The terminology between American football and World Cup football is so different. For instance in the World Cup a set piece is when players line up for a free or corner kick whereas in American football it’s when you have a groupie waiting for you at a hotel.
World Cup referees have been given lessons in detecting profanities in both French and English. Referees were given speeches by former PM Jean Chretien as he was able to swear in neither official language.
You know Argentina was dominating Nigeria in World Cup play when their coach Diego Maradona had more touches than most of the Nigerian side
Maradona is in a spat with Brazilian great Pele saying he should be put in a museum which is ironic as most football fans see Maradona as the one to be placed in an institution
Can’t believe all the fuss over the horn blowing this week I mean if Dion Phaneuf thinks he can be captain of the Leafs more power to him
After watching Brazil barely squeak by North Korea during World Cup play it appears the North Koreans were able to disguise players with rockets for shots. Leader of North Korea Kim Jong-Il has paid 1000 Chinese actors to cheer for their team in South Africa. After hearing a team is paying to have fans watch an overmatched squad Leafs GM Brian Burke called for the civilized world to remove this dangerous despot.
Tennessee Titans QB Vince Young was involved in a fight at a club when a bouncer gave him the upside down Texas Longhorns salute. Asked to comment NFL Commissioner Roger Godel gave an entirely different hand gesture
A report on wellbeing of Canadians say the average person spends less time on leisure than 10 years ago. The only groups to have an increase were the Blue Jays, Argonauts and Leafs
The Calgary Stampede chose Oklahoma cowboys Jet and Cord McCoy of the American TV show Amazing Race as this year’s parade marshal. Asked why they didn’t select one of the many Olympic athletes from Canada, Stampede officials gave a whole lot of bull
The Saskatchewan Roughriders will wear a retro red, silver and black jersey this year in honour of their 100th anniversary. They will also sell 2010 of the jerseys although the exact amount will be confirmed after a re-count
The US Government is investigating reports of a Sasquatch citing but the mystery may be solved and now that the Stanley Cup playoffs are over Philadelphia Flyers forward Scott Hartnell says he will shave.
After the BP Chairman referred to small people there was a huge uproar with many groups demanded an apology including shrimp worker, short order cooks and the Montreal Canadians
The comments were taken personally by Gary Bettman who demanded BP buy the Phoenix Coyotes as compensation
In an attempt to capitalize on the excitement of World Cup BP says they will enlist the help of Korean footballers and try to contain the spill in the Gulf using a Jung shot
Warren Buffett is urging billionaires to give away half their wealth to charities. Experts say this could potentially cure many diseases, save the environment or keep hockey in the Sunbelt States
The Dutch Embassy is protesting the arrest of women who wore orange miniskirts to do a World Cup ambush promotion for a brewery saying the charges don’t have a tanned, nicely shaped leg to stand on
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
A real Corker!
90 year old White House reporter Helen Thomas resigned after controversial comments about Israel. Asked for his opinion Don Cherry said he upset she was forced out and blamed it on French Canadians, Russians and Swedes.
I don’t know what the big deal is with Pete Rose having a corked bat. Some of the best sportswriters have been corked for years... right... Hartley... Cam?
Toronto Raptors forward Hedo Turkoglu says he wants out of the City and is asking to be traded to another club preferably Club Supersex
The Edmonton Eskimos announced they have sold all of the tickets for the upcoming Grey Cup game. They credit it to their marketing efforts towards women by calling the game Stars on Ice
A new report says getting hit in minor hockey causes injuries. This contradicts earlier reports saying getting hit results in fairy dust and lemon drops. The report goes on to suggest keeping kids safely indoors eating chips, drinking pop and taking blood thinners to avoid heart attacks.
A company in England is being investigated for selling a machine that is supposed to detect bombs but in fact is useless. The fraud came to life when it didn’t go off during a Flames/Leafs game
A Portuguese photographer was robbed at gunpoint Wednesday at a World Cup hotel. The man was unconcerned saying it was still cheaper than the hotels minibar.
The online social network Twitter is preparing for a record number of tweets per day during the World Cup. Coincidentally with the number of drunken fans South African police say they expect a huge increase in the number of twits as well. FYI if you are acting like a twit and you are hit with a police baton the proper tweet is “thwack”.
