Researchers say they have discovered an alarming increase in the amount of estrogen in the water. This is having an effect on male reproduction, muscle mass and the high pitched voices of sports announcers.
I feel bad for my dog because every time the Flames score the announcer on Sportsnet gets so excited my dog comes running home.
A study has shown children’s gestures early in life can predict success. This is especially true for children of professional basketball players as being able to pick their daddy out of a line-up increases the chance he will pay child support.
The University of Calgary will have access to the biggest telescope ever when it is launched later this year. Officials say the telescope is so powerful if you focus it carefully you can see the chance the Leafs have of winning the Stanley Cup again.
The RCMP will review its use of tazers after a number of incidents have questioned the safety of the device; however Leafs GM Brian Burke says it is still an option when the player has a no trade clause.
Bud Selig chastising A-Rod over his steroid use is like Bernie Madeoff saying his $50 billion fraud is the fault of his secretary for getting breast implants.
An expert panel says fighting should be removed from hockey at all levels. The toughest sell will be with Jr. Teams, the NHL and minor hockey parents in the stands.
Toronto coach Wilson being considered as the coach for next year’s Olympic team and to show he is up to the challenge is already calling out Roberto Luongo for letting in soft goals.
I think we should get Oilers GM Ron Lowe to be a part of the Olympic selection process with Leafs GM Brian Burke. I keep hearing GM’s say a little fighting is good for the game and this would be a great way to prove it.
Representatives from the International Olympic Committee have banned the group “Right to Play” from being a part of the 2010 Games in Vancouver. A spokesperson for the IOC says it conflicts with their “Pay to Play” focus.
I know it’s supportive and all but isn’t having your teammates behind you what started this whole steroids mess?
Top 5 signs your team has the wrong captain
# 5 The only closed door meeting he has had with players is over bong etiquette
# 4 Demands a chair like Captain Kirk for him on the sidelines
# 3 Takes the team to the movie Brokeback Mountain for a bit of bonding
# 2 Walks around with a parrot on his shoulder
# 1 Every year he plans his vacation to coincide with the beginning of playoffs
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Wrap it up!
Quebec Separatists are in an uproar over plans to re-enact the Battle of the Plains of Abraham saying “what kind of country celebrates their defeats?” A spokesman for the Toronto Maple Leafs says they still plan to honour players from the ‘70’s, 80’s, 90’s and forward.
I guess this means no more showing clips from the Montreal Expos.
The US Government is taking toxic assets off balance sheets of financial lenders creating a so called “Bad Bank”. The NHL tried something similar in the 90’s where financially irresponsible salaries were concerned... it was called the NY Rangers.
A British Cabinet Minister is under attack for saying taking the drug ecstasy is no more harmful than horse riding. In Canada equestrian rider Eric Lamaze commented saying it is way more difficult when you do both.
A-Rod says he has grown-up and can now reveal he has taken steroids. Asked if this means he will return some of the money he made under illegal means A-Rod said he has grown up not gotten stupid.
Top 5 signs your teammates were taking steroids
# 5 The 3rd baseman asks you to spot him while he bench presses his car out of the ditch
# 4 You had a .350 average with 45 homers and still batted 7th
# 3 Team hires clubhouse boys just to blow up donuts
# 2 Your end of the year picture was in pinstripes and you don’t play with the Yankees
# 1 Every year a player from your team is named MVP
The US Olympic Committee released a report on the underachieving results for the track and field team and according to people who have seen it say it was less than inspiring.
Sean Avery cleared waivers and now the rest of the NHL players are wondering why he is getting seconds.
A new show scheduled for next year is called Trauma where an arrogant, conceited blow hard abuses his staff while he tries to create a successful team. If I was the Maple Leafs I would sue for infringement of intellectual property.
The proliferation of poker as a sport on TV makes financial sense for the networks but I’m going to have to say check.
With Guy Lafleur and Patrick Roy being dragged into legal proceeding because of their sons maybe the best defense for a retired NHL’er is not a good offense it’s a condom.
The former girlfriend of baseball player Roberto Alomar is suing him for having unprotected sex. This is one of the times a player was charged for not corking his bat.
With the economy being so bad people are being forced to make entertainment decisions such as in Calgary where we have the choice between tickets to Cheech and Chongs tour or listening to Michael Phelps.
Being single must be tough for girlfriends of pro athletes. For example at Valentines Day do you give the bad news about the AIDS or pregnancy tests in a card or a gift wrapped lawsuit?
If girlfriends are now going to be allowed to sue athletes whenever they say “trust me” this could be the ultimate stimulus package for the economy.
