Top 3 Signs you are on Santa’s Naughty List
# 3 You get Detroit Lions tickets in your stocking
# 2 Unlike previous years no HGH in the sugarplums
# 1 Rudolph leaves his sloppy seconds on your carpet
The US Federal Reserve lowered the interest rate to near zero just about the same as for a Florida/Tampa Wednesday night NHL game.
Unusual week for things being thrown as President Bush had shoes hurled at him; Sean Avery had the book lobbed at him and the Cleveland Browns tossed in the towel.
Tennessee Titans QB Vince Young is suing a promoter over the use of the name inVINCEable. In other news a lawyer is trying to trademark the rights to the name unsAVERY.
Tiger Woods says his reconstructed leg will be better than ever and with an estimated loss of $6 million in earnings who can doubt him?
A man made medical history this week as he had a complete face transplant. Dr.’s say the anonymous patient is fine and hopes to resume his hockey career with a new team after he completes anger management therapy.
Buying holiday gifts must be tough for Kobe because with all the gifts he has given his wife over his affairs a diamond to him isn’t forever; at best it’s a stocking stuffer.
With the number of elderly sports executives having remarkable success rejuvenating franchises, maybe we should demand Don Cherry to be our Governor General.
Isn’t giving sports athletes a paid suspension like Santa putting you on the naughty list and still giving you a toy?
The way athletes are being fined for bad behaviour is impacting the lives of our children. Now instead of them being scared by stories like “Goldilocks and the 3 Bears” their biggest fear is the 15% escrows on their signing bonuses.
Athletes were hit hard when their investments evaporated this year. As a result teams retiring sweaters now have to both raise the jersey and pass the hat.
Chris Bosh had a horrible night shooting Wednesday with his scoring percentage less than the janitor gets trying to hook up at a Victoria Secret Christmas Party.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
You auto be a pitcher
Am I the only one who thinks the Tampa Bay Lightening are being set up to be a new chapter in the Saw horror movie franchise?
Former coach Barry Melrose went on a rant describing the meddling by the Tampa Bay owners saying they told him who to play, who to sit and who to axe. Sounds like a good plot. We could call it “Revenge of the hacked off mullet!”
Not to criticize Melrose but if you take a job coaching a team owned by a director, shouldn’t you take a look at the script first?
Tampa Bay owner Len Barrie tried to paint Melrose and an old fashioned coach out of touch with today’s player and had no system. New coach Rick Tocchet was quick to point out he has a system but is not sure if card counting will transfer to the ice.
The NHL owners had a presentation from a couple of economists at their winter meetings nicknamed Doom and Gloom. Organizers planned the event as a bit of comic relief after listening to the financial reports from Phoenix and Florida.
Dallas Cowboy owner Jerry Jones questioned the toughness of his star running back Marion Barber after he missed a game due to a broken pinkie toe. I guess a running back having a broken foot is totally different from a quarterback having a broken hand. As a way to get some perspective can’t Jones have his jaw wired shut so he can see what it is like to lose his meat and potatoes?
Jones later retracted his comments saying he thought Barber was so tough he could shoot himself and still play. A spokesman for Plaxico Burris replied “It’s tougher than you think”.
Top 3 signs CFL Teams are concerned about the financial climate
# 3 – A $14 Coke at a Stadium will now come with 50% off refill coupon
# 2 – Winnipeg Cheerleaders have opened a 1-900 number
# 1 – Watermelon futures are down sharply
Baseball teams are being very cautious with their money during the current free agency period. This has to be the first time the league has ever been charged with a balk.
The NY Yankees are being frugal despite their interest in star pitcher CC Sabathia. The Yankees are holding firm on their offer of no more than 250 times the average wage of an auto worker.
If you feel joy at the pain and suffering of someone the Germans have a word for it Schadenfreude. In Canada we call it following the Leafs.
Because there are so many athletes and owners you could feel Schadenfreude for I am conserving mine for an owner to be named later.
The real difference between European and US football is how the players deal with injuries. A Euro when hit will fall down like a shot whereas when a US player is felled it is usually by an actual bullet. Is it too late to call the Plaxico Burress incident a real thigh slapper?
Chicago Bulls star Derrick Rose was cut for 10 stitches after rolling over on a knife while sleeping. The really difficult part according to Rose was trying to get to sleep at the Club.
Researchers say chemicals in the water are affecting the testosterone level of men and when told of this Boston Celtics Glen “Big Baby” Davis broke into tears on the bench.
The NBA has introduced a line of clothing they say reflects the culture of the game. Designers say the sweatpants will make you look like the real deal but as always caution fans to wear a holster.
The NHL has a clothing line coming out in the spring which will feature work wear based on the Detroit Red Wings and a leisure line modeled on Maple Leaf players.
Despite making lousy cars Detroit auto executives told Congress their pay should not be affected and entered the roster of the Detroit Lions in as evidence.
Wouldn’t a real penalty for Sean Avery be to force him to play 6 more games against Dion Phaneuf?
Wall Street is being hit by a cash crunch; Main Street is pummelled with layoffs and foreclosures and it appears Easy Street is in the midst of a psychiatric meltdown.
