It has been alleged the NHL was in control of the Phoenix Coyotes since last November thus adding fire to the rumour Gary Bettman wanted to stop any Canadian team from winning the Stanley Cup by trading Ollie Joiken to Calgary.
Seeing Brian Mulroney, Jim Balsillie and Gary Bettman going to court to protect their good names is a lot like going to a brothel to protect your virginity.
A court has given the Washington Redskins the right to use their name despite opposition from Native groups who say the name is an insult to them. This clears the way for the name of a potential NHL franchise in Ontario to be called the really really really white skins.
The lack of playoff hockey for Canadians along with the troubles Jim Balsillie has bringing a team to Ontario is the focus of a new reality TV show “Hockey Not in Canada”.
Despite only 100 people showing up for a Save the Coyotes rally the NHL was ecstatic saying actual paid attendance was well over 16,000.
The NHL says they have plans to move the Coyotes to Winnipeg ahead of Hamilton. Of course Honolulu Hawaii, Waco Texas and Acapulco Mexico are ahead of Winnipeg.
A report out from Washington said briefings on the war in Iraq for the President contained verses from the Bible. This is similar to verses found in most NFL playbooks advising them to go forth and multiply.
Michael Vick has been released to a half way house but the restrictions imposed will keep him on a short leash. About all he can do is sit around the house, walk to his probation officer and fetch his paper.
Roger Goddel has come out strongly against betting on NFL games and gave the chances of it becoming legal at best 2:1 odds.
Michael Phelps says he wants to compete in more events in the future but as of now it is only a pipe dream.
Mediation talks between the NHL and representatives from the Phoenix Coyotes took a strange turn when the mediator suggested potential owner Jim Balsillie just fly the 100 hardcore Phoenix fans to Hamilton for each game.
The Frenchmen in charge of the International Swimming Federation have rejected over 40% of the designs of competitive swim suits. They demanded manufacturers make changes to the suits and have them modeled at a later date preferably by women from the SI Swimsuit Edition.
Officials say they are contemplating extreme changes to swimsuits including banning zippers, less permeable fabric and outlawing Quebec tourists from wearing Speedos while watching beach volleyball.
Top 3 reasons to watch TSN2
# 3 Twice as many Toronto losses in prime time
# 2 Constant updates from TSN1
# 1 You can’t remember when to hold them or fold them
What are the chances of Michael Vick getting a show on Spike TV?
Cultural differences were in evidence this week when an English politician resigned over reports he used taxpayer money to clean his moat while NHL owners who receive millions in taxpayer support applauded Commissioner Gary Bettman for trying to erect one around the Phoenix Coyotes.
The NHL is still claiming they have additional suitors for the Phoenix Coyotes and still haven’t met with all the referrals from Match.com.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Stroke Play!
A new drug has been developed that has been shown to help increase memory functions of mice. The drug is said to be successful except the mice still refuse to admit they were injected by their trainers.
Michael Phelps was in the news when a stripper said she had a 3- some with Phelps and another woman that lasted over 3 hours. Asked to comment his coach said he was happy that Michael was finally devoting some time to improving his stroke.
Kentucky Derby winner Mine that Bird must have felt jilted when the jockey that rode him to victory flipped him the bird for another mount in the Preakness.
A member of the International Olympic Committee is being investigated for taking kickbacks from marketing deals with the IIHF. Asked to comment IOC officials were stunned saying they had no idea anyone in their organization worked for their bribes.
After being caught taking female fertility drugs Dodgers slugger Manny Ramirez was saddened by his suspension but said he will be back in time for the season’s second trimester.
This is May sweeps week for TV shows with the season finale of House, Lost and Hockey Night in Canada.
Miss California defended herself against allegations she knowingly had topless pictures of herself taken saying the wind was to blame and vowed never to pose in the right field of Yankee Stadium again.
Sean Avery has been hired by the NHL radio network to give his opinions on the playoffs. This is an attempt to give Avery a forum and at the same time pay for part of his anger management program.
It is hoped the stuff coming out of Avery’s mouth will be drowned out by all the other idiot shock jocks on the air.
The Phoenix Coyotes are having a rally to support keeping their team and as in a clever marketing hook are trying to see if they can break the record for the most people in a phone booth.
New NFL Players Association executive director DeMaurice Smith has finally signed his contract and says the delay was due to discrepancies in his B sample signature.
