With Elizabeth May being shut out of seats and the Roughriders getting crushed by the Stampeders I guess Kermit was right, it’s not easy being Green.
The CFL has announced its entertainment for the Grey Cup halftime show with BC band Theory of a Deadman narrowly edging out Hamilton’s Theory of a Losing Season.
I thought Theory of a Deadman was Professor Stephane Dion’s Green Shift platform.
Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner Big Brown injured his foot during a workout and will now be retired to stud. His owners hope he will soon be producing sires and in an effort to get him on the right track hired Travis Henry as his groom.
According to Jay Leno Sarah Palin shouldn’t be upset she was booed when she dropped the puck in Philadelphia Flyers home opener because their fans are so tough they jeer the Zamboni driver if he makes a bad turn.
I know Sarah calls herself a hockey mom but the way she has been attacking Obama it would have been more appropriate to let her kick the opening ball in an Eagles game.
Toronto Maple Leaf Ryan Hollweg says he is being picked on after his third hitting from behind penalty and wishes referees would address the real problem Steve Downey.
The IOC says the 300 drug tests from the Beijing Olympics that went missing have been found and surprisingly they were in Joe the Plumbers truck.
A report says nearly 1 in 10 athletes at the Olympics were injured or as the Saskatchewan Roughriders call it an average practice.
Denis Savard was fired by the Chicago Blackhawks after opening the season 3-1 or as the Toronto Maple Leafs call it a reason to offer an extension.
President Bush had the Detroit Red Wings at the White House in celebration of their Stanley Cup win. The meeting became awkward when Bush asked some of the players for cab fare at the end.
France says they will not sponsor a Grand Prix race next year opening the door for Montreal if they can get the Federal Government to agree speeding dangerously is a part of Quebec culture.
The Anaheim Ducks have started the season losing their first 4 games prompting team officials to accuse GM Brian Burke of preparing to take over the Maple Leafs.
FIA president Max Mosley says he will cut costs next year and supports say if anyone is good at belt tightening, it’s Max.
Seeing the success of the Blue Jays, Leafs and Argos by hiring executives from the past Toronto today fired Mayor David Miller and replaced him with Mel Lastman.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Baby Steps
Soccer team Chelsea has recruited a 12 year old to play for the team saying they hope to emulate the success of China.
Former Detroit Lion Eric Hipple says he suffered from clinical depression and with advancements in medical science he hopes current Lions fans will seek help.
The current economic meltdown has forced the Canadian Olympic committee to change the name of the Own the Podium program to the heavily financed podium program.
A woman has pleaded not guilty to stalking LA Lakers forward Luke Walton saying she was just trying to post up to him.
The Formula 1 race for Montreal has been canceled with organizers saying the teams needs a vacation from their grueling schedule. In its place the City of Montreal will remove speed limits for the early morning commute.
The F-1 race brings in $100 million to the Montreal economy which the Liberals say they will replace with a Green Shift race. The object will be to race to Ottawa and ask for more money.
The International Olympic Committee will re-test hundreds of blood samples from Olympic athletes who competed in China. Sources say they are looking for traces of melamine, lead and ginseng.
The World anti-doping agency has removed a hair growth drug from the banned drug list when it was shown the only thing it masks is insecurity.
The drug was thought to be a performance enhancer but it turned out to be a bald faced lie.
Packman Jones was involved in an altercation with his personal bodyguard which is like having the offensive line sack their own quarterback.
Jones says he was only trying to prevent his guard from preventing him from doing something stupid.
Sarah Palin will drop the puck in the home opener for the Philadelphia Flyers the first time a pit-bull has been on the team with lipstick.
Sarah says she is very familiar with hockey as her daughter’s boyfriend is quite a scorer.
Players with the French soccer team Olympique Marseille were forced to pass the hat when Exxon refused the pilots credit card for their flight home. Officials believe this is the first time a sports team has had to take a collection for leaving a strip without seeing clothes being removed.
Former NBA great Larry Bird won a lawsuit allowing him the right to use the phrase “The Legend of French Lick” opening the door for Marv Albert to use the phrase “Legend of the French Tickler”.