A Calgary candidate for mayor is touting the idea of applying for the 2022 Winter Olympics. He says he would have applied for the Summer Games but he doesn’t have 2020 vision.
Scientists say they will try a new sucker system to get oil out of the Gulf of Mexico. They say the suckers were delayed because of previous commitments to buying a hockey team in Phoenix
A minor league baseball team in Florida will no longer refer to batting practice with its commonly used moniker, "BP," in protest of the British Petroleum oil spill. They will also forbid players from making a slick play, uttering crude remarks or taking a leak.
I’m so old I can remember when “No Sex Please... We’re British” was a movie and not a directive to England’s World Cup players
New World Cup motto for England... Abstinence makes the halves seem longer...
The CFL says it will equip quarterbacks' helmets with special headsets that allow coaches to communicate directly with their pivots. Because of cost restraints teams will use commercial AM channels requiring the QB to be more dialled in than usual. As a way of increasing revenue the CFL is considering expanding the 20 second clock to allow teams to run commercials.
Seattle Seahawks Golden Tate was given a "trespass warning" for breaking into a Top Pot at 3 AM Saturday morning and taking a donut. Team officials were shocked saying they are now questioning Tate’s intelligence as robbing a donut shop is sure to bring cops out in full force.
A Mohave County judge on Wednesday dismissed all Arizona charges against polygamist leader Warren Jeffs. The ruling is expected to hinder prosecution of cases against suspected polygamists in the State, but be a boon in the recruiting efforts of the NBA’s Phoenix Suns.
Police in Ontario are looking for a man who bought 1200 lbs of ammonia nitrate which is used as fertilizer but can be a part of a bomb. Police were suspicious as the spreading of fertilizer in Ontario is usually done during planting season in April or in September at the training camp for the Leafs.
Top 5 signs you may not win the Canadian Grand Prix in Montreal
# 5 You need a GPS device to follow the circuit
# 4 The Oil in your gear box is from the BP Gulf spill
# 3 You got beat by your 6 year old niece in Wii Mario Kart
# 2 You spend the night before having a poutine eating contest
# 1 You demand an ashtray be added to the cockpit
You know Tiger Woods has agreed to play in Limerick Ireland because he started his press release with “There once was a golfer from Nantucket...”
I don’t know what the big deal is with Pete Rose having a corked bat. Some of the best sportswriters have been corked for years... right... Hartley... Cam?
Toronto Raptors forward Hedo Turkoglu says he wants out of the City and is asking to be traded to another club preferably Club Supersex
The Edmonton Eskimos announced they have sold all of the tickets for the upcoming Grey Cup game. They credit it to their marketing efforts towards women by calling the game Stars on Ice
A new report says getting hit in minor hockey causes injuries. This contradicts earlier reports saying getting hit results in fairy dust and lemon drops. The report goes on to suggest keeping kids safely indoors eating chips, drinking pop and taking blood thinners to avoid heart attacks.
A company in England is being investigated for selling a machine that is supposed to detect bombs but in fact is useless. The fraud came to life when it didn’t go off during a Flames/Leafs game
A Portuguese photographer was robbed at gunpoint Wednesday at a World Cup hotel. The man was unconcerned saying it was still cheaper than the hotels minibar.
The online social network Twitter is preparing for a record number of tweets per day during the World Cup. Coincidentally with the number of drunken fans South African police say they expect a huge increase in the number of twits as well. FYI if you are acting like a twit and you are hit with a police baton the proper tweet is “thwack”.
A Calgary candidate for mayor is touting the idea of applying for the 2022 Winter Olympics. He says he would have applied for the Summer Games but he doesn’t have 2020 vision.
Scientists say they will try a new sucker system to get oil out of the Gulf of Mexico. They say the suckers were delayed because of previous commitments to buying a hockey team in Phoenix
A minor league baseball team in Florida will no longer refer to batting practice with its commonly used moniker, "BP," in protest of the British Petroleum oil spill. They will also forbid players from making a slick play, uttering crude remarks or taking a leak.
I’m so old I can remember when “No Sex Please... We’re British” was a movie and not a directive to England’s World Cup players
New World Cup motto for England... Abstinence makes the halves seem longer...
