentives for medals and others supporting the idea of increasing the deposit for returned bottles.
Asked how they would spend the money athletes in Saskatchewan said they would put it towards a house, in Manitoba they would buy a car and in B.C. they would get a tall mocachino non fat latte with extra foam.
A spokesperson for former PM Brian Mulroney was outraged saying to pay for performance goes against everything Mr. Mulroney stands for.
Top 3 Signs the Riders are in the Grey Cup
#3 Watermelons are considered the years best cash crop
#2 Toronto sports writers are running out of adjectives for hillbilly
#1 The last person leaving Sask. For Toronto is being asked to turn off the lights
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