Columbus Blue Jacket prospect Stefan Legein lost his passion for hockey over the summer but has since found it while beginning his alternate career at McDonalds.
Legein says he had to decompress after an injury and weigh the pros and cons of a professional career. He came to the conclusion a hockey paycheque would allow him to pay for more pros and he wouldn’t have to work with as many cons.
The Arena Football League is said to be in danger of folding which could be a boon for the CFL. The league says they can always use more QB’s, running backs and popcorn sellers.
Canada’s athlete of the year Chantal Petitclerc is trying to drum up support for the auto industry by asking for a new set of wheels, but is passing on the undercoating.
The US House of Representatives passed a bill that would create a “Car Czar” to oversee the bailout money. The NHL has a similar person to oversee finances but he is more of a “Used Car Czar”. What will it take to put you in a Franchise?
Regina is looking at building a Dome Stadium which will surely end the great tradition of throwing beerballs at opposing teams. Doesn’t this sound like the ultimate roofing job? Maybe they can get an estimate to cover the whole City. If the vote fell on a January snowstorm I think you might get surprising support.
The Governor of Illinois was arrested after wiretaps showed he was trying to extort bribes from groups including the Chicago Cubs. The management for the Cubs balked at his demands saying they could get a decent middle relief pitcher for the millions the Governor was asking.
A 70 year old Indian woman gave birth recently and in an interview credited God, her faith and an accidental meeting with Travis Henry.
The Illinois Governor who tried to sell a Senate seat had to own a piece of the Nashville Predators I just know it.
Gary Bettman came out of the meeting with the Doom and Gloom economic experts surprisingly optimistic about the finances of the NHL. This is the first time a panic was created when a chicken little didn’t say the sky was falling.
Experts feel the comiing economic Tsunami will envelope the world and suck up all of the money in circulation. Bettman was optimistic they were immune to a Tsunami as this known in NHL language as season ticket renewal.
How sad is it that Gary Bettman is the financial voice of calm?
Michael Phelps says he asked his parents to take him off of Ritalin. This is told in his new book “Taking Speed kills your kids speed.”
Michael says he didn’t tell his parents at first and used the money from the sale of his pills to get the gill implants.
The man carrying the gun in the OJ Simpson memorabilia robbery was given a suspended sentence. Asked to comment by CNN a group of OJ experts beat themselves up in a frenzy to get to the microphone.
At the end of each news clip on OJ’s trial I kept waiting to see an advertisement from the American Legal Foundation.
When asked what he felt would suffer the most during his imprisonment OJ replied his short game.
Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson is in need of a heart transplant but won’t be able to get one from fellow NFL owners as they have theirs mortgaged in asset backed securities.
Former coach Barry Melrose went on a rant describing the meddling by the Tampa Bay owners saying they told him who to play, who to sit and who to axe. Sounds like a good plot. We could call it “Revenge of the hacked off mullet!”
Not to criticize Melrose but if you take a job coaching a team owned by a director, shouldn’t you take a look at the script first?
Tampa Bay owner Len Barrie tried to paint Melrose and an old fashioned coach out of touch with today’s player and had no system. New coach Rick Tocchet was quick to point out he has a system but is not sure if card counting will transfer to the ice.
The NHL owners had a presentation from a couple of economists at their winter meetings nicknamed Doom and Gloom. Organizers planned the event as a bit of comic relief after listening to the financial reports from Phoenix and Florida.
Dallas Cowboy owner Jerry Jones questioned the toughness of his star running back Marion Barber after he missed a game due to a broken pinkie toe. I guess a running back having a broken foot is totally different from a quarterback having a broken hand. As a way to get some perspective can’t Jones have his jaw wired shut so he can see what it is like to lose his meat and potatoes?
Jones later retracted his comments saying he thought Barber was so tough he could shoot himself and still play. A spokesman for Plaxico Burris replied “It’s tougher than you think”.
Top 3 signs CFL Teams are concerned about the financial climate
# 3 – A $14 Coke at a Stadium will now come with 50% off refill coupon
# 2 – Winnipeg Cheerleaders have opened a 1-900 number
# 1 – Watermelon futures are down sharply
Baseball teams are being very cautious with their money during the current free agency period. This has to be the first time the league has ever been charged with a balk.
The NY Yankees are being frugal despite their interest in star pitcher CC Sabathia. The Yankees are holding firm on their offer of no more than 250 times the average wage of an auto worker.
If you feel joy at the pain and suffering of someone the Germans have a word for it Schadenfreude. In Canada we call it following the Leafs.
Because there are so many athletes and owners you could feel Schadenfreude for I am conserving mine for an owner to be named later.
The real difference between European and US football is how the players deal with injuries. A Euro when hit will fall down like a shot whereas when a US player is felled it is usually by an actual bullet. Is it too late to call the Plaxico Burress incident a real thigh slapper?
Chicago Bulls star Derrick Rose was cut for 10 stitches after rolling over on a knife while sleeping. The really difficult part according to Rose was trying to get to sleep at the Club.
Researchers say chemicals in the water are affecting the testosterone level of men and when told of this Boston Celtics Glen “Big Baby” Davis broke into tears on the bench.