Top 3 signs your NHL team may not make the playoffs
# 3 Signed Chris Chelios to kick start the youth movement
# 2 Your top rookie was the MVP in the Zimbabwe Jr. league
# 1 Players demand separate rooms for team bonding trip
Sean Avery said in an interview he could market the NHL better than the officials in charge but when asked to back up his words hid behind a model from Vogue.
Avery says the NHL needs to create more hero and villain plotlines which will create the type of legitimacy seen in professional wrestling.
Top 3 Sean Avery suggestions to market the NHL
# 3 Scrap new water resistant uniforms in favour of chiffon
# 2 Focus less on the players skill and more on his GQ rating
# 1 Create a new magazine called “A” featuring him on the cover each month
My fearless predictions for the coming NHL season have Pittsburgh beating Calgary in the Stanley Cup, Toronto making the playoffs and Nashville players being asked to pay for their own sticks.
The financial crisis has NHL owners telling players they might have to tighten their cups.
With former Nashville owner Boots Del Biaggio filing for bankruptcy the only luxury box of interest is the one he might end up living in.
The NHL expanding to Europe instead of Canada is like putting your money into real estate instead of a mattress.
The financial turmoil may take a toll on sports journalism with the best looking female talking heads being courted by investment TV.
Sportsnet turns 10 this year and in honour of the event announcers are sporting retro haircuts.
The Edmonton Oilers were in Jasper for a bonding retreat and spent the time riding bikes, hiking and looking for a bar that wouldn’t ask for ID’s.
The stock market crash has affected the NBA with strip clubs complaining the rain has dwindled to a drizzle.
Former Detroit Lion Eric Hipple says he suffered from clinical depression and with advancements in medical science he hopes current Lions fans will seek help.
The current economic meltdown has forced the Canadian Olympic committee to change the name of the Own the Podium program to the heavily financed podium program.
A woman has pleaded not guilty to stalking LA Lakers forward Luke Walton saying she was just trying to post up to him.
The Formula 1 race for Montreal has been canceled with organizers saying the teams needs a vacation from their grueling schedule. In its place the City of Montreal will remove speed limits for the early morning commute.
The F-1 race brings in $100 million to the Montreal economy which the Liberals say they will replace with a Green Shift race. The object will be to race to Ottawa and ask for more money.
The International Olympic Committee will re-test hundreds of blood samples from Olympic athletes who competed in China. Sources say they are looking for traces of melamine, lead and ginseng.
The World anti-doping agency has removed a hair growth drug from the banned drug list when it was shown the only thing it masks is insecurity.
The drug was thought to be a performance enhancer but it turned out to be a bald faced lie.
Packman Jones was involved in an altercation with his personal bodyguard which is like having the offensive line sack their own quarterback.
Jones says he was only trying to prevent his guard from preventing him from doing something stupid.
Sarah Palin will drop the puck in the home opener for the Philadelphia Flyers the first time a pit-bull has been on the team with lipstick.
Sarah says she is very familiar with hockey as her daughter’s boyfriend is quite a scorer.
Players with the French soccer team Olympique Marseille were forced to pass the hat when Exxon refused the pilots credit card for their flight home. Officials believe this is the first time a sports team has had to take a collection for leaving a strip without seeing clothes being removed.
Former NBA great Larry Bird won a lawsuit allowing him the right to use the phrase “The Legend of French Lick” opening the door for Marv Albert to use the phrase “Legend of the French Tickler”.
Top 3 signs your NHL team may not make the playoffs
# 3 Signed Chris Chelios to kick start the youth movement
# 2 Your top rookie was the MVP in the Zimbabwe Jr. league
# 1 Players demand separate rooms for team bonding trip
Sean Avery said in an interview he could market the NHL better than the officials in charge but when asked to back up his words hid behind a model from Vogue.
Avery says the NHL needs to create more hero and villain plotlines which will create the type of legitimacy seen in professional wrestling.
