Infectous fun

I think Marvel comics were a bit late to create a comic based on NHL teams I mean Super Mario writes itself...

Top 5 Marvel super powers for NHL players
# 5 Able to say sorry at super speed
# 4 Turn team owners into paupers in a single court battle
# 3 Fly under American sports fan radar
# 2 Change Union heads at the speed of sound
# 1 OMG… his mullet… it’s alive!

The NFL is abuzz with speculation Minnesota QB Brett Favre sent pictures of his privates to a former NY Jets staffer. Officials are not sure what to call the incident... a quick snap, the offside pass or another day in the NFL. Brett’s wife has become a real stats fan as she awaits word whether the pass will be ruled complete or incomplete

Age is a real difference between Favre and younger QB's while the younger ones use a wristband to call plays all he has on his wrist is a Medic Alert bracelet.

Don Cherry spent most of Coaches Corner getting an award from the Canadian military. Cherry was honoured for his support, promotion and ability to shoot down all his detractors

The Dallas Stars are refusing to comment on the public intoxication charges against Mike Riberio saying it’s private

A Nigerian sprinter has tested positive at the Commonwealth Games the 1st athlete to test positive for something other than dengue fever

Not a good sign when your event is plagued with problems and it’s the real plague

After seeing his party get wiped off the electoral map, a worldwide recession linked to his policies and his team losing 2 games with him in the stands... we can now assume George Bush was not nicknamed W for winning.

Roy Hailiday must think a perfect game is one where he doesn’t wear a Toronto Blue Jays uniform,

Watching the film of San Francisco pitcher Tim Lincecomb leaping up after his team beat the Atlanta Braves was fun. Asked how he felt Tim said he hasn’t been as high since he went to the Black Eyed Peas concert

Not sure what was more embarrassing Henry Burris in a bra or the Stampeders defense caught with their pants down

In the hole!

A hook-up of Tiger Woods plans to release an hour long videotape of her and Tiger with about 35 minutes of sex. This confirms what a lot of people have seen... Tiger spends a lot of time lining up the hole...

The NFL supported women’s cancer with pink gloves, chinstraps and personal breast exams by players after the games

Despite signing a 5 year agreement with Rona Calgary Flames officials are adamant the team is not re-building

A Montreal man was ordered to pay $1 billion after sending out spam on Facebook and worse was unfriended by Chad Ochocinco.

The CFL is asking for $12 million from the Federal Government to host the 100th Grey Cup. The money will be used to promote the event in Toronto. A few million will be also given for Quebec to hold a French language tribute in song, dance and mime.

You would think from the way the Buffalo Bills are playing the CFL would offer to pay to have them play a few more games in Toronto.

Steve Tambalini the GM of the Edmonton Oilers was asked why he sent Sheldon Souray to Rochester in the AHL . He said it was the best fit for the team after SKA Siberia declined their offer.

Sesame Street is tackling issues such as HIV and drug abuse in their new shows for Nigeria. Next up they plan to introduce a new character Mr. Zero who will explain soccer scoring.

A cargo ship in Montreal was found to have a container filled with illegal immigrants. The low wage workers were thought to be in Canada to compete with Canadians for low paying jobs but none of them were able to throw a football.

Don't go Heidi!

The difference between NFL and CFL off site games? CFL teams come back loaded up on lobster... NFL teams catch their fill of crabs...

I know the nickname has been taken but I vote the Big M for Matt Dunigan... m for mute... do we really need to know coach Marcel Belfray of the Tiger Cats has piercing bedroom blue eyes?

It would have been nice if TSN could had given us an Atlantic perspective on the Atlantic Game... but CBC wouldn’t release Rex Murphy

The CFL players are coming down hard on the repeat vicious chop blocks from the Hamilton Tiger Cats Jason Jimenez who has already ended one career. The cry is being taken up by any employee who has to work with a lunatic especially Canada Post. The employees of Canada Post are in a bind... do they agree with the CFL players or honour Jimenez with a going postal stamp?

Canada is sending its national curling teams to the Summer Commonwealth Games in New Delhi not to complete just to sweep up some of the mouse droppings. In order to get the athletes used to the unsanitary conditions Team Canada is training and eating on Yonge Street in Toronto.

I guess the Stampeders Henry Burris has a home jersey an away jersey and an away from home jersey. Let’s see... double barrelled offense, playing for the cup... front loaded contract... bunch of boobs and Henry...yup got’em all...