The NHL has determined Carolina Panthers forward Scott Walker didn’t deserve a suspension for his sucker punch on Boston Bruins defenseman Aaron Ward. They say after reviewing the tapes with officials from the RCMP it was possible a stapler was involved.
Toronto Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke is trying desperately to trade up in the draft to get John Taverres saying no player is untouchable especially the ones who didn’t get touched all of last year.
The girlfriend of Dallas Mavericks star Dirk Nowitzki who is under arrest for services fraud has been linked to other professional athletes. Former Dallas Star forward Sean Avery is being questioned to see if she was one of his exes.
Top 3 least popular Mothers Day gifts
# 3 Court side seats with Mark Cuban
# 2 A conjical visit with Travis Henry
# 1 Being introduced to your daughters new fiancée Sean Avery
I thought they had outlawed torture in Washington but I guess nobody told the Pittsburgh Penguins.
Michael Phelps was in the news when a stripper said she had a 3- some with Phelps and another woman that lasted over 3 hours. Asked to comment his coach said he was happy that Michael was finally devoting some time to improving his stroke.
Kentucky Derby winner Mine that Bird must have felt jilted when the jockey that rode him to victory flipped him the bird for another mount in the Preakness.
A member of the International Olympic Committee is being investigated for taking kickbacks from marketing deals with the IIHF. Asked to comment IOC officials were stunned saying they had no idea anyone in their organization worked for their bribes.
After being caught taking female fertility drugs Dodgers slugger Manny Ramirez was saddened by his suspension but said he will be back in time for the season’s second trimester.
This is May sweeps week for TV shows with the season finale of House, Lost and Hockey Night in Canada.
Miss California defended herself against allegations she knowingly had topless pictures of herself taken saying the wind was to blame and vowed never to pose in the right field of Yankee Stadium again.
Sean Avery has been hired by the NHL radio network to give his opinions on the playoffs. This is an attempt to give Avery a forum and at the same time pay for part of his anger management program.
It is hoped the stuff coming out of Avery’s mouth will be drowned out by all the other idiot shock jocks on the air.
The Phoenix Coyotes are having a rally to support keeping their team and as in a clever marketing hook are trying to see if they can break the record for the most people in a phone booth.
New NFL Players Association executive director DeMaurice Smith has finally signed his contract and says the delay was due to discrepancies in his B sample signature.
The NHL has determined Carolina Panthers forward Scott Walker didn’t deserve a suspension for his sucker punch on Boston Bruins defenseman Aaron Ward. They say after reviewing the tapes with officials from the RCMP it was possible a stapler was involved.
Toronto Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke is trying desperately to trade up in the draft to get John Taverres saying no player is untouchable especially the ones who didn’t get touched all of last year.
The girlfriend of Dallas Mavericks star Dirk Nowitzki who is under arrest for services fraud has been linked to other professional athletes. Former Dallas Star forward Sean Avery is being questioned to see if she was one of his exes.
Top 3 least popular Mothers Day gifts
# 3 Court side seats with Mark Cuban
# 2 A conjical visit with Travis Henry
# 1 Being introduced to your daughters new fiancée Sean Avery
I thought they had outlawed torture in Washington but I guess nobody told the Pittsburgh Penguins.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Got Milk?
With Terrell Owens leaving the Dallas Cowboys who would have thought it would be another blow hard bringing down their practice?
You know your Stanley Cup playoff mustache is a bit lean when you go out and everyone asks “Got Milk”?
US lawmakers spent Friday demanding College Football adopt a playoff system saying this will clear up any problems currently affecting the United States.
As a nod to the swine flu epidemic congress admitted this was the second worse pigskin related tragedy of the year after their hearings on BCS playoffs.
Gary Bettman says he can’t see the Phoenix Coyotes moving anytime soon saying he has to wait until the housing market bounces back so he can recover his condo investment.
Jim Balsille says he will pay $225 million for the bankrupt Coyotes or roughly the cost of anti depressants needed for Bettman.
Scientists have created an F-1 car that runs on chocolate and is capable of speeds up to 235 kph. The only problem is the car gains weight every time it consumes a tank.
Hollywood has been quick to react to the chocolate powered car with a new show on converting your car called “Pimple my ride”.
Not sure who has the bigger claws Gary Bettman or Wolverine.
This must be a weekend for time warps with Star Trek re-writing their history or the NHL reinventing their franchise rules.