Top 3 Sean Avery suggestions to market the NHL
# 3 Scrap new water resistant uniforms in favour of chiffon
# 2 Focus less on the players skill and more on his GQ rating
# 1 Create a new magazine called “A” featuring him on the cover each month
My fearless predictions for the coming NHL season have Pittsburgh beating Calgary in the Stanley Cup, Toronto making the playoffs and Nashville players being asked to pay for their own sticks.
The financial crisis has NHL owners telling players they might have to tighten their cups.
With former Nashville owner Boots Del Biaggio filing for bankruptcy the only luxury box of interest is the one he might end up living in.
The NHL expanding to Europe instead of Canada is like putting your money into real estate instead of a mattress.
The financial turmoil may take a toll on sports journalism with the best looking female talking heads being courted by investment TV.
Sportsnet turns 10 this year and in honour of the event announcers are sporting retro haircuts.
The Edmonton Oilers were in Jasper for a bonding retreat and spent the time riding bikes, hiking and looking for a bar that wouldn’t ask for ID’s.
The stock market crash has affected the NBA with strip clubs complaining the rain has dwindled to a drizzle.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Pinball CFL Style
Top 3 signs your teams owner is nuts
# 3 Trades his # 1 pick for a couple of Canadian Maple bats.
# 2 Signs his 73 year old GM to a 10 year contract
# 1 Buys a US NHL team as an investment
Former Denver Bronco Travis Henry was arrested for trafficking in cocaine and immediately instructed his attorney to submit a “Babies need a few pair of shoes” defence.
Henry says he was set-up and thought he was buying baby powder in bulk.
Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis fired Coach Lane Kiffin and says he won’t pay him because he lied and said congress would pass the bailout plan.
Why is it now that the Argonauts are treating the quarterback position like a pinball game?
The Vancouver Canucks named Roberto Longo as their captain despite the fact he can’t officially wear the “C”. They also named the Sedin twins as their franchise players and decal double mocha as their official beverage.
Naming a captain who can’t talk to officials is like naming a catcher that can’t give signs to the pitcher.
With the financial crisis hitting Wall Street it may be that the Yankees will be the new sponsor of Chase Manhattan Bank.
Watching a bunch of self serving people sitting around a table discussing the national interest I was confused... is it an election debate or a Maple Leafs board meeting?
Tony Mandarich the 6’2 350 lb. 1st round draft pick for Green Bay now says he was taking steroids. In other news grass is green, the sky is blue and the sun disappears every night.
NY Mets pitcher Johan Santana had surgery on his knee and is confident he will be in the line-up in time for the annual fall collapse.
Al Davis has accused Bill Belichick of tampering saying he has secretly filmed Davis during a rare coherent phase.
The Montreal Alouttes have hired David Suzuki to help them go green while the Miami Dolphins say they will stick with advice from Rickey Williams.
The Toronto Blue Jays say they invented green and for years have recycled the same excuse for losing.
You heard it here first... the St. Louis Blues will make the playoffs and become the surprise of the NHL season.
It seems there is a trend towards having 3 days rest between big moments with MLB pitchers and the US congress leading the way.
Women ski jumpers are continuing their protest to be included in the 2010 Olympics saying if voters are allowed to take a leap into the unknown...
Lance Armstron rejected a call from the French anti-doping agency to re-test his 1999 urine sample saying... piss off.
# 3 Trades his # 1 pick for a couple of Canadian Maple bats.
# 2 Signs his 73 year old GM to a 10 year contract
# 1 Buys a US NHL team as an investment
Former Denver Bronco Travis Henry was arrested for trafficking in cocaine and immediately instructed his attorney to submit a “Babies need a few pair of shoes” defence.
Henry says he was set-up and thought he was buying baby powder in bulk.
Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis fired Coach Lane Kiffin and says he won’t pay him because he lied and said congress would pass the bailout plan.
Why is it now that the Argonauts are treating the quarterback position like a pinball game?
The Vancouver Canucks named Roberto Longo as their captain despite the fact he can’t officially wear the “C”. They also named the Sedin twins as their franchise players and decal double mocha as their official beverage.
Naming a captain who can’t talk to officials is like naming a catcher that can’t give signs to the pitcher.
With the financial crisis hitting Wall Street it may be that the Yankees will be the new sponsor of Chase Manhattan Bank.