Who would have thought that by not opening the condom package you could stimulate both yourself and the economy?
Quebec aerospace company Bombardier has revealed the new design of the Olympic torch. In keeping with the theme of the Winter Games the torch is shaped like a snow drift and as a nod to Quebec is powered by burning taxpayers’ money.
One of the difficult aspects of the torch was finding a tasteful way to add “Stephen Harper Sucks” in the snowflakes.
A new Stonehenge that is a calendar 5000 years old was discovered in Alberta. This is proof there was intelligent life in Alberta before the Sutter clan.
The striped throwback uniforms the Montreal Canadians and Toronto Maple Leafs played in required the NHL to get permission from the Cincinnati Bengals as they are the offseason jail attire of the team.
The toughest catch at the Superbowl was the poor roadie who nearly dropped Bruce Springsteen's high and outside toss of his guitar.
Now we know why Michael Phelps was eating 8000 calories a day, the munchies.
I guess it’s more accurate to call Phelps a rolling model as compared to a role model.
Roger Goodell says the Toronto NFL experiment was a smash success except for the ticket prices which at 10x the regular price of other teams needs to be increased due to the poor exchange rate.
The world’s longest snake was found in Columbia. As a way to measure it you could lay 10 player agents lengthwise and it still would be the largest snake.
Top 5 signs your trainer injected you with steroids
# 5 He can draw your rear end from memory
# 4 He buys hats that have Velcro for expansion
# 3 His nickname is “Needles”
# 2 His previous job was a trainer for horses
# 1 The only piece of ass he has gotten lately is yours
I guess this means no more showing clips from the Montreal Expos.
The US Government is taking toxic assets off balance sheets of financial lenders creating a so called “Bad Bank”. The NHL tried something similar in the 90’s where financially irresponsible salaries were concerned... it was called the NY Rangers.
A British Cabinet Minister is under attack for saying taking the drug ecstasy is no more harmful than horse riding. In Canada equestrian rider Eric Lamaze commented saying it is way more difficult when you do both.
A-Rod says he has grown-up and can now reveal he has taken steroids. Asked if this means he will return some of the money he made under illegal means A-Rod said he has grown up not gotten stupid.
Top 5 signs your teammates were taking steroids
# 5 The 3rd baseman asks you to spot him while he bench presses his car out of the ditch
# 4 You had a .350 average with 45 homers and still batted 7th
# 3 Team hires clubhouse boys just to blow up donuts
# 2 Your end of the year picture was in pinstripes and you don’t play with the Yankees
# 1 Every year a player from your team is named MVP
The US Olympic Committee released a report on the underachieving results for the track and field team and according to people who have seen it say it was less than inspiring.
Sean Avery cleared waivers and now the rest of the NHL players are wondering why he is getting seconds.
A new show scheduled for next year is called Trauma where an arrogant, conceited blow hard abuses his staff while he tries to create a successful team. If I was the Maple Leafs I would sue for infringement of intellectual property.
The proliferation of poker as a sport on TV makes financial sense for the networks but I’m going to have to say check.
With Guy Lafleur and Patrick Roy being dragged into legal proceeding because of their sons maybe the best defense for a retired NHL’er is not a good offense it’s a condom.
The former girlfriend of baseball player Roberto Alomar is suing him for having unprotected sex. This is one of the times a player was charged for not corking his bat.
With the economy being so bad people are being forced to make entertainment decisions such as in Calgary where we have the choice between tickets to Cheech and Chongs tour or listening to Michael Phelps.
Being single must be tough for girlfriends of pro athletes. For example at Valentines Day do you give the bad news about the AIDS or pregnancy tests in a card or a gift wrapped lawsuit?
If girlfriends are now going to be allowed to sue athletes whenever they say “trust me” this could be the ultimate stimulus package for the economy.
Who would have thought that by not opening the condom package you could stimulate both yourself and the economy?
Quebec aerospace company Bombardier has revealed the new design of the Olympic torch. In keeping with the theme of the Winter Games the torch is shaped like a snow drift and as a nod to Quebec is powered by burning taxpayers’ money.
One of the difficult aspects of the torch was finding a tasteful way to add “Stephen Harper Sucks” in the snowflakes.
A new Stonehenge that is a calendar 5000 years old was discovered in Alberta. This is proof there was intelligent life in Alberta before the Sutter clan.
The striped throwback uniforms the Montreal Canadians and Toronto Maple Leafs played in required the NHL to get permission from the Cincinnati Bengals as they are the offseason jail attire of the team.
The toughest catch at the Superbowl was the poor roadie who nearly dropped Bruce Springsteen's high and outside toss of his guitar.
