Going Swimingly...

Top 5 NHL requirements to own the Phoenix Coyotes
# 5 Deep pockets shallow intellect
# 4 US citizenship
# 3 Be shorter than Gary Bettman
# 2 Plenty of ice in your drinks
# 1 Meds... lots of meds...

Psychologists are upset Wikipedia posted the results for the Rorschach inkblot tests especially since the most common response was boobies

Megan Fox is being banned from the internet today or as my GF calls it ...Thursday

Angry over losing a race to a swimmer with a better suit Michael Phelps has challenged Paul Bierdermann to a non rubber match

The NHL says Jim Balsillie doesn't meet the good character, integrity and financial requirements of an owner a bar set by Boots Del Biaggio

Boston Red Sox pitcher Dice-K is upset by the training regime which he says is hurting his arm. Dice-K says Japanese men have a different body type from Americans except of course Sumo Wrestlers

Swine flu risk increases with pregnancy CDC advises women to avoid the Calgary Stampede, NBA games and any Rider fan wearing a watermelon hat

Michael Schumacher is un-retiring to race for F-1 and in a surprise move will have Brett Favre in the backseat telling him when to turn

You know the new swim suits are making a difference when Shaq has to give Phelps a head start on his Reality show because he is wearing a better brand

In what has to be a 1st Plaxico led off his address to the Grand Jury with...My Bad...

Plaxico Burress testifies in front of a Grand Jury... breaks out dress sweats...

Molson's deal to purchase the Montreal Canadians is coming to a head after CIT Bank financing fell flat

A new book called 1959: The year that changed everything is so right on... both me and Fidel would become dictators

Calgary has a new $25 million footbridge that City politicians named the Peace Bridge. It was difficult finding a moniker to a monumental to waste of money because Coyotes, Vernon Wells and David Beckham were taken.

When asked how he felt about Arland Bruce Argos coach Bart Andrus said “he's dead to me”.

It was an interesting week with Michael Vick being allowed back in the NFL and Pete Rose’s name being considered for reinstatement. Up next week Plaxico Burress will become the head of the NRA, Travis Henry a spokesman for planned pregnancy and Gary Bettman will join the NY Knicks as a power forward.

The Canadian Open saw 8 holes in one shot this week just missing the record set by 50 Cent.

Michael Bishop says he thinks Stephan Laforge is a good quarterback which is a pretty left handed compliment.

The movie 500 Days of Summer Is in a trademark fight with the Toronto Blue Jays as they say that is how long it feels for the average fan.

The EU celebrated banning Canadian seal products with a dinner of foie gras and veal.

A reports says obese people live longer than normal weight ones so I'm putting my money on John Daly for the 2036 British Open.

In a ruling of the organizing body male Olympic swimmers will be required to wear a Speedo type suits although officials strongly advise anyone over 30 look in a mirror 1st before going to the beach in one.

Why is the Blue Jays Roy Halliday a hero for wanting to play with a winner and Mats Sundin a traitor for bailing out on the Leafs?

Sirius radio is the headset supplier for CFL teams and has a side agreement with the Blue Bombers to air their play calling as a comedy show.

As a way to save time David Ortiz was getting his steroid injections the same time he had liposuction