There is a controversy brewing in tennis about what constitutes a Grand Slam. Former great Rod Laver says it is winning all 4 majors in one calendar year and Raphael Nadal says it is holding all 4 titles. To me it is just a great breakfast at Denny’s.
The Phoenix Coyotes came to the rescue of an Edmonton midget hockey team when their equipment was stolen. Fortunately the Coyotes had some extra equipment left over when the Montreal Canadians were in town so they didn’t have to cut the sticks off.
People in Haiti were shocked when former dictator and mass murderer Baby Doc Duvalier came back after being in exile for 20 years. This is like Bernard and Lonie Glieberman coming back to Ottawa to run the new franchise.
Chinese President Hu arrived in the US for a visit and is a big fan of exercising his dogs. So I guess we now know it was Hu who let the dogs out.
Hu and President Obama were in a bit of a diplomatic frenzy over the speaking order until finally it was decided that at the press conference Hu’s on first.
The Bank of Canada is keeping their bond market interest rate at 1%. The only market with less interest is in Phoenix for the Coyotes.
A report says people pick friends who have similar genes to them. The only group that was different were NBA players who picked the people in their lives based on how they filled out their jeans.
A report from the Canadian Police Association says hands free texting is still dangerous when driving. Asked to comment Brett Favre said his texts were always ½ a foot.
The new Guardian comic book characters for each NHL team have really captured the spirit of the teams and their history. Last week it was the Islander and his power to re-create the past against the Flame and his super longing for the future.
Research has shown a pair of jeans worn for 18 months without cleaning is as sanitary as a pair washed every week. The study was a part of a report entitled “Living on your CFL salary”.
The beer industry is upset over new labelling requirements that force them to list the ingredients to keep people with allergies safe. As a public service the industry says they are considering another warning for female drinkers warning them that too much beer causes NHL players to look “cute”.
The Government of Alberta is applying for more funds to increase the number of prisons in the Province. The report says new developments have made it more affordable and more important now that Daryl Sutter is available there is a possible warden.
Philadelphia Eagles QB Kevin Kolb says he wants to be traded if he is not the starting QB next year. Kolb says he thought he had the job but it appears Michael Vick has more lives than a cat.
It looks like David Beckham has had his attempts to play at Tottenham derailed by insurance issues. The biggest problem is the assurance Beckham would leave when asked.
Sarah Palin is denying her putting crosshairs over Democratic candidates has anything to do with the shooting of one of them saying she believes God gave the gunman his own instructions. This is being debated and a final decision will be made when she release her new book “Targeting anyone who thinks I’m a gun nut”.
Mike Commodore of the Columbus Blue Jackets is considering refusing to report to the American League and says he is not sure if the team can send him down because GM Scott Howson is not an American born citizen and thus he does not have the rights of a commander in chief.
A new report finds circumcision may prevent the spread of HPV. The report says it is not a recommendation, more of a tip.
Hockey broadcaster Howie Meeker was given the Order of Canada medal and afterwards used the Telestrator to show how the medal could have been placed on his neck more efficiently.
Kirstine Stewart has been named executive vice-president of the CBC's English services and in a nod to the CBC’s cash cow has asked Don Cherry to swear her in.
A survey by an online retailer says 40% of people received unwanted Xmas gifts, the balance say they were happy to get tickets to a Toronto Argonauts game.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Teats Up!
Two massage therapists have sued Brett Favre claiming he texted him for a hook up after a rub down. The texts were said to be highly sexual and worst of all were done from a hands free devise. Favre says he was only kidding… kind of like a pump fake
A town in Arkansas is trying to figure out why thousands of birds fell from the sky on New Year’s Day. Scientists are baffled saying the only similar phenomenon they have seen is Canadian Leafs dropping like flies in January
One theory is the birds were hit by fireworks from the New Year’s celebration. Ornithologists say birds eventually discover a new flight pattern to avoid celebrations which is why they tend to fly over Toronto during any pro teams playoffs.
