Tiger Woods revealed he will not be playing at the British Open this year and will take the rest of the year off golf in order to concentrate on his stroke. Tiger says he has come to realize it’s the sex that allowed him to keep his knees together during his swing so he is looking forward to some bed work. Asked about the beard Tiger says it gives him more acting range in the direct to DVD market.
Tiger is now the Japanese spokesperson for a line of athletic rubs. The line is inspired by the crash that derailed the Tiger myth and called rub a 911.
Most of Canada’s national forces are being called back and the wounded treated for integration back into the Canadian culture. In addition to the Afghanistan combat removal we had the Winnipeg Jets returning and we sent our Sea King air ambulance to pick up the World Cup women in Germany.
Saskatchewan Roughrider paraphernalia generates the 3rd most revenue in Canada behind the Toronto Maple Leafs and Montreal Canadians. Plans are underway to list the Roughriders with a Canadian stock exchange and legitimately develop the watermelon industry. Nothing is greener than watermelons.
José Bautista of the Toronto Blue Jays became the all-time vote getter under the current Major League Baseball All Star Balloting process. Bautista has received nearly 20,000,000 clicks surpassing the previous record set by legendary groupie Alyssa Milano.
The Tour de France is back on with Frenchmen lining the streets to offer encouragement and refreshments to participants in the grueling race. Due to evidence of doping in the past, including up to the morning when they were suiting up to race, the rules now require riders to wear a yellow diaper if they are leading in the race and in positive drug tests.
Riders have to give urine tests following a day of riding 150 to 170 km’s up and down a mountain. Some of the fluids given to the competitors come from fans along the way that thrust bottles in their face. The drug testing agency has now adjusted for this and will allow an 83% error rate for contestants that test positive for a bold yet robust red.
Prince William took a couple of shots on goal during a street hockey game in the NWT and was quickly rewarded with a 2 year $3.5 million dollar free agent contract. The Leafs defended the signing saying he is tall, limited in mobility and has a weak shot or as they call it a top 4 defence man.
Critics of the signing pointed out if they wanted a shutdown guy they should have signed News of the World owner Rupert Murdoch.
TSN, Sportsnet and ESPN are all diving into the violence in pro sports theme with documentaries, discussion panels and statistics driven commentary. The words are delivered by former athletes who obviously are happy just to be able to read a cue card. You can’t argue with their logic as they don’t have writers for a rebuttal.
I love TSN spending hours programming the effects of violent collisions and can’t wait for the follow-up on head injuries called “Why is this man dumber than a 1st Grader?”
Friday, July 8, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Intelligent Life?
Scientists say they have developed a telescope array that will lead to the discovery of intelligent life within 1 year. The array is powered by a computer able to distinguish static from signals emitted during intense explosions and is being tested during the NFL negotiations. So far no signs of intelligence have been detected.
A 99 year old man who has married for the 1st time says the marriage was not planned but he was going to do the right thing by her.
NHL commissioner Gary Bettman took a page out of Libyan dictator Mohamar Gadhafi’s playbook for the draft by using 2 little girls as a human shield. Bettman then asked if he could take the girls to Phoenix the next time he has to negotiate with Glendale City Council. It worked so well Bettman say he will try to hire similar little girls during trips to any of the 30 unfriendly NHL cities.
The Calgary Flames drafted a Swiss, a Finn, and a 5’6” US born centre and dealt away monster blue liner Robin Reghr thus driving a steak through the Daryl Sutter era.
Calgary drafting a 5’6” centre would never have happened with Sutter as he expected his forwards to have bowel movements bigger than that.
A Canadian goaltender in the under 18 World Cup of Soccer was credited with the rarest of feats when he scored against England. The 2nd rarest feat in soccer is when anyone else scores.
The web dating site Plenty of Fish is considering filing suit over an Alberta Government site that warns of sexually transmitted diseases called Plenty of Syph. No word on if the dating site is going to take any action against the site for the Huston Astros called Plenty of Stiffs.