On Tuesday the NHL denies they are in control of the Phoenix Coyotes yet on Thursday they say the club can’t be put into receivership because they are in control. Listening to Bettman you wonder how lawyers ever got their bad name.
Bettman says he was only an hour away from an agreement that would have paid all the Coyotes debt and kept the team in Phoenix. He later went on to say he was especially sorry for the children as he planned to unveil a live Unicorn at the press conference.
Top 5 signs you may not get an NHL franchise
# 5 You’re Canadian
# 4 You increased the NHL’s Blackberry contract price
# 3 You have millions of fans who would actually pay to watch a game
# 2 There is ice in winter where you live
# 1 You texted the Commissioner a shot of your butt
The European Union has banned the sale of seal products saying they are dispatched cruelly which is also the reason LA Clipper games aren’t televised.
You know your Stanley Cup playoff mustache is a bit lean when you go out and everyone asks “Got Milk”?
US lawmakers spent Friday demanding College Football adopt a playoff system saying this will clear up any problems currently affecting the United States.
As a nod to the swine flu epidemic congress admitted this was the second worse pigskin related tragedy of the year after their hearings on BCS playoffs.
Gary Bettman says he can’t see the Phoenix Coyotes moving anytime soon saying he has to wait until the housing market bounces back so he can recover his condo investment.
Jim Balsille says he will pay $225 million for the bankrupt Coyotes or roughly the cost of anti depressants needed for Bettman.
Scientists have created an F-1 car that runs on chocolate and is capable of speeds up to 235 kph. The only problem is the car gains weight every time it consumes a tank.
Hollywood has been quick to react to the chocolate powered car with a new show on converting your car called “Pimple my ride”.
Not sure who has the bigger claws Gary Bettman or Wolverine.
This must be a weekend for time warps with Star Trek re-writing their history or the NHL reinventing their franchise rules.
On Tuesday the NHL denies they are in control of the Phoenix Coyotes yet on Thursday they say the club can’t be put into receivership because they are in control. Listening to Bettman you wonder how lawyers ever got their bad name.
Bettman says he was only an hour away from an agreement that would have paid all the Coyotes debt and kept the team in Phoenix. He later went on to say he was especially sorry for the children as he planned to unveil a live Unicorn at the press conference.
Top 5 signs you may not get an NHL franchise
# 5 You’re Canadian
# 4 You increased the NHL’s Blackberry contract price
# 3 You have millions of fans who would actually pay to watch a game
# 2 There is ice in winter where you live
# 1 You texted the Commissioner a shot of your butt
The European Union has banned the sale of seal products saying they are dispatched cruelly which is also the reason LA Clipper games aren’t televised.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Bank on it!
GM is running a new ad asking people to buy their cars while promising to have a really good one, the Volt, available in 2010. GM says they came up with the idea when an executive received his invoice for Toronto Maple Leafs season tickets.
It seemed fitting that Detroit would pay millions for an unproven player that might make a difference in a few years. After the draft fans of the Lions sent a petition to President Obama asking him to sack the teams CEO.
You know you have the next great lineman when he is listed on Google Earth.
Soccer star David Beckham has been named the richest athlete in the UK and has inspired a new movie “Bank it like Beckham”.
Mexico is in the grips of a very serious outbreak of swine flu and I feel embarrassed because I thought swine flu was when you got sick of athletes hamming it up in front of the camera.
A lawyer for the IOC says if a judge rules female ski jumpers must be allowed to compete in the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver Canada will never again host the Games, thus saving taxpayers millions.
In what had to be an omen a construction site near the Saddledome in Calgary became a sinkhole prior to Saturdays game with the Blackhawks.
The Canadian tumbling team had its best ever International results with the coach crediting their performance on following the Montreal Canadians from the All Star break on.
For his 100th birthday Arthur Giddon became the batboy for the Boston Red Sox. Mr. Giddon is looking forward to next year as he will play the point on the Red Wings power play.
The American team at the World Hockey Championships were given a scare when underdog Latvia nearly pulled off the upset giving coach Ron Wilson the feeling of being at home.
Being from Saskatchewan I can relate to Winnipeg Blue Bombers coach Mike Kelly calling my Province the crotch of Canada and looking at my map I see Manitoba is right behind us.
A Slovakian hockey player has been charged with murder after allegedly killed a referee and buried his body in a park. Asked why he did the act the defendant was unrepentant saying deep down referees are good people.