The CFL says it will equip quarterbacks' helmets with special headsets that allow coaches to communicate directly with their pivots. Because of cost restraints teams will use commercial AM channels requiring the QB to be more dialled in than usual. As a way of increasing revenue the CFL is considering expanding the 20 second clock to allow teams to run commercials.
Seattle Seahawks Golden Tate was given a "trespass warning" for breaking into a Top Pot at 3 AM Saturday morning and taking a donut. Team officials were shocked saying they are now questioning Tate’s intelligence as robbing a donut shop is sure to bring cops out in full force.
A Mohave County judge on Wednesday dismissed all Arizona charges against polygamist leader Warren Jeffs. The ruling is expected to hinder prosecution of cases against suspected polygamists in the State, but be a boon in the recruiting efforts of the NBA’s Phoenix Suns.
Police in Ontario are looking for a man who bought 1200 lbs of ammonia nitrate which is used as fertilizer but can be a part of a bomb. Police were suspicious as the spreading of fertilizer in Ontario is usually done during planting season in April or in September at the training camp for the Leafs.
Top 5 signs you may not win the Canadian Grand Prix in Montreal
# 5 You need a GPS device to follow the circuit
# 4 The Oil in your gear box is from the BP Gulf spill
# 3 You got beat by your 6 year old niece in Wii Mario Kart
# 2 You spend the night before having a poutine eating contest
# 1 You demand an ashtray be added to the cockpit
You know Tiger Woods has agreed to play in Limerick Ireland because he started his press release with “There once was a golfer from Nantucket...”
Thursday, June 3, 2010
What a Ball!
Adidas is vigorously defending the quality of the ball it has made for the World Cup saying it is the roundest ball ever made. The ball is made from a patented process called GripnGroove which is coincidentally the theme song for most NBA groupies
Players have said it reminds them of a beach ball to which Adidas spokesman replied they just have to be sure to push in the nozzle once it is inflated
This is the 1st time a scandal has erupted over balls at the World Cup not attached to a player
Rookies report to CFL camps this week and as part of the new collective agreement they will spend the 1st day passing around the collection plate
The International Cycling Union is denying reports athletes have been using electric motors placed inside the bike frames. They say the reports are false and nothing to get wound up about
BP is defending the practice of its executives playing rounds of gold while attempting to cap the Gulf oil spill saying they have a long and respected tradition of stopping for tee times
Russia says they will perform an experiment to simulate a trip to Mars by having astronauts confined to a Spartan, desolate space for 10 months or as CFL players call it a 2 year contract with the Riders
England is imposing a 2 week sex ban for players at the World Cup and will monitor their room to ensure compliance. This is the 1st time an English sex scandal had teeth
Philadelphia Flyers defenseman Chris Pronger is being criticized for throwing the game pucks in the trash from the 1st 2 playoff games. Pronger says this is in honour of his teenage years when he would throw away the rubber when he couldn’t score
Top 5 signs you made a bad call
# 5 You called the infield fly rule and you refereeing football
# 4 You gave a batter a walk after 3 pitches
# 3 The manager runs out and thanks you
# 2 Lens Crafter offers you a promotional job
# 1 You disallowed a goal in hockey because of goaltending
Jose Canseco says he will be a manager in the major leagues in the future if the game will just give him a shot
Tiger Woods says he will no longer employ a swing coach but will instead go over tapes of his past performance. Really... is a joke possibly funnier than what is on everyone’s mind?