The Art Gallery of Alberta has removed its ban on breastfeeding saying it was following the lead of the Provinces NHL teams who have spent most of the year sucking the hind teat.
Roger Goodell the head of the NFL sent 5 million email messages to fans advising them of their position in the upcoming negotiations. Asked why he didn’t text them Goodell said they have a firm policy for texting
NY Jets coach Rex Ryan reacting to past defeats from Payton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts says the game is personal and he won’t pussy foot around with him. In addition he feels like a heel for letting him walk all over them and will do some sole searching to find a way to step it up on his arch rival.
EA Sports is updating the gaming platform for Tiger Woods 12 by inserting a hole from Augusta National and a Ho from Hooters International
A homeless recovering addict man has been offered a job with the Cleveland Cavaliers as an announcer. The job has opened up a bunch of other offers and there is unconfirmed reports he may look to ply his trade in Miami. He insists he loves Cleveland and will make up his mind on a radio show called The Destitution
A town in Arkansas is trying to figure out why thousands of birds fell from the sky on New Year’s Day. Scientists are baffled saying the only similar phenomenon they have seen is Canadian Leafs dropping like flies in January
One theory is the birds were hit by fireworks from the New Year’s celebration. Ornithologists say birds eventually discover a new flight pattern to avoid celebrations which is why they tend to fly over Toronto during any pro teams playoffs.
The Art Gallery of Alberta has removed its ban on breastfeeding saying it was following the lead of the Provinces NHL teams who have spent most of the year sucking the hind teat.
Roger Goodell the head of the NFL sent 5 million email messages to fans advising them of their position in the upcoming negotiations. Asked why he didn’t text them Goodell said they have a firm policy for texting
NY Jets coach Rex Ryan reacting to past defeats from Payton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts says the game is personal and he won’t pussy foot around with him. In addition he feels like a heel for letting him walk all over them and will do some sole searching to find a way to step it up on his arch rival.
EA Sports is updating the gaming platform for Tiger Woods 12 by inserting a hole from Augusta National and a Ho from Hooters International
A homeless recovering addict man has been offered a job with the Cleveland Cavaliers as an announcer. The job has opened up a bunch of other offers and there is unconfirmed reports he may look to ply his trade in Miami. He insists he loves Cleveland and will make up his mind on a radio show called The Destitution
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Yes you're fired... did I Sutter?
In what had to be the strangest firing in the history of pro sports the Calgary Flames relieved GM Daryl Sutter and replaced him with AGM Jay Feaster. Feaster was the GM of the Tampa Bay Lightening when they beat Sutters Flames in a highly disputed Stanley Cup Final. Brother Brent Sutter is the coach and was asked to report on rumours started 2 minutes after Daryl was let go, of a rift between the 2 brothers. Player development head Rich Sutter denied the allegations, special advisor Ron Sutter was unavailable for comment and scout Duane Sutter felt unprepared to discuss the move. It was up to President of the Flames Ken King, Daryl’s long-time friend and consigliore, to ask him to step down. If this was soccer it would be the most popular show in Brazil
King was obviously shaken up during the announcement and denied speculation there were harsh words spoken saying he talked with Daryl’s mom Grace Sutter before and she promised he had been told to play nice and put all his toys back in the box.
A spokesman for the Toronto Maple Leafs was not quoted saying they are reportedly interested in talking with Daryl’s mom to see if she can get Ron Wilson to quit.
If the Leafs could get Daryl to agree to a 3 year contract to coach the team, combined with current GM Brian Burke it could be the 1st time that management would be fined more for infractions than the players
Could you imagine Daryl, Brian and Don Cherry in the same city? A spokesperson for CBC sports went quiet, smiled brightly then wet his pants.