Now we know why Michael Phelps was eating 8000 calories a day, the munchies.
I guess it’s more accurate to call Phelps a rolling model as compared to a role model.
Roger Goodell says the Toronto NFL experiment was a smash success except for the ticket prices which at 10x the regular price of other teams needs to be increased due to the poor exchange rate.
The world’s longest snake was found in Columbia. As a way to measure it you could lay 10 player agents lengthwise and it still would be the largest snake.
Top 5 signs your trainer injected you with steroids
# 5 He can draw your rear end from memory
# 4 He buys hats that have Velcro for expansion
# 3 His nickname is “Needles”
# 2 His previous job was a trainer for horses
# 1 The only piece of ass he has gotten lately is yours
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Jesus What a Pasting
TSN talking head Mike Millbury is suddenly a part of the Canadian Government’s Infrastructure Program as nearly everything he says is shovel ready.
The Saskatchewan Roughriders hired Gary Etcheverry as their defensive coach and in a nod to the past the Toronto Argonauts are trying to find a way to re-animate Sam Etcheverry for their quarterback spot.
The coach of a Christian school girl’s basketball team in Dallas was fired when his team beat an opponent 100-0 prompting the question “Would Jesus run up the score on a team”. A spokesman for the NBA has responded saying any coach that can get that kind of result obviously walks on water.
The NY Yankees signed pitcher Andy Pettitte to a one year contract worth $ 6 million with the possibility to earn another $ 6 million in bonuses. A spokesman for the Yankees says the bonuses will be tied to performance goals such as wins, ERA and scowls.
The Gowanus Canal in NY City has been found to be filled with Gomorra prompting officials to institute a ban on further cruises by the Minnesota Vikings.
Watching Gary Bettman take shots at further Canadian ownership in the NHL is confused me because I thought this was the Chinese year of the Ox not the Rat.
Is the person hired by the NHL to count fans at the Nashville and Phoenix games the same one who predicted a budget surplus for Canada this year?
NHL players are being asked to give 25% of their salaries into a stabilization fund. The fund is primarily medical and used to purchase the anti-psychotic drugs to stabilize the delusions from Head Office.
The NHL is polling Canadians to get their opinion on fighting and so far the respondents are divided between banning fights, making fighting easier and trying to save up for a ticket to a game.
Dallas Cowboy receiver Terrel Owen has his own Reality TV Show that will explore his attempt to change his life. The title has yet to be announced but discussions are ongoing to get the rights to The Biggest Loser.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button has an interesting NHL connection when the character ages backwards and at 50 can finally crack the Detroit Red Wings lineup.
When I heard there was a movie about a grown man becoming a baby I thought it was about the NBA draft.
Top 5 signs you are at a bad Superbowl party
# 5 Lingerie Bowl consists of the host and his wife trying to spice up their love life at halftime
# 4 The serve no name beans, burritos and toilet paper.
# 3 Wife constantly flicking the channel to see who’s on 60 Minutes
# 2 Just before the game start the hosts bookie and associates come to collect on his past bets
# 1 You’re stuck on the couch between Jack Layton and Stephen Harper
The Saskatchewan Roughriders hired Gary Etcheverry as their defensive coach and in a nod to the past the Toronto Argonauts are trying to find a way to re-animate Sam Etcheverry for their quarterback spot.
The coach of a Christian school girl’s basketball team in Dallas was fired when his team beat an opponent 100-0 prompting the question “Would Jesus run up the score on a team”. A spokesman for the NBA has responded saying any coach that can get that kind of result obviously walks on water.
The NY Yankees signed pitcher Andy Pettitte to a one year contract worth $ 6 million with the possibility to earn another $ 6 million in bonuses. A spokesman for the Yankees says the bonuses will be tied to performance goals such as wins, ERA and scowls.
The Gowanus Canal in NY City has been found to be filled with Gomorra prompting officials to institute a ban on further cruises by the Minnesota Vikings.
Watching Gary Bettman take shots at further Canadian ownership in the NHL is confused me because I thought this was the Chinese year of the Ox not the Rat.
Is the person hired by the NHL to count fans at the Nashville and Phoenix games the same one who predicted a budget surplus for Canada this year?
NHL players are being asked to give 25% of their salaries into a stabilization fund. The fund is primarily medical and used to purchase the anti-psychotic drugs to stabilize the delusions from Head Office.
The NHL is polling Canadians to get their opinion on fighting and so far the respondents are divided between banning fights, making fighting easier and trying to save up for a ticket to a game.
