My thanks to Cam Hutchinson for supporting this creation. Cheers DJW

Friday, July 31, 2009

The (Unconfirmed) Swindlers List

Rumored 2003 Swindlers List of MLB

How many players who were clean didn't make it to the Bigs?

1.Nomar Garciaparra
2.Manny Ramirez (Confirmed NY Times)
3.Johnny Damon
4.Trot Nixon
5.David Ortiz (Confirmed NY Times)
6.Shea Hillenbrand
7.Derek Lowe
8.Pedro Martinez
9.Brian Roberts
10.Jay Gibbons
11.Melvin Mora
12.Jerry Hairston
13.Jason Giambi
14.Alfonso Soriano
15.Raul Mondesi
16. Aaron Boone
17.Andy Pettitte
18.Jose Contreras
19.Roger Clemens
20.Carlos Delgado
21.Vernon Wells
22.Frank Catalanotto
23.Kenny Rogers
24.Magglio Ordonez
25.Sandy Alomar
26.Bartolo Colon
27.Brent Abernathy
28.Jose Lima
29.Milton Bradley
30.Casey Blake
31.Danys Baez
32.Craig Monroe
33.Dmitri Young
34.Alex Sanchez
35.Eric Chavez
36.Miguel Tejada
37.Eric Byrnes
38.Jose Guillen
39.Keith Foulke
40.Ricardo Rincon
41.Bret Boone
42.Mike Cameron
43.Randy Winn
44.Ryan Franklin
45.Freddy Garcia
46.Rafael Soriano
47.Scott Spiezio
48.Troy Glaus
49.Francisco Rodriguez
50.Ben Weber
51.Alex Rodriguez (Confirmed Selena Roberts)
52.Juan Gonzalez
53.Rafael Palmeiro
54.Carl Everett
55.Javy Lopez
56.Gary Sheffield
57.Mike Hampton
58.Ivan Rodriguez
59.Derrek Lee
60.Bobby Abreu
61.Terry Adams
62.Fernando Tatis
63.Livan Hernandez
64.Hector Almonte
65.Tony Armas
66.Dan Smith
67.Roberto Alomar
68.Cliff Floyd
69.Roger Cedeno
70.Jeromy Burnitz
71.Moises Alou
72.Sammy Sosa (Confirmed NY Times)
73.Corey Patterson
74.Carlos Zambrano
75.Mark Prior
76.Kerry Wood
77.Matt Clement
78.Antonio Alfonseca
79.Juan Cruz
80.Aramis Ramirez
81.Craig Wilson
82.Kris Benson
83.Richie Sexson
84.Geoff Jenkins
85.Valerio de los Santos
86.Benito Santiago
87.Rich Aurilia
88.Barry Bonds
89.Andres Galarraga
90.Jason Schmidt
91.Felix Rodriguez
92.Jason Christiansen
93.Matt Herges
94.Paul Lo Duca
95.Shawn Green
96.Oliver Perez
97.Adrian Beltre
98.Eric Gagne
99.Guillermo Mota
100.Luis Gonzalez
101.Todd Helton
102.Ryan Klesko
103.Gary Matthews

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Going Swimingly...

Top 5 NHL requirements to own the Phoenix Coyotes
# 5 Deep pockets shallow intellect
# 4 US citizenship
# 3 Be shorter than Gary Bettman
# 2 Plenty of ice in your drinks
# 1 Meds... lots of meds...

Psychologists are upset Wikipedia posted the results for the Rorschach inkblot tests especially since the most common response was boobies

Megan Fox is being banned from the internet today or as my GF calls it ...Thursday

Angry over losing a race to a swimmer with a better suit Michael Phelps has challenged Paul Bierdermann to a non rubber match

The NHL says Jim Balsillie doesn't meet the good character, integrity and financial requirements of an owner a bar set by Boots Del Biaggio

Boston Red Sox pitcher Dice-K is upset by the training regime which he says is hurting his arm. Dice-K says Japanese men have a different body type from Americans except of course Sumo Wrestlers

Swine flu risk increases with pregnancy CDC advises women to avoid the Calgary Stampede, NBA games and any Rider fan wearing a watermelon hat

Michael Schumacher is un-retiring to race for F-1 and in a surprise move will have Brett Favre in the backseat telling him when to turn

You know the new swim suits are making a difference when Shaq has to give Phelps a head start on his Reality show because he is wearing a better brand

In what has to be a 1st Plaxico led off his address to the Grand Jury with...My Bad...

Plaxico Burress testifies in front of a Grand Jury... breaks out dress sweats...

Molson's deal to purchase the Montreal Canadians is coming to a head after CIT Bank financing fell flat

A new book called 1959: The year that changed everything is so right on... both me and Fidel would become dictators

Calgary has a new $25 million footbridge that City politicians named the Peace Bridge. It was difficult finding a moniker to a monumental to waste of money because Coyotes, Vernon Wells and David Beckham were taken.