Watching a bunch of self serving people sitting around a table discussing the national interest I was confused... is it an election debate or a Maple Leafs board meeting?
Tony Mandarich the 6’2 350 lb. 1st round draft pick for Green Bay now says he was taking steroids. In other news grass is green, the sky is blue and the sun disappears every night.
NY Mets pitcher Johan Santana had surgery on his knee and is confident he will be in the line-up in time for the annual fall collapse.
Al Davis has accused Bill Belichick of tampering saying he has secretly filmed Davis during a rare coherent phase.
The Montreal Alouttes have hired David Suzuki to help them go green while the Miami Dolphins say they will stick with advice from Rickey Williams.
The Toronto Blue Jays say they invented green and for years have recycled the same excuse for losing.
You heard it here first... the St. Louis Blues will make the playoffs and become the surprise of the NHL season.
It seems there is a trend towards having 3 days rest between big moments with MLB pitchers and the US congress leading the way.
Women ski jumpers are continuing their protest to be included in the 2010 Olympics saying if voters are allowed to take a leap into the unknown...
Lance Armstron rejected a call from the French anti-doping agency to re-test his 1999 urine sample saying... piss off.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Union Rules!
Calgary Flames coach Mike Keenan met with goaltender Mikka Kiprosof in the off season to have a tea and in a surprise turn Mikka pulled him out half way through and had a coffee with this wife.
People Against Drugs a charitable agency in Texas spent “millions of dollars” supporting a team in the NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series. A spokesman for the agency says in retrospect they shouldn’t have left the budget in the hands of their crack financial team.
OJ Simpson is having a difficult time with his latest trial because most of the stolen sporting goods labelled in question actually do fit.
A horse from the US Olympic dressage team has tested positive for a banned substance and now instead of being the glue that holds the team together will probably end up just being glue.
The New England Patriots were so upset with their loss to Miami they labelled the film of the game Burn after Viewing.
Patriot players reported the difficulty they had with Miami’s direct snap was nothing compared to dealing with coach Belichick when he snapped.
Convicted NBA referee Tim Donaghy reported to prison and had a tough day as he was dunked, fouled and inmates constantly palmed the ball.
The upside to the potentially inflationary bailout of Wall Street is that the $200 million paid on salary by the Yankees will soon seem like chump change.
NASCAR says they will test all drivers, pit crew and officials for performance enhancing drugs but reassured fans Budweiser is not on the list.
Top 3 signs your football fans have had too much to drink
# 3 Tests downwind from the stadium show the breeze is 20 mph and well over .08.
# 2 The fight to get a urinal is more vicious than anything on the field
# 1 You think a watermelon on your head will impress the ladies.
A study at Boston University is asking athletes to donate their brains for a study on concussions. Players who have had several concussions say asking for their brains is stupid because they need them.
The study is also asking politicians to donate their brains as well since the whiplash from changing positions daily can be traumatic.
A Newspaper story claiming soccer star Christian Ronaldo spent $20,000 on champagne while partying with 4 models was met with a lawsuit by Ronaldo. Lawyers for the player say it was $25,000 and they weren’t models but actresses.
A story like that about an NBA player would be praised for the restraint shown.
A Saskatchewan offence built around Foord? Tough!
St. Louis Blues Erik Johnson will miss the rest of the year because of a golf cart accident. A spokesman with the Toronto Maple Leafs said their players are in no danger as they are experienced golfers with years of extra practice.
Former Canadian Auto Worker head Buzz Hargrove was added to an advisory board of the NHLPA and his first suggestions was to lengthen the schedule so more road trips could be done by car.
John McCain rushing back to Washington to get a deal done is like Lou Pinella rushing back to Tampa to help the Rays get into the playoffs.
Nashville Predators have sold less than 12,000 season tickets for the upcoming year thus putting the boots to another financial rescue.
The Detroit Lions released team president Matt Millen the only president with a lower approval rating than Bush.
A bomb scare at the Philadelphia Phillies stadium was a result of foil wrapped hot dogs shot by the Phillie Fanatic being mistaken for bombs. Officials with the Fanatic were sorry but still say the promotion was a wiener.