Citizens of Greece who get 80% of their salary as a pension at age 53 are outraged they are being required to pay more taxes in a bailout deal. The new levy is expected to affect the nearly 1 in 70 Greeks that actually pay taxes.
Researchers at Oxford University have successfully developed a cultured meat grown in a laboratory they say is 80% less harmful on the environment. The name is in dispute as cultured meat is a web dating site for men with manners.
Toronto mayor Rob Ford is being criticized for not attending the gay pride parade to instead go to the cottage. Ford says he is not homophobic and can prove it because he often goes to Stanley Cup parades with the only difference being the size of the Cup.
Canadian soccer great Christine Sinclair score a goal in the women’s world cup despite getting hit in the face and having her nose broken. Play kept on despite the player who hit her rolling on the ground looking for a penalty.
A Calgary oil and gas company was fined $9.3 million for attempting to bribe an overseas official. They apologized saying it was needless as they were just warming up to do some Olympic bribing.
I guess former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich will not be doing commercials for the Hair Club for Men and instead is now going to be joining the share club for men.
An Emperor Penguin was spotted in Australia far away from his natural winter habitat. Sources say Sidney Crosby was just vacationing.
An awkward moment at Wimbledon when newlyweds the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were asked by Billy Jean King if they thought wearing white was appropriate.
Edmonton Oilers reacquired fan favorite Ryan Smyth and immediately set about trying to fit his mullet under the salary cap.
Los Angeles Laker and former NBA rioting champion Ron Artest is changing his name to Metta World Peace which is Latin for You’re kidding Right? Artest says he will now focus all his energy on peace, love and trying to keep a straight face.
TSN is desperately trying to make a big deal about the NHL free agency on Friday but really if you want to watch boring dated white men debate salaries I suggest you watch re-runs of the NDP filibuster over the Post office.
Shares in RIM have hit historic lows causing NHL commissioner Gary Bettman to gloat saying the league dodged a bullet by not getting an owner who is now only worth 3 or 4 billion. The people he is talking to about Phoenix have way more money, they just don’t want to spend any.
The difference between Jim Balsillie of RIM and NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is striking. Balsillie is a person who can sell ice to an Eskimo and Bettman can’t sell ice in the Desert.
With Roger Federer losing in the quarterfinals this is the 1st time an Englishman has not been the biggest disappointment at Wimbledon.
A 99 year old man who has married for the 1st time says the marriage was not planned but he was going to do the right thing by her.
NHL commissioner Gary Bettman took a page out of Libyan dictator Mohamar Gadhafi’s playbook for the draft by using 2 little girls as a human shield. Bettman then asked if he could take the girls to Phoenix the next time he has to negotiate with Glendale City Council. It worked so well Bettman say he will try to hire similar little girls during trips to any of the 30 unfriendly NHL cities.
The Calgary Flames drafted a Swiss, a Finn, and a 5’6” US born centre and dealt away monster blue liner Robin Reghr thus driving a steak through the Daryl Sutter era.
Calgary drafting a 5’6” centre would never have happened with Sutter as he expected his forwards to have bowel movements bigger than that.
A Canadian goaltender in the under 18 World Cup of Soccer was credited with the rarest of feats when he scored against England. The 2nd rarest feat in soccer is when anyone else scores.
The web dating site Plenty of Fish is considering filing suit over an Alberta Government site that warns of sexually transmitted diseases called Plenty of Syph. No word on if the dating site is going to take any action against the site for the Huston Astros called Plenty of Stiffs.
Citizens of Greece who get 80% of their salary as a pension at age 53 are outraged they are being required to pay more taxes in a bailout deal. The new levy is expected to affect the nearly 1 in 70 Greeks that actually pay taxes.
Researchers at Oxford University have successfully developed a cultured meat grown in a laboratory they say is 80% less harmful on the environment. The name is in dispute as cultured meat is a web dating site for men with manners.