When asked how he felt about Arland Bruce Argos coach Bart Andrus said “he's dead to me”.

It was an interesting week with Michael Vick being allowed back in the NFL and Pete Rose’s name being considered for reinstatement. Up next week Plaxico Burress will become the head of the NRA, Travis Henry a spokesman for planned pregnancy and Gary Bettman will join the NY Knicks as a power forward.

The Canadian Open saw 8 holes in one shot this week just missing the record set by 50 Cent.

Michael Bishop says he thinks Stephan Laforge is a good quarterback which is a pretty left handed compliment.

The movie 500 Days of Summer Is in a trademark fight with the Toronto Blue Jays as they say that is how long it feels for the average fan.

The EU celebrated banning Canadian seal products with a dinner of foie gras and veal.

A reports says obese people live longer than normal weight ones so I'm putting my money on John Daly for the 2036 British Open.

In a ruling of the organizing body male Olympic swimmers will be required to wear a Speedo type suits although officials strongly advise anyone over 30 look in a mirror 1st before going to the beach in one.

Why is the Blue Jays Roy Halliday a hero for wanting to play with a winner and Mats Sundin a traitor for bailing out on the Leafs?

Sirius radio is the headset supplier for CFL teams and has a side agreement with the Blue Bombers to air their play calling as a comedy show.

As a way to save time David Ortiz was getting his steroid injections the same time he had liposuction

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Tour de Pranks...

A sign you may not win the tour du France... every time you try to light a cigarette the wind blows out your match

A sign you may not win the Tour de France...your high performance secret sauce is from McDonalds

Japan's sumo wrestlers are hitting the beach to promote environmental awareness and to remain carbon neutral planted a forest

A sign you may not win the Tour de France...your blood doping expert is Dracula

The Toronto Argos are leaving Arland Bruce off the team saying he should beat it

Japan's sumo wrestlers are hitting the beach to promote environmental awareness trouble is they keep getting pushed back into the water

Manny enters in the 6th inning and hits a grand slam... says he is feeling better in the 2nd trimester

Thieves in Australia have stolen 58 curling rocks from a truck. Police say they managed to make a clean sweep of the goods

Thieves in Australia have stolen 58 curling rocks from a truck. Police say it looked like an in the house job done by hacks

Thieves in Australia have stolen 58 curling rocks from a truck. Police say it wasn't a professional job and likely the work of an in turn

Thieves in Australia have stolen 58 curling rocks from a truck. Police say a witness heard the robbers yelling hurry...hard...hard

Kush Support claims to help endowed women sleep better when placed between the breasts replacing the old way a wad 20's from Pacman Jones

The world of news reporting was stunned when it was learned the death of Walter Cronkite was first reported on a Twitter from Chad Ochocinco

After tossing Galaxy fans the bird I guess David can now extend it like Beckham

A Japenese firm has invented a device that turns a dog’s bark into words like I'm hungry, play with me and Help! Michael Vick is free

Both Lance Armstrong and Tom thought they could see their way to victory but it appears they forgot their bi-focals

Tom Watson failing to win the British Open and Lance Armstrong falling back on the Tour de France I guess old isn't the new young

It won't be long before Tom Watson will be telling his grandchildren about how he almost won the British Open walking uphill, into a blizzard, barefoot

A big shout out to Sherlock Holmes for finding Watson's ball on 17

A report says Watermelons may prevent erectile dysfunction which may explain all the dicks at Mosiac field

A report says Watermelons may prevent erectile dysfunction which may explain why the Roughriders were playing like stiffs against the Alouettes...

Officials say the H1N1 flu could rank with the Bubonic flu of the 1600's , Spanish Flu of the 1900' or the Philly Flu of the Flyers Cup run

World Anti-Drugging Association to investigate the performance enhancing properties of Metamucil, Bran Flakes and Geritol

The British Open... you can't spell fescue without FU

Headline: Tom Watson a stroke off the pace maker

Max Mosley goose stepping down from F-1 Reich or Wrong?

Must be the farmer in me coming out but watching the British Open all I can think is look at the fescue on that one

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Visa la Yankee

San Antonio Spur Richard Jefferson left his bride at the altar surprising no one with his reluctance to take it to the hole

Travis Henry was sentenced to 3 years for drug trafficking which works out to 3,768 conjugal visits

After a day of gouging, low blows and hits from behind NFL players were glad to get out of Congress and back to the field

When a Visa bill for $23,148,855,308,184,500.00 showed up a Texas man said that was the last time he takes the family to a Yankee game

A man who got a $23,148,855,308,184,500.00 Visa bill was torn the payments were killer but the bonus points got him a seat on the Shuttle

I'm waiting for Allan Iverson's new rant over his latest salary offers...Pittance... we're talking about pittance!!

I wonder how much of Gary Bettman’s $7.1 million salary is held back in escrow?