The NBA has introduced a line of clothing they say reflects the culture of the game. Designers say the sweatpants will make you look like the real deal but as always caution fans to wear a holster.
The NHL has a clothing line coming out in the spring which will feature work wear based on the Detroit Red Wings and a leisure line modeled on Maple Leaf players.
Despite making lousy cars Detroit auto executives told Congress their pay should not be affected and entered the roster of the Detroit Lions in as evidence.
Wouldn’t a real penalty for Sean Avery be to force him to play 6 more games against Dion Phaneuf?
Wall Street is being hit by a cash crunch; Main Street is pummelled with layoffs and foreclosures and it appears Easy Street is in the midst of a psychiatric meltdown.
Columbus Blue Jacket prospect Stefan Legein lost his passion for hockey over the summer but has since found it while beginning his alternate career at McDonalds.
Legein says he had to decompress after an injury and weigh the pros and cons of a professional career. He came to the conclusion a hockey paycheque would allow him to pay for more pros and he wouldn’t have to work with as many cons.
The Arena Football League is said to be in danger of folding which could be a boon for the CFL. The league says they can always use more QB’s, running backs and popcorn sellers.
Canada’s athlete of the year Chantal Petitclerc is trying to drum up support for the auto industry by asking for a new set of wheels, but is passing on the undercoating.
The US House of Representatives passed a bill that would create a “Car Czar” to oversee the bailout money. The NHL has a similar person to oversee finances but he is more of a “Used Car Czar”. What will it take to put you in a Franchise?
Regina is looking at building a Dome Stadium which will surely end the great tradition of throwing beerballs at opposing teams. Doesn’t this sound like the ultimate roofing job? Maybe they can get an estimate to cover the whole City. If the vote fell on a January snowstorm I think you might get surprising support.
The Governor of Illinois was arrested after wiretaps showed he was trying to extort bribes from groups including the Chicago Cubs. The management for the Cubs balked at his demands saying they could get a decent middle relief pitcher for the millions the Governor was asking.
A 70 year old Indian woman gave birth recently and in an interview credited God, her faith and an accidental meeting with Travis Henry.
The Illinois Governor who tried to sell a Senate seat had to own a piece of the Nashville Predators I just know it.
Gary Bettman came out of the meeting with the Doom and Gloom economic experts surprisingly optimistic about the finances of the NHL. This is the first time a panic was created when a chicken little didn’t say the sky was falling.
Experts feel the comiing economic Tsunami will envelope the world and suck up all of the money in circulation. Bettman was optimistic they were immune to a Tsunami as this known in NHL language as season ticket renewal.
How sad is it that Gary Bettman is the financial voice of calm?
Michael Phelps says he asked his parents to take him off of Ritalin. This is told in his new book “Taking Speed kills your kids speed.”
Michael says he didn’t tell his parents at first and used the money from the sale of his pills to get the gill implants.
The man carrying the gun in the OJ Simpson memorabilia robbery was given a suspended sentence. Asked to comment by CNN a group of OJ experts beat themselves up in a frenzy to get to the microphone.
At the end of each news clip on OJ’s trial I kept waiting to see an advertisement from the American Legal Foundation.
When asked what he felt would suffer the most during his imprisonment OJ replied his short game.
Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson is in need of a heart transplant but won’t be able to get one from fellow NFL owners as they have theirs mortgaged in asset backed securities.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
A shot in the dark
With the acquittal of Jr. Hockey coach David Frost I guess players will still be able to practice 3 on 1’s after hours.
Despite not being a fan Sportsnet paid tribute to owner Ted Rogers when he passed away when one of the Connected Sports Babes pretended he was more than just a creepy old rich man.
Calgary Flames Jerome Iginla is being sued by a home builder who knows his case is flimsy but feels he needs to take a shot anyway. His lead witness is Sean Avery.
The case is expected to go before the Crown as soon as Mike Holmes can render his opinion.
The builder doesn’t believe he can receive a fair trial in Calgary because of the celebrity of Iginla and has asked the judge to move the trial to a neutral site that has no NHL roots like the United States.
NY Knicks Stephane Marbury refused to go to work against Detroit despite being paid $20 million a year. Marbury says he is showing solidarity for auto workers who refuse to take a pay cut.
Everyone complains how hard it is on Wall Street and Main Street but it appears from all the sports athletes going nuts it can’t be that good on Easy Street either.
The only group that wanted Sean Avery to play after his comments were his teammates. They felt robbed of the potential entertainment value it would have provided the road trip.
I know it’s early in the Avery era, but my money is on drugs as the disease causing most of it in the autobiographical autopsy that is sure to be released in a few years... although you can never toss out mental illness, family tragedy or syphilis.
Most Hockey fans will overlook his comments although they will never forgive him for taking the job at Vogue.
When asked if the comments were just publicity stunts Tampa Bay Lightning head coach Rick Tochett said hopefully and set the line at 2:1.
When told the words were delivered in the heart of Conservative support in Calgary a spokesperson for Quebec artists was quoted as saying “Bravo”.
Avery has hit all the right notes by not only inflaming women and inciting men but by posing as an ice skating deadman he has aroused the interest of teenage Zombie enthusiasts.