Toronto mayor Rob Ford is being criticized for not attending the gay pride parade to instead go to the cottage. Ford says he is not homophobic and can prove it because he often goes to Stanley Cup parades with the only difference being the size of the Cup.
Canadian soccer great Christine Sinclair score a goal in the women’s world cup despite getting hit in the face and having her nose broken. Play kept on despite the player who hit her rolling on the ground looking for a penalty.
A Calgary oil and gas company was fined $9.3 million for attempting to bribe an overseas official. They apologized saying it was needless as they were just warming up to do some Olympic bribing.
I guess former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich will not be doing commercials for the Hair Club for Men and instead is now going to be joining the share club for men.
An Emperor Penguin was spotted in Australia far away from his natural winter habitat. Sources say Sidney Crosby was just vacationing.
An awkward moment at Wimbledon when newlyweds the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were asked by Billy Jean King if they thought wearing white was appropriate.
Edmonton Oilers reacquired fan favorite Ryan Smyth and immediately set about trying to fit his mullet under the salary cap.
Los Angeles Laker and former NBA rioting champion Ron Artest is changing his name to Metta World Peace which is Latin for You’re kidding Right? Artest says he will now focus all his energy on peace, love and trying to keep a straight face.
TSN is desperately trying to make a big deal about the NHL free agency on Friday but really if you want to watch boring dated white men debate salaries I suggest you watch re-runs of the NDP filibuster over the Post office.
Shares in RIM have hit historic lows causing NHL commissioner Gary Bettman to gloat saying the league dodged a bullet by not getting an owner who is now only worth 3 or 4 billion. The people he is talking to about Phoenix have way more money, they just don’t want to spend any.
The difference between Jim Balsillie of RIM and NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is striking. Balsillie is a person who can sell ice to an Eskimo and Bettman can’t sell ice in the Desert.
With Roger Federer losing in the quarterfinals this is the 1st time an Englishman has not been the biggest disappointment at Wimbledon.
Monday, June 20, 2011
A ring and a hero
The Vancouver Humane Society (VHS) is asking the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge not to engage in any activities relating to the Calgary Stampede when they visit Calgary in July. Spokesman Peter Fricker says the couple should do what all Canadian political leaders do during an election and avoid Calgary altogether.
Peter Fricker, now there is a name that has more double-entendres than Congressman Weiner. And he appears to be nearly as big a dick.
Fricker say the couple should enjoy politically correct Canadian heritage events like riots and has invited the couple to light the opening rag for the Police Car Challenge.
With 2 Irishmen winning the US Open in consecutive years it looks like the Pot of Gold at the end of the rainbow has a putter and 3 iron.
A young Vancouver man who is a nationally ranked water polo player has apologized for trying to light a police car on fire during the annual Stanley Cup riots in Vancouver. The man says he was caught up in the action and now realizes fire and water don’t mix.
The man’s dad is a surgeon in Vancouver so I guess the only advice he could give his son is cut it out.
The NDP is sticking to the word Socialism in their constitution despite objections that the party is really a social democracy. The same discussion was engaged in by Toronto Maple Leaf owners who considered removing hockey team from their description.
I thought the way the NDP handled the new Quebec members was interesting by adopting the view Supreme Court Judges should be bilingual, the separation majority is 50% + 1 and Quebec should get 2 automatic berths into the Stanley Cup playoffs.
Not sure who became a bigger hero after getting his ring this week the Green Lantern or Dirk Nowiski.
The Boston Bruins were at Fenway Park to have a group toss out of the 1st pitch with Red Sox players. All went according to plan until Bruins forward Brad Marchand took offence to a pitch that was a bit high and inside to goaltender Tim Thomas and began to speed bag injured pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka.
The good news for Dodgers owner Frank McCourt is that his wife has accepted $100 million in a divorce settlement with the proceeds coming from the sale of TV rights to Fox network. The bad news the $100 million will be paid out in “Freedom Garden” seeds and Glen Beck memorabilia.