Top 5 New Year’s resolutions for Brett Favre
# 5 Return to rotary dial phone
# 4 Make decision regarding future
# 3 Figure out why pass to Jenn Sterger fell incomplete
# 2 Try out a new Beiber inspired hairdo
# 1 Star in movie based on his dreams called “Interception”
King was obviously shaken up during the announcement and denied speculation there were harsh words spoken saying he talked with Daryl’s mom Grace Sutter before and she promised he had been told to play nice and put all his toys back in the box.
A spokesman for the Toronto Maple Leafs was not quoted saying they are reportedly interested in talking with Daryl’s mom to see if she can get Ron Wilson to quit.
If the Leafs could get Daryl to agree to a 3 year contract to coach the team, combined with current GM Brian Burke it could be the 1st time that management would be fined more for infractions than the players
Could you imagine Daryl, Brian and Don Cherry in the same city? A spokesperson for CBC sports went quiet, smiled brightly then wet his pants.
Top 5 New Year’s resolutions for Brett Favre
# 5 Return to rotary dial phone
# 4 Make decision regarding future
# 3 Figure out why pass to Jenn Sterger fell incomplete
# 2 Try out a new Beiber inspired hairdo
# 1 Star in movie based on his dreams called “Interception”
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Hey it is called Foot Ball...
The US Government has repealed the “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” policy for gays and lesbians serving in the military. Don’t ask, Don’t tell is also a policy of Calgary Flames GM Daryl Sutter only he calls it Tuesday.
Craigslist has stopped listing erotic ads in Canada. Now if you want to hook up with a woman you have to do what every Canadian male had to do in the past, play in the NHL.
A Saskatoon disc jockey has come under fire for getting high on the air with a hallucinogenic herb causing him to double over with laughter. Officials warn of the dangers and say if Canadians wish to have a hearty laugh they should stick to watching the Toronto Maple Leafs kill a penalty.
Didn’t know Sarah Palin was such a big football fan until I saw her Xmas card where she was lined up in the shotgun formation
A new version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas is currently holding casting calls with the inside track being given to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and Union executive DeMaurice Smith.
In what had to be an unfortunate spell check error the Xmas card from Brett Favre ExtenZe his best for the upcoming year.
Top 5 signs you’re at an NBA Xmas party
# 5 Elves are all over 6’
# 4 Packages are being unwrapped with no gifts exchanged
# 3 The rounds are live and the punch mostly sucker
# 2 The Holly Wreath got packed in a bong
# 1 Guest list is pretty well all Ho, Ho, Ho’s
Actor Marilu Henner has a condition called autobiographical superior memory which allows her to remember every day of her life. The condition is also known to Toronto sports fans a hell.
Social media King Mark Zukerberg is in China and sources say he is considering starting a joint venture. The new website will become a place to post embarrassing pictures and gossip about your Friends and will be called Losing Facebook.
Rex Ryan says he will not talk about the foot fetish video saying he doesn't concentrate on the pleasures but rather his focus is on the agony of defeat...
I always wondered how a 350 lb. guy got the nickname twinkle toes...
I can't help but feel the video leak is a way to take the pressure of his team... it must be a part of an over arching plan...
He says mostly he is sorry for his wife and the person who posted the video should feel like a heel...
The news hit his players hard but they all promised to be more understanding of Rex and would toe the line in the future...
Craigslist has stopped listing erotic ads in Canada. Now if you want to hook up with a woman you have to do what every Canadian male had to do in the past, play in the NHL.
A Saskatoon disc jockey has come under fire for getting high on the air with a hallucinogenic herb causing him to double over with laughter. Officials warn of the dangers and say if Canadians wish to have a hearty laugh they should stick to watching the Toronto Maple Leafs kill a penalty.
Didn’t know Sarah Palin was such a big football fan until I saw her Xmas card where she was lined up in the shotgun formation
A new version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas is currently holding casting calls with the inside track being given to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and Union executive DeMaurice Smith.
In what had to be an unfortunate spell check error the Xmas card from Brett Favre ExtenZe his best for the upcoming year.