Isn’t having the fate of the Parliament of Canada in the hands of a Haitian born Governor General about the same as Gary Bettman looking out for the best interests of hockey?
Top 3 Signs your girlfriend hates hockey
# 3 Tore down your Sean Avery poster and replaced it with one of Lorena Bobbit
# 2 Sighs every time you tell her hockey is on TV
# 1 Is constantly asking “How come you don’t make as much as Jerome?”
The Toronto Raptors fired head coach Sam Mitchell and in an attempt to re-create other Toronto teams who have hired successful personnel from the past are trying to reincarnate James Nasmith.
There were some similarities between the shootings in Mumbai India and Plaxico Burris. The people in India mediated afterward while those in the Club medicated while it was going on.
NY is defiantly a different market because if you were receiving treatment for a hamstring injury in Canada chance are someone would have noticed the gun going off.
When I first heard a professional athlete shot off his gun in a club I naturally assumed Travis Henry was going to be a father again.
Despite not being a fan Sportsnet paid tribute to owner Ted Rogers when he passed away when one of the Connected Sports Babes pretended he was more than just a creepy old rich man.
Calgary Flames Jerome Iginla is being sued by a home builder who knows his case is flimsy but feels he needs to take a shot anyway. His lead witness is Sean Avery.
The case is expected to go before the Crown as soon as Mike Holmes can render his opinion.
The builder doesn’t believe he can receive a fair trial in Calgary because of the celebrity of Iginla and has asked the judge to move the trial to a neutral site that has no NHL roots like the United States.
NY Knicks Stephane Marbury refused to go to work against Detroit despite being paid $20 million a year. Marbury says he is showing solidarity for auto workers who refuse to take a pay cut.
Everyone complains how hard it is on Wall Street and Main Street but it appears from all the sports athletes going nuts it can’t be that good on Easy Street either.
The only group that wanted Sean Avery to play after his comments were his teammates. They felt robbed of the potential entertainment value it would have provided the road trip.
I know it’s early in the Avery era, but my money is on drugs as the disease causing most of it in the autobiographical autopsy that is sure to be released in a few years... although you can never toss out mental illness, family tragedy or syphilis.
Most Hockey fans will overlook his comments although they will never forgive him for taking the job at Vogue.
When asked if the comments were just publicity stunts Tampa Bay Lightning head coach Rick Tochett said hopefully and set the line at 2:1.
When told the words were delivered in the heart of Conservative support in Calgary a spokesperson for Quebec artists was quoted as saying “Bravo”.
Avery has hit all the right notes by not only inflaming women and inciting men but by posing as an ice skating deadman he has aroused the interest of teenage Zombie enthusiasts.
Isn’t having the fate of the Parliament of Canada in the hands of a Haitian born Governor General about the same as Gary Bettman looking out for the best interests of hockey?
Top 3 Signs your girlfriend hates hockey
# 3 Tore down your Sean Avery poster and replaced it with one of Lorena Bobbit
# 2 Sighs every time you tell her hockey is on TV
# 1 Is constantly asking “How come you don’t make as much as Jerome?”
The Toronto Raptors fired head coach Sam Mitchell and in an attempt to re-create other Toronto teams who have hired successful personnel from the past are trying to reincarnate James Nasmith.
There were some similarities between the shootings in Mumbai India and Plaxico Burris. The people in India mediated afterward while those in the Club medicated while it was going on.
NY is defiantly a different market because if you were receiving treatment for a hamstring injury in Canada chance are someone would have noticed the gun going off.
When I first heard a professional athlete shot off his gun in a club I naturally assumed Travis Henry was going to be a father again.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Disrespect Yourself
Part of Saskatchewan was lit up by an event that was described as a meteorite, comet or Michael Bishop flaming out.
The event lit up Saskatchewan almost as much as last year’s Grey Cup win.
It looks like President elect Obama is creating a “team of rivals” to help him during the economic difficulties or as MLSE calls it a Board meeting.
With the economy spiralling down MLB teams are reluctant to give contracts of over $100 million unless the term is less than 4 years.
Two of Cuba’s top baseball players were left off the team’s roster for the upcoming World Series of Baseball with sources saying they had planned to defect. Meanwhile many of Canada’s best players have been left off the roster because they were defective.
After QB Henry Burris complained over getting beat out for league MVP coach John Hufnagel performed a really inspiring pre-game speech exhorting the team to win one for the griper.
Top 3 signs your Grey Cup Champion team is being disrespected
# 3 Players have to wait in line for admission to Club Super Sex
# 2 During Grey Cup parade they make you wear a stupid hat
# 1 Half of the fans greeting you at the airport are wearing Saskatchewan Roughrider jerseys
With GM discontinuing its sponsorship with Tiger Woods they now have no Tiger but are still in the tank.
43 year old Claude Lemieux has signed a contract to play with the San Jose Sharks and Chris Chelios is looking forward to hazing the new rookie.
Tom Cruise’s daughter Suri was named the most powerful toddler by Forbes magazine to which Travis Henry replied quantity should count for something.
Cleveland Browns QB Brady Quinn is out for the rest of the year with a broken index finger in an injury sustained while he was running around Derek Anderson saying he is # 1.
