Here...Taste This!

Watching the 33 white haired owners of the Edmonton Oilers say they will take the team into the future is like having your grandpa show you how to snowboard.

Brady Quinn has signed a 5 year contract ending his holdout and says the loss of practice time should not affect the Cleveland Browns ability to finish last. Actually losing a few days of practice may prolong his career by a few snaps.

I’m betting Mark Philippoussis picks the 28 year old over the 48 year old but only because fellow tennis player Nikolay Davydenko has $3 million on her to win.

After nearly running over Boston Red Sox outfielder Coco Crisp the Seattle Mariners mascot Mariner Moose was racked with guilt.

I don’t know how it was possible but after hitting the record home run Barry Bonds head seems to have shrunk not swollen with pride.

Now that the record is official we should all sit back and admire Barry Bonds for what is really most impressive, his hot mistress.

Bud Selig decided to get together with George Mitchell the chief steroid inspector instead of attending the record breaking home run by Barry Bonds. Bud felt it was in the best interest of baseball to try and tarnish the record from a suitable distance.

Tim Horton’s is upset over the blatant rip off of its “Roll up the Rim to Win” campaign by Wendy’s with their “Lift the Lip” promotion. In retaliation Tim Horton’s is copying the Wendy’s “Kick to Win” event with one called “Punt the Pigtailed Phony”.

Seeing Jesse Lumsden on top of all the rushing statistics in the CFL you can’t help but imagine how much better he would be if he was an American.

Packman Jones has decided to spend his off season working for TNA Wrestling and will feature signature moves such as the “Bail and Release”, “Subpoena Suplex” and of course the “Bodyguard Caps ‘em”.

The excitement in Beijing now just one year away from hosting the Olympic Games is so intense you can not only feel it in the air you can taste it. Preparations for the Games are almost complete with venues being finished, housing completed and most of the bribes nearly in place.

A Calgary TV station is being accused of sabotage after showing a clip of a trick play used by the Stampeders in a game with Edmonton. A spokesperson for the TV station was shocked saying “who knew people in Edmonton had TV’s?”