Tim Horton’s unveiled a Calgary Flames donut. It has no centre, a cream filling and not available at playoff time.

New England Patriots QB Tom Brady was furious with being charged with grounding the football when his pass seemed to go beyond everyone.  It was imply an answer to his wife Gisele’s request for friends and family to pray for him and he was sure he heard God say he was open.

NE Patriots QB Tom Brady’s wife Gisele Bundchen was caught saying her husband can’t throw and catch the ball at the same time.  She should know, as a model it is really hard for her to walk and chew gum at the same time.

Former world boxing champ Jean Pascal has turned over his Mercedes-Benz to a friend after losing a bet on the Super Bowl.  His wife is now asking friends and family to pray her husband comes to his senses.

I guess after the Super Bowl performance by MIA we can now call it the Finger Bowl

A Saskatchewan law limiting the ability of public sector workers to go on strike has been ruled unconstitutional by a Queen's Bench judge.  The ruling was for essential services such as Police, Ambulance and Beer Servers at Roughrider games.

The fans in Indianapolis gave New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick an ovation after he let the Giants score the winning touchdown uncontested.  Fans thought he was giving a nod to the Colts prevent defense. 

Best pass of the NHL All Star Game goes to the microphone wearing Chicago Black Hawks forward Patrick Kane who whispered to a teammate “That blonde is unbelievable”.  No word on if he was able to find a Taxi later to complete the scoring play.

Don’t know if Tiger Woods is a fan of politics but he is impressed by Newt Gingrich saying the old dude has game.

Which individual showed less class Alex Ovechkin not showing up for the All Star game to defend himself or Tim Thomas for showing up and trying?

Indianapolis Colts Owner Jim Irsay was upset with QB Peyton Manning saying Manning should “respect the Horseshoe” especially after all the trouble his dad went to when pulled a midnight move out of Baltimore to keep the “Horseshoe” respectable.

It looked like being at the Canada-Mexico Women’s Soccer game would be a riot but then I was let down when all the fans just had fun.

If there was extra time added on for injury in hockey like in soccer the Calgary Flames would have about 10 games added to their schedule.

Photographer Rachel Sussman is travelling the globe taking pictures of ancient organisms for her blog Oldest Living Things in the World.  So far she has documented 100,000 year old sea grass, an Oak tree that is 13,000 years old and a relief pitcher that appears to be ageless.

The Iraqi Government is suing a US soldier to return a brass buttock taken from a statue of former dictator Saddam Hussein saying the piece is priceless.  According to experts the only hard ass more valuable is NY Jets coach Rex Ryan.

It turns out Sidney Crosby was not only experiencing concussion like symptoms, but had a broken neck as well.  This has led teams with players listed as having concussion like symptoms to review the initial findings. From this it turns out 2 actually have sprained ankles, 1 a bruised bicep and 3 are recovering from the effects of an erection lasting more than 4 hours.

Fans in Indianapolis were charged $25 to sit in the stands and watch reporters ask questions during Super Bowl Media Day.  The NFL, desperate for revenue, has seized on this idea and will now offer fans the chance to watch the greatest stars wash their cars, mow the lawn and brush their teeth for only $9.99 a month on pay per view.

Kim Jong Burke

Hockey Night in Canada talking head and Hall of Shame former GM Mike Millbury was questioned by Boston Police after complaints he verbally and physically assaulted a 12 year old boy during a hockey game.  A spokesman for CBC was ecstatic saying if the kid was French Canadian they might finally have found a replacement for Don Cherry.

I guess we now know God will cheer for a QB with a model wife instead of a model Christian.

The Toronto Raptors unveiled a 3 dimensional sign behind the basket in their home opener, 2 dimensions more than their offence.

A Vancouver developer has unveiled 30 "micro-lofts," which are under 300 square feet in size and are touted as the smallest self-contained furnished rental apartments in Canada.  The lofts are said to be perfect for those on a fixed income, low income or CFL income.

The City of Vancouver is looking to implement scramble crosswalks at the city's busiest and most dangerous intersections.  Police feel this will allow greater safety when trying to cross the street during riots.

Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) star Brock Lesnar and a hunting guide have been charged with three counts under Alberta's Wildlife Act.  An unidentified source says Lesner will be charged with 2 counts of unlawful hunting and one of not stopping when the animal tapped out.