Top 5 signs you’re at an NBA Xmas party
# 5 Elves are all over 6’
# 4 Packages are being unwrapped with no gifts exchanged
# 3 The rounds are live and the punch mostly sucker
# 2 The Holly Wreath got packed in a bong
# 1 Guest list is pretty well all Ho, Ho, Ho’s
Actor Marilu Henner has a condition called autobiographical superior memory which allows her to remember every day of her life. The condition is also known to Toronto sports fans a hell.
Social media King Mark Zukerberg is in China and sources say he is considering starting a joint venture. The new website will become a place to post embarrassing pictures and gossip about your Friends and will be called Losing Facebook.
Rex Ryan says he will not talk about the foot fetish video saying he doesn't concentrate on the pleasures but rather his focus is on the agony of defeat...
I always wondered how a 350 lb. guy got the nickname twinkle toes...
I can't help but feel the video leak is a way to take the pressure of his team... it must be a part of an over arching plan...
He says mostly he is sorry for his wife and the person who posted the video should feel like a heel...
The news hit his players hard but they all promised to be more understanding of Rex and would toe the line in the future...
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Blow them Boys
Really Calgary sports media?
Is every answer to the question...
“What wrong with the Flames?”
...the Sutters?
That’s it?
That is all you have?
Statistically the last 5 years have been some of the most successful
Really enjoyable from the point of view of us...
Flames Fans...
We made it to the Stanley Cup final and we all know that if there wasn’t a lockout it would have been a spectacular year...
we really coulda been a contenders...
The Flames have lost recent 1st round picks to addictions, injury and tragic death
Yet every year we were competitive...
every year we coulda won it all (OK cap space issues, crippling injuries and horrific slumps aside)
Why must the Sutters go Calgary sports media?
What? Won’t they drink with you?
Is it easier or more profitable to write negative articles and fluff analysis?
The Flames Fans hope the Sutters are not going anywhere...
They are winners and sometimes winners lose... but most Flames Fans know... they will win again... because they are winners.
We Flames Fans hope they are given every opportunity to create a powerhouse
Most Flames Fans biggest nightmare is not the Sutters...
It is the Sutters ... leaving
I haven’t read the current Global warming statistics to confirm but I have a hunch they may be moving the herd up a little north... the grass is greener and the droughts are not as prolonged. To a rancher a well fed herd is a happy herd.
That should sober up anyone who thinks calling for the head of a Sutter is smart...
Could you imagine... as a Flames Fan... the Oiler rookies up in Edmonton... coached by Daryl... managed by Brent... scouted by pretty well every relative from Red Deer... and then there is the cousins...
Now let’s pretend the Sutters entice either Jay Bowmeister or Mark Giradino in a couple of years... if you want a real chill think of them being free agents or “traded” by Daryl to Brent...
Mikka might be willing to stop nearly everything humanly possible... for a couple years... for a lot of money...
and Ignila might want to to win one for him and his wives hometown in 2 years...
This is like the Miami Heat only it would be really cold for Flames Fans...
So here is a recap...
Short of oral sex... the sports writing community should strive to represent a more accurate reflection of the views of Flames Fans... perform the service of documenting the victories and defeats or the Flames will be playing the future Sutters and their Oilers... and they still have draft choices...
The reason we are Flames Fans goes beyond hockey.
Calgary is a very educated (whatever that means) City...
Statistics Canada will back it up...
We are technologically savvy...
We understand business...
All Flames Fans have a life... but we are connected virtually to their success
Flames Fans are really OK with the Sutters building a dynasty...
Flames Fans don’t see the logic or fun in blowing it up...
When your fantasy team is wearing Victoria Secret...
Why put a burlap sack over it?
Is every answer to the question...
“What wrong with the Flames?”
...the Sutters?
That’s it?
That is all you have?
Statistically the last 5 years have been some of the most successful
Really enjoyable from the point of view of us...
Flames Fans...
We made it to the Stanley Cup final and we all know that if there wasn’t a lockout it would have been a spectacular year...
we really coulda been a contenders...