The Toronto Maple Leafs are shopping defenseman Thomas Kaberle around in advance of the upcoming NHL draft. The Leafs are said to be looking for a proven scorer, toughness in the corners or a player to round out their golf foursomes
Gordie Howe was given an honorary doctorate from the University of Saskatchewan. According to anyone who had ever gone into the corner with him he won’t be called Dr. Feelgood
You would think with all the teeth he has knocked out he might get a Doctorate of Dentistry
I’m sure I speak for the rest of the NBA fans when I say I hope the Boston Los Angles final has no winner when
Players have said it reminds them of a beach ball to which Adidas spokesman replied they just have to be sure to push in the nozzle once it is inflated
This is the 1st time a scandal has erupted over balls at the World Cup not attached to a player
Rookies report to CFL camps this week and as part of the new collective agreement they will spend the 1st day passing around the collection plate
The International Cycling Union is denying reports athletes have been using electric motors placed inside the bike frames. They say the reports are false and nothing to get wound up about
BP is defending the practice of its executives playing rounds of gold while attempting to cap the Gulf oil spill saying they have a long and respected tradition of stopping for tee times
Russia says they will perform an experiment to simulate a trip to Mars by having astronauts confined to a Spartan, desolate space for 10 months or as CFL players call it a 2 year contract with the Riders
England is imposing a 2 week sex ban for players at the World Cup and will monitor their room to ensure compliance. This is the 1st time an English sex scandal had teeth
Philadelphia Flyers defenseman Chris Pronger is being criticized for throwing the game pucks in the trash from the 1st 2 playoff games. Pronger says this is in honour of his teenage years when he would throw away the rubber when he couldn’t score
Top 5 signs you made a bad call
# 5 You called the infield fly rule and you refereeing football
# 4 You gave a batter a walk after 3 pitches
# 3 The manager runs out and thanks you
# 2 Lens Crafter offers you a promotional job
# 1 You disallowed a goal in hockey because of goaltending
Jose Canseco says he will be a manager in the major leagues in the future if the game will just give him a shot
Tiger Woods says he will no longer employ a swing coach but will instead go over tapes of his past performance. Really... is a joke possibly funnier than what is on everyone’s mind?
The Toronto Maple Leafs are shopping defenseman Thomas Kaberle around in advance of the upcoming NHL draft. The Leafs are said to be looking for a proven scorer, toughness in the corners or a player to round out their golf foursomes
Gordie Howe was given an honorary doctorate from the University of Saskatchewan. According to anyone who had ever gone into the corner with him he won’t be called Dr. Feelgood
You would think with all the teeth he has knocked out he might get a Doctorate of Dentistry
I’m sure I speak for the rest of the NBA fans when I say I hope the Boston Los Angles final has no winner when
Thursday, May 27, 2010
The Chief Import
Phoenix Suns guard Steve Nash broke his nose and then rearranged it while on the court. Steve is glad it happened saying it would make him look less like an immigrant from Canada
A report out of Hamilton says the CFL Tiger Cats and Toronto Argonauts are considering playing in the same stadium. In order to make the deal more financially viable they are considering playing some of their home games in Phoenix and Saskatoon as well
A report out of NY says the NHL Islanders have canceled a training camp trip to China. Team owner Charles Wang is quoted as saying he isn’t sure what went Wong
Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been replaced from a youth football camp by his coach Mike Tomlinson. A spokesman for the youth is disappointed saying they wanted to learn how to hook up with more than just receivers
With NY being awarded the game for the 1st time in years a Super Bowl will be played outside in winter conditions causing Brett Favre to re-consider playing in the game
A report says the Kansas City Chiefs had a new play in their arsenal called the import where they flew in pretty girls to hook up with before games. Team spokesman were quick to deny the reports saying the players only picked up locals except for the married players who used professionals
Residents of Toronto were shocked when an airplane fell out of the air and landed on the roof of a building. Jays fans were relieved it wasn’t their team crashing back to earth
Pac Man turned 30 this week the most powerful pill popping game next to baseball, football and cycling
A 13 year old boy from California has become the youngest ever to climb the highest peak in the world. He joins other record holders including class mates who got high and peaked in world record time
A study released has shown 10 solid ways to tell if the person you are talking to is lying. The number rises to 11 if you count people who say they thought the Philadelphia Flyers would be in the Stanley Cup final
The US Government is investigating professional cyclists who were paid by the US Postal Team to determine if they bought performance drugs with government money. The investigation is centred on Lance Armstrong and his suspicious success with an underweight package
Diego Maradonna says he will streak naked in Buenos Aires if Argentina wins the World Cup thus ending the argument if he is using performance enhancing drugs
Calgarian Jamie Kureluk shot a record 25 on the back nine of a Canadian Tour golf event. Jamie credits watching the Flames all year as they showed him how to consistently play under par
