Former Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi is under indictment for
hiring prostitutes in what is being called the Bunga Bunga Trial. This is not
to be confused with Coach Ron Wison of the Toronto Maple Leafs who is testing
the patience of fans with his Bungle Bungle system.
Most experts agree the winners on the NHL trade deadline
were experts hired to evaluate the trades. The losers were anyone who watched
the shows.
LA Lakers star Kobe Bryant was given a nasal laceration
during the All Star game after being hit by Miami Heat forward Dwayne Wade. Seriously
they are calling it a nasal fracture? What ever happened to the good old broken
nose? A league official says they want to make the game sound more interesting
so in the future players out with a severe case of the clap will now be listed
as Daisy to Daisy.
Canada's glitch-prone, second-hand submarines will be with
the navy until at least 2030 which means they will drown the record of being
underwater currently held by the Toronto Raptors.
With both the Toronto Maple Leafs and Calgary Flames losing
during nights to honour past accomplishments management is taking a stand. They
promise not to do anything worth celebrating that will cause undue pressure on
future teams.
Top 5 signs you were a loser at the NHL trade deadline
# 5 Your new address is in Ohio
# 4 You were traded for a stick boy and 20 rolls of tape
# 3 The team owner commits you saying you are a danger to
yourself and others
# 2 Mike Millbury has nothing but praise for you
And the #1 sign you were a loser at the trade deadline…
At next year’s GM meeting you have to wear the dunce hat…
The Calgary Flames have been badly outshot in the last 10
games. To put it in perspective they have been outshot more than Bonnie and
Clyde, 50 Cent and Custer combined. Goalie Mikka Kiprusoff has faced more
rubber than a NBA All-star Game groupie.
Watching Derrick Williams fail to dunk nine straight times
in the NBA All Star game was like sitting in a Tim Horton’s watching a drunk
fail to dunk his donut in a double-double… nine times.
A book excerpt by Tiger Williams swing coach says he wanted
to be a Navy Seal. At least that is what he thought he said when Tiger mentioned
how much fun it was to skin dive.
A Kansas University basketball coach is advising his player
to leave college if they feel they can get drafted in the NBA. Republican
contender Rick Santorum gave his blessings saying only snobs and Democrats
wasted their life in pursuit of learning.
The lead singer for the Monkees Davey Jones has died which
means the only thing left from the swinging ‘60’s is the haircut of Pete Rose.
The world record for longest paper airplane toss was beat
this week but the record for coasting on hot air is still held by Brian Burke.
The Calgary Flames have lost over 300 man games to injury
this year. To put that in perspective it takes over 100 man games to do an
actual day of work in the real world.
British athletes are being advised to avoid shaking hands
with opponents at the upcoming Olympic Games to avoid getting sick. To avoid
being considered poor sports athletes are being told to fist bump, salute or
add their opponents as friend on Facebook.
It seems a new Robo-Call scandal is breaking out in
professional sports with fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs being sent automated
calls asking them to show up in Winnipeg to cheer on their playoff team.
Tampa Bay Lightning GM Steve Yzerman says he never hesitated
when asked to become the GM for Team Canada saying it is every Canadian boys
wish to be a part of the team. Next on the list is to be a part of a team that
prevents the Toronto Maple Leafs from reaching the playoffs.
A 4 ton chunk of Montreal’s Olympic Stadium came crashing
down causing minor damage to the structure according to the organized crime
spokesman in charge of the original concrete construction. The Stadium will
need some repairs but estimates from the competing crime families involved in
the graft have not yet come in.
Health Canada wants to ban the pain killer Oxycontin from Pharmacies
but have agreed to wait until the NHL regular season is over to see what areas
of the country should be given an extension.