The Flames have lost recent 1st round picks to addictions, injury and tragic death
Yet every year we were competitive...
every year we coulda won it all (OK cap space issues, crippling injuries and horrific slumps aside)
Why must the Sutters go Calgary sports media?
What? Won’t they drink with you?
Is it easier or more profitable to write negative articles and fluff analysis?
The Flames Fans hope the Sutters are not going anywhere...
They are winners and sometimes winners lose... but most Flames Fans know... they will win again... because they are winners.
We Flames Fans hope they are given every opportunity to create a powerhouse
Most Flames Fans biggest nightmare is not the Sutters...
It is the Sutters ... leaving
I haven’t read the current Global warming statistics to confirm but I have a hunch they may be moving the herd up a little north... the grass is greener and the droughts are not as prolonged. To a rancher a well fed herd is a happy herd.
That should sober up anyone who thinks calling for the head of a Sutter is smart...
Could you imagine... as a Flames Fan... the Oiler rookies up in Edmonton... coached by Daryl... managed by Brent... scouted by pretty well every relative from Red Deer... and then there is the cousins...
Now let’s pretend the Sutters entice either Jay Bowmeister or Mark Giradino in a couple of years... if you want a real chill think of them being free agents or “traded” by Daryl to Brent...
Mikka might be willing to stop nearly everything humanly possible... for a couple years... for a lot of money...
and Ignila might want to to win one for him and his wives hometown in 2 years...
This is like the Miami Heat only it would be really cold for Flames Fans...
So here is a recap...
Short of oral sex... the sports writing community should strive to represent a more accurate reflection of the views of Flames Fans... perform the service of documenting the victories and defeats or the Flames will be playing the future Sutters and their Oilers... and they still have draft choices...
The reason we are Flames Fans goes beyond hockey.
Calgary is a very educated (whatever that means) City...
Statistics Canada will back it up...
We are technologically savvy...
We understand business...
All Flames Fans have a life... but we are connected virtually to their success
Flames Fans are really OK with the Sutters building a dynasty...
Flames Fans don’t see the logic or fun in blowing it up...
When your fantasy team is wearing Victoria Secret...
Why put a burlap sack over it?
Thursday, December 9, 2010
FIFA for fun
Glad to see Tiger Woods doing well again despite mental health experts who think Tiger may suffer from a rare form of sex addiction that causes men who are rich and powerful to act out. Most women say it’s just par for the course.
I asked my GF if I had the symptoms of this rare sex addict disease and she said I had too much dough and not enough money
The prevailing slogan of the day is “Man Up” and it’s hard because the only man doing it is Tiger and no one wants to admit it
Announcer in the NHL are using “Man Up” to describe hits from behind, a refusal to fight after delivering a foul or when TSN’s Jennifer Hedges comes into the press box
Now that Sidney Crosby has moved out of owner and hall of famer Mario Lemieux’s basement it’s no wonder it is having a positive effect on his scoring
I wonder if Super Mario mentored Crosby in scoring on the days off... I mean a guy doesn’t get the nickname Super Mario for nothing
Crosby says he won’t shave off the moustache he grew for Movember in support of prostate cancer as he is on a tear. Being a man from the ‘70’s I can relate to how a guy with a porn star ‘stach can really scare.
With all the fuss over concussions in sports you would think more players would be interested in hard caps.
Jenn Sterger the woman who was texted images of Brett Favres junk says she won’t ask for money if Favre is punished by the NFL. Asked to comment Favre says he should be punished by Sterger herself because he has been a very bad man.
Worms that were genetically modified by McGill University researchers not only survived exposure to a banned poison, they lived even longer than normal worms causing speculation Favre may return for yet one more season.
Prince Charles and his wife, Camilla, were attacked during student riots. Charles says he is sympathetic to the cause and if they want to talk he is all ears.
