Montreal Canadians George Laroque says he is ashamed after starring in a commercial featuring lingerie clad women playing street hockey. Laroque says he donated the money to animal awareness and I guess buying the women furs made them aware.
Isn’t giving the Nobel Prize to President Obama like giving Toronto Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke this year’s award for best executive in the NHL?
There is a precedent for giving President Obama the Nobel based on potential it’s called being the 1st round pick in the NFL draft.
The NFL had some objections to Rush Limbaugh as an owner, things like racism, polarization of political views and past drug abuse. The only reason he was considered at all is the NFL originally thought he wanted to be a player.
Limbaugh says he is the victim of a vast left wing conspiracy so maybe he knows enough about hockey to buy the Coyotes.
I hope they get the new building in Quebec City built before Gary Bettman figures out the city is still in Canada.
A startling report says the Arctic may be free of ice in 20 years. This prompted Gary Bettman to say if there is no ice and they build a rink they could have a shot at an NHL franchise.
As an investor I’m torn as to what will appreciate more... stocks that are rising despite the dismal job numbers or an autographed Vessa Toscula jersey?
The Toronto Argonauts want to play a home game in Moncton, the Buffalo Bills are playing home games in Toronto which has cause tourism officials in Toronto to unveil a new slogan... “Toronto a place to call someone else’s home”
More abused... Theo Fleury or Maple Leaf fans... discuss.
Canada received yet another slight from our American neighbours this week with the release of Theo Fleurys’ book. Where are all the Hollywood actors lining up to defend Graham James? I’m sure if you search his stuff there will be a film.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
Hockey Dali
Teacher Pension the owners of the Toronto Maple Leafs have purchased the sleep company Simmons. A spokesman said the deal will accent the Leafs because when the Leafs lose customers have more mattress time.
The sideshow that is the NHL Players Association is much better suited to be a soap opera. I keep waiting for one of the honourable suits involved in knifing Union head Paul Kelly to suddenly confess he is actually Alan Eaglesons long lost sister Tootsie.
What is more honourable the NHL sticking an owner in Phoenix for millions in a market that won’t support a team or s former Chief Justice of Ontario peddling his influence to settle a score for a friend?
I’m pitching a script for a movie… in it Bonnie Lindros had an affair with Alan Eagleson and Eric is their lovechild in an elaborate plot to get rid of hockey so Hell can freeze over… can’t decide if it will be fantasy or a documentary…
Gary Bettman was furious at the decision of the Phoenix court saying the ruling would force him to spend nearly all this winter, talking with lawyers and staying in some crummy executive suite instead of enjoying the games in Nashville, New Jersey and Edmonton.
Kurtis Coombs, 19 had his hopes for victory as Mayor of Paradise NL vanish when he lost a draw after a tie with the other candidate. Coombs was furious saying the only other group that determines who gets the ball picking a name out of a hat is the Toronto Blue Jays.
Who says hockey isn’t trendy I mean they invented the fist bump.
It’s too bad Alberta is delaying their flu shots because the Flames look sick!
Calgary is wearing their original all red jerseys which make them look much bigger. Health officials say they are worried opposing teams may come down with a case of the Flames flu.
The Dali Lama was is Calgary and in an obvious pander to the city said non violence is OK but sometimes you just have to kick some Oiler ass.
The sideshow that is the NHL Players Association is much better suited to be a soap opera. I keep waiting for one of the honourable suits involved in knifing Union head Paul Kelly to suddenly confess he is actually Alan Eaglesons long lost sister Tootsie.
What is more honourable the NHL sticking an owner in Phoenix for millions in a market that won’t support a team or s former Chief Justice of Ontario peddling his influence to settle a score for a friend?
I’m pitching a script for a movie… in it Bonnie Lindros had an affair with Alan Eagleson and Eric is their lovechild in an elaborate plot to get rid of hockey so Hell can freeze over… can’t decide if it will be fantasy or a documentary…
Gary Bettman was furious at the decision of the Phoenix court saying the ruling would force him to spend nearly all this winter, talking with lawyers and staying in some crummy executive suite instead of enjoying the games in Nashville, New Jersey and Edmonton.