The NHL is concerned the credit crisis will hit their league because many teams have mortgaged their future on dubious securities.
People Against Drugs a charitable agency in Texas spent “millions of dollars” supporting a team in the NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series. A spokesman for the agency says in retrospect they shouldn’t have left the budget in the hands of their crack financial team.
OJ Simpson is having a difficult time with his latest trial because most of the stolen sporting goods labelled in question actually do fit.
A horse from the US Olympic dressage team has tested positive for a banned substance and now instead of being the glue that holds the team together will probably end up just being glue.
The New England Patriots were so upset with their loss to Miami they labelled the film of the game Burn after Viewing.
Patriot players reported the difficulty they had with Miami’s direct snap was nothing compared to dealing with coach Belichick when he snapped.
Convicted NBA referee Tim Donaghy reported to prison and had a tough day as he was dunked, fouled and inmates constantly palmed the ball.
The upside to the potentially inflationary bailout of Wall Street is that the $200 million paid on salary by the Yankees will soon seem like chump change.
NASCAR says they will test all drivers, pit crew and officials for performance enhancing drugs but reassured fans Budweiser is not on the list.
Top 3 signs your football fans have had too much to drink
# 3 Tests downwind from the stadium show the breeze is 20 mph and well over .08.
# 2 The fight to get a urinal is more vicious than anything on the field
# 1 You think a watermelon on your head will impress the ladies.
A study at Boston University is asking athletes to donate their brains for a study on concussions. Players who have had several concussions say asking for their brains is stupid because they need them.
The study is also asking politicians to donate their brains as well since the whiplash from changing positions daily can be traumatic.
A Newspaper story claiming soccer star Christian Ronaldo spent $20,000 on champagne while partying with 4 models was met with a lawsuit by Ronaldo. Lawyers for the player say it was $25,000 and they weren’t models but actresses.
A story like that about an NBA player would be praised for the restraint shown.
A Saskatchewan offence built around Foord? Tough!
St. Louis Blues Erik Johnson will miss the rest of the year because of a golf cart accident. A spokesman with the Toronto Maple Leafs said their players are in no danger as they are experienced golfers with years of extra practice.
Former Canadian Auto Worker head Buzz Hargrove was added to an advisory board of the NHLPA and his first suggestions was to lengthen the schedule so more road trips could be done by car.
John McCain rushing back to Washington to get a deal done is like Lou Pinella rushing back to Tampa to help the Rays get into the playoffs.
Nashville Predators have sold less than 12,000 season tickets for the upcoming year thus putting the boots to another financial rescue.
The Detroit Lions released team president Matt Millen the only president with a lower approval rating than Bush.
A bomb scare at the Philadelphia Phillies stadium was a result of foil wrapped hot dogs shot by the Phillie Fanatic being mistaken for bombs. Officials with the Fanatic were sorry but still say the promotion was a wiener.
The NHL is concerned the credit crisis will hit their league because many teams have mortgaged their future on dubious securities.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Averybody hate Him!
Sean Avery was offered a TV sit com after he aced the screen test.
Avery says the show will be a romantic comedy with a tentative plot revolving around him falling in love with his press clippings.
Carl Lewis is stopping just short of accusing Usain Bolt of taking performance enhancing drugs. Bolt was shocked because after listening to him attempt the American anthem he thought Lewis had died of embarrassment.
If every NFL player who had mental problems was treated like Vince Young there wouldn’t be enough psychologists left to treat the people in the financial sector.
Toronto Argonaut quarterback Kerry Joseph was demoted to second string so now he will have to take the money and sit.
Former hockey great Bobby Hull went off on a rant against today’s players wasting thousands of dollars on rookie initiation meals. Hull says it makes him want to pull out his hair, but it would ruin the transplant.
Toronto Argonauts quarterback Cody Picket has a rope in his locker in tribute to his days as a rodeo cowboy. Upon hearing this F1 head Max Mosley said “that’s it... I’m secretly a cowboy.”
A survey has reported 30% of men say sex is better after their team has won especially after watching the lingerie bowl.
The balance of the men say sex is better when their partners’ team has won.
