Hey it is called Foot Ball...

The US Government has repealed the “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” policy for gays and lesbians serving in the military. Don’t ask, Don’t tell is also a policy of Calgary Flames GM Daryl Sutter only he calls it Tuesday.

Craigslist has stopped listing erotic ads in Canada. Now if you want to hook up with a woman you have to do what every Canadian male had to do in the past, play in the NHL.

A Saskatoon disc jockey has come under fire for getting high on the air with a hallucinogenic herb causing him to double over with laughter. Officials warn of the dangers and say if Canadians wish to have a hearty laugh they should stick to watching the Toronto Maple Leafs kill a penalty.


Didn’t know Sarah Palin was such a big football fan until I saw her Xmas card where she was lined up in the shotgun formation

A new version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas is currently holding casting calls with the inside track being given to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and Union executive DeMaurice Smith.

In what had to be an unfortunate spell check error the Xmas card from Brett Favre ExtenZe his best for the upcoming year.

Top 5 signs you’re at an NBA Xmas party

# 5 Elves are all over 6’
# 4 Packages are being unwrapped with no gifts exchanged
# 3 The rounds are live and the punch mostly sucker
# 2 The Holly Wreath got packed in a bong
# 1 Guest list is pretty well all Ho, Ho, Ho’s

Actor Marilu Henner has a condition called autobiographical superior memory which allows her to remember every day of her life. The condition is also known to Toronto sports fans a hell.

Social media King Mark Zukerberg is in China and sources say he is considering starting a joint venture. The new website will become a place to post embarrassing pictures and gossip about your Friends and will be called Losing Facebook.


Rex Ryan says he will not talk about the foot fetish video saying he doesn't concentrate on the pleasures but rather his focus is on the agony of defeat...


I always wondered how a 350 lb. guy got the nickname twinkle toes...


I can't help but feel the video leak is a way to take the pressure of his team... it must be a part of an over arching plan...


He says mostly he is sorry for his wife and the person who posted the video should feel like a heel...


The news hit his players hard but they all promised to be more understanding of Rex and would toe the line in the future...

Blow them Boys

Really Calgary sports media?

Is every answer to the question...

“What wrong with the Flames?”

...the Sutters?

That’s it?

That is all you have?

Statistically the last 5 years have been some of the most successful

Really enjoyable from the point of view of us...

Flames Fans...

We made it to the Stanley Cup final and we all know that if there wasn’t a lockout it would have been a spectacular year...

we really coulda been a contenders...

The Flames have lost recent 1st round picks to addictions, injury and tragic death

Yet every year we were competitive...

every year we coulda won it all (OK cap space issues, crippling injuries and horrific slumps aside)

Why must the Sutters go Calgary sports media?

What? Won’t they drink with you?

Is it easier or more profitable to write negative articles and fluff analysis?

The Flames Fans hope the Sutters are not going anywhere...

They are winners and sometimes winners lose... but most Flames Fans know... they will win again... because they are winners.

We Flames Fans hope they are given every opportunity to create a powerhouse

Most Flames Fans biggest nightmare is not the Sutters...

It is the Sutters ... leaving

I haven’t read the current Global warming statistics to confirm but I have a hunch they may be moving the herd up a little north... the grass is greener and the droughts are not as prolonged. To a rancher a well fed herd is a happy herd.

That should sober up anyone who thinks calling for the head of a Sutter is smart...

Could you imagine... as a Flames Fan... the Oiler rookies up in Edmonton... coached by Daryl... managed by Brent... scouted by pretty well every relative from Red Deer... and then there is the cousins...

Now let’s pretend the Sutters entice either Jay Bowmeister or Mark Giradino in a couple of years... if you want a real chill think of them being free agents or “traded” by Daryl to Brent...

Mikka might be willing to stop nearly everything humanly possible... for a couple years... for a lot of money...

and Ignila might want to to win one for him and his wives hometown in 2 years...

This is like the Miami Heat only it would be really cold for Flames Fans...

So here is a recap...

Short of oral sex... the sports writing community should strive to represent a more accurate reflection of the views of Flames Fans... perform the service of documenting the victories and defeats or the Flames will be playing the future Sutters and their Oilers... and they still have draft choices...

The reason we are Flames Fans goes beyond hockey.

Calgary is a very educated (whatever that means) City...

Statistics Canada will back it up...

We are technologically savvy...

We understand business...

All Flames Fans have a life... but we are connected virtually to their success

Flames Fans are really OK with the Sutters building a dynasty...

Flames Fans don’t see the logic or fun in blowing it up...

When your fantasy team is wearing Victoria Secret...

Why put a burlap sack over it?