After throwing 7 interceptions in his past 2 games Donovan McNab feels he is still capable of playing and has talked to the Saskatchewan Roughriders about a possible deal.
The Conservative Government has decided against a bailout of the auto industry saying they don’t want to throw good money after bad, or as the Maple Leafs call it free agency.
The CFL is upset with the Montreal Canadians for having a retirement ceremony featuring Patrick Roy on Grey Cup weekend and have asked the Maple Leafs to schedule their coronation of Brian Burke for after the game has ended.
If they retired the actual jersey Patrick Roy wore there would be no room for future awards.
Formula 1 asked Montreal for $150 million to guarantee future races or as the Big 3 auto makers call it “chump change”.
Chad (Ocho Cinco) Johnson was deactivated from the Cincinnati Bengals line-up meaning #85 got 86’d.
Chad says he accidentally slept in as compared to most games when he was sleep walking.
It was reported Tony Romo took a homeless man to a movie called Role Model... how perfect is that?
Quebec voters have stuffed the ballot box for the NHL All Star game the first time Quebec has determined the outcome of an election since October.
A court will hear arguments the federal government illegally seized samples of urine from MLB teams and if they are successful baseball can still claim they have no drug problems.
The Republicans are blaming Barack Obama for the state of the economy which is like blaming Brian Burke for the play of the Leafs.
Michael Bishop knew he was having a bad game but when he tried to throw in the towel it was knocked down by the water boy.
With the economy tanking Governments are looking at infrastructure spending to bolster employment with major spending planned for building roads, bridges and the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Responding to the economic crisis the NFL will reduce the price of Super Bowl tickets from an arm and a leg to a leg with an option on the arm later.
Top 3 signs your attendance numbers have been padded
# 3 Person who announces a full house is able to do it without a microphone
# 2 Instead of a head count team now employing a limb count
# 1 Numbers are calculated by former Wall Street executives
The event lit up Saskatchewan almost as much as last year’s Grey Cup win.
It looks like President elect Obama is creating a “team of rivals” to help him during the economic difficulties or as MLSE calls it a Board meeting.
With the economy spiralling down MLB teams are reluctant to give contracts of over $100 million unless the term is less than 4 years.
Two of Cuba’s top baseball players were left off the team’s roster for the upcoming World Series of Baseball with sources saying they had planned to defect. Meanwhile many of Canada’s best players have been left off the roster because they were defective.
After QB Henry Burris complained over getting beat out for league MVP coach John Hufnagel performed a really inspiring pre-game speech exhorting the team to win one for the griper.
Top 3 signs your Grey Cup Champion team is being disrespected
# 3 Players have to wait in line for admission to Club Super Sex
# 2 During Grey Cup parade they make you wear a stupid hat
# 1 Half of the fans greeting you at the airport are wearing Saskatchewan Roughrider jerseys
With GM discontinuing its sponsorship with Tiger Woods they now have no Tiger but are still in the tank.
43 year old Claude Lemieux has signed a contract to play with the San Jose Sharks and Chris Chelios is looking forward to hazing the new rookie.
Tom Cruise’s daughter Suri was named the most powerful toddler by Forbes magazine to which Travis Henry replied quantity should count for something.
Cleveland Browns QB Brady Quinn is out for the rest of the year with a broken index finger in an injury sustained while he was running around Derek Anderson saying he is # 1.
After throwing 7 interceptions in his past 2 games Donovan McNab feels he is still capable of playing and has talked to the Saskatchewan Roughriders about a possible deal.
The Conservative Government has decided against a bailout of the auto industry saying they don’t want to throw good money after bad, or as the Maple Leafs call it free agency.
The CFL is upset with the Montreal Canadians for having a retirement ceremony featuring Patrick Roy on Grey Cup weekend and have asked the Maple Leafs to schedule their coronation of Brian Burke for after the game has ended.
If they retired the actual jersey Patrick Roy wore there would be no room for future awards.
Formula 1 asked Montreal for $150 million to guarantee future races or as the Big 3 auto makers call it “chump change”.
Chad (Ocho Cinco) Johnson was deactivated from the Cincinnati Bengals line-up meaning #85 got 86’d.
Chad says he accidentally slept in as compared to most games when he was sleep walking.
It was reported Tony Romo took a homeless man to a movie called Role Model... how perfect is that?
Quebec voters have stuffed the ballot box for the NHL All Star game the first time Quebec has determined the outcome of an election since October.
A court will hear arguments the federal government illegally seized samples of urine from MLB teams and if they are successful baseball can still claim they have no drug problems.
The Republicans are blaming Barack Obama for the state of the economy which is like blaming Brian Burke for the play of the Leafs.
Michael Bishop knew he was having a bad game but when he tried to throw in the towel it was knocked down by the water boy.
With the economy tanking Governments are looking at infrastructure spending to bolster employment with major spending planned for building roads, bridges and the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Responding to the economic crisis the NFL will reduce the price of Super Bowl tickets from an arm and a leg to a leg with an option on the arm later.
Top 3 signs your attendance numbers have been padded
# 3 Person who announces a full house is able to do it without a microphone
# 2 Instead of a head count team now employing a limb count
# 1 Numbers are calculated by former Wall Street executives
Friday, November 7, 2008
Yes We Can!