Dallas Cowboy receiver Terrel Owen has his own Reality TV Show that will explore his attempt to change his life. The title has yet to be announced but discussions are ongoing to get the rights to The Biggest Loser.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button has an interesting NHL connection when the character ages backwards and at 50 can finally crack the Detroit Red Wings lineup.
When I heard there was a movie about a grown man becoming a baby I thought it was about the NBA draft.
Top 5 signs you are at a bad Superbowl party
# 5 Lingerie Bowl consists of the host and his wife trying to spice up their love life at halftime
# 4 The serve no name beans, burritos and toilet paper.
# 3 Wife constantly flicking the channel to see who’s on 60 Minutes
# 2 Just before the game start the hosts bookie and associates come to collect on his past bets
# 1 You’re stuck on the couch between Jack Layton and Stephen Harper
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Cycling is a Ball!
Verizon Wireless has released former NBA star Charles Barkley from his job as spokesman saying he had too many 69’s in his Fave 5.
Lance Armstrong made his comeback to professional cycling this week and when asked how it went said he had a ball.
Former Edmonton Oiler Glenn Anderson had his number retired and asked whether it was overdue his ex-wife replied not as much as his child supports payments.
The Toronto Raptors are shopping Jermaine O’Neil around to teams with team scouts visiting various Hospitals for a suitable replacement.
Vancouver residents were thrilled when they heard the City was taking over the athletes village until they found out they were turning the Condos into a Co-op not Grow-Op.
The NHL and the NHLPA have signed an agreement on how to share revenues from future International events. Instead of the money going into the pension fund the players union will be able to invest it as they see fit. The cash is creating interest from Detroit Auto makers, wonky NHL franchises and the player’s wives.
Over 2 million people attended the Inauguration of Barack Obama with no arrests. Officials credit the spirit of the event, a sense of history and the fact the Wizards were on a road trip.
US Airways is giving each of the passengers on the ill fated flight that landed in the Hudson River a $ 5,000 refund. Officials with the NY Jets say despite their late season crash they are not giving season ticket holders anything.
The Canadian Real Estate Board has forecast the Canadian housing market will stabilize this coming year. They also predict Hamilton will win the Grey Cup, Ottawa will win the Stanley Cup and Packman Jones will stop shooting people.
The Vancouver Olympic Committee is trying to find savings in the operating budget. Suggestions include cancelling medal ceremonies, creating more economical housing and tapping into the existing Green economy.
Top 5 signs you didn’t deserve your NHL All Star selection
# 5 The only statistic you lead your team in is hot ex-girlfriends
# 4 Over ¾ of the votes for you came from a computer registered to your mom
# 3 Your goals against average would be a pretty good GPA in University
# 2 Team sends you down to the minors for a 20 game conditioning stint and you are not injured
# 1 You are the best player on the Leafs
The Edmonton Indy reported they had a loss of $ 5.3 million on the last race. Officials blame the result on a lack of sponsors, reduced TV revenue and bribes paid to get the drivers to attend.
A spokesman for the Montreal Grand Prix was dismissive of the loss calling the organizers amateurs.
Packman Jones is being sued by his lawyer for failing to pay the bills on over 18 cases. Jones defended himself saying he was sure he had an agreement that if he commits one offense he gets the next one free.
NY Islanders owner is trying to pressure civic officials into approving his new arena/condo complex by threatening to move the team to Saskatoon. This is like telling your boss to give you a raise or you will take that job at McDonalds.
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals say Michael Vick should be given a psychiatric evaluation before he is allowed to play in the NFL. If there is any group that is familiar with mental illness it’s one that runs naked to protest fur, drives dinghies into warships in protest of seals and thinks Kate Moss is a role model.
Former receiver Michael Irvine is producing a Reality TV show with the winner being invited to the Dallas Cowboys training camp. Contestants will have to pass a physical, show athletic talent and show an ability to start drunken brawls at a Club.
The really difficult part will be paring down the judging contenders to be the male version of Paula Abdul.
The Chicago Tribune has given its recommendation as to who will buy the Chicago Cubs to a financial panel. Sources close to the deal say the name will be announced once former Illinois Governor Rod Blagvoyavitch gets his cut.
The brother of disgraced slugger Mark McGuire says he will pen a tell-all book saying he introduced the home run hitter to steroids. The brother says he will also admit to using steroids, injecting Mark and give proof his sister is a tramp.
The Milwaukee Brewers have signed Prince Fielder to a 2 year contract worth #19 million. This is after the 2 sides were about to enter arbitration where Fielder wanted $8 million and the team was offering $6 million or as his agent called it a late Christmas gift.