The NFL is denying they are having trouble attracting sponsors despite having to run informercials for “Sham Wow” during their televised draft saying the product in invaluable to help the new multi-millionaires polish their Porches.
The Alberta Government is taking heat over the increase in wait times to get into Emergency wards but a spokesman says now that the Flames season is over they expect to see a lot less traffic.
Native leaders visiting the Pope this week were surprised at his understanding of their plight with him expressing regret for the Residential Schools, concern over housing conditions and support for the Blackhawks in the playoffs.
Officials in the US are advising citizens to avoid large crowds during the swine flu scare and are suggesting they stay home or stick to sparsely populated areas like the Yankee box seats.
Chinese officials say blood samples re-tested from the Beijing Olympics have come back positive on some medal winners. Olympic officials say the problem was due to the inability of testers to get the lead out.
The NHL has loaned money to the Phoenix Coyotes in keeping with Commissioner Gary Bettmans “no owner left behind” program. Bettman insists the franchise is still viable and hopes next year the players will understand the need to sell ice in a desert when they take an expected 99% claw back on their salaries.
Top 3 spectator souvenirs from the last weekend in sports
# 3 NASCAR driver Carl Edwards tailpipe
# 2 NY Rangers coach John Tortella’s water bottle
# 1 The Calgary Flames salary cap
A new restaurant has opened that is run by former convicts called Felony Franks. Asked to comment former Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick said “hot dog”.
It seemed fitting that Detroit would pay millions for an unproven player that might make a difference in a few years. After the draft fans of the Lions sent a petition to President Obama asking him to sack the teams CEO.
You know you have the next great lineman when he is listed on Google Earth.
Soccer star David Beckham has been named the richest athlete in the UK and has inspired a new movie “Bank it like Beckham”.
Mexico is in the grips of a very serious outbreak of swine flu and I feel embarrassed because I thought swine flu was when you got sick of athletes hamming it up in front of the camera.
A lawyer for the IOC says if a judge rules female ski jumpers must be allowed to compete in the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver Canada will never again host the Games, thus saving taxpayers millions.
In what had to be an omen a construction site near the Saddledome in Calgary became a sinkhole prior to Saturdays game with the Blackhawks.
The Canadian tumbling team had its best ever International results with the coach crediting their performance on following the Montreal Canadians from the All Star break on.
For his 100th birthday Arthur Giddon became the batboy for the Boston Red Sox. Mr. Giddon is looking forward to next year as he will play the point on the Red Wings power play.
The American team at the World Hockey Championships were given a scare when underdog Latvia nearly pulled off the upset giving coach Ron Wilson the feeling of being at home.
Being from Saskatchewan I can relate to Winnipeg Blue Bombers coach Mike Kelly calling my Province the crotch of Canada and looking at my map I see Manitoba is right behind us.
A Slovakian hockey player has been charged with murder after allegedly killed a referee and buried his body in a park. Asked why he did the act the defendant was unrepentant saying deep down referees are good people.
The NFL is denying they are having trouble attracting sponsors despite having to run informercials for “Sham Wow” during their televised draft saying the product in invaluable to help the new multi-millionaires polish their Porches.
The Alberta Government is taking heat over the increase in wait times to get into Emergency wards but a spokesman says now that the Flames season is over they expect to see a lot less traffic.
Native leaders visiting the Pope this week were surprised at his understanding of their plight with him expressing regret for the Residential Schools, concern over housing conditions and support for the Blackhawks in the playoffs.
Officials in the US are advising citizens to avoid large crowds during the swine flu scare and are suggesting they stay home or stick to sparsely populated areas like the Yankee box seats.
Chinese officials say blood samples re-tested from the Beijing Olympics have come back positive on some medal winners. Olympic officials say the problem was due to the inability of testers to get the lead out.
The NHL has loaned money to the Phoenix Coyotes in keeping with Commissioner Gary Bettmans “no owner left behind” program. Bettman insists the franchise is still viable and hopes next year the players will understand the need to sell ice in a desert when they take an expected 99% claw back on their salaries.
Top 3 spectator souvenirs from the last weekend in sports
# 3 NASCAR driver Carl Edwards tailpipe
# 2 NY Rangers coach John Tortella’s water bottle
# 1 The Calgary Flames salary cap
A new restaurant has opened that is run by former convicts called Felony Franks. Asked to comment former Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick said “hot dog”.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
A way too active stick!