The NHL says insurance costs will prevent star players from attending international events. This means the increase in premiums will decrease the number of premium players.
Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk announced he will try to purchase a MLS franchise and in a surprise move plans to call them the Roughriders.
It will be a toss-up as to who will tee off first players on the Ryder Cup or fans of Montreal and Edmonton who won’t be able to see their CFL teams play.
TSN says the conflict was unavoidable and said they tried to make alternate arrangements but those picky Montreal fans didn’t want to get up at 6:00 AM for a game.
The NY Mets say their biggest mistake during their playoff drive was not adding Dr. Heimlich when the roster expanded.
Top 3 Signs your NHL teams’ owner spent too much on free agents
# 3 His account says the books are scarier than his last horror film
# 2 His financial planner says his investments in Bank stocks are worth more than his investment in players’ salaries
# 3 Teams’ insurance company won’t allow the team to fly together as it will constitute too much risk.
Teachers in Saskatchewan are surprised by students’ lack of understanding on food saying kids think meat comes from a freezer, cereal comes from a store and watermelons come from a Riders game.
A tie worn by Montreal Canadians coach Guy Carbonneau was auctioned for $100,000 at a charity event the most paid for a tie since Al Gore.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
On bended knee...
I find it ironic that confirmed bachelor Tom Brady is injured when his knee hit the ground.
Toronto Maple Leafs are upset with Liberal leader Stephane Dion when he kicked off his campaign by saying he will exceed the public’s low expectations. Officials are accusing Dion of stealing from their new marketing strategy.
After watching the Green Bay Packers put up the points in their opening game it seems Mr. Rogers neighbourhood may be the end zone.
With Don Mathews now running the Argos Toronto can boast a complete blue plate special of sports managers.
Top 3 suggested titles for the new TV show based on Sean Avery
# 3 Sean of the Dread
# 2 Avery which way but lose
# 1 How I hit that Mother
Avery was given a show because he aced the screen test.
Two more Sumo wrestlers were found to be using marijuana and officials say they will continue to weed out the offenders.
I was suspicious some of the Sumo wrestlers were using pot when their ring names were Mary Jane, Herb and Bud.
Headline in Hamilton after the Tiger Cats fired their head coach “Taaffe Pulled”
When asked who will benefit most from Toronto sports teams all being headed by Sr. Citizens officials with the City said “depends”.
Winnipeg Blue Bomber Tom Canada had his trade to Hamilton nullified as he was in the hospital with an enlarged spleen. CFL officials say if a player is injured they are only allowed to be traded to Saskatchewan.
The Detroit Red Wings have signed defenseman Chris Chelios to a 1 year contract or as officials call it a long term deal.
Reaction to Lance Armstrong returning to professional cycling was swift with most riders saying “nuts”.
The bad news is Slovakia’s women’s hockey team defeated Bulgaria 82-0 in a qualifier for the Olympics, the worse news is it is a best of 2 total goals.
The City of Calgary is increasing property taxes to tackle gangs and the Stampeders are eyeing a ticket price increase for their gang tackling.
Going to a Republican rally and seeing John McCain instead of Sarah Palin is like going to a Pittsburgh Penguins game and seeing Tyler Kennedy instead of Sidney Crosby.
Canadian figure skating World Champion Jeffrey Buttle is retiring and says like most athletes he will miss the competition, the camaraderie and the free tights.
Jeffrey says he never felt special because like everyone he puts on his lycra-spandex, glitter covered, lace trimmed bodysuit one leg at a time.
Defensive tackle John Chick will be out for a month with a finger injury so in the interim he will resume his website of favourite movies called John’s Chick Flick Picks.
Floyd Landis says he will try for a return after his suspension for drug use ends saying he hopes to recapture time in a bottle.
Toronto Maple Leafs are upset with Liberal leader Stephane Dion when he kicked off his campaign by saying he will exceed the public’s low expectations. Officials are accusing Dion of stealing from their new marketing strategy.
After watching the Green Bay Packers put up the points in their opening game it seems Mr. Rogers neighbourhood may be the end zone.