Lance Armstrong made his comeback to professional cycling this week and when asked how it went said he had a ball.
Former Edmonton Oiler Glenn Anderson had his number retired and asked whether it was overdue his ex-wife replied not as much as his child supports payments.
The Toronto Raptors are shopping Jermaine O’Neil around to teams with team scouts visiting various Hospitals for a suitable replacement.
Vancouver residents were thrilled when they heard the City was taking over the athletes village until they found out they were turning the Condos into a Co-op not Grow-Op.
The NHL and the NHLPA have signed an agreement on how to share revenues from future International events. Instead of the money going into the pension fund the players union will be able to invest it as they see fit. The cash is creating interest from Detroit Auto makers, wonky NHL franchises and the player’s wives.
Over 2 million people attended the Inauguration of Barack Obama with no arrests. Officials credit the spirit of the event, a sense of history and the fact the Wizards were on a road trip.
US Airways is giving each of the passengers on the ill fated flight that landed in the Hudson River a $ 5,000 refund. Officials with the NY Jets say despite their late season crash they are not giving season ticket holders anything.
The Canadian Real Estate Board has forecast the Canadian housing market will stabilize this coming year. They also predict Hamilton will win the Grey Cup, Ottawa will win the Stanley Cup and Packman Jones will stop shooting people.
The Vancouver Olympic Committee is trying to find savings in the operating budget. Suggestions include cancelling medal ceremonies, creating more economical housing and tapping into the existing Green economy.
Top 5 signs you didn’t deserve your NHL All Star selection
# 5 The only statistic you lead your team in is hot ex-girlfriends
# 4 Over ¾ of the votes for you came from a computer registered to your mom
# 3 Your goals against average would be a pretty good GPA in University
# 2 Team sends you down to the minors for a 20 game conditioning stint and you are not injured
# 1 You are the best player on the Leafs
The Edmonton Indy reported they had a loss of $ 5.3 million on the last race. Officials blame the result on a lack of sponsors, reduced TV revenue and bribes paid to get the drivers to attend.
A spokesman for the Montreal Grand Prix was dismissive of the loss calling the organizers amateurs.
Packman Jones is being sued by his lawyer for failing to pay the bills on over 18 cases. Jones defended himself saying he was sure he had an agreement that if he commits one offense he gets the next one free.
NY Islanders owner is trying to pressure civic officials into approving his new arena/condo complex by threatening to move the team to Saskatoon. This is like telling your boss to give you a raise or you will take that job at McDonalds.
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals say Michael Vick should be given a psychiatric evaluation before he is allowed to play in the NFL. If there is any group that is familiar with mental illness it’s one that runs naked to protest fur, drives dinghies into warships in protest of seals and thinks Kate Moss is a role model.
Former receiver Michael Irvine is producing a Reality TV show with the winner being invited to the Dallas Cowboys training camp. Contestants will have to pass a physical, show athletic talent and show an ability to start drunken brawls at a Club.
The really difficult part will be paring down the judging contenders to be the male version of Paula Abdul.
The Chicago Tribune has given its recommendation as to who will buy the Chicago Cubs to a financial panel. Sources close to the deal say the name will be announced once former Illinois Governor Rod Blagvoyavitch gets his cut.
The brother of disgraced slugger Mark McGuire says he will pen a tell-all book saying he introduced the home run hitter to steroids. The brother says he will also admit to using steroids, injecting Mark and give proof his sister is a tramp.
The Milwaukee Brewers have signed Prince Fielder to a 2 year contract worth #19 million. This is after the 2 sides were about to enter arbitration where Fielder wanted $8 million and the team was offering $6 million or as his agent called it a late Christmas gift.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Hell of Fame
In advance of the NFL playoff game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Baltimore Ravens the Mayor of Pittsburgh says he will go to court to change his name from Ravenstahl to Steelerstahl. In related news his wife is also petitioning the court to but she wants to go back to her maiden name.
It’s too bad President Bush wasn’t involved in professional sports because his dismal approval ratings and utter failure of performance would pretty well guarantee him a job on TV as an expert analyst.
The Vancouver Olympics is in trouble and taxpayers are on the hook for a $1 billion housing development. Vancouver residents were pretty calm about the turn of events with most saying they didn’t even know they were hosting the games.
In light of the turn of events Vancouver is changing the slogan from “Own the Podium” to “Own the Buildings”.
Hoping to follow in the footsteps of Illinois Governor Rod Blogvoyavitch, Plaxico Burris held a news conference about his criminal proceedings and ended it with a poem that began “There once was a man from Nantucket...”
