Going for Green

After leaking the news that they were going to replace Coach Tom Higgins with John Huffnagel before the start of their playoff game the Calgary Stampeders are now saying they will not officially announce the signing until after the Grey Cup. This will give the team time to get all three rings of the circus in order.

The St. Louis Blues are creating a bronze statue of Al MacInnis which will still be more difficult to get around than the Calgary Flames defense.

After signing a big money contract it appears Calgary Flames goalie Mikka Kipprusof has come down with (Roman) Tureks syndrome. The only difference between Tureks syndrome and Turrets syndrome is that the swearing comes from the fans.

Michael Vick turned himself in early for prison saying he hoped his actions would show that you can teach an old dog a new trick. Vick says he wanted to be in prison before Christmas to beat the Holiday rush.

Mike Tyson spent one day in jail for a DUI charge and later phoned Lindsay Lohan to swap prison tales. Asked how he was able to get out early Tyson said he managed to get the ear of the warden.

Toronto is fighting for the right to hold the 100th Grey Cup game but are asking for the game to be played at 8:00 AM so it doesn’t conflict with the NFL pre game show on TV.

I love how the “Big City” media are quick to jump on the Winnipeg-Saskatchewan fans as being dim, uncultured hicks unlike the refined fans from Edmonton, Montreal and Vancouver who nearly burned down their Cities while celebrating sporting events. I guess they are right because fans in the prairies tend to pick weeds instead of smoking them and drink coke instead of snorting it.

You have to wonder who are more gullible, fans from the prairies or refined scalpers from Toronto who hoped to make money buying Grey Cup tickets.

Seattle Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck received electrical stimulation on his ribs to help him play on Sunday prompting the RCMP to issue a press release extolling the health benefits of a good tasering.

Canadian Olympic Athletes will be rewarded if they finish with a medal in upcoming games. Gold medals will be worth $20,000, silver $ 15,000 and bronze $ 10,000 while those finishing 4th will be scorned for their lack of patriotism. Olympic officials say they wanted to extend an olive branch to winners but they demanded cash instead.

New slogan for Canada’s Olympic athletes “Who wants to be a Thousandaire?”

Olympic officials were divided on how to motivate athletes with some in favor of cash incentives for medals and others supporting the idea of increasing the deposit for returned bottles.

Asked how they would spend the money athletes in Saskatchewan said they would put it towards a house, in Manitoba they would buy a car and in B.C. they would get a tall mocachino non fat latte with extra foam.

A spokesperson for former PM Brian Mulroney was outraged saying to pay for performance goes against everything Mr. Mulroney stands for.

Top 3 Signs the Riders are in the Grey Cup
#3 Watermelons are considered the years best cash crop
#2 Toronto sports writers are running out of adjectives for hillbilly
#1 The last person leaving Sask. For Toronto is being asked to turn off the lights