Top 5 tips for wives of the Atlanta Thrashers moving to Winnipeg
# 5 Buy mosquito repellent in bulk
# 4 Water wings make trips to the store less strenuous
# 3 Pick a neighborhood where the gang colours match the team uniform
# 2 Don’t complain remember Louis Riel was arrested for treason
# 1 Count your blessing you are not in Edmonton
If the Conservatives can issue a back to work order for Postal workers can’t they issue a back to playoffs order to the Leafs?
A report out by the Conference Board of Canada says mental illness affects 45% of Canadian workplaces. They went on to say mental illness increases to near 100% at NHL playoff time.
Floods have ravaged parts of south east Saskatchewan with residents reporting they have seen their dogs paddling away for days.
Vancouver Police are looking over more than 1 million pictures of criminal behavior during the Stanley Cup Game 7. In a surprise twist over 500,000 are of Roberto Luongo trying to stop a puck… criminal.
The man who was caught kissing a woman during the Vancouver riot is a stand-up comic who has hired an agent to book him into events. The 1st show is in Syria, followed by a brief performance in Libya and a showcase in Yemen.
Retiring NHL displinarian Colin Campbell figures he gave out $15.3 million in fines during his tenure. As an avid stats fan I calculated this is about the same amount Sunbelt NHL owners lose every year.
The 2011 NHL draft is on Friday and GM’s looking to toughen up their teams are pouring over video of the Vancouver riot. Sources close to a couple of NHL clubs say they saw a few who could light a fire under their teams.
The Florida Marlins have hired 80 year old Jack McKeon to be their next manager. Terms of the deal are 3 weeks with a club option for 4.
Florida residents when asked what they thought of the hiring reserved judgment saying they will give the kid a chance.
Asked how he will handle double headers McKeon replied… depends.
A rookie with the Dallas Mavericks who saw 0 minutes of action had the Larry O’Brien trophy tattooed on his neck. I guess he calls it a Title Neck.
Peter Fricker, now there is a name that has more double-entendres than Congressman Weiner. And he appears to be nearly as big a dick.
Fricker say the couple should enjoy politically correct Canadian heritage events like riots and has invited the couple to light the opening rag for the Police Car Challenge.
With 2 Irishmen winning the US Open in consecutive years it looks like the Pot of Gold at the end of the rainbow has a putter and 3 iron.
A young Vancouver man who is a nationally ranked water polo player has apologized for trying to light a police car on fire during the annual Stanley Cup riots in Vancouver. The man says he was caught up in the action and now realizes fire and water don’t mix.
The man’s dad is a surgeon in Vancouver so I guess the only advice he could give his son is cut it out.
The NDP is sticking to the word Socialism in their constitution despite objections that the party is really a social democracy. The same discussion was engaged in by Toronto Maple Leaf owners who considered removing hockey team from their description.
I thought the way the NDP handled the new Quebec members was interesting by adopting the view Supreme Court Judges should be bilingual, the separation majority is 50% + 1 and Quebec should get 2 automatic berths into the Stanley Cup playoffs.
Not sure who became a bigger hero after getting his ring this week the Green Lantern or Dirk Nowiski.
The Boston Bruins were at Fenway Park to have a group toss out of the 1st pitch with Red Sox players. All went according to plan until Bruins forward Brad Marchand took offence to a pitch that was a bit high and inside to goaltender Tim Thomas and began to speed bag injured pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka.
The good news for Dodgers owner Frank McCourt is that his wife has accepted $100 million in a divorce settlement with the proceeds coming from the sale of TV rights to Fox network. The bad news the $100 million will be paid out in “Freedom Garden” seeds and Glen Beck memorabilia.
Top 5 tips for wives of the Atlanta Thrashers moving to Winnipeg
# 5 Buy mosquito repellent in bulk
# 4 Water wings make trips to the store less strenuous
# 3 Pick a neighborhood where the gang colours match the team uniform
# 2 Don’t complain remember Louis Riel was arrested for treason
# 1 Count your blessing you are not in Edmonton
If the Conservatives can issue a back to work order for Postal workers can’t they issue a back to playoffs order to the Leafs?