San Francisco Giants pitcher Barry Zito was reportedly seen partying with Paris Hilton. A spokesman for Zito says he was just getting some advice on how to toe the rubber.
It looks like Montreal Canadians goalie Carey Price will not be able to compete in the NHL All Star game and so Montreal voters have started a campaign to see Ken Dryden named as his replacement.
The CFL has held the salary cap at $4.2 million saying it would be reckless to have players make a living wage when so many are out of work.
The original plan was to raise the cap and then McDonalds reduced the extra value meal.
CBC says they will no longer broadcast Toronto Blue Jays games thus depriving women in Canada of yet another opportunity to complain about not going out.
Judging from the looks of him the only way the Montreal Canadians can lure Vinny Lecavalier away from Tampa Bay is to throw in a free membership to Fabutan.
Top 5 signs you may not get elected into the Baseball Hall of Fame
# 5 Your nickname was “Mr. April”
# 4 The only time you led the team in runs was after trips to Taco Bell
# 3 BALCO named you customer of the year
# 2 Your last team traded you for some Canadian Maple Bats
# 1 Your rosin bag usually tested positive
It’s too bad President Bush wasn’t involved in professional sports because his dismal approval ratings and utter failure of performance would pretty well guarantee him a job on TV as an expert analyst.
The Vancouver Olympics is in trouble and taxpayers are on the hook for a $1 billion housing development. Vancouver residents were pretty calm about the turn of events with most saying they didn’t even know they were hosting the games.
In light of the turn of events Vancouver is changing the slogan from “Own the Podium” to “Own the Buildings”.
Hoping to follow in the footsteps of Illinois Governor Rod Blogvoyavitch, Plaxico Burris held a news conference about his criminal proceedings and ended it with a poem that began “There once was a man from Nantucket...”
San Francisco Giants pitcher Barry Zito was reportedly seen partying with Paris Hilton. A spokesman for Zito says he was just getting some advice on how to toe the rubber.
It looks like Montreal Canadians goalie Carey Price will not be able to compete in the NHL All Star game and so Montreal voters have started a campaign to see Ken Dryden named as his replacement.
The CFL has held the salary cap at $4.2 million saying it would be reckless to have players make a living wage when so many are out of work.
The original plan was to raise the cap and then McDonalds reduced the extra value meal.
CBC says they will no longer broadcast Toronto Blue Jays games thus depriving women in Canada of yet another opportunity to complain about not going out.
Judging from the looks of him the only way the Montreal Canadians can lure Vinny Lecavalier away from Tampa Bay is to throw in a free membership to Fabutan.
Top 5 signs you may not get elected into the Baseball Hall of Fame
# 5 Your nickname was “Mr. April”
# 4 The only time you led the team in runs was after trips to Taco Bell
# 3 BALCO named you customer of the year
# 2 Your last team traded you for some Canadian Maple Bats
# 1 Your rosin bag usually tested positive
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Hockey Bites!
Russian Jr. Hockey star Nikkita Filapov says Canada had God on their side to which Don Cherry replied well I’m not actually a God.
Now we know why people from Sudbury call it Gods country.
Dreamworks studio is handing out 150 million 3-D glasses for people to see a commercial at the Super Bowl. Not to be outdone the Detroit Lions have plans next year to hand out blindfolds.
Seeing Vancouver sign Mats Sundin to compliment the other Swedish players on the team you have to think they are serious at a playoff run because what team doesn’t want a squad of Swedes for the post season.
Top 5 Sports stories from 2008
# 5 Chinese female gymnasts showing you can turn back the clock
$ 4 Sean Avery proving being first doesn’t make you a winner
# 3 Travis Henry holstered his gun while Plaxico Burris left his at home
# 2 Usain Bolt winning sprint Gold medals in a walk
# 1 Barack Obama bowling over voters without knocking over a single pin
A world wide poll is being conducted to find the greatest natural wonders of the world. Canada’s entries include Niagara Falls, Alberta’s Dinosaur Park and the annual faith of Toronto Maple Leaf fans.
The economic downturn is taking a toll on curling with prize money being reduced from a 2-4 to a mere 6-pack.
Watching NHL players skid out of control at recent games I have to wonder if they are using the new heated blade skates. Maybe someone forgot to mention skating on water only works if they don’t have to turn.
Not sure what was more surprising a Newfoundland woman mistaking labour pains for kidney stones or the Detroit Lions mistaking an unbeaten pre-season as a sign of prosperity.
TSN is hosting a curling Skins game between Glen Howard and Jennifer Jones and I am crossing my fingers Howard is designated shirts.