With Don Mathews now running the Argos Toronto can boast a complete blue plate special of sports managers.
Top 3 suggested titles for the new TV show based on Sean Avery
# 3 Sean of the Dread
# 2 Avery which way but lose
# 1 How I hit that Mother
Avery was given a show because he aced the screen test.
Two more Sumo wrestlers were found to be using marijuana and officials say they will continue to weed out the offenders.
I was suspicious some of the Sumo wrestlers were using pot when their ring names were Mary Jane, Herb and Bud.
Headline in Hamilton after the Tiger Cats fired their head coach “Taaffe Pulled”
When asked who will benefit most from Toronto sports teams all being headed by Sr. Citizens officials with the City said “depends”.
Winnipeg Blue Bomber Tom Canada had his trade to Hamilton nullified as he was in the hospital with an enlarged spleen. CFL officials say if a player is injured they are only allowed to be traded to Saskatchewan.
The Detroit Red Wings have signed defenseman Chris Chelios to a 1 year contract or as officials call it a long term deal.
Reaction to Lance Armstrong returning to professional cycling was swift with most riders saying “nuts”.
The bad news is Slovakia’s women’s hockey team defeated Bulgaria 82-0 in a qualifier for the Olympics, the worse news is it is a best of 2 total goals.
The City of Calgary is increasing property taxes to tackle gangs and the Stampeders are eyeing a ticket price increase for their gang tackling.
Going to a Republican rally and seeing John McCain instead of Sarah Palin is like going to a Pittsburgh Penguins game and seeing Tyler Kennedy instead of Sidney Crosby.
Canadian figure skating World Champion Jeffrey Buttle is retiring and says like most athletes he will miss the competition, the camaraderie and the free tights.
Jeffrey says he never felt special because like everyone he puts on his lycra-spandex, glitter covered, lace trimmed bodysuit one leg at a time.
Defensive tackle John Chick will be out for a month with a finger injury so in the interim he will resume his website of favourite movies called John’s Chick Flick Picks.
Floyd Landis says he will try for a return after his suspension for drug use ends saying he hopes to recapture time in a bottle.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
A Big Fat One
If Wendy’s really want to create excitement around their Kick to Win promotion they will offer people a shot at the idiot in Regina who brings a siren to the game and turns it on when the opposing team has the ball.
I’m all for cheering and shouting but if your contribution to a game is pushing a button to emit an irritating noise stay in the parking lot.
As if vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin didn’t have enough problems it turns out the father of her unwed daughters’ baby is Travis Henry.
The Toronto Maple Leafs traded defenseman Bryan McCabe to the Florida Panthers for a scapegoat to be designated later.
Two Jamaican athletes have been implicated in a steroid shipment scandal with the sprinters admitting they purchased the drugs but swearing they didn’t inhale.
The Jamaican athletes caught up in the drug shipments were hurdlers the first time a Jamaican was not involved in a high hurdles scandal.
Two Russian Sumo wrestlers have tested positive for marijuana use. Officials became suspicious when the wrestlers had the munchies between their 8th and 9th meals of the day.
Top 3 Signs your NFL team may not make the playoffs...
# 3 Your star player takes the first 8 weeks off to be on American Idol
# 2 Teammates describe the new offensive line as “cuddly”
# 1 The MVP from the pre-season was your trainer
Toronto Argonauts receiver Arland Bruce III was fined by the CFL after putting on a Spiderman mask during a touchdown celebration. Asked to comment CFL officials said “Oh what a web he weave when he celebrate the receive”.
Quite a chess game unfolded for the Saskatchewan Roughriders when a Bishop was brought to the Queen City causing pawn Marcus Crandal to get rooked in the night
LPGA golfer Lorena Ochoa of Mexico says the rule requiring players speak English is unfair saying for the first few years on Tour the only words she needed were “Mucho Gracias” when accepting the winners cheques.
The Facebook page of the baby father of the daughter of the new Republican vice-presidential nominee says he is an avid hockey player with a reputation for being an energy guy. After all the recent events maybe he should look at becoming a sniper because it seems when he shoots he scores.