The owners of the Chicago Cubs may put the team into bankruptcy to hasten the sale but worry they may become known as losers

A report says swearing increases tolerance to pain which explains how Leaf fans survive the season long agony

The romance between Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo is dead...with Cowboy fans wearing their Daisy Dukes at half assed

Most NFL teams see retro jerseys as a license to print money Bengals find it more of a license to build plates

Phoenix owner Jerry Moyes is accusing bidders of colluding to produce an uncompetitive bid or as the teams scouting staff call it draft day

Headline: Boxer Arturo Gatti loses fight for biggest purse of his life

Nike confiscated an embarrassing tape of a kid dunking on King James... Leafs have asked CBC to bury the footage of the team from ’68-‘09

Canada hosts hockey tournament on Israel/Lebanon border ...Middle East Peace eh?

NBA Commissioner spends vacation scaling mountain while the NHL's tries to dig out from a mountain of crap

The wife of Arturo Gatti is being held by Police because she didn't see her husband was dead in the Hotel for 10 hrs. My girlfriend is still not seeing the connection

The Saskatchewan Roughrider defence gave the Toronto Argos a whole new definition of getting a Chickkicking

The Argos seem to be playing flag football.

Is a shovel pass eligible for infrastructure funding?

I found a great new tool to watch games on TSN it's not HD it's MUTE! Does HD mean hopefully deaf?

Wearing my green underwear for the Roughrider game today... girlfriend says they weren't originally green...

Harry Potter opened this weekend the story of a girl attracted to a boy with a magic wand. Travis Henry is suing.
Winnipeg spying on Hamilton is like Angelina Jolie getting diet advice from Rosie O’Donnell

F-1 Chairman Max Mosley says he will step down this year so he can devote more time to humiliating his family

Tom Watson nearly shot his age in the British Open and not to be outdone John Daley shot his pant size

Top 5 excuses for failing a drug test
# 5 Gave mouth to mouth to Amy Winehouse
# 4 Ate a genetically modified prairie oyster
# 3 Mixed up steroid with haemorrhoid cream
# 2 Ate my teenagers brownies by mistake
# 1 Left the untainted pee in my other pants

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Dine and Equine

Chad Ocho Cinco wants to send updates to his fans during the game since he is usually doing sweet tweet anyway

There was fantastic competition at the World Jewish Games, with almost every race won by a nose.

Former US figure skating champion Nicole Bobek was charged with running a drug ring which has thrown everyone for a triple loop

The only chance Bobek has in beating the rap is if she can get a couple of French Judges at her trial

You could tell BJ Ryan was finished as a closer because he would enter games to Boy Georges "Do you really want to hurt me?"

The Indiana Pacers deny being too "white" saying they only look for the cream of the crop

Bad news 2 horses killed during the Calgary Stampede... on the bright side there are ingredients for a whole new episode of The Wild Chef

A signed picture of Sidney Crosby was stolen from a Tim Horton’s... police say if the thief is caught he will be in double double trouble

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

MY 1st Fan Letter!

As this is my 200th post I was thrilled to receive my 1st ever letter from a fan... I don't want to gloat so I will only show a part of it...


Derek Wilken is a comic and teaches comedy! Obviously he is confused as to the difference between comedy and childish commentary. Nothing he says is by any stretch of the imagination funny. Spiteful, childish, inane,ridiculous, just plain dumb, would better describe his contribution.


I wish mom were alive... she would be so proud!

Fore Skins Game

I’m not sure Manny has the entire fertility drug out of his system because after hitting a home run he gave the fans a curtsy call..

PRTA is calling on TV broadcasters to boycott the Calgary Stampede saying it is complicit in the cruelty. I guess that means the Toronto Sports Network (TSN) must be guilty of crimes against humanity for giving us so many Leaf, Raptor, Jays and Argos games.

A village in Saskatchewan has built a replica of the Eifel Tower in order to attract tourists and investment. When asked to comment Gary Bettman said nice try, but you still don’t get a franchise.

The BC Civil Liberties Association has accused the International Olympic Committee of restricting free speech. Asked to comment an Olympic spokesman said “ “.

The Staples Center in Los Angles is holding an on-line auction for the tickets to Michael Jackson’s memorial service. The LA Clippers were hoping to cash in on the frenzy by offering season tickets to see their stiffs at the same time.

Until Danny Heatley rejected an offer to play with the Oilers I didn’t even know he was married.

Watching Jessie Lumsden reminds me of the Kindergarten song “head and shoulder knees and toe...knees and toes.”

Over 1.6 million people applied for tickets to see memorial service of Michael Jackson. This surpasses the previous record for people wanting to see a morbid spectacle set by Maple Leaf season ticket hopefuls.

Last Twitter update from Steve McNair... just bought my girlfriend the cutest gun...

What is more interesting the running of the bulls in Pamplona or the spreading of the bull by Gary Bettman?

Jewish athletes from all over the world have gathered to compete in athletic events but alas no golf skins game.

Scientists have detected a hormone which can tell women the moment they become pregnant thus replacing the old way hooking up with an NBA player.

Baseball Wives is another TV show filled with women I could never get to 2nd base with