The Toronto Argonauts are upset with Rogers Communication asking for more NFL games saying they had a “Gentleman’s agreement” to limit the number to 8. When asked about this Rogers said it was more of a “Gentleman’s Club” agreement where it was understood they will try to strip every dollar from gullible fans.
If the NY Jets are going to change the start time of a game to allow people to be at home in time for the Jewish day of atonement, shouldn’t the Maple Leafs start playing now to make up for last year?
Roger Millions of Sportsnet was caught on tape accidentally uttering a beauty of a curse after messing up a segment. The clip was viewed over 45,000 times on YouTube or roughly the same number of people who watched Sportsnet all of last year.
I’m a little confused over the new terms being bandied about during the NHL playoffs as I thought an active stick is what got Travis Henry into so much trouble.
The US is asking Canada to send them some F-16 Fighters but there is some resistance as the last time we sent them some Jets they never came back to Winnipeg.
Some people were questioning Sean Avery chirping at Washington goalie Simeon Varlamov because he doesn’t speak English but ask any Psychiatrist and they will tell you crazy is a universal language.
Calgary and Chicago celebrated Earth Day with each team suggesting the other take a hike, jump in a lake or consume some naturally occurring fertilizer.
Michael Phelps says he will unveil a new freestyle stroke at the next meet. Phelps says he saw how to get extra reach in the move when he was passing the bong over the head of some dudes to a really hot blond.
You know the hockey fans of Montreal were dejected when after their playoff defeat to Boston they didn’t even have the heart left to burn and pillage the streets.
Top 5 worst trash talk lines
# 5 Your eyes look so blue with that helmet
# 4 Mom says she loves me more
# 3 Your carpet doesn’t match your drapes
# 2 You couldn’t even get a decent job with Vogue
# 1 Oh Yeah?
If the NY Jets are going to change the start time of a game to allow people to be at home in time for the Jewish day of atonement, shouldn’t the Maple Leafs start playing now to make up for last year?
Roger Millions of Sportsnet was caught on tape accidentally uttering a beauty of a curse after messing up a segment. The clip was viewed over 45,000 times on YouTube or roughly the same number of people who watched Sportsnet all of last year.
I’m a little confused over the new terms being bandied about during the NHL playoffs as I thought an active stick is what got Travis Henry into so much trouble.
The US is asking Canada to send them some F-16 Fighters but there is some resistance as the last time we sent them some Jets they never came back to Winnipeg.
Some people were questioning Sean Avery chirping at Washington goalie Simeon Varlamov because he doesn’t speak English but ask any Psychiatrist and they will tell you crazy is a universal language.
Calgary and Chicago celebrated Earth Day with each team suggesting the other take a hike, jump in a lake or consume some naturally occurring fertilizer.
Michael Phelps says he will unveil a new freestyle stroke at the next meet. Phelps says he saw how to get extra reach in the move when he was passing the bong over the head of some dudes to a really hot blond.
You know the hockey fans of Montreal were dejected when after their playoff defeat to Boston they didn’t even have the heart left to burn and pillage the streets.
Top 5 worst trash talk lines
# 5 Your eyes look so blue with that helmet
# 4 Mom says she loves me more
# 3 Your carpet doesn’t match your drapes
# 2 You couldn’t even get a decent job with Vogue
# 1 Oh Yeah?
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
TSN wants you!
Top 5 signs TSN wants you for their NHL playoff panel
# 5 As GM your last 1st round pick finished 2nd in scoring for the Molson Muscle of the Toronto Beer League
# 4 As a coach you watched over 200 playoff games, most in High Definition
# 3 As a GM you found a way to go over the salary cap before there was one and still miss the playoffs
# 2 As a player you defined the terms goon, healthy scratch and sieve
# 1 Your haircut looks better than Pierre McGuire
Former NY Knicks coach Isaiah Thomas has landed a job with Florida International College. The contract is for 5 years and includes a base salary, incentives and freshman assistants that can’t spell harassment.
TSN (Toronto Sports Network) will broadcast the Flames/Blackhawks playoff round after getting the third choice after CBC. When asked what it would be like to broadcast a Canadian team for the first time officials with the network were stunned saying they didn’t know Canada had purchased Chicago.
Leafs GM Brian Burke says he wants to win and have a parade to which forward Juri Thirsti added “and I would be proud to lead it”.