With the Republican convention being held at the Excel Center in Minneapolis finally fans of the Minnesota Wild get to see a team that is not afraid to go into the corners, high stick the opponents and is egar to take the gloves off.
Calgary Stampeders quarterback Dave Dickenson is out with another concussion and the injury was not a result of a hit. It turns out Dave accidentally used the rough towel to wipe off some sweat from his forehead causing team officials to switch to Downey as the clubs official fabric softener.
Two rookies were released from the NBA transition program after officials found them in their rooms with hookers and drugs. A spokesman for the league says the players were surprisingly quick studies who had mastered the basics.
It seems ironic to me that the Calgary Stampeders were complaining QB Henry Burris was injured after being horse-collared.
A new release out this week is called Traitor or as it is known in gaming circles the cover of Madden NFL 2009.
Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad Johnston has changed his name to Ocho Cinco to reflect his uniform number upsetting former NBA player Charles Barkley who wanted it to reflect his golf handicap.
The CFL is involved in unique fund raising events with some of the teams this year with the Stampeders auctioning off game jerseys, the Eskimo’s getting bids for commemorative helmets and the Roughriders letting fans autograph casts and purchase autographed hospital gowns.
I’m all for cheering and shouting but if your contribution to a game is pushing a button to emit an irritating noise stay in the parking lot.
As if vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin didn’t have enough problems it turns out the father of her unwed daughters’ baby is Travis Henry.
The Toronto Maple Leafs traded defenseman Bryan McCabe to the Florida Panthers for a scapegoat to be designated later.
Two Jamaican athletes have been implicated in a steroid shipment scandal with the sprinters admitting they purchased the drugs but swearing they didn’t inhale.
The Jamaican athletes caught up in the drug shipments were hurdlers the first time a Jamaican was not involved in a high hurdles scandal.
Two Russian Sumo wrestlers have tested positive for marijuana use. Officials became suspicious when the wrestlers had the munchies between their 8th and 9th meals of the day.
Top 3 Signs your NFL team may not make the playoffs...
# 3 Your star player takes the first 8 weeks off to be on American Idol
# 2 Teammates describe the new offensive line as “cuddly”
# 1 The MVP from the pre-season was your trainer
Toronto Argonauts receiver Arland Bruce III was fined by the CFL after putting on a Spiderman mask during a touchdown celebration. Asked to comment CFL officials said “Oh what a web he weave when he celebrate the receive”.
Quite a chess game unfolded for the Saskatchewan Roughriders when a Bishop was brought to the Queen City causing pawn Marcus Crandal to get rooked in the night
LPGA golfer Lorena Ochoa of Mexico says the rule requiring players speak English is unfair saying for the first few years on Tour the only words she needed were “Mucho Gracias” when accepting the winners cheques.
The Facebook page of the baby father of the daughter of the new Republican vice-presidential nominee says he is an avid hockey player with a reputation for being an energy guy. After all the recent events maybe he should look at becoming a sniper because it seems when he shoots he scores.
With the Republican convention being held at the Excel Center in Minneapolis finally fans of the Minnesota Wild get to see a team that is not afraid to go into the corners, high stick the opponents and is egar to take the gloves off.
Calgary Stampeders quarterback Dave Dickenson is out with another concussion and the injury was not a result of a hit. It turns out Dave accidentally used the rough towel to wipe off some sweat from his forehead causing team officials to switch to Downey as the clubs official fabric softener.
Two rookies were released from the NBA transition program after officials found them in their rooms with hookers and drugs. A spokesman for the league says the players were surprisingly quick studies who had mastered the basics.
It seems ironic to me that the Calgary Stampeders were complaining QB Henry Burris was injured after being horse-collared.
A new release out this week is called Traitor or as it is known in gaming circles the cover of Madden NFL 2009.
Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad Johnston has changed his name to Ocho Cinco to reflect his uniform number upsetting former NBA player Charles Barkley who wanted it to reflect his golf handicap.
The CFL is involved in unique fund raising events with some of the teams this year with the Stampeders auctioning off game jerseys, the Eskimo’s getting bids for commemorative helmets and the Roughriders letting fans autograph casts and purchase autographed hospital gowns.
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