After a successful Cup run the Montreal Canadians are planning to raise ticket prices. Asked to comment a spokesman for the Toronto Maple Leafs was shocked saying they didn’t know you could get more money for winning
Actor Jack Nicholson will wave the green flag to start the Indianapolis 500 which should help Danica Patrick who will be looking to pass a few good men
President Obama has picked the LA Lakers over Boston Celtics to win the NBA championship but mind you he also has BP over the Gulf oil spill
If the Top Kill plugging attempt to stop the Gulf oil spill fails BP say they will pump down the documents on the Phoenix Coyotes bankruptcy trial and see if any of Gary Bettman’s mud will stick
MLB umpire Joe West has hired a publicist to get additional employment. So far he has had offers from Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers and The Biggest Loser
The NHL combine is set for this weekend 6 months before most of the prairie prospects will get on their everyday combine
Calgary has been awarded a Winter Classic by the NHL and to take advantage of the coldest time of the year plans are to have it in June
Peter Pocklington pleaded guilty to perjury in a California court and faces deportation to Canada. His lawyer says he will apply for refugee status on the basis that if he was to return to Alberta fans with long memories might still attempt to have a lynching party
A group of protestors has blocked plans by Donald Trump to build a golf resort in Scotland. Asked to comment a spokesman for the Donald said it was possible he would take a haircut on the deal
A report out of Hamilton says the CFL Tiger Cats and Toronto Argonauts are considering playing in the same stadium. In order to make the deal more financially viable they are considering playing some of their home games in Phoenix and Saskatoon as well
A report out of NY says the NHL Islanders have canceled a training camp trip to China. Team owner Charles Wang is quoted as saying he isn’t sure what went Wong
Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been replaced from a youth football camp by his coach Mike Tomlinson. A spokesman for the youth is disappointed saying they wanted to learn how to hook up with more than just receivers
With NY being awarded the game for the 1st time in years a Super Bowl will be played outside in winter conditions causing Brett Favre to re-consider playing in the game
A report says the Kansas City Chiefs had a new play in their arsenal called the import where they flew in pretty girls to hook up with before games. Team spokesman were quick to deny the reports saying the players only picked up locals except for the married players who used professionals
Residents of Toronto were shocked when an airplane fell out of the air and landed on the roof of a building. Jays fans were relieved it wasn’t their team crashing back to earth
Pac Man turned 30 this week the most powerful pill popping game next to baseball, football and cycling
A 13 year old boy from California has become the youngest ever to climb the highest peak in the world. He joins other record holders including class mates who got high and peaked in world record time
A study released has shown 10 solid ways to tell if the person you are talking to is lying. The number rises to 11 if you count people who say they thought the Philadelphia Flyers would be in the Stanley Cup final
The US Government is investigating professional cyclists who were paid by the US Postal Team to determine if they bought performance drugs with government money. The investigation is centred on Lance Armstrong and his suspicious success with an underweight package
Diego Maradonna says he will streak naked in Buenos Aires if Argentina wins the World Cup thus ending the argument if he is using performance enhancing drugs
Calgarian Jamie Kureluk shot a record 25 on the back nine of a Canadian Tour golf event. Jamie credits watching the Flames all year as they showed him how to consistently play under par
After a successful Cup run the Montreal Canadians are planning to raise ticket prices. Asked to comment a spokesman for the Toronto Maple Leafs was shocked saying they didn’t know you could get more money for winning
Actor Jack Nicholson will wave the green flag to start the Indianapolis 500 which should help Danica Patrick who will be looking to pass a few good men
President Obama has picked the LA Lakers over Boston Celtics to win the NBA championship but mind you he also has BP over the Gulf oil spill
If the Top Kill plugging attempt to stop the Gulf oil spill fails BP say they will pump down the documents on the Phoenix Coyotes bankruptcy trial and see if any of Gary Bettman’s mud will stick
MLB umpire Joe West has hired a publicist to get additional employment. So far he has had offers from Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers and The Biggest Loser
The NHL combine is set for this weekend 6 months before most of the prairie prospects will get on their everyday combine
Calgary has been awarded a Winter Classic by the NHL and to take advantage of the coldest time of the year plans are to have it in June
Peter Pocklington pleaded guilty to perjury in a California court and faces deportation to Canada. His lawyer says he will apply for refugee status on the basis that if he was to return to Alberta fans with long memories might still attempt to have a lynching party
A group of protestors has blocked plans by Donald Trump to build a golf resort in Scotland. Asked to comment a spokesman for the Donald said it was possible he would take a haircut on the deal
Thursday, May 20, 2010
A Law with teeth
A man offered to give his three-month-old to a mechanic in exchange for two beers. The deal was thwarted when Travis Henry’s baby mama’s noticed he returned from the park with only 6 of the 7 kids he left with.
