Offensive moves

The Montreal Canadians have finalized the new ownership structure for their NHL team and in a surprise move named Bernie Madoff as an advisor to comply with an NHL tradition of having a designated crook on board.

The smallest crowd in Blue Jays history watched the team lose to Minnesota. A team spokesman said the crowd was very supportive and at times it only felt like the 2nd smallest. The lack of support is being heralded by City officials as another sign Toronto is world class and knows when they are being fleeced. They are turning their attention to more important matters like getting a ticket to see TO play.

Rafael Nadal was accosted by a man at the US Open who tried to give him a kiss. Prosecutors in NY say they will charge the man with the same crime as Plaxico Burris as they believe his gun in his pocket went off in a very public place.

Terrel Owens broke the news of Brady Quinn becoming the starting QB for Cleveland in a Tweet thus making him the Twit of the week.

After a summer free of elbowing, high sticking and sucker punches Canadians are getting excited for a return of their favourite sport, another Federal Election.

Toronto Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke is considering an offer sheet for Bruins forward Phil Kessel. This is totally different from when Burke lost a player to an offer sheet because at that time it happened to him.

Top 5 signs your CFL team needs a new offensive coordinator
# 5 He still draws up plays with a stick
# 4 The last time the offense had a TD it was scored as an official’s error
# 3 Team punter has a repetitive strain injury
# 2 The QB keeps hearing laughter in his headset
# 1 They score less points than a Premier League Football Club

A shocking report from Health officials warns Canadian kids will have a shorter life expectancy than their parents. They go on to say if they cheer for the Leafs at least it will seem like an eternity.

The release of Beatles Rock Band has inspired other ‘60’s live action games including Leafs Cup where you get to pretend to be a part of a team that has won a championship. The game is currently unrated as it is a learning tool, a historical document and and a fantasy escape from the regular season.

Alberta is reeling over an infestation of rats from Saskatchewan. What has puzzled officials is the timing of the outbreak. There is no Roughrider game which is when the vermin usually appear.

The NFL season is about to start and to acknowledge the event my GF is wearing her patience at half mast.

I have Krystal Gray in my fantasy pool and I didn’t even know she plays for the LFL.