During the election CNN unveiled a hologram which allows the anchor to see the reporter but walk right through it or as the Detroit Lions call it, the front four.
After 2 consecutive wins with backup Kevin Weekes in net the New Jersey Devils answered the question of their ability to win without Martin Brodeur with “yes we can”.
A-Rod is dating Madonna thus denying NFL quarterbacks the chance to add a cougar to their wildcat offence.
Tickets to the playoff game in Regina sold out in less than 35 minutes thus proving what most women in Saskatchewan know, Roughrider fans are quick to please.
An 18 year old cheerleader from the New England Patriots was dismissed after pictures on her facebook page showed her with a sharpie in her hand beside a passed out man with swastikas on his face. Officials said they are OK with high heels not heil ones.
On a historic day in the US Barry Bonds lawyer asked the court to throw out his charges of lying saying “yes you can”.
Sports Illustrated asked both Barack Obama and John McCain what they thought was the most serious issue in sports and surprisingly they both replied low blows.
Now that Obama has won the Whitehouse they now say the Bradley effect applies to the fact the NY Knicks can only win a championship with white men.
A second man has died after completing the NY marathon but on the bright side he had never been in better shape.
Marion Jones says she took steroids because she didn’t lover herself enough to which Barry Bonds replied it was just another piece of evidence to show I’m innocent.
The St. Louis Blues were undefeated until Sarah Palin dropped a puck for their opening game to which John McCain said “tell me about it”.
Due to the global credit crisis the Right to Play Foundation is being scaled back and will now be called the Right to Pay.
Top 3 Most Popular Sports related Halloween Costumes
# 3 The Travis Henry Fertility Doctor
# 2 The Michael Vick Dog Trainer
# 1 The Gary Bettman Garden Gnome
Winnipeg Blue Bomber Milt Stegal offered a money back guarantee they will win this weekend the first time an athlete has put his money where his mouth is since the last trip to a strip club.
Stephen Ames is defending his Walt Disney World title this year and when asked to pick the toughest hole he mentioned both the one with the windmill and the clown face.
Buffalo has been awarded the 2011 World Jr. Hockey Championships and say they will let Toronto have exhibition and games between Poland and Switzerland.
Kansas City Chief Larry Johnson has been charged with spitting a drink on a girl a charge he is vehemently denying with the explanation being he is a wine connoisseur and she just got in the way.
Bud Selig says he tried to make it fair for everyone during the downpour during the 5th game of the World Series but it’s tough to level the playing field in a waterfall.
Portland Trailblazer Greg Odem lasted 7 minutes before being taken out of the game with another injury and again I missed the bet by taking the over on if he would last 10 minutes.
The red carpet used by Sarah Palin to drop the puck at a St. Louis Blues game ended up injuring the Blues goalie thus increasing the number of people she has hamstrung this year.
I thought most of the injuries Sarah would create would be related to groin pulls.
Which job would you like the least, Commissioner of Baseball after the rules showed the Phillies they really should have won, CEO of the brokerage firm that told you to get out on Monday and later seeing the market gain 1200 points or leader of the Liberal pary?
Top 3 Signs the Baseball game should be called due to rain
# 3 Pitchers spit ball doesn’t have as much movement as the throw back from the catcher
# 2 Umpire uses chest protector to double as flotation device
# 1 Players actually need to stick their hands down pants for warmth
After 2 consecutive wins with backup Kevin Weekes in net the New Jersey Devils answered the question of their ability to win without Martin Brodeur with “yes we can”.
A-Rod is dating Madonna thus denying NFL quarterbacks the chance to add a cougar to their wildcat offence.
Tickets to the playoff game in Regina sold out in less than 35 minutes thus proving what most women in Saskatchewan know, Roughrider fans are quick to please.
An 18 year old cheerleader from the New England Patriots was dismissed after pictures on her facebook page showed her with a sharpie in her hand beside a passed out man with swastikas on his face. Officials said they are OK with high heels not heil ones.
On a historic day in the US Barry Bonds lawyer asked the court to throw out his charges of lying saying “yes you can”.
Sports Illustrated asked both Barack Obama and John McCain what they thought was the most serious issue in sports and surprisingly they both replied low blows.
Now that Obama has won the Whitehouse they now say the Bradley effect applies to the fact the NY Knicks can only win a championship with white men.
A second man has died after completing the NY marathon but on the bright side he had never been in better shape.
Marion Jones says she took steroids because she didn’t lover herself enough to which Barry Bonds replied it was just another piece of evidence to show I’m innocent.
The St. Louis Blues were undefeated until Sarah Palin dropped a puck for their opening game to which John McCain said “tell me about it”.
Due to the global credit crisis the Right to Play Foundation is being scaled back and will now be called the Right to Pay.
Top 3 Most Popular Sports related Halloween Costumes
# 3 The Travis Henry Fertility Doctor
# 2 The Michael Vick Dog Trainer
# 1 The Gary Bettman Garden Gnome
Winnipeg Blue Bomber Milt Stegal offered a money back guarantee they will win this weekend the first time an athlete has put his money where his mouth is since the last trip to a strip club.