Brett before King

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FIFA for fun

Glad to see Tiger Woods doing well again despite mental health experts who think Tiger may suffer from a rare form of sex addiction that causes men who are rich and powerful to act out. Most women say it’s just par for the course.

I asked my GF if I had the symptoms of this rare sex addict disease and she said I had too much dough and not enough money

The prevailing slogan of the day is “Man Up” and it’s hard because the only man doing it is Tiger and no one wants to admit it

Announcer in the NHL are using “Man Up” to describe hits from behind, a refusal to fight after delivering a foul or when TSN’s Jennifer Hedges comes into the press box

Now that Sidney Crosby has moved out of owner and hall of famer Mario Lemieux’s basement it’s no wonder it is having a positive effect on his scoring

I wonder if Super Mario mentored Crosby in scoring on the days off... I mean a guy doesn’t get the nickname Super Mario for nothing

Crosby says he won’t shave off the moustache he grew for Movember in support of prostate cancer as he is on a tear. Being a man from the ‘70’s I can relate to how a guy with a porn star ‘stach can really scare.

With all the fuss over concussions in sports you would think more players would be interested in hard caps.

Jenn Sterger the woman who was texted images of Brett Favres junk says she won’t ask for money if Favre is punished by the NFL. Asked to comment Favre says he should be punished by Sterger herself because he has been a very bad man.

Worms that were genetically modified by McGill University researchers not only survived exposure to a banned poison, they lived even longer than normal worms causing speculation Favre may return for yet one more season.


Prince Charles and his wife, Camilla, were attacked during student riots. Charles says he is sympathetic to the cause and if they want to talk he is all ears.


NY Jets coach Rex Ryan buried a football during practice at their field as a way of putting the humiliating loss to the NE Patriots behind him. In a surprise twist after a couple of feet he uncovered the body of Jimmy Hoffa


An ongoing effort to track down cheese contaminated with listeria has resulted in food products being pulled from shelves, a warning to cheese lovers and most important a recall of Green Bay Packer Cheese Head hats

This week marks the 30th anniversary of the death of John Lennon and the news that was delivered during a Monday Night Football game. This has resulted in the tradition of MNF reading the obituary of coaches hired by Cleveland, Washington and Denver.


Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall says that in the aftermath of a controversial takeover bid for PotashCorp the province wants to clarify what it considers to be a strategic resource. At the top of the list is oil followed by wheat and watermelons.


Former NBA star Allen Iverson says he's happy with his new career in Turkey. In particular he is thrilled the team doesn’t put too much emphasis on practice.


Top 5 signs FIFA World Cup win by Qatar was perfectly organized, perfectly transparent and perfectly under control
# 5 Negotiating hookers wore transparent lingerie
# 4 Luxury cars given as presents had perfect control
# 3 The schedule of hookers to FIFA officials was really well organized
# 2 All bribes and coercive payments were made in daylight
# 1 Female spectators and the wives of players will be allowed to wear transparent veils during games

Working out the bugs

TSN spent a lot of the West final discussing Roughrider QB Darian Durant talking to his father at half time during the Riders last game with BC. Calgary Stampeders DB Brendan Browner tried the same thing but he must have been put on hold.

Ajax Amsterdam suspended striker Luis Suarez for two matches for biting an opponent. With the way soccer players like to embellish he was probably just pretending to take a bite.

Oprah gave everyone in her audience a Volkswagen Beetle which is the most free bugs given to an audience since the last NBA All star game

The union head for the NBA says he is 99% certain the league will lock out the players for next year and is advising his clients to save their money. So it looks like LeBron James will just have to settle for taking his towel to South Beach.

The Pope has changed years of Catholic doctrine by saying there is some groups that should be allowed to use condoms. The Pope says condoms should be available for prostitutes, sex trade workers and NFL players.

The Alberta Government is using some athletes in their campaign to try and reduce bullying among school children. The ads focus on kids being told that just because someone says or does something they don’t agree with does not give them the right to bully or exclude them from groups. The ads will be given air time on TV once the government has finished ejecting members from cabinet who complain about the health care system.

A report to the Federal Government shows 82 first nation’s leaders make more money than the PM. In exceptional cases some native leaders make almost as much as a 4th line centre for the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Ontario is on edge as a judge is set to rule on a prostitution law that could make the sale of sex legal and uncontrolled in the Province. Finally some good news for the Toronto Raptors as this could help in the signing of big name free agents.

The new book by Sarah Palin in which she promotes good old fashioned US values has her wearing a US flag bracelet that looks suspiciously like one made in China.

Edmonton Eskimos DE Adam Braidwood was charged with unlawful confinement after it was alleged he kept a man in the trunk of his car. The incident is unusual as it is one of the rare times a defensive lineman gets charged with holding.