NY Jets coach Rex Ryan buried a football during practice at their field as a way of putting the humiliating loss to the NE Patriots behind him. In a surprise twist after a couple of feet he uncovered the body of Jimmy Hoffa
An ongoing effort to track down cheese contaminated with listeria has resulted in food products being pulled from shelves, a warning to cheese lovers and most important a recall of Green Bay Packer Cheese Head hats
This week marks the 30th anniversary of the death of John Lennon and the news that was delivered during a Monday Night Football game. This has resulted in the tradition of MNF reading the obituary of coaches hired by Cleveland, Washington and Denver.
Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall says that in the aftermath of a controversial takeover bid for PotashCorp the province wants to clarify what it considers to be a strategic resource. At the top of the list is oil followed by wheat and watermelons.
Former NBA star Allen Iverson says he's happy with his new career in Turkey. In particular he is thrilled the team doesn’t put too much emphasis on practice.
Top 5 signs FIFA World Cup win by Qatar was perfectly organized, perfectly transparent and perfectly under control
# 5 Negotiating hookers wore transparent lingerie
# 4 Luxury cars given as presents had perfect control
# 3 The schedule of hookers to FIFA officials was really well organized
# 2 All bribes and coercive payments were made in daylight
# 1 Female spectators and the wives of players will be allowed to wear transparent veils during games
I asked my GF if I had the symptoms of this rare sex addict disease and she said I had too much dough and not enough money
The prevailing slogan of the day is “Man Up” and it’s hard because the only man doing it is Tiger and no one wants to admit it
Announcer in the NHL are using “Man Up” to describe hits from behind, a refusal to fight after delivering a foul or when TSN’s Jennifer Hedges comes into the press box
Now that Sidney Crosby has moved out of owner and hall of famer Mario Lemieux’s basement it’s no wonder it is having a positive effect on his scoring
I wonder if Super Mario mentored Crosby in scoring on the days off... I mean a guy doesn’t get the nickname Super Mario for nothing
Crosby says he won’t shave off the moustache he grew for Movember in support of prostate cancer as he is on a tear. Being a man from the ‘70’s I can relate to how a guy with a porn star ‘stach can really scare.
With all the fuss over concussions in sports you would think more players would be interested in hard caps.
Jenn Sterger the woman who was texted images of Brett Favres junk says she won’t ask for money if Favre is punished by the NFL. Asked to comment Favre says he should be punished by Sterger herself because he has been a very bad man.
Worms that were genetically modified by McGill University researchers not only survived exposure to a banned poison, they lived even longer than normal worms causing speculation Favre may return for yet one more season.
Prince Charles and his wife, Camilla, were attacked during student riots. Charles says he is sympathetic to the cause and if they want to talk he is all ears.
NY Jets coach Rex Ryan buried a football during practice at their field as a way of putting the humiliating loss to the NE Patriots behind him. In a surprise twist after a couple of feet he uncovered the body of Jimmy Hoffa
An ongoing effort to track down cheese contaminated with listeria has resulted in food products being pulled from shelves, a warning to cheese lovers and most important a recall of Green Bay Packer Cheese Head hats
This week marks the 30th anniversary of the death of John Lennon and the news that was delivered during a Monday Night Football game. This has resulted in the tradition of MNF reading the obituary of coaches hired by Cleveland, Washington and Denver.
Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall says that in the aftermath of a controversial takeover bid for PotashCorp the province wants to clarify what it considers to be a strategic resource. At the top of the list is oil followed by wheat and watermelons.
Former NBA star Allen Iverson says he's happy with his new career in Turkey. In particular he is thrilled the team doesn’t put too much emphasis on practice.
Top 5 signs FIFA World Cup win by Qatar was perfectly organized, perfectly transparent and perfectly under control
# 5 Negotiating hookers wore transparent lingerie
# 4 Luxury cars given as presents had perfect control
# 3 The schedule of hookers to FIFA officials was really well organized
# 2 All bribes and coercive payments were made in daylight
# 1 Female spectators and the wives of players will be allowed to wear transparent veils during games
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