I know Montreal was trying to fix the voting for the NHL All-star game but really who would have thought Jean Chretien would be starting at centre?
Italian cyclist Leonardo Piepoli says he turned to steroids in a moment of weakness the first time an athlete has used that excuse since Christmas.
After biting the finger of an opposing player Jarko Rutu of the Ottawa Senators was sentenced to a 2 game suspension but in a bit of luck has landed a part in the next Twilight movie.
Now we know why people from Sudbury call it Gods country.
Dreamworks studio is handing out 150 million 3-D glasses for people to see a commercial at the Super Bowl. Not to be outdone the Detroit Lions have plans next year to hand out blindfolds.
Seeing Vancouver sign Mats Sundin to compliment the other Swedish players on the team you have to think they are serious at a playoff run because what team doesn’t want a squad of Swedes for the post season.
Top 5 Sports stories from 2008
# 5 Chinese female gymnasts showing you can turn back the clock
$ 4 Sean Avery proving being first doesn’t make you a winner
# 3 Travis Henry holstered his gun while Plaxico Burris left his at home
# 2 Usain Bolt winning sprint Gold medals in a walk
# 1 Barack Obama bowling over voters without knocking over a single pin
A world wide poll is being conducted to find the greatest natural wonders of the world. Canada’s entries include Niagara Falls, Alberta’s Dinosaur Park and the annual faith of Toronto Maple Leaf fans.
The economic downturn is taking a toll on curling with prize money being reduced from a 2-4 to a mere 6-pack.
Watching NHL players skid out of control at recent games I have to wonder if they are using the new heated blade skates. Maybe someone forgot to mention skating on water only works if they don’t have to turn.
Not sure what was more surprising a Newfoundland woman mistaking labour pains for kidney stones or the Detroit Lions mistaking an unbeaten pre-season as a sign of prosperity.
TSN is hosting a curling Skins game between Glen Howard and Jennifer Jones and I am crossing my fingers Howard is designated shirts.
I know Montreal was trying to fix the voting for the NHL All-star game but really who would have thought Jean Chretien would be starting at centre?
Italian cyclist Leonardo Piepoli says he turned to steroids in a moment of weakness the first time an athlete has used that excuse since Christmas.
After biting the finger of an opposing player Jarko Rutu of the Ottawa Senators was sentenced to a 2 game suspension but in a bit of luck has landed a part in the next Twilight movie.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
The Mammoth Hunter
The Winter Classic was held in Chicago and the response was so great the only person with seats left at a reasonable price was Governor Rod Blagojevich.
Before the game each person was given a card to hold up at a certain time to spell out sayings for the TV audience. I think someone got to the printer because when they asked for people to turn up their cards it spelled out “For Sale... 1 Senate Seat”.
Veteran Detroit Red Wings defenseman Chris Chelios was a part of the Winter Classic, the 1st time he has played in a meaningful outdoor game since the Neanderthals played the Cro-Magnons for the Mammoth Cup.
How old is Chelios? When he played hockey outside as a kid players wore beaver skin helmets. He met Lord Stanley personally. He had to carve out his own stick as part of clearing the land.
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is lobbying for the next Winter Classic and says it should be international because from her window she can see that Russia has a pretty good team.
The Denver Broncos held a press conference with both owner Pat Bowlen and ex-coach Mike Shanahan coming close to tears. Mike was chocked up because his time in Denver was done and Pat was near tears because he was still going to have to pay Mike $15 million on his contract.
John Daley was suspended from the PGA tour for 6 months or as he calls it Miller Time.
Charles Barkley was stopped for suspicion of drunk driving so I guess he doesn’t have a designated driver in his my 5.
In what must be a first the Toronto Maple Leafs forward Jiri Thusty was recalled from the minors when the team posted a comment on his Facebook page for him to get dressed and report to Toronto.
Everyone is so in awe of how focused the fans are at the Winter Classic but it is only because no one can IM without freezing off a digit.
In another show of common sense leadership, President elect Barack Obama declined an invitation to stand in a frozen Wrigley Field and instead remained on the beach in Hawaii.
Top 5 Signs your team had a bad 2008
# 5 Team had lousy chemistry but yet many tested positive
# 4 Teams 3 biggest injuries were lower body, upper body and lead.
# 3 Your top soccer striker was a Canadian
# 2 The only time the team had a sell-out was Fathers Day.
And the # 1 sign your team had a bad 2008...
Your countries Olympic gymnastics team was already past puberty
With Tony Sparano having such a successful year and the NY Ginats courting Jets assistant coach Steve Spagnulo for their vacancy how long until we see Big Pussy on an NFL bench?