Tennessee Titans QB Vince Young has apologized to his coach after having a meltdown by sending him a text. Asked what he thought Brett Favre said he thought the method was revealing.

Canada will apply to host the 2015 FIFA World Cup of soccer or as the MLS call it a smorgasbroad.

What is with the Toronto Raptors? They are winning, playing entertaining basketball and all without Chris Bosh videos showing fans how to vote for in for the All Star team.

A new survey shows Canadians are in favour of healthier options in fast food restaurants. The survey says it will improve health for those that mostly eat the food including the poor, people on fixed incomes and CFL teams on road trips trying to stretch their per diems.

Wally Ball

I wasn’t until the Edmonton Eskimo punter Derek Schieveone hit an 18 yarder in the last minute of a half I got the shrives at least one word play. It’s like being a golfer named Whiff, a tennis player named Fault or a Leaf labelled can’t miss.

It seems like everyone is afraid of having the BC Lions into the playoffs and with a questionable QB, suspect defence and a rash of injuries I think the other teams are worried Wally Buono is going to suit up for the game

Top 5 signs it’s CFL playoff time
# 5 The Leafs and Oilers are almost mathematically eliminated from their playoff run
# 4 Baseball has been over for an hour
# 3 After passing for 70% of the year offenses now stress running
# 2 Per diems for players is increased by $2.25
# 1 Canadians are always reminding NFL fans our balls are bigger and because it’s cold they are...

The NHL has decided to let the captains pick their all star teams and have formally agreed eeny meeny miny moe will be used for tough roster decisions.

The Dallas Cowboys lost their domain name dallas-cowboys.com when they forgot to renew their registration so somewhere in Russia a 14 year old computer geek has Jerry Jones over the barrel.

Shawne Merriman injured himself during his 1st practice with the Buffalo Bills thus forcing him to leave early. The injury was blamed on Merriman gaining 10 lbs and his body not being used to it. Merriman says if he gains enough he may never have to play for the Bills this year.

For those wondering Saskatchewan and Hamilton will be victorious in the CFL and the Titans and Eagles in the NFL. You’re welcome.

Howling Good Hockey

I feel for Brett Sutter he has it tough. Your Dad is the GM, your uncle is the coach, another uncle is the player development rep, you are being spotted in games at best and your cousin is lighting it up with another team. I think he deserves a trophy every day he doesn’t get into a fight. It’s like being the Principles kid, the daughter of an actress or Gary Bettmans body double. One hint I will give Brett don’t mention your disabled brother when you are being charged with punching out a taxi driver. If you are giving a shout out do it to Patrick Kane of the Chicago Blackhawks.

I love the howl that goes off when the Phoenix Coyotes score a goal at Jobbing.com stadium, especially on a Wednesday when they are playing Columbus. The echo from the howl reminds me of a dog running away in Saskatchewan... it goes on for ever...

In honour of the rehabilitation of Michael Vick a new reality show is coming called Conviction Gridiron. Each week a new NFL player will be released from prison and try to catch on with a team. According to the producers of the show it will be a show of hope and best of all there is an unending supply. Plaxico Burris... come on down!

The Lance Armstrong drug scandal is widening to include France and European countries and soon will rival the Nuremberg Trials for testimony and scope. At some point prosecutors hope to issue a scathing report but not until they check out training facilities in Hawaii, Fiji and Bali during the winter.

George W Bush is reflective of the damage he has caused during his term as President but his biggest regret is turning up for almost all of the Texas Rangers home losses during the playoffs. Collateral damage, worldwide financial chaos and national disgrace are one thing but a World Series title is forever.

It looks like the Washington Redskins need help with their ownership during the final 2 minutes before signing a contract. I think Donovan is worth $78 million but only if he can mentor another ex-con like Vick.

Montreal Canadian goaltender Carey Price was named the 1st star of the week by the NHL. In celebration Canadians fans looted a Gap and later blew out the traditional burning Police car.

Brett Favre says he won’t have an MRI to examine his sore shoulder saying he has looked at it with his X-ray vision and confirmed a mere mortal would never play again but he’s OK.

One of the great horses of all time Zenyatta has been retired to pasture where she will be expected not to pass the boys.

Tiger Woods says he got away from his core values and now likes nothing more than to give his child a bath. This surprised 12 of his 19 former flings who reported he wasn’t that fond of playing rub a dub dub in the tub.

The Canadian armed forces have purchased 500 video games for use by soldiers with titles like "Gears of War", "Call of Duty", "Mortal Kombat" and "Assassins Creed." The only non shooter game is Tiger Woods 2011 which teaches the soldiers how to grip a club and conduct a secret rendezvous while under curfew.