Kurtis Coombs, 19 had his hopes for victory as Mayor of Paradise NL vanish when he lost a draw after a tie with the other candidate. Coombs was furious saying the only other group that determines who gets the ball picking a name out of a hat is the Toronto Blue Jays.
Who says hockey isn’t trendy I mean they invented the fist bump.
It’s too bad Alberta is delaying their flu shots because the Flames look sick!
Calgary is wearing their original all red jerseys which make them look much bigger. Health officials say they are worried opposing teams may come down with a case of the Flames flu.
The Dali Lama was is Calgary and in an obvious pander to the city said non violence is OK but sometimes you just have to kick some Oiler ass.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Coach Ka Ching
Top 5 signs your coach is overpaid
# 5 Buys his hoodies from Saks 5th Avenue
# 4 His favourite whine is a 1996 Chteau Lafite Rothschild Pauillac
# 3 The only thing he takes to the bank is his cheque
# 2 His spread offense looks more like a spread sheet
# 1 2 His go to guy is EF Hutton
Wayne Gretzky has quit as coach of the Phoenix Coyotes citing a conflict with the way they play and the way they pay
A Russian mafia boss Mikhail Prokhorov is interested in buying the NJ Nets prompting NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman to charge the Nets with tampering as they had already cleared him to buy the Coyotes
The amount of money being paid to F-1 for the privilege to race in Montreal is just another FU-2 Canadian taxpayers
Canadian officials were apologetic over sending body bags to northern reserves saying they should have been sent to the Phoenix Coyotes.
Mohamar Kaddafi made a rambling speech at the UN questioning the election of George Bush, JFK’s assignation and why College Football refuses to go to a playoff system
Sport Select had an interesting over under line of 33 being the total points scored between the Argonauts and Blue Bombers or the temperature in Calgary
The former coach of the NY Jets was fined for not disclosing Brett Favre had an injury. Favre was furious saying advanced arthritis was common in men his age not an injury
Mixed Martial Arts fighter Rampage Jackson says he will quit to pursue an acting career with his first job portraying Latoya Jackson in a made for TV movie
# 5 Buys his hoodies from Saks 5th Avenue
# 4 His favourite whine is a 1996 Chteau Lafite Rothschild Pauillac
# 3 The only thing he takes to the bank is his cheque
# 2 His spread offense looks more like a spread sheet
# 1 2 His go to guy is EF Hutton
Wayne Gretzky has quit as coach of the Phoenix Coyotes citing a conflict with the way they play and the way they pay
A Russian mafia boss Mikhail Prokhorov is interested in buying the NJ Nets prompting NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman to charge the Nets with tampering as they had already cleared him to buy the Coyotes
The amount of money being paid to F-1 for the privilege to race in Montreal is just another FU-2 Canadian taxpayers
Canadian officials were apologetic over sending body bags to northern reserves saying they should have been sent to the Phoenix Coyotes.
Mohamar Kaddafi made a rambling speech at the UN questioning the election of George Bush, JFK’s assignation and why College Football refuses to go to a playoff system
Sport Select had an interesting over under line of 33 being the total points scored between the Argonauts and Blue Bombers or the temperature in Calgary
The former coach of the NY Jets was fined for not disclosing Brett Favre had an injury. Favre was furious saying advanced arthritis was common in men his age not an injury
Mixed Martial Arts fighter Rampage Jackson says he will quit to pursue an acting career with his first job portraying Latoya Jackson in a made for TV movie
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Offensive moves
The Montreal Canadians have finalized the new ownership structure for their NHL team and in a surprise move named Bernie Madoff as an advisor to comply with an NHL tradition of having a designated crook on board.
The smallest crowd in Blue Jays history watched the team lose to Minnesota. A team spokesman said the crowd was very supportive and at times it only felt like the 2nd smallest. The lack of support is being heralded by City officials as another sign Toronto is world class and knows when they are being fleeced. They are turning their attention to more important matters like getting a ticket to see TO play.
Rafael Nadal was accosted by a man at the US Open who tried to give him a kiss. Prosecutors in NY say they will charge the man with the same crime as Plaxico Burris as they believe his gun in his pocket went off in a very public place.
Terrel Owens broke the news of Brady Quinn becoming the starting QB for Cleveland in a Tweet thus making him the Twit of the week.
After a summer free of elbowing, high sticking and sucker punches Canadians are getting excited for a return of their favourite sport, another Federal Election.