Forensic accountants have uncovered a possible game fixing scandal in the mafia when as part of their net gains on the balance sheet they included tennis players.
Being surprised tennis is fixed is like believing a 180 pound second baseman can hit 40 home runs naturally.
Top 5 signs your NFL coach is going to be fired
# 5 Believes character is more important than winning
# 4 Alcohol level is higher than winning percentage
# 3 Tried an end around with the Cheerleaders
# 2 Keeps sending out the kicker to block on short yardage plays
And the # 1 sign your NFL coach is going to be fired
He has 3 years left on his contract and the owner keeps praising him to the media.
Stuntman Robbie Knieveal flew over a volcano on his motorcycle on New Years the biggest leap of faith in sports in 2008. Other candidates were Brett Favre’s signing with the Jets, The Dallas Stars taking a chance on Sean Avery and any father that let his daughter date Travis Henry.
International cricket has adopted tough new drug testing for players and to be assured of compliance the tests will be administered as a part of tea time.
Officials say they became aware of the drug problems with players when they were spotted rubbing the cream on themselves at tea time.
Sprinter Usain Bolt was named Athlete of the Year for his world record sprints although he wasn’t the fastest man in a track suit to sprint after a gun went off. That honour went to Plaxico Burris.
Before the game each person was given a card to hold up at a certain time to spell out sayings for the TV audience. I think someone got to the printer because when they asked for people to turn up their cards it spelled out “For Sale... 1 Senate Seat”.
Veteran Detroit Red Wings defenseman Chris Chelios was a part of the Winter Classic, the 1st time he has played in a meaningful outdoor game since the Neanderthals played the Cro-Magnons for the Mammoth Cup.
How old is Chelios? When he played hockey outside as a kid players wore beaver skin helmets. He met Lord Stanley personally. He had to carve out his own stick as part of clearing the land.
Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is lobbying for the next Winter Classic and says it should be international because from her window she can see that Russia has a pretty good team.
The Denver Broncos held a press conference with both owner Pat Bowlen and ex-coach Mike Shanahan coming close to tears. Mike was chocked up because his time in Denver was done and Pat was near tears because he was still going to have to pay Mike $15 million on his contract.
John Daley was suspended from the PGA tour for 6 months or as he calls it Miller Time.
Charles Barkley was stopped for suspicion of drunk driving so I guess he doesn’t have a designated driver in his my 5.
In what must be a first the Toronto Maple Leafs forward Jiri Thusty was recalled from the minors when the team posted a comment on his Facebook page for him to get dressed and report to Toronto.
Everyone is so in awe of how focused the fans are at the Winter Classic but it is only because no one can IM without freezing off a digit.
In another show of common sense leadership, President elect Barack Obama declined an invitation to stand in a frozen Wrigley Field and instead remained on the beach in Hawaii.
Top 5 Signs your team had a bad 2008
# 5 Team had lousy chemistry but yet many tested positive
# 4 Teams 3 biggest injuries were lower body, upper body and lead.
# 3 Your top soccer striker was a Canadian
# 2 The only time the team had a sell-out was Fathers Day.
And the # 1 sign your team had a bad 2008...
Your countries Olympic gymnastics team was already past puberty
With Tony Sparano having such a successful year and the NY Ginats courting Jets assistant coach Steve Spagnulo for their vacancy how long until we see Big Pussy on an NFL bench?
Forensic accountants have uncovered a possible game fixing scandal in the mafia when as part of their net gains on the balance sheet they included tennis players.
Being surprised tennis is fixed is like believing a 180 pound second baseman can hit 40 home runs naturally.
Top 5 signs your NFL coach is going to be fired
# 5 Believes character is more important than winning
# 4 Alcohol level is higher than winning percentage
# 3 Tried an end around with the Cheerleaders
# 2 Keeps sending out the kicker to block on short yardage plays
And the # 1 sign your NFL coach is going to be fired
He has 3 years left on his contract and the owner keeps praising him to the media.
Stuntman Robbie Knieveal flew over a volcano on his motorcycle on New Years the biggest leap of faith in sports in 2008. Other candidates were Brett Favre’s signing with the Jets, The Dallas Stars taking a chance on Sean Avery and any father that let his daughter date Travis Henry.
International cricket has adopted tough new drug testing for players and to be assured of compliance the tests will be administered as a part of tea time.
Officials say they became aware of the drug problems with players when they were spotted rubbing the cream on themselves at tea time.
Sprinter Usain Bolt was named Athlete of the Year for his world record sprints although he wasn’t the fastest man in a track suit to sprint after a gun went off. That honour went to Plaxico Burris.
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