Stephen Ames is defending his Walt Disney World title this year and when asked to pick the toughest hole he mentioned both the one with the windmill and the clown face.
Buffalo has been awarded the 2011 World Jr. Hockey Championships and say they will let Toronto have exhibition and games between Poland and Switzerland.
Kansas City Chief Larry Johnson has been charged with spitting a drink on a girl a charge he is vehemently denying with the explanation being he is a wine connoisseur and she just got in the way.
Bud Selig says he tried to make it fair for everyone during the downpour during the 5th game of the World Series but it’s tough to level the playing field in a waterfall.
Portland Trailblazer Greg Odem lasted 7 minutes before being taken out of the game with another injury and again I missed the bet by taking the over on if he would last 10 minutes.
The red carpet used by Sarah Palin to drop the puck at a St. Louis Blues game ended up injuring the Blues goalie thus increasing the number of people she has hamstrung this year.
I thought most of the injuries Sarah would create would be related to groin pulls.
Which job would you like the least, Commissioner of Baseball after the rules showed the Phillies they really should have won, CEO of the brokerage firm that told you to get out on Monday and later seeing the market gain 1200 points or leader of the Liberal pary?
Top 3 Signs the Baseball game should be called due to rain
# 3 Pitchers spit ball doesn’t have as much movement as the throw back from the catcher
# 2 Umpire uses chest protector to double as flotation device
# 1 Players actually need to stick their hands down pants for warmth
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Turn over a couple of new Leafs
After correctly predicting the Roughriders to win the Grey Cup, Giants to win the Super Bowl, Turkey to get into the World Cup Quarter finals and The Rays to win the World Series you would think my pick of St. Louis to win a playoff round is gold.
What I didn’t mention is I had Elizabeth May winning a seat, the stock market reaching new highs and the Riders remaining healthy because of all the nutritious watermelon they eat.
Toronto is in the running for a new NHL franchise and already the speculation is Mats Sundin will be the captain and Brian Burke the GM.
Sundin had a physical prior to starting workouts and as it turns out he may have too much heart to play for the Leafs
The report was quickly denied by Commissioner Gary Bettman who says he still hasn’t ruled out a second team for Nashville.
Sending in someone who is cold and hasn’t faced a shot all game? Isn’t that what the Republicans did with Sarah Palin?
The Calgary Flames had a player assessed 9 minutes in penalties and really I didn’t know having an ugly haircut was worth 2 minutes.
Manchester United is said to be releasing Owen Hargreaves over his injuries and speculation is he might sign with Barcelona, Chelsea or the Roughriders.
Why does it seem like the Riders starting QB was the one that got the last musical chair?
With time off for good behaviour Michael Vick could be out of prison by July just in time for the dog days of summer.
Two Edmonton Oilers were chastised for signing autographs when the promoter was charging $25 each. This is the most heat an Oiler has been given over a signature since Peter Pocklington signed the trade papers for Wayne Gretzky.
Carolina Hurricanes defenseman Mike Commodore is getting flack over a picture of him in his underwear surrounded by $100 bills. Mike says it was all innocent fun as he was doing a celebration dance next to a bunch of nearsighted NBA players.
The Alberta government has raised the deposit on pop and beer bottles with the CFL warning this could ruin the fairness of the league wide salary cap.
Having President Bush host a worldwide summit on the economy is like former Ottawa Renegades owners Bernie and Lonie Glieberman hosting a meeting on creating a successful sports franchise.
London is having trouble getting the financing to build the athletes housing for the 2012 Olympics and it may turn out they will copy China and create space out of actual bird nests.
Gary Bettman says the outdoor game in Chicago at Wrigley Field will sell out unless the financial collapse gums up the works.
Quarterback Brett Favre has denied tampering saying he only talked to the Detroit Lions coach to set up a hunting trip not discuss Green Bays shotfun offence.
F-1 head Bernie Ecclestone says Montreal still owes them money from past races to which the rest of Canada replied get in line.
What I didn’t mention is I had Elizabeth May winning a seat, the stock market reaching new highs and the Riders remaining healthy because of all the nutritious watermelon they eat.
Toronto is in the running for a new NHL franchise and already the speculation is Mats Sundin will be the captain and Brian Burke the GM.
Sundin had a physical prior to starting workouts and as it turns out he may have too much heart to play for the Leafs
The report was quickly denied by Commissioner Gary Bettman who says he still hasn’t ruled out a second team for Nashville.
Sending in someone who is cold and hasn’t faced a shot all game? Isn’t that what the Republicans did with Sarah Palin?
The Calgary Flames had a player assessed 9 minutes in penalties and really I didn’t know having an ugly haircut was worth 2 minutes.
Manchester United is said to be releasing Owen Hargreaves over his injuries and speculation is he might sign with Barcelona, Chelsea or the Roughriders.
Why does it seem like the Riders starting QB was the one that got the last musical chair?
With time off for good behaviour Michael Vick could be out of prison by July just in time for the dog days of summer.
Two Edmonton Oilers were chastised for signing autographs when the promoter was charging $25 each. This is the most heat an Oiler has been given over a signature since Peter Pocklington signed the trade papers for Wayne Gretzky.