Police in South Africa staged a display of force before the World Cup to calm resident’s fears of rioting. The Police have taken a page out of Arizona’s new immigration laws and will target fans with bad teeth that are obviously British.
Looters who participated in the riot after Montreal beat Pittsburgh in the Stanley Cup playoffs have been captured on film. Once the identities are confirmed the participants will qualify for a Quebec Dramatic Arts Grant to be funded by Alberta and BC transfer payments.
Ontario has confirmed over $1 Billion in unpaid parking tickets are outstanding. The Government of Quebec say they have no such problem as any car left unattended for more than a couple hours is burned in celebration of a hockey victory.
You have to wonder if the former Dr. for the Toronto Argonauts can realistically be charged with using performance enhancing drugs on the players. You would think at some point the team has to show some example of enhanced performance
U.S. Democratic Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal has been criticized for claiming he served in Vietnam when in fact he was with the reserves and never saw action. This is like a player from the Toronto Maple Leafs claiming they have extensive playoff experience
Police are warning of an online scam that invites users to take part in a World Cup Lottery during this year’s soccer competition. The scam becomes apparent when the user as asked to guess how many goals Canada will score in the tournament
Prime Minister Stephen Harper has appointed David Braley, a Hamilton-area businessman who owns two Canadian Football League teams, to the Senate to fill a vacancy from Ontario. This is the 1st time a person from the CFL has been given a guaranteed salary in decades.
Toronto has shut down both the CN Tower and the Toronto Blue Jays during the G-20 Summit thus leaving only the Subway lines as places for tourists to see some scoring
Lance Armstrong is furious fellow cyclist Floyd Landis has accused him of taking steroids saying he didn’t have the balls to tell him to his face
Top 3 reasons to elect a CFL executive to the Senate
# 3 Familiar with delays, unnecessary roughing and being blind sided
# 2 Used to working less than 6 months a year
# 1 Lots of experience passing small bills
A reports says fathers can suffer from post partum depression which explains the number of anti-depressant prescriptions being issued to NBA players
Arizona Cardinals defensive tackle Darnell Dockett was livid when an online streaming video showed him taking a shower saying he wants to know who leaked it to the press
CBC commentator Ron Maclean will release his biography and if his on air puns continue it will probably be called The Wrath of Grapes
Police in South Africa staged a display of force before the World Cup to calm resident’s fears of rioting. The Police have taken a page out of Arizona’s new immigration laws and will target fans with bad teeth that are obviously British.
Looters who participated in the riot after Montreal beat Pittsburgh in the Stanley Cup playoffs have been captured on film. Once the identities are confirmed the participants will qualify for a Quebec Dramatic Arts Grant to be funded by Alberta and BC transfer payments.
Ontario has confirmed over $1 Billion in unpaid parking tickets are outstanding. The Government of Quebec say they have no such problem as any car left unattended for more than a couple hours is burned in celebration of a hockey victory.
You have to wonder if the former Dr. for the Toronto Argonauts can realistically be charged with using performance enhancing drugs on the players. You would think at some point the team has to show some example of enhanced performance
U.S. Democratic Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal has been criticized for claiming he served in Vietnam when in fact he was with the reserves and never saw action. This is like a player from the Toronto Maple Leafs claiming they have extensive playoff experience
Police are warning of an online scam that invites users to take part in a World Cup Lottery during this year’s soccer competition. The scam becomes apparent when the user as asked to guess how many goals Canada will score in the tournament
Prime Minister Stephen Harper has appointed David Braley, a Hamilton-area businessman who owns two Canadian Football League teams, to the Senate to fill a vacancy from Ontario. This is the 1st time a person from the CFL has been given a guaranteed salary in decades.