Toronto Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke is considering an offer sheet for Bruins forward Phil Kessel. This is totally different from when Burke lost a player to an offer sheet because at that time it happened to him.
Top 5 signs your CFL team needs a new offensive coordinator
# 5 He still draws up plays with a stick
# 4 The last time the offense had a TD it was scored as an official’s error
# 3 Team punter has a repetitive strain injury
# 2 The QB keeps hearing laughter in his headset
# 1 They score less points than a Premier League Football Club
A shocking report from Health officials warns Canadian kids will have a shorter life expectancy than their parents. They go on to say if they cheer for the Leafs at least it will seem like an eternity.
The release of Beatles Rock Band has inspired other ‘60’s live action games including Leafs Cup where you get to pretend to be a part of a team that has won a championship. The game is currently unrated as it is a learning tool, a historical document and and a fantasy escape from the regular season.
Alberta is reeling over an infestation of rats from Saskatchewan. What has puzzled officials is the timing of the outbreak. There is no Roughrider game which is when the vermin usually appear.
The NFL season is about to start and to acknowledge the event my GF is wearing her patience at half mast.
I have Krystal Gray in my fantasy pool and I didn’t even know she plays for the LFL.
The smallest crowd in Blue Jays history watched the team lose to Minnesota. A team spokesman said the crowd was very supportive and at times it only felt like the 2nd smallest. The lack of support is being heralded by City officials as another sign Toronto is world class and knows when they are being fleeced. They are turning their attention to more important matters like getting a ticket to see TO play.
Rafael Nadal was accosted by a man at the US Open who tried to give him a kiss. Prosecutors in NY say they will charge the man with the same crime as Plaxico Burris as they believe his gun in his pocket went off in a very public place.
Terrel Owens broke the news of Brady Quinn becoming the starting QB for Cleveland in a Tweet thus making him the Twit of the week.
After a summer free of elbowing, high sticking and sucker punches Canadians are getting excited for a return of their favourite sport, another Federal Election.
Toronto Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke is considering an offer sheet for Bruins forward Phil Kessel. This is totally different from when Burke lost a player to an offer sheet because at that time it happened to him.
Top 5 signs your CFL team needs a new offensive coordinator
# 5 He still draws up plays with a stick
# 4 The last time the offense had a TD it was scored as an official’s error
# 3 Team punter has a repetitive strain injury
# 2 The QB keeps hearing laughter in his headset
# 1 They score less points than a Premier League Football Club
A shocking report from Health officials warns Canadian kids will have a shorter life expectancy than their parents. They go on to say if they cheer for the Leafs at least it will seem like an eternity.
The release of Beatles Rock Band has inspired other ‘60’s live action games including Leafs Cup where you get to pretend to be a part of a team that has won a championship. The game is currently unrated as it is a learning tool, a historical document and and a fantasy escape from the regular season.
Alberta is reeling over an infestation of rats from Saskatchewan. What has puzzled officials is the timing of the outbreak. There is no Roughrider game which is when the vermin usually appear.
The NFL season is about to start and to acknowledge the event my GF is wearing her patience at half mast.
I have Krystal Gray in my fantasy pool and I didn’t even know she plays for the LFL.
Bet on a strike
Simon Fraser University has been sanctioned by the Canada West University board after they applied to become part of the NCAA II US athletics division. A spokesman for the school was disappointed but the sanction should help give them street cred with the NCAA.
Federal prosecutors are making an argument in court to be allowed to use evidence that shows Barry Bonds knowingly used steroids. The disputed evidence includes urine samples, delivery receipts and a confidential hat size from his haberdasher.
NBA referees say there appears to be no way around a work stoppage with one group giving odds of 3:1 against a settlement.
Vancouver Olympic officials are upset with the amount of counterfeit Olympic material showing up. So far they have found imitation mascots, trinkets and a couple of Ice Dancing judges.
Supporters in Regina were outraged when vandals painted the score on a Buffalo Bills player’s lawn saying the whole incident was a load of manure.
Renault will not contest charges they had driver Nelson Piquet Jr. intentionally crash a car. Team officials say it is the same in other sports where teams regularly throw coaches under a bus, flame out of a playoff position or gas a point after.