# 5 As GM your last 1st round pick finished 2nd in scoring for the Molson Muscle of the Toronto Beer League
# 4 As a coach you watched over 200 playoff games, most in High Definition
# 3 As a GM you found a way to go over the salary cap before there was one and still miss the playoffs
# 2 As a player you defined the terms goon, healthy scratch and sieve
# 1 Your haircut looks better than Pierre McGuire
Former NY Knicks coach Isaiah Thomas has landed a job with Florida International College. The contract is for 5 years and includes a base salary, incentives and freshman assistants that can’t spell harassment.
TSN (Toronto Sports Network) will broadcast the Flames/Blackhawks playoff round after getting the third choice after CBC. When asked what it would be like to broadcast a Canadian team for the first time officials with the network were stunned saying they didn’t know Canada had purchased Chicago.
Leafs GM Brian Burke says he wants to win and have a parade to which forward Juri Thirsti added “and I would be proud to lead it”.
Monday, April 13, 2009
This relationship had a shot!
A woman recently went to hospital and found she had a bullet in her head for 12 years and when asked about it said she always knew her relationship with Plaxico Burris had a shot to succeed.
Tough viewing choice on Sunday, do I watch the old men compete for the world curling championship or the old fat men compete for golf`s biggest prize?
I guess it was fitting Angel Cabrera won the Masters on Easter Sunday as it was obvious he got up early to finish off the chocolate eggs.
Sprinter Usain Bolt said “when you are a child in Jamaica you learn how to roll a joint” which is part of the Governments “No leaf left behind program”.
With Bolt and Michael Phelps getting caught up in smoking pot the cloud hanging over the coming world championships won’t be one of suspicion.
Due to salary cap restrictions the Calgary Flames were forced to play the last 3 games with 15 instead of 18 skaters. The worst part according to team officials was they lost out on the extra air miles.
Toronto Maple Leafs coach Ron Wilson says the team will be worse next year and won’t start competing until sometime in 2011. Asked to comment Leaf fans agreed noting this was when his contract was due to expire.
Chris Bosh took the microphone during the last game of the year for the Raptors and when asked if the team would get better passed the question to Ron Wilson.
Despite only losing 5 games this year the coach of the Canadian women’s Olympic hockey team says she should quit because it’s all about winning. Asked to comment Ron Wilson called her a loser.
The Toronto Blue Jays got off to a 5-1 start the best they have done in over 10 years. Asked if they could keep up the pace team officials referred the question to Ron Wilson.
English football team Chelsea says manager Guus Hiddink won't be returning to the club next season despite doing a "great job," and staying near the top of the league standings. Asked to comment Ron Wilson said the English are nuts.
The USA has named Ron Wilson as the coach for the 2010 Olympic hockey team. Wilson says he doesn’t expect much from the team but they will really suck in 2014.
Former Detroit Tigers pitcher Mark (The Bird) Fidrych was found dead on his farm this week. Officials say the death appears to be accidental but as of yet have not ruled out fowl play.
The NHL held their annual lottery with the Tampa Bay Lightening considering trading their selection for a few Lotto 649 tickets.
NY Yankees Alex Rodriguez began workouts to rehabilitate his hip and team officials hope he will be in mid-April condition in time for October.
The price for the Buffalo Bills tickets in Toronto has been released and they are much lower than last year. Officials with Rogers Communication who have the rights to the game say this is a result of the recession, poor demand last year and the sudden realization they got stiffed.
Rogers say the tickets will be delivered to purchasers and ask they wait at home to get them sometime between 9:00 AM – 5:00PM.
The Toronto Rock were eliminated from playoff contention earlier this week as per their contract to be a professional team in Toronto.
The Toronto Marlies say ticket sales for the upcoming playoffs are slow with and most people who call have the same question “Is this an April Fools prank?”
The Argos, Leafs, Raptors, Rock and Blue Jays all missed out on the playoffs the past year. Officials with the City are worried they may not retain their World Class designation and are now going to hand out participation medals.
The NHL has decided to play the next outdoor game at Fenway Park in Boston and as a nod to the Red Sox will allow Jason Bay to play goal.
The Government of Saskatchewan is looking into options for the aging Mosaic field in Regina. Plans are to upgrade the stadium or move it to a larger population of people from Saskatchewan, like Calgary.
French drug testing official were suspicious when Lance Armstrong made them wait for 20 minutes while he showered and it wasn’t even Saturday.
Former NFL player Michael Vick has been returned to prison despite saying he has not finished his bankruptcy proceedings because his dog ate the paperwork.