A report out by the Conference Board of Canada says mental illness affects 45% of Canadian workplaces. They went on to say mental illness increases to near 100% at NHL playoff time.
Floods have ravaged parts of south east Saskatchewan with residents reporting they have seen their dogs paddling away for days.
Vancouver Police are looking over more than 1 million pictures of criminal behavior during the Stanley Cup Game 7. In a surprise twist over 500,000 are of Roberto Luongo trying to stop a puck… criminal.
The man who was caught kissing a woman during the Vancouver riot is a stand-up comic who has hired an agent to book him into events. The 1st show is in Syria, followed by a brief performance in Libya and a showcase in Yemen.
Retiring NHL displinarian Colin Campbell figures he gave out $15.3 million in fines during his tenure. As an avid stats fan I calculated this is about the same amount Sunbelt NHL owners lose every year.
The 2011 NHL draft is on Friday and GM’s looking to toughen up their teams are pouring over video of the Vancouver riot. Sources close to a couple of NHL clubs say they saw a few who could light a fire under their teams.
The Florida Marlins have hired 80 year old Jack McKeon to be their next manager. Terms of the deal are 3 weeks with a club option for 4.
Florida residents when asked what they thought of the hiring reserved judgment saying they will give the kid a chance.
Asked how he will handle double headers McKeon replied… depends.
A rookie with the Dallas Mavericks who saw 0 minutes of action had the Larry O’Brien trophy tattooed on his neck. I guess he calls it a Title Neck.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Mail call
Everyone is wondering why LeBron James is not finishing out games. Look at him. The difference in the size of his arms and chest is noticeable compared to when he was in Cleveland. Maybe he misses his home cooking. Wouldn’t that be ironic that James can only become great by staying in Cleveland and eating the food and drinking the water?
I feel really bad for the NBA announcers who wanted to do a game 7 like they have been cheated somehow. I want to wear a ribbon or something. I wonder if NBA.com has a place to buy a souvenir?
Nothing is more American than a German star claiming a trophy made by Tiffany for a sport invented by a Canadian.
It has to be a bummer for LeBron as he is booed when he lost the playoff and then goes home to Cleveland and be booed for getting into the playoff.
The great thing about the NBA is that a short white guy who can’t run or jump will determine the outcome of a season, so way to go David Stearn for putting the NBA in the brink of a lockout. It’s ironic that between Stearn and Roger Goodell the two most un-athletic men in America are going to be the biggest players in the offseason.
LeBron says in a Tweet “The greater man upstairs knows when it is my time”, really? Now he’s got to hear from Pat Riley before he wins it all?
Love LeBron saying his detractors will have to go back to their life of problems and he can continue to be himself. Nothing is more special than an overpaid athlete reminding the fans he lives better than him. I would be chocked up but I think the Heat player might have a monopoly on chocking.
Bigger wiener LeBron or Democratic politician Anthony… discuss.
Reporters are saying LeBron could learn from Dirk Nowizki after Dirk was criticized in losing the 2006 NBA Finals. The difference is Dirk stayed with his team and learned to become a leader whereas LeBron quit on both his teams and leads only in petulance.
Air Canada is on strike and to those who saw Vince Carter play in the post season you could say the nickname was already grounded.
Several police officers in southern Ontario's Niagara region have been caught cheating on exams that are part of the force's promotion process. This came as a shock as the officers say they thought being given the questions and answers in advance was a part of the Thin Blue Lie.
A man was shot 4 times and killed by Calgary Police after a domestic dispute. The man had his picture in the paper with him in Saskatchewan Roughrider clothing meaning he was a die-hard fan.
The Police Chief of Calgary quickly came out in support of the killing which is like the Canucks coach defending his player after an illegal hit.
A man in Quebec has written a new “National” anthem for Quebec called Oh Quebec. The anthem is a big hit with Separatists who have decried the lack of Federal funding for the song.
