A real Corker!

90 year old White House reporter Helen Thomas resigned after controversial comments about Israel. Asked for his opinion Don Cherry said he upset she was forced out and blamed it on French Canadians, Russians and Swedes.

I don’t know what the big deal is with Pete Rose having a corked bat. Some of the best sportswriters have been corked for years... right... Hartley... Cam?

Toronto Raptors forward Hedo Turkoglu says he wants out of the City and is asking to be traded to another club preferably Club Supersex

The Edmonton Eskimos announced they have sold all of the tickets for the upcoming Grey Cup game. They credit it to their marketing efforts towards women by calling the game Stars on Ice

A new report says getting hit in minor hockey causes injuries. This contradicts earlier reports saying getting hit results in fairy dust and lemon drops. The report goes on to suggest keeping kids safely indoors eating chips, drinking pop and taking blood thinners to avoid heart attacks.

A company in England is being investigated for selling a machine that is supposed to detect bombs but in fact is useless. The fraud came to life when it didn’t go off during a Flames/Leafs game

A Portuguese photographer was robbed at gunpoint Wednesday at a World Cup hotel. The man was unconcerned saying it was still cheaper than the hotels minibar.

The online social network Twitter is preparing for a record number of tweets per day during the World Cup. Coincidentally with the number of drunken fans South African police say they expect a huge increase in the number of twits as well. FYI if you are acting like a twit and you are hit with a police baton the proper tweet is “thwack”.

A Calgary candidate for mayor is touting the idea of applying for the 2022 Winter Olympics. He says he would have applied for the Summer Games but he doesn’t have 2020 vision.

Scientists say they will try a new sucker system to get oil out of the Gulf of Mexico. They say the suckers were delayed because of previous commitments to buying a hockey team in Phoenix

A minor league baseball team in Florida will no longer refer to batting practice with its commonly used moniker, "BP," in protest of the British Petroleum oil spill. They will also forbid players from making a slick play, uttering crude remarks or taking a leak.


I’m so old I can remember when “No Sex Please... We’re British” was a movie and not a directive to England’s World Cup players

New World Cup motto for England... Abstinence makes the halves seem longer...

The CFL says it will equip quarterbacks' helmets with special headsets that allow coaches to communicate directly with their pivots. Because of cost restraints teams will use commercial AM channels requiring the QB to be more dialled in than usual. As a way of increasing revenue the CFL is considering expanding the 20 second clock to allow teams to run commercials.

Seattle Seahawks Golden Tate was given a "trespass warning" for breaking into a Top Pot at 3 AM Saturday morning and taking a donut. Team officials were shocked saying they are now questioning Tate’s intelligence as robbing a donut shop is sure to bring cops out in full force.

A Mohave County judge on Wednesday dismissed all Arizona charges against polygamist leader Warren Jeffs. The ruling is expected to hinder prosecution of cases against suspected polygamists in the State, but be a boon in the recruiting efforts of the NBA’s Phoenix Suns.

Police in Ontario are looking for a man who bought 1200 lbs of ammonia nitrate which is used as fertilizer but can be a part of a bomb. Police were suspicious as the spreading of fertilizer in Ontario is usually done during planting season in April or in September at the training camp for the Leafs.

Top 5 signs you may not win the Canadian Grand Prix in Montreal
# 5 You need a GPS device to follow the circuit
# 4 The Oil in your gear box is from the BP Gulf spill
# 3 You got beat by your 6 year old niece in Wii Mario Kart
# 2 You spend the night before having a poutine eating contest
# 1 You demand an ashtray be added to the cockpit

You know Tiger Woods has agreed to play in Limerick Ireland because he started his press release with “There once was a golfer from Nantucket...”