The Government of Alberta has raised taxes on liquor saying they might be able to balance the budget if Oilers fans will cooperate and drown their sorrows.
Canada has moved up to 89th in the world rankings for FIFA keeping us in line to challenge Zambia for a Top 80 ranking.
The Calgary Flames had to play with 16 forwards because injuries put them against the Salary Cap. The bad news was they were down 2 skaters, the good news is the players out improved their + and – stats. The problem started when they traded for 2 expensive players at the deadline, just another reason Alberta is against a Cap and Trade policy.
Tough viewing choice on Sunday, do I watch the old men compete for the world curling championship or the old fat men compete for golf`s biggest prize?
I guess it was fitting Angel Cabrera won the Masters on Easter Sunday as it was obvious he got up early to finish off the chocolate eggs.
Sprinter Usain Bolt said “when you are a child in Jamaica you learn how to roll a joint” which is part of the Governments “No leaf left behind program”.
With Bolt and Michael Phelps getting caught up in smoking pot the cloud hanging over the coming world championships won’t be one of suspicion.
Due to salary cap restrictions the Calgary Flames were forced to play the last 3 games with 15 instead of 18 skaters. The worst part according to team officials was they lost out on the extra air miles.
Toronto Maple Leafs coach Ron Wilson says the team will be worse next year and won’t start competing until sometime in 2011. Asked to comment Leaf fans agreed noting this was when his contract was due to expire.
Chris Bosh took the microphone during the last game of the year for the Raptors and when asked if the team would get better passed the question to Ron Wilson.
Despite only losing 5 games this year the coach of the Canadian women’s Olympic hockey team says she should quit because it’s all about winning. Asked to comment Ron Wilson called her a loser.
The Toronto Blue Jays got off to a 5-1 start the best they have done in over 10 years. Asked if they could keep up the pace team officials referred the question to Ron Wilson.
English football team Chelsea says manager Guus Hiddink won't be returning to the club next season despite doing a "great job," and staying near the top of the league standings. Asked to comment Ron Wilson said the English are nuts.
The USA has named Ron Wilson as the coach for the 2010 Olympic hockey team. Wilson says he doesn’t expect much from the team but they will really suck in 2014.
Former Detroit Tigers pitcher Mark (The Bird) Fidrych was found dead on his farm this week. Officials say the death appears to be accidental but as of yet have not ruled out fowl play.
The NHL held their annual lottery with the Tampa Bay Lightening considering trading their selection for a few Lotto 649 tickets.
NY Yankees Alex Rodriguez began workouts to rehabilitate his hip and team officials hope he will be in mid-April condition in time for October.
The price for the Buffalo Bills tickets in Toronto has been released and they are much lower than last year. Officials with Rogers Communication who have the rights to the game say this is a result of the recession, poor demand last year and the sudden realization they got stiffed.
Rogers say the tickets will be delivered to purchasers and ask they wait at home to get them sometime between 9:00 AM – 5:00PM.
The Toronto Rock were eliminated from playoff contention earlier this week as per their contract to be a professional team in Toronto.
The Toronto Marlies say ticket sales for the upcoming playoffs are slow with and most people who call have the same question “Is this an April Fools prank?”
The Argos, Leafs, Raptors, Rock and Blue Jays all missed out on the playoffs the past year. Officials with the City are worried they may not retain their World Class designation and are now going to hand out participation medals.
The NHL has decided to play the next outdoor game at Fenway Park in Boston and as a nod to the Red Sox will allow Jason Bay to play goal.
The Government of Saskatchewan is looking into options for the aging Mosaic field in Regina. Plans are to upgrade the stadium or move it to a larger population of people from Saskatchewan, like Calgary.
French drug testing official were suspicious when Lance Armstrong made them wait for 20 minutes while he showered and it wasn’t even Saturday.
Former NFL player Michael Vick has been returned to prison despite saying he has not finished his bankruptcy proceedings because his dog ate the paperwork.
The Government of Alberta has raised taxes on liquor saying they might be able to balance the budget if Oilers fans will cooperate and drown their sorrows.
Canada has moved up to 89th in the world rankings for FIFA keeping us in line to challenge Zambia for a Top 80 ranking.
The Calgary Flames had to play with 16 forwards because injuries put them against the Salary Cap. The bad news was they were down 2 skaters, the good news is the players out improved their + and – stats. The problem started when they traded for 2 expensive players at the deadline, just another reason Alberta is against a Cap and Trade policy.
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