A new church in Saskatoon is using high-tech solar panels alongside traditional stained glass.  The parish feels this will allow attendees to watch Rider games while in services without draining the electrical budget.

Montreal Canadians fans are incensed their new coach does not speak French.  Especially upset are reporters who say he has taken the joy out of ridiculing him by not being able to understand their attacks.

North Korea’s dictator Kim Jong Ill died this week with officials saying the last undisputed dictatorship now resides in Toronto and have nicknamed him Kim Jong Burke.

BS in the BCS

Police in Calgary are warning people about the dangers of ecstasy saying the drug has been linked to deaths and overdoses.  The easiest way to get off ecstasy say experts is to stop cheering for the Flames.

An Alberta mom has given birth to 2 New Year’s babies in a row.  The odds on this are just slightly higher than the Flames winning 2 games in a row.

Calgary Stampeders QB Henry Burris was traded to the Hamilton Tiger Cats.  Burris says he will miss the chance to go for a Grey Cup and getting into his neighbors D cups.

Since Toronto Maple Leafs coach Ron Wilson received a contract extension the team has lost 3 games in a row.   GM Brian Burke was nonplused saying if he had let Wilson go he would be losing games with a much better team.

NY Rangers coach John Tortorella said he believes the NHL and NBC tried to fix the Winter Classic to go into overtime.  A spokesman for the NHL says the game was not fixed but he does expect Tortorella to be neutered.

The Montreal Canadians have apologized for not hiring a bilingual coach saying they thought a unilingual coach could just as easily waive the white flag.

God was asked why he had abandoned Tim Tebow during the last 3 games of the season only to be at his side in the overtime win against Pittsburgh.  God said Christmas is a tough time for him what with birthday preparations and all the rappers releasing albums, but likes to throw in a miracle as a New Year’s treat for the devoted.

Boston Bruins forward Brad Marchand was repent for his hit on Vancouver Canucks Sami Salo saying he was only protecting himself from a bigger opponent.  This explains why Marchand only received 5 games as the NHL believed his apology was really big of him.

With the BCS championship game over we can now finally say goodbye to College football, except for the court cases, suspensions and drug arrests.

Hundreds of people attended the opening day of public hearings that may determine the fate of a controversial plan to build the Northern Gateway pipeline to the West Coast from Alberta's oilsands in the First Nations community of Kitamaat Village, B.C.  In addition to the usual suspects it was surprising to see the NHL represented, saying they will support the pipeline but only if the NHLPA gives up some revenue.

Finance Minister Jim Flaherty says the next budget will be “prudent” which is like the NY Yankees saying they will spend “cautiously”.

A landmark Caribbean eatery is being forced to vacate its Queen Street East digs after a new landlord has ordered the restaurant off the property.  The Real Jerk recently received notice that the property located at Queen Street East and Broadview Avenue had been sold to a developer who wants the restaurant to leave by the end of the month.  An NHL spokesman was stunned saying they thought the real jerk was Brad Marchand.

The elusive Doesn't Matter

The Federal Government is about to issue new guidelines on wearing facial coverings in public.  The new legislation will ban Burkas and other facial coverings but exemptions are made for Toronto Maple Leaf, Edmonton Oiler and Calgary Flame fans who wear paper bags to games.

After nixing a trade that would have sent New Orleans Hornets star Chris Paul to the LA Lakers league commissioner and de-facto owner of the Hornets David Stern listed his reasons.  1. It was a bad trade for the Hornets. 2. It was a bad trade for the Lakers. 3. It was a good day for Voodoo dolls.

If the NHL league commissioner could disallow trades based on their being bad for a team Mike Millbury might still have a job as GM.

The NBA is instituting a new protocol for concussions with each member of the league to be tested at the start of the year to provide a baseline.  First up to be given a head scan is Commissioner David Stern who will be tested again if the league is able to sell the New Orleans Hornets.

Sighting a hard-shelled sea turtle off British Columbia's coast is extremely rare, so experts are both puzzled and concerned that three such turtles have washed ashore in the last two weeks on Vancouver Island.  Officials say they usually see slow, hard shelled animals turn up when Hockey Night in Canada tapes their Hot Stove Lounge in Vancouver.

Questions are being raised about whether principals in B.C. schools are qualified to administer breathalyzers.  Parents have raised concerns in light of the Penn State abuse scandals as to whether we want school officials asking kids to blow anything.