I feel really bad for the NBA announcers who wanted to do a game 7 like they have been cheated somehow. I want to wear a ribbon or something. I wonder if NBA.com has a place to buy a souvenir?
Nothing is more American than a German star claiming a trophy made by Tiffany for a sport invented by a Canadian.
It has to be a bummer for LeBron as he is booed when he lost the playoff and then goes home to Cleveland and be booed for getting into the playoff.
The great thing about the NBA is that a short white guy who can’t run or jump will determine the outcome of a season, so way to go David Stearn for putting the NBA in the brink of a lockout. It’s ironic that between Stearn and Roger Goodell the two most un-athletic men in America are going to be the biggest players in the offseason.
LeBron says in a Tweet “The greater man upstairs knows when it is my time”, really? Now he’s got to hear from Pat Riley before he wins it all?
Love LeBron saying his detractors will have to go back to their life of problems and he can continue to be himself. Nothing is more special than an overpaid athlete reminding the fans he lives better than him. I would be chocked up but I think the Heat player might have a monopoly on chocking.
Bigger wiener LeBron or Democratic politician Anthony… discuss.
Reporters are saying LeBron could learn from Dirk Nowizki after Dirk was criticized in losing the 2006 NBA Finals. The difference is Dirk stayed with his team and learned to become a leader whereas LeBron quit on both his teams and leads only in petulance.
Air Canada is on strike and to those who saw Vince Carter play in the post season you could say the nickname was already grounded.
Several police officers in southern Ontario's Niagara region have been caught cheating on exams that are part of the force's promotion process. This came as a shock as the officers say they thought being given the questions and answers in advance was a part of the Thin Blue Lie.
A man was shot 4 times and killed by Calgary Police after a domestic dispute. The man had his picture in the paper with him in Saskatchewan Roughrider clothing meaning he was a die-hard fan.
The Police Chief of Calgary quickly came out in support of the killing which is like the Canucks coach defending his player after an illegal hit.
A man in Quebec has written a new “National” anthem for Quebec called Oh Quebec. The anthem is a big hit with Separatists who have decried the lack of Federal funding for the song.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Canada has a bad decade
A cloud descended on Vancouver Wednesday and then the damn Canucks had to go and lose.
First it was Calgary in ’04, Edmonton in ’06 and now Vancouver in “11. All of them lost in the Stanley Cup final in 7 games. We been primed with gas about how Vancouver is our team for the past 4 months of playoff hockey and again we Canadians miss out on the celebration. Except for the75% of the roster that is Canadian and who play for Boston, it has been a year of heartrending pain for Canadian teams and their fans.
Remember the World Juniors? Ouch enough said! As an Oilers fan it was downhill after 10 games, same for the Senators really. Calgary tanked at the start and couldn’t make the playoffs despite a valiant run and Toronto… well… the Leafs played better in the last 20 games but they were out of the playoffs as a Christmas present to their fans. Even Montreal, who had a great team and whose fans would usually provide a source of great happiness when an English Canadian team loses in the finals, even the Quebecois were not happy. The fans of les Habitants hate Bruins even more than Canucks.
The loss by the Canadian women in the World hockey championships to the American team for the gold medal was surprising. I expected the Men’s team we sent to the Worlds to get beat but I always thought Canadian women could kick any ass. It could be just the women I have married.
Winnipeg finally gets a franchise and they don’t get Phoenix who has been in the playoffs for the past couple of years and has all the great draft picks and prospects. For 3 years people in Winnipeg have been watching, in wonder, as the team they thought they would get be the recipient of some unbelievable lottery luck, incredible free agent signings and trades. But when the time comes to get a team, they get Atlanta who hasn’t made the playoffs in forever. The small consolation is for Leaf fans who are now not the Canadian standard for ineptitude.
It should be noted hands down as the worst year of hockey ever for Canadian fans. Except for the Stanley cup winning Canadian players, coaches, their families and groupies, about the only Canadian who slept well on Wednesday was Don Cherry. Ironic doesn’t even begin to cover it. The guy who would bleed maple leaf if you cut him is happy the Bruins won.