Bob Barker was in Edmonton to bring attention to an alleged elephant cruelty case. He later swung by Toronto and asked the Toronto Sports Network (TSN) to stop torturing the rest of Canada by showing every Maple Leaf game and practice on TSN2.
Which shot was more important to Theo Fleury, the one that won the game in a shootout or the one that convinced him to stop drinking 4 years ago?
Come on who among us didn’t want the Elephant in Edmonton to smack Bob Barker with her trunk and trumpet “This place is right bitch”?
Top 5 signs you may have an anger management problem.
# 5 You argue with the umpire over how he cleaned home plate
# 4 The team comes out with a limited edition wife beater jersey and it has your name on the back
# 3 Your mailing address is a Rehab Facility
# 2 John McEnroe has your poster tacked up in his room
# 1 You vandalize your favourite players house and he scored 3 TD’s in a win
A study from health officials around the world says that men under 30 have a shorter life expectancy because of poor eating and exercise habits... Officials suggest cheering for the Toronto Maple Leafs as it will make the hockey season seem like an eternity...
Federal prosecutors are making an argument in court to be allowed to use evidence that shows Barry Bonds knowingly used steroids. The disputed evidence includes urine samples, delivery receipts and a confidential hat size from his haberdasher.
NBA referees say there appears to be no way around a work stoppage with one group giving odds of 3:1 against a settlement.
Vancouver Olympic officials are upset with the amount of counterfeit Olympic material showing up. So far they have found imitation mascots, trinkets and a couple of Ice Dancing judges.
Supporters in Regina were outraged when vandals painted the score on a Buffalo Bills player’s lawn saying the whole incident was a load of manure.
Renault will not contest charges they had driver Nelson Piquet Jr. intentionally crash a car. Team officials say it is the same in other sports where teams regularly throw coaches under a bus, flame out of a playoff position or gas a point after.
Bob Barker was in Edmonton to bring attention to an alleged elephant cruelty case. He later swung by Toronto and asked the Toronto Sports Network (TSN) to stop torturing the rest of Canada by showing every Maple Leaf game and practice on TSN2.
Which shot was more important to Theo Fleury, the one that won the game in a shootout or the one that convinced him to stop drinking 4 years ago?
Come on who among us didn’t want the Elephant in Edmonton to smack Bob Barker with her trunk and trumpet “This place is right bitch”?
Top 5 signs you may have an anger management problem.
# 5 You argue with the umpire over how he cleaned home plate
# 4 The team comes out with a limited edition wife beater jersey and it has your name on the back
# 3 Your mailing address is a Rehab Facility
# 2 John McEnroe has your poster tacked up in his room
# 1 You vandalize your favourite players house and he scored 3 TD’s in a win
A study from health officials around the world says that men under 30 have a shorter life expectancy because of poor eating and exercise habits... Officials suggest cheering for the Toronto Maple Leafs as it will make the hockey season seem like an eternity...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Mr. Sandman buy me a team
Officials are still having trouble determining if South African runner Caster Semenya is male or female. Tests so far are inconclusive and as a last resort are waiting to see if Travis Henry will accept a conjujical visit.
The NHL has tendered an offer to buy the Phoenix Coyotes. The offer is far less than the one given by Jim Balsillie as Commissioner Gary Bettman says he’s a little short at the moment.
The NHL says it is not in a conflict of interest and as a show of good faith to the other teams plans to ice the same shoddy product as in the past.
The IOC says they will help Vancouver with any shortfalls in their Olympic budget. They plan to raise the money by asking delegates to donate 10% of the bribes and graft they have been given in the past.
Louisville coach Rick Pitino says the sex scandal has been hell for his family and worst of all has totally ruined all you can eat Wednesdays for them.
Calgary Flames coach Brent Sutter gave a motivational talk to rodeo athletes before they left for the world championships in Brazil. Brent stressed teamwork, focus and most of all brand loyalty.
Police are questioning Oakland Raiders Head Coach Tom Cable after an altercation between him and assistant coach Randy Hanson ended with Hanson being hospitalized with a broken face. Cable denies any wrong doing and then beat up the reporter who asked the question.
A source in Minnesota says Vikings players are divided on the signing of Brett Favre with some saying they think he will help the team and others who are still trying to get an