Winnipeg Jets license plates went on sale Monday and were being snapped up at a at Autopac agencies around the province.  Officials say they are expecting more plates to be sold, especially collector items crafted by convicted sex offender Graham James.

Researchers this week are expected to release findings from the Large Hedron Collider that confirm the existence of the God Particle thought to be the source of all matter in the Universe.  The particle was found when objects were made to collide in a circular arena travelling at high speeds.  Early indications are the particle has a large collar, wears gaudy suits and answers to the name “Coach”. 

An unexpected finding happened when looking for origins of dark matter and anti-matter of the existence of a new energy called doesn’t matter.  This is said to be the reason there is hockey in Phoenix.

A new realignment in the NHL was questioned when reports of a 5^th conference featuring only the Phoenix Coyotes came to light.  A spokesman for Gary Bettman says the Coyotes which will compete against itself and be guaranteed a shot at the Stanley Cup, is in no way a thinly veiled attempt to re-coupe the losses of the past few years.  “The fact is Phoenix is a unique situation” said the official who spoke to media “Phoenix will play inter-squad games until a winning team is picked or a buyer is found”.

The Surrey Urban Mission is looking for a looking for a place to serve Christmas dinner to people in need this holiday season. For the past 12 years, the Mission has served its meals in a Whalley church, which is shared by four faith groups. But this year, with Christmas falling on a Sunday, there is a conflict over the space as churchgoers need the church for services.  A spokesman for the Calgary Flames said they would love to help but the Saddledome is booked thorough out the season with the team serving up turkeys nearly every night.

A janitor at a Canada Post sorting station in Castlegar, B.C., has been charged with 14 counts of mail theft for allegedly opening and stealing Christmas mail.  The man will plead innocent saying he knew the presents were for BC Lions players and felt they got enough gifts from Winnipeg in the Grey Cup.

If the Federal Government can send in a third party manager to Attawapiskat for gross spending violations why can’t they appoint one for the Calgary Flames?

Headline: HOCKEY FIGHTS MAY INCREASE DEGENERATIVE BRAIN DISEASE RISK.  This is followed by Headline: Drinking paint thinner tastes bad and Headline: Telling your wife she is fat not recommended.

Two over 70 former CFL greats traded punches this weekend during Grey Cup celebrations in Vancouver.  Angelo Moska and Joe Capp renewed decades old hostilities with Moska even using his cane to ward off Capp.  A spokesman for the Calgary Flames was in attendance and has advised Coach Brent Sutter to allow his aging player to bring their canes to defend themselves.

The B.C. Supreme Court has upheld the conviction of a West Vancouver man for punching a North Vancouver woman who told him to stop making a mess of her recycling bins.  In Calgary Flames fans are getting to the point of violence after repeated attempts to recycle used players.

Vancouver health care administrators are defending hospital parking fees, after Canada's top medical journal called for their abolition in an editorial on Monday.  A spokesman for the Hospital says the fees help balance their books; in fact they made thousands after the Stanley Cup riots.

B.C. NDP MLA Jagrup Brar will temporarily give up his home and salary and live on $610 welfare for one month after accepting a challenge from campaign group Raise the Rates.  A spokesman for the CFLPA was encouraged by the development and hopes he will post how he did it as a guide for rookies in the CFL.

Vancouver police are seeking possible witnesses of an assault that was committed against a Calgary Stampeders fan that was possibly sparked by his choice of jersey.  A spokesman for the Police say they are looking for a 75 year old man who was last seen headed for the CFL awards.

Researchers say a deer-sized, plant-eating dinosaur that roamed Saskatchewan 66 million years ago is a new species.  This is the 1^st new species since the discovery of Kenius Milleras nearly 5 years ago.

Detroit Lions defensive end  Ndamukong Suh's stomp will cost him two games without pay.   Asked to comment a NFL spokesman said it was a step in the right direction.

Catching Up

It was in keeping with his faith when Tim Tebow lost on Sunday. Christians have never fared well against Lions.

The good news I was offered a position at a major US University…bad news it was ball boy for Penn State.

Michigan State and North Carolina played the 1^st ever College game on an Aircraft Carrier, the USS Carl Vinson. The game was relatively free of problems although it made the tailgate party a little wetter than usual.

Washington Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos was kidnapped from his home in Venezuela which has MLB officials in a dilemma. Do they join the investigation or use Venezuela as a place to send players like Adam Dunn?