It is the worst year in the history of Canadian hockey and I can’t wait until training camp starts in August so we can win them all next year.
First it was Calgary in ’04, Edmonton in ’06 and now Vancouver in “11. All of them lost in the Stanley Cup final in 7 games. We been primed with gas about how Vancouver is our team for the past 4 months of playoff hockey and again we Canadians miss out on the celebration. Except for the75% of the roster that is Canadian and who play for Boston, it has been a year of heartrending pain for Canadian teams and their fans.
Remember the World Juniors? Ouch enough said! As an Oilers fan it was downhill after 10 games, same for the Senators really. Calgary tanked at the start and couldn’t make the playoffs despite a valiant run and Toronto… well… the Leafs played better in the last 20 games but they were out of the playoffs as a Christmas present to their fans. Even Montreal, who had a great team and whose fans would usually provide a source of great happiness when an English Canadian team loses in the finals, even the Quebecois were not happy. The fans of les Habitants hate Bruins even more than Canucks.
The loss by the Canadian women in the World hockey championships to the American team for the gold medal was surprising. I expected the Men’s team we sent to the Worlds to get beat but I always thought Canadian women could kick any ass. It could be just the women I have married.
Winnipeg finally gets a franchise and they don’t get Phoenix who has been in the playoffs for the past couple of years and has all the great draft picks and prospects. For 3 years people in Winnipeg have been watching, in wonder, as the team they thought they would get be the recipient of some unbelievable lottery luck, incredible free agent signings and trades. But when the time comes to get a team, they get Atlanta who hasn’t made the playoffs in forever. The small consolation is for Leaf fans who are now not the Canadian standard for ineptitude.
It should be noted hands down as the worst year of hockey ever for Canadian fans. Except for the Stanley cup winning Canadian players, coaches, their families and groupies, about the only Canadian who slept well on Wednesday was Don Cherry. Ironic doesn’t even begin to cover it. The guy who would bleed maple leaf if you cut him is happy the Bruins won.
It is the worst year in the history of Canadian hockey and I can’t wait until training camp starts in August so we can win them all next year.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Textbook pass
If the Canucks don’t win the Cup it will be the second time in a couple months Vancouverites were forced to cancel their rapture. Could you imagine if the Canucks lose and the next rapture (October 21st tickets still available) comes? Going from living in a city most consider heaven on earth to a life time of being in heaven but forever knowing your team blew a 2 game lead in the Stanley Cup Finals. That would be hell.
Winnipeg officials are looking into allegations of corruption in the season ticket auction when it was discovered profiteers bought tickets. Among those getting tickets ahead of loyal Jets fans are Bernie Madoff, OJ Simpson and Seth Bladder. A spokesman for Conrad Black was interested in purchasing tickets and had to wait until after lockdown to see if his bookie was able to get them.
People are questioning the defense suggestion in the DSM assault trial, that the 32 yr old woman agreed to consensual sex with an aging, balding, pudgy man within minutes of seeing him. Sources close to the team of lawyers say they plan to introduce evidence DSM told her he was a professional a curler which also explains testimony of the victim who said he kept yelling hurry… hard.
The Alberta Government was rocked with allegations of preferential treatment in health care when a former director’s words and memo’s from his time in the health care system, pointed to MLA’s moving their friends and family to the front of treatment wait lists. A spokesman for the Calgary Flames was critical saying like inoculations the team was assured they came 1st.
People across Canada are outraged that packages to those serving for little pay on the front line may be affected by the postal strike. This includes both the armed forces care packages and a CFL players training camp emergency food rations from home. At 1st the spokesman for the Canadian Football Players Association was up in arms over the postage strike until he was assured it wouldn’t affect the players’ food stamps.
Stripping the BCS title away from the USC Trojans is harsh man it is like taking away the Tierra from the toddler. It is ironic the length of time it took to strip away the title as usually a Trojan falls right off.