Toronto has shut down both the CN Tower and the Toronto Blue Jays during the G-20 Summit thus leaving only the Subway lines as places for tourists to see some scoring
Lance Armstrong is furious fellow cyclist Floyd Landis has accused him of taking steroids saying he didn’t have the balls to tell him to his face
Top 3 reasons to elect a CFL executive to the Senate
# 3 Familiar with delays, unnecessary roughing and being blind sided
# 2 Used to working less than 6 months a year
# 1 Lots of experience passing small bills
A reports says fathers can suffer from post partum depression which explains the number of anti-depressant prescriptions being issued to NBA players
Arizona Cardinals defensive tackle Darnell Dockett was livid when an online streaming video showed him taking a shower saying he wants to know who leaked it to the press
CBC commentator Ron Maclean will release his biography and if his on air puns continue it will probably be called The Wrath of Grapes
Thursday, May 13, 2010
What a riot!
Hank Haney Tiger Woods long-time swing coach resigned and did it with a text message which read “Saw u on TV OMG WTF r u doin 2 my rep?”
Patrice Cormier the Captain of Canada’s World Jr. team has been charged with assault causing injury. Cormier is leaning on other captains for support especially Captain Morgan
Former Ottawa Rough Riders offensive lineman Bill Stanton passed away at age 86. Family say he just couldn’t hold on any more
TSN did a Top 10 Montreal Canadians game 7 moments but when they came to # 1 they didn’t mention Don Cherry even though it was his gaffe that caused the Boston Bruins to lose the game. In retaliation CBC did a Top 10 worst trades and didn’t mention |TSN’s Mike Millbury, A Top 10 most embarrassing interviews and didn’t mention Michael Landsberg and the Top 10 hottest Sportscasters and didn’t mention Vic Rauter
The City of Glendale Arizona has voted to keep the Coyotes and pay for all losses until an owner is found. The debate was heated with law enforcement officials voicing concern a hockey team would just encourage illegal Canadians to move to Arizona
The Province of Saskatchewan will issue special 100th Anniversary Roughrider license plates. The plates are a collector’s item especially the ones made personally from prison by former Rider Trevis Smith
A riot broke out after Montreal beat Pittsburgh when fans discovered Alberta will no longer subsidize the petrol bombs they are throwing in celebration
41 people were arrested in the riot creating a new band name Stunned 41
As an Albertan I think the idea of transfer payments to have not Provinces is great but did the Flames need to send Camalarri and Hamerlick to Montreal?
Convicted sexual predator Graham James has been found living in Mexico and he apparently blends in well with other Mexican imports like drug dealers and Montezuma’s Revenge
Looking forward to the new movie this week that has a hero that robs from the rich and gives to the poor a sort of reverse Toronto Maple Leafs
Patrice Cormier the Captain of Canada’s World Jr. team has been charged with assault causing injury. Cormier is leaning on other captains for support especially Captain Morgan
Former Ottawa Rough Riders offensive lineman Bill Stanton passed away at age 86. Family say he just couldn’t hold on any more
TSN did a Top 10 Montreal Canadians game 7 moments but when they came to # 1 they didn’t mention Don Cherry even though it was his gaffe that caused the Boston Bruins to lose the game. In retaliation CBC did a Top 10 worst trades and didn’t mention |TSN’s Mike Millbury, A Top 10 most embarrassing interviews and didn’t mention Michael Landsberg and the Top 10 hottest Sportscasters and didn’t mention Vic Rauter
The City of Glendale Arizona has voted to keep the Coyotes and pay for all losses until an owner is found. The debate was heated with law enforcement officials voicing concern a hockey team would just encourage illegal Canadians to move to Arizona
The Province of Saskatchewan will issue special 100th Anniversary Roughrider license plates. The plates are a collector’s item especially the ones made personally from prison by former Rider Trevis Smith
A riot broke out after Montreal beat Pittsburgh when fans discovered Alberta will no longer subsidize the petrol bombs they are throwing in celebration
41 people were arrested in the riot creating a new band name Stunned 41
As an Albertan I think the idea of transfer payments to have not Provinces is great but did the Flames need to send Camalarri and Hamerlick to Montreal?
