Cycling is a Ball!

Verizon Wireless has released former NBA star Charles Barkley from his job as spokesman saying he had too many 69’s in his Fave 5.

Lance Armstrong made his comeback to professional cycling this week and when asked how it went said he had a ball.

Former Edmonton Oiler Glenn Anderson had his number retired and asked whether it was overdue his ex-wife replied not as much as his child supports payments.

The Toronto Raptors are shopping Jermaine O’Neil around to teams with team scouts visiting various Hospitals for a suitable replacement.

Vancouver residents were thrilled when they heard the City was taking over the athletes village until they found out they were turning the Condos into a Co-op not Grow-Op.

The NHL and the NHLPA have signed an agreement on how to share revenues from future International events. Instead of the money going into the pension fund the players union will be able to invest it as they see fit. The cash is creating interest from Detroit Auto makers, wonky NHL franchises and the player’s wives.

Over 2 million people attended the Inauguration of Barack Obama with no arrests. Officials credit the spirit of the event, a sense of history and the fact the Wizards were on a road trip.

US Airways is giving each of the passengers on the ill fated flight that landed in the Hudson River a $ 5,000 refund. Officials with the NY Jets say despite their late season crash they are not giving season ticket holders anything.

The Canadian Real Estate Board has forecast the Canadian housing market will stabilize this coming year. They also predict Hamilton will win the Grey Cup, Ottawa will win the Stanley Cup and Packman Jones will stop shooting people.

The Vancouver Olympic Committee is trying to find savings in the operating budget. Suggestions include cancelling medal ceremonies, creating more economical housing and tapping into the existing Green economy.

Top 5 signs you didn’t deserve your NHL All Star selection
# 5 The only statistic you lead your team in is hot ex-girlfriends
# 4 Over ¾ of the votes for you came from a computer registered to your mom
# 3 Your goals against average would be a pretty good GPA in University
# 2 Team sends you down to the minors for a 20 game conditioning stint and you are not injured
# 1 You are the best player on the Leafs

The Edmonton Indy reported they had a loss of $ 5.3 million on the last race. Officials blame the result on a lack of sponsors, reduced TV revenue and bribes paid to get the drivers to attend.

A spokesman for the Montreal Grand Prix was dismissive of the loss calling the organizers amateurs.

Packman Jones is being sued by his lawyer for failing to pay the bills on over 18 cases. Jones defended himself saying he was sure he had an agreement that if he commits one offense he gets the next one free.

NY Islanders owner is trying to pressure civic officials into approving his new arena/condo complex by threatening to move the team to Saskatoon. This is like telling your boss to give you a raise or you will take that job at McDonalds.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals say Michael Vick should be given a psychiatric evaluation before he is allowed to play in the NFL. If there is any group that is familiar with mental illness it’s one that runs naked to protest fur, drives dinghies into warships in protest of seals and thinks Kate Moss is a role model.

Former receiver Michael Irvine is producing a Reality TV show with the winner being invited to the Dallas Cowboys training camp. Contestants will have to pass a physical, show athletic talent and show an ability to start drunken brawls at a Club.

The really difficult part will be paring down the judging contenders to be the male version of Paula Abdul.

The Chicago Tribune has given its recommendation as to who will buy the Chicago Cubs to a financial panel. Sources close to the deal say the name will be announced once former Illinois Governor Rod Blagvoyavitch gets his cut.

The brother of disgraced slugger Mark McGuire says he will pen a tell-all book saying he introduced the home run hitter to steroids. The brother says he will also admit to using steroids, injecting Mark and give proof his sister is a tramp.

The Milwaukee Brewers have signed Prince Fielder to a 2 year contract worth #19 million. This is after the 2 sides were about to enter arbitration where Fielder wanted $8 million and the team was offering $6 million or as his agent called it a late Christmas gift.