Carolina Hurricanes defenseman Mike Commodore is getting flack over a picture of him in his underwear surrounded by $100 bills. Mike says it was all innocent fun as he was doing a celebration dance next to a bunch of nearsighted NBA players.
The Alberta government has raised the deposit on pop and beer bottles with the CFL warning this could ruin the fairness of the league wide salary cap.
Having President Bush host a worldwide summit on the economy is like former Ottawa Renegades owners Bernie and Lonie Glieberman hosting a meeting on creating a successful sports franchise.
London is having trouble getting the financing to build the athletes housing for the 2012 Olympics and it may turn out they will copy China and create space out of actual bird nests.
Gary Bettman says the outdoor game in Chicago at Wrigley Field will sell out unless the financial collapse gums up the works.
Quarterback Brett Favre has denied tampering saying he only talked to the Detroit Lions coach to set up a hunting trip not discuss Green Bays shotfun offence.
F-1 head Bernie Ecclestone says Montreal still owes them money from past races to which the rest of Canada replied get in line.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Deadman Singing!
With Elizabeth May being shut out of seats and the Roughriders getting crushed by the Stampeders I guess Kermit was right, it’s not easy being Green.
The CFL has announced its entertainment for the Grey Cup halftime show with BC band Theory of a Deadman narrowly edging out Hamilton’s Theory of a Losing Season.
I thought Theory of a Deadman was Professor Stephane Dion’s Green Shift platform.
Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner Big Brown injured his foot during a workout and will now be retired to stud. His owners hope he will soon be producing sires and in an effort to get him on the right track hired Travis Henry as his groom.
According to Jay Leno Sarah Palin shouldn’t be upset she was booed when she dropped the puck in Philadelphia Flyers home opener because their fans are so tough they jeer the Zamboni driver if he makes a bad turn.
I know Sarah calls herself a hockey mom but the way she has been attacking Obama it would have been more appropriate to let her kick the opening ball in an Eagles game.
Toronto Maple Leaf Ryan Hollweg says he is being picked on after his third hitting from behind penalty and wishes referees would address the real problem Steve Downey.
The IOC says the 300 drug tests from the Beijing Olympics that went missing have been found and surprisingly they were in Joe the Plumbers truck.
A report says nearly 1 in 10 athletes at the Olympics were injured or as the Saskatchewan Roughriders call it an average practice.
Denis Savard was fired by the Chicago Blackhawks after opening the season 3-1 or as the Toronto Maple Leafs call it a reason to offer an extension.
President Bush had the Detroit Red Wings at the White House in celebration of their Stanley Cup win. The meeting became awkward when Bush asked some of the players for cab fare at the end.
France says they will not sponsor a Grand Prix race next year opening the door for Montreal if they can get the Federal Government to agree speeding dangerously is a part of Quebec culture.
The Anaheim Ducks have started the season losing their first 4 games prompting team officials to accuse GM Brian Burke of preparing to take over the Maple Leafs.
FIA president Max Mosley says he will cut costs next year and supports say if anyone is good at belt tightening, it’s Max.
Seeing the success of the Blue Jays, Leafs and Argos by hiring executives from the past Toronto today fired Mayor David Miller and replaced him with Mel Lastman.
The CFL has announced its entertainment for the Grey Cup halftime show with BC band Theory of a Deadman narrowly edging out Hamilton’s Theory of a Losing Season.
I thought Theory of a Deadman was Professor Stephane Dion’s Green Shift platform.
Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner Big Brown injured his foot during a workout and will now be retired to stud. His owners hope he will soon be producing sires and in an effort to get him on the right track hired Travis Henry as his groom.
According to Jay Leno Sarah Palin shouldn’t be upset she was booed when she dropped the puck in Philadelphia Flyers home opener because their fans are so tough they jeer the Zamboni driver if he makes a bad turn.
I know Sarah calls herself a hockey mom but the way she has been attacking Obama it would have been more appropriate to let her kick the opening ball in an Eagles game.
Toronto Maple Leaf Ryan Hollweg says he is being picked on after his third hitting from behind penalty and wishes referees would address the real problem Steve Downey.
The IOC says the 300 drug tests from the Beijing Olympics that went missing have been found and surprisingly they were in Joe the Plumbers truck.
A report says nearly 1 in 10 athletes at the Olympics were injured or as the Saskatchewan Roughriders call it an average practice.
Denis Savard was fired by the Chicago Blackhawks after opening the season 3-1 or as the Toronto Maple Leafs call it a reason to offer an extension.
President Bush had the Detroit Red Wings at the White House in celebration of their Stanley Cup win. The meeting became awkward when Bush asked some of the players for cab fare at the end.
France says they will not sponsor a Grand Prix race next year opening the door for Montreal if they can get the Federal Government to agree speeding dangerously is a part of Quebec culture.
The Anaheim Ducks have started the season losing their first 4 games prompting team officials to accuse GM Brian Burke of preparing to take over the Maple Leafs.
FIA president Max Mosley says he will cut costs next year and supports say if anyone is good at belt tightening, it’s Max.
Seeing the success of the Blue Jays, Leafs and Argos by hiring executives from the past Toronto today fired Mayor David Miller and replaced him with Mel Lastman.
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