Convicted sexual predator Graham James has been found living in Mexico and he apparently blends in well with other Mexican imports like drug dealers and Montezuma’s Revenge
Looking forward to the new movie this week that has a hero that robs from the rich and gives to the poor a sort of reverse Toronto Maple Leafs
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Having a riot in Montreal
Media and protesters are flocking to Arizona due to their seemingly racist profiling of illegal alien workers which has given the economy a huge boost… this has resulted in a new state motto… Arizona… come for the human rights violations… stay for the golf…
In order to show the law was more than just profiling those of Hispanic heritage… Glendale sheriffs raided the 7th game of the Coyotes/Red Wings playoff… and were shocked to find there were Americans citizens with tickets…
Tiger Woods had a bad day on the course missing the cut. Later it was reported he had over 120 affairs surprisingly par for the course
The fabric roof at BC Place Stadium is being replaced with a new retractable roof. The old roof will be recycled with most of the fabric going towards new shirt collars for Don Cherry
Ben Roethlisberger is undergoing personality evaluation as part of his suspension from the NFL. The test will include interviews, ink blot tests and later a cocktail party with Ben giving autographs to pretty interns
The Grand Ole Opry House in Nashville Tennessee was hit by a flood this week. This is the first flood of any interest in Nashville since the Predators took the lead against the Blackhawks
P.E.I. Senator Catherine Callbeck wants to take the Canadian penny our of circulations saying they are only found in jars at homes and on CFL contracts
Taking a high dose of Vitamin D has been found to be effective increasing the chances of fertility in some females. I guess this explains why Manny Ramirez likes playing in the California sun
A recent study shows repeated laughter has the same effect on the body as exercise. Researchers found the results while they studied patients involved in laughter inducing events such as reading a funny book, listening to a comedy CD or watching a Toronto Maple Leafs power play
The suit that OJ Simpson wore when he was acquitted of the murder of 2 people is now in a museum. The item is a relic of history and a harsh reminder of the consequences of naming your kid after an ingredient in a Harvey Wallbanger
The Police officer who tazered a teenager for running on the field during a Philadelphia Phillies game, was within the proper police protocols and will not be punished. According to 70 year old Phillies owner Al Reach any whippersnapper cutting across my lawn should be shot
Top 5 signs the Montreal Canadians have won a playoff game
# 5 Molotov Cocktails are the biggest sellers at the bar
# 4 Bi-lingual property destruction
# 3 Smoke signals announce the score
# 2 None of the guys in Canadians sweaters fighting have tied down their jerseys
# 1 A 1 alarm fire means a loss… a 2 alarm fire is a great victory!
In order to show the law was more than just profiling those of Hispanic heritage… Glendale sheriffs raided the 7th game of the Coyotes/Red Wings playoff… and were shocked to find there were Americans citizens with tickets…
Tiger Woods had a bad day on the course missing the cut. Later it was reported he had over 120 affairs surprisingly par for the course
The fabric roof at BC Place Stadium is being replaced with a new retractable roof. The old roof will be recycled with most of the fabric going towards new shirt collars for Don Cherry
Ben Roethlisberger is undergoing personality evaluation as part of his suspension from the NFL. The test will include interviews, ink blot tests and later a cocktail party with Ben giving autographs to pretty interns
The Grand Ole Opry House in Nashville Tennessee was hit by a flood this week. This is the first flood of any interest in Nashville since the Predators took the lead against the Blackhawks
P.E.I. Senator Catherine Callbeck wants to take the Canadian penny our of circulations saying they are only found in jars at homes and on CFL contracts
Taking a high dose of Vitamin D has been found to be effective increasing the chances of fertility in some females. I guess this explains why Manny Ramirez likes playing in the California sun
A recent study shows repeated laughter has the same effect on the body as exercise. Researchers found the results while they studied patients involved in laughter inducing events such as reading a funny book, listening to a comedy CD or watching a Toronto Maple Leafs power play
The suit that OJ Simpson wore when he was acquitted of the murder of 2 people is now in a museum. The item is a relic of history and a harsh reminder of the consequences of naming your kid after an ingredient in a Harvey Wallbanger
The Police officer who tazered a teenager for running on the field during a Philadelphia Phillies game, was within the proper police protocols and will not be punished. According to 70 year old Phillies owner Al Reach any whippersnapper cutting across my lawn should be shot
Top 5 signs the Montreal Canadians have won a playoff game
# 5 Molotov Cocktails are the biggest sellers at the bar
# 4 Bi-lingual property destruction
# 3 Smoke signals announce the score
# 2 None of the guys in Canadians sweaters fighting have tied down their jerseys
# 1 A 1 alarm fire means a loss… a 2 alarm fire is a great victory!
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