Having a memorial cart race to honour a man who died in an auto crash seems a little ghoulish. What next a fighting contest to honour hockey players who died from head injuries?

Hickstead the great Canadian equestrian horse of rider Eric Lamaze has been found dead. Officials have ruled out cocaine as a cause but have not yet checked the horse.

After being beaten 7-0 by the Boston Bruins I wonder how long it will take Leafs coach Ron Wilson to agree to an extension.

IOC doping head Dick Pound is furious over allegations by former enforcer Georges Laraques of widespread use of steroids in hockey. Pound then went on to say allegations of corruption, bribery, harassment and vote peddling by the IOC are an internal matter.

NBA Commissioner David Stern is giving the players an ultimatum to agree to a deal or get less in the future, because if there is anything NBA players react well to it is being threatened. Stern might want to be more selective in his wording or everything could get shot down…literally.

Great I have my winning ticket for the NFL riding on the New Orleans – Indianapolis game and New Orleans missed on the last touchdown so I didn’t cover the 56 point spread.

Being a Roughrider fan this year is tough because people want to know who you are cheering for now that breaking the QB’s foot is complete. Winnipeg? Screw them they got the Jets and a cool logo, Calgary has the Flames and Cowboys so forget them and Edmonton has Ft. McMurray. Guess I’ll have to go with a true western team Hamilton.

Ken Miller has stepped down as Coach and VP of Operations for the Sask. Roughriders. Ken said he would like to stay but he is getting to an age where he is not so much interested in what players do on the field as keeping punks off his lawn.

Kim Kardashian is cancelling her marriage to NBA player Kris Humphries which was a surprise to Kris as he felt he was giving her sufficient backcourt pressure. No word on how it will affect her show but we ET in an exclusive worldwide interview with Kim, says she will try to keep the divorce private

Phoenix Coyotes forward Raffi Torres is being criticized for wearing blackface while dressed as rapper Jay-Z at a Halloween party. Torres begged forgiveness saying he was Canadian and didn’t know there were any white rappers.

When Canada played the US in the final for water polo gold medal at the Pan Am Games ESPN tried to sexy up the game by promoting it as half naked women tossing a ball by the pool and charging $3.99 a minute to watch.

Former Edmonton Eskimo Adam Braidwood is facing more weapon charges after a gunfire incident in Port Coquitlam, B.C.  Braidwood was upset saying he was merely trying to get into shape to join the Cincinnati Bengals.

The number of cougar sightings in Vancouver has raised the alarm of parents, police officers and wives who have husbands playing for the Canucks.

Vancouver has been named one of the world's three worst-dressed cities and fashionistas blame yoga pants and fans who wear the Canucks retro jersey from the ‘80’s.

Canada is turning heads with their play at the Rugby World Cup especially a man nicknamed “Beardo” for his uncontrolled facial hair.  Asked what prompted the fashion statement “Beardo” said after getting paid to play rugby in Canada he had no money left for razors.

Indianapolis Colts QB Payton Manning is said to be using a hyperbolic chamber to help recover from neck surgeries.  Medical experts say the chamber will help but what that might get him well enough to play this year is a time machine.

The last word Victor Ortiz said to Floyd Mayweather before Mayweather knocked him out? But…

Former US vice President Dick Cheney is coming to Calgary to give a talk, make some money and exchange enhanced interrogation techniques with the Sutters.

A Russian man jumped out a 5 story window, twice, in an attempt to get his wife to stop nagging.  Defensive lineman Albert Hainsworth says he considered doing that to get away from ex-coach Mike Shanahan but couldn’t get up the stairs.

A company in NY is making a 911 Merlot wine that the vintner says has a Smokey taste.  The wine has caught the eye of the Vancouver Canucks who plan to bottle a wine from their 2011 Stanley Cup run and say it will be a Rioting Riesling.  Naming a wine after a disaster is something the Toronto Maple Leafs are considering bottling with the Bud Wine.  It will feature losing vintages from such seasons as 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007 etc.

Jack Nicholas says Tiger Woods can still beat his record for most Majors if he gets the 5 inches between his ears under control.  Most experts say Tigers biggest problem is the reported 7 inches in his pants.

Sidney Crosby has been cleared to play without contact so I guess he is only going to suit up for games against the Vancouver Canucks.