Apple introduced the iCloud today. Was excited until I realized I had it misspelled, I thought it was iclod. Isn’t keeping important information in a space with continuous access what an attic is for?
I wonder if the Winnipeg Jets will claim the new $1000 hiring credit for new employees from the federal budget. Talk about sucking up to Manitoba all Quebec got was a bridge, a couple billion for a 15 year old tax adjustment and a whole new group of wealthy retirees on a MP’s pension.
The Montreal Canadians are producing a public message to remind fans everyone is special. The video is a response to recent claims the Smurfs were not small cute cartoons but rather a tool for hatred and Nazi propaganda and the Canadians decided to avert any bad publicity from their roster.
Winnipeg officials are looking into allegations of corruption in the season ticket auction when it was discovered profiteers bought tickets. Among those getting tickets ahead of loyal Jets fans are Bernie Madoff, OJ Simpson and Seth Bladder. A spokesman for Conrad Black was interested in purchasing tickets and had to wait until after lockdown to see if his bookie was able to get them.
People are questioning the defense suggestion in the DSM assault trial, that the 32 yr old woman agreed to consensual sex with an aging, balding, pudgy man within minutes of seeing him. Sources close to the team of lawyers say they plan to introduce evidence DSM told her he was a professional a curler which also explains testimony of the victim who said he kept yelling hurry… hard.
The Alberta Government was rocked with allegations of preferential treatment in health care when a former director’s words and memo’s from his time in the health care system, pointed to MLA’s moving their friends and family to the front of treatment wait lists. A spokesman for the Calgary Flames was critical saying like inoculations the team was assured they came 1st.
People across Canada are outraged that packages to those serving for little pay on the front line may be affected by the postal strike. This includes both the armed forces care packages and a CFL players training camp emergency food rations from home. At 1st the spokesman for the Canadian Football Players Association was up in arms over the postage strike until he was assured it wouldn’t affect the players’ food stamps.
Stripping the BCS title away from the USC Trojans is harsh man it is like taking away the Tierra from the toddler. It is ironic the length of time it took to strip away the title as usually a Trojan falls right off.
Apple introduced the iCloud today. Was excited until I realized I had it misspelled, I thought it was iclod. Isn’t keeping important information in a space with continuous access what an attic is for?
I wonder if the Winnipeg Jets will claim the new $1000 hiring credit for new employees from the federal budget. Talk about sucking up to Manitoba all Quebec got was a bridge, a couple billion for a 15 year old tax adjustment and a whole new group of wealthy retirees on a MP’s pension.
The Montreal Canadians are producing a public message to remind fans everyone is special. The video is a response to recent claims the Smurfs were not small cute cartoons but rather a tool for hatred and Nazi propaganda and the Canadians decided to avert any bad publicity from their roster.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Vacation in Vancouver
Los Angeles Dodgers owner Frank McCourt who had his team taken over by MLB says he needs $30 million to meet next month’s obligations. Ironically the majority of the money is to be paid to a woman who is no longer with him and a player who tested positive for being a woman who is also no longer with him. Anyone tested Frank?
The start of the Champions League final between United and Barcelona was a mirror image with Beefeaters bringing out the Cup, while in the stands those eating beef were in their cups.
Like most Albertans I am excited to see the Canucks in the Stanley Cup final because if they win our friends in BC will be in a better mood when we crash at their place for July and August.
Go Canucks but only because I lost a bet which is ironic because if I had won my bet I would have been able to spend a day or 2 vacationing in Vancouver.
The start of the Champions League final between United and Barcelona was a mirror image with Beefeaters bringing out the Cup, while in the stands those eating beef were in their cups.
Like most Albertans I am excited to see the Canucks in the Stanley Cup final because if they win our friends in BC will be in a better mood when we crash at their place for July and August.
Go Canucks but only because I lost a bet which is ironic because if I had won my bet I would have been able to spend a day or 2 vacationing in Vancouver.
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