The Montreal Canadians have chosen a unilingual English American captain causing riots, looting , a challenge from the Quebec language Police, an angry Bloc is considering staying home from Parliament, the Quebec Liberals say more judges will be appointed to spearhead an inquiry and the mascot for the Quebec Winter Carnival was seen lining his pockets with Kleenex instead of money. Or as it is known in Quebec... Tuesday.

A rejected MacLean’s cover had the Quebec Winter Carnival mascot stuffing his pocket with NHL tickets...

It has a nice ring to it when LaPolice can be fined. Ist time this week for a Quebec authority figure.

Not to say golf is desperate to create a controversy but Rory McIlroy says he was misquoted in reports he wants to play Tiger Woods and set the record straight saying he told the reporter “nice day”.

The Alberta Government set up a workplace safety website and the #1 complaint was for the bone restructuring company owned by BC Lions lineman Jason Jiminez
NFL fans are upset Brett Favre won’t retire and devastated Heidi Klum did.

Chill Montreal

Not sure who has the hardest record to justify... Alberta Premier Ed Stelmach defending the Oil Sands... Edmonton GM Kevin Lowe defending the Oilers or Calgary GM Darryl Sutter defending his personality...

A surprise in the poll to determine who is the most popular candidate for mayor of Calgary when Darien Durant placed in the top 5

Jesse Lumsden signed with the Calgary Stampeders but only after he was given assurance they don’t still shoot workhorses that go lame...

Former Arizona Cardinals QB and devout Christian Kurt Warner was surprised when he heard so many people were praying for him. It turns out fans were asking for divine intervention so he would be kicked off Dancing with the Stars so he could go back to the team

After sitting out the pre season and then signing a huge contract NY Jets CB Darrelle Revis is on the shelf with a strained hamstring. Asked how he will pass the time away from football Revis replied... comfortably...

For a person addicted to morphine working for the Edmonton Eskimos is going to be a pain

Top 5 NFL/ Michael Vic/dog fighting puns/double entrants’/satire/ridicule/rhyme type jokes
#5 He’s been let off the leash... kept on a short one or reignited the debate over chemical castration...
#4 Vic may play in the shotgun but can’t pull the trigger...
#3 Vic wants to play defence but NFL will not allow him to be a Rover
#2 In the CFL a career ending tackle is called horse collaring in the NFL it’s fatal and called dog collaring
#1 Bite me

According to experts the American recession ended in July of 2009. Toronto Maple Leafs could relate as their team turned the corner in February of 2006

Carey Price has asked Canadians fans to “chill” after they booed him during a pre season loss. Asked to comment Montreal Canadians fans took exception to the hothead and excitable label and then resumed burning his effigy, looting the Gap and filming their angst for a Radio Canada live performance special...

A Dutchy subject...

The signing of Jesse Lumsden to a CFL contract is day to day when the running back tweaked his wrist while practicing putting his name to a contract...

A TV company is promoting their new 3D sets using a cardboard cut out of NFL stars falling down. In order for the cardboard cut outs to have a more realistic feel... the NFL stars were coached by 2D TV Sports talking heads... if I’m not mistaken Peyton Manning is channelling his inner Dutchy...

The homeless World Cup of soccer starts next week to which the CFLPA has objected saying they could at least have considered offering football...

The NY Jets are being investigated by the NFL after reports they harassed a Mexican female reporter at a recent practice. The Jets have apologized saying they thought she was a woman applying to be baby momma # 9 for cornerback Antonio Cromartie

NY Jets corner back Antonio Cromartie was asked about NE Patriots wide receiver Randy Moss asking for more money to take care of his family. Cromartie asked for a moment to take off his shoes to determine how much child support he has to pay...

During the Chicago Blackhawks playoff run each time they scored a goal a song by the band The Fratellis was played. The band has since split up citing the usual... salary cap restrictions.

Discussions are underway to set up an expansion draft for an Ottawa football franchise that is scheduled to return to the CFL for the 2013 season. Each team is expected to place 4 players in the pool but the CFL rejected Edmonton’s request to place 44.

A vacant field...

I know the Saskatchewan Roughriders have fanatical followers but there was 6000 out for a practice in Calgary and they were playing Winnipeg... at home in Regina...

Gary Bettman approved the contract of Ilya Kolvachuck and in addition retroactively blessed the deal given by the Ottawa Senators to Alexandre Daigle

Ben Roethisberger had his suspension from the NFL reduced from 6 games to 4 when Commissioner Roger Goodell determined he had not molested anyone in public for over 3 months... a personal record

The 1st athlete to test positive for human growth hormone in North America was a Canadian University athlete who was suspended from football but received a scholarship in science.

The Minnesota Vikings are still upset that the New Orleans Saints took what they called cheap shots at QB Brett Favre in last year’s playoff game. In an effort to drive the narrative the Vikings are teaming up with the American Association for Retired People to promote a campaign against elder abuse.

Bill “Spaceman” Lee became the oldest player to pitch a professional baseball game last week at 62. Bill was tickled when he received congratulations from kids like Chris Chelios, Jamie Moyer and Brett Favre.

The Houston Texans have signed former Arizona Cardinals QB Matt Leinhart to be their 3rd string QB in what had to be a left-handed compliment on his ability

Leaving Tiger Woods off a Ryder Cup team would be like not using members of the Cincinnati Bengals in an episode of Arrested Development...

The Saskatchewan Roughriders have reached a decision as to where a new stadium will be built. The choice was between vacant land south of Regina to Montana, vacant land east to Alberta, vacant land west to Manitoba or vacant land north to Alaska...

The Quebec Provincial Government say they will pay 45% of the cost for a new arena in Quebec City and expect the balance of the funds will come from a traditional Quebec revenue source... taxpayers of Alberta...

Winnipeg Blue Bombers QB Buck Pierce will be out indefinitely after suffering an elbow injury during the Labour Day game with Saskatchewan. Pierce was originally scheduled to be out 2 weeks but he aggravated the injury while attempting to button up his shirt...

A report from the 2010 Winter Olympic organizers found snowboarders had the most injuries which came as no surprise to any football player who will tell you there are always more injuries when you play on grass...

France has been hit by a series of strikes from their transit workers and it is bringing back memories of the World Cup for the nation.... because after the team went on strike the county didn’t go anywhere in the tournament either...

A preacher in the US is threatening to hold a Koran burning to protest the 10th anniversary of 911. To put this in perspective for Canadians it would be like burning one of our holy relics... Toronto Maple Leaf season tickets... to complain about getting beat by the Detroit Red Wings

Reggie Bush might have to give back the bronze bust he won in College but I thought he had already broken up with Kim Kardashian...

A report from Canadian Border Services Agency revealed there was an increased amount of testing for radioactive devices during the Vancouver Olympics. In the end the only nuclear meltdown was when Russian President Vladimir Putin blasted his countries Olympic effort...

US researchers trying to answer the question “Does money buy happiness?” say they have found evidence happiness starts with an income of $75,000. When asked to comment a spokesman for the CFL Players Association says he found the results depressing...

Bombs Away!

After the Saskatchewan Roughriders lost to the Edmonton Eskimos in front of a packed house at Commonwealth Stadium Coach Ken Miller was philosophical saying it’s hard to keep focused when you are in front of so many supporters

Japan used the long bomb to cripple Hawaii in the Little League World Series... what too soon?

Brett Favre threw 2 interceptions, had a fumble and was sacked twice in the 1st half of a pre-season game so... he’s already in playoff form

Fox News shill Glen Beck held a rally in Washington called restoring hope attended by thousands of supporter. This was second only to the Washington Redskins pre season game nicknamed... Scoring... I hope

Edmonton Oilers goaltender Nikolai Khabibulin has been found guilty of speeding and driving under the influence of alcohol. Khabibulin will be sentenced later and will be subject to immigration laws that will require him to leave Arizona and move to Edmonton. A spokesman for his wife was quoted as saying... AAAAAAUGHH!!!!

Khabibulin received 30 days in jail and they can be served around his work schedule. He chose to be in jail days when the Oilers would be playing the Penguins, Capitals and Red Wings

Roger Clemens pleaded not guilty in a Washington court to lying to Congress then flew to a charity golf tournament later. A controversy erupted in the tournament when Clemens was accused of using a mulligan by tournament officials... later confirmed by his caddy... but he vehemently denies the allegations

It was surprising to hear the Feds were considering subpoenaing his hairstylist to testify but after seeing his new frosted locks maybe only his hairdresser knows for sure

David Asper has made an offer to purchase the Winnipeg Blue Bombers saying he will pay $75 million towards the new stadium. Fans say they would be more impressed if Mr. Asper bought them something useful... like a QB


And from Hartley Miller... love this one...

33 miners trapped in a collapsed mine for nearly a month in Chile has been sent soccer videos. Haven't the miners suffered enough? Officials were happy with the choice saying At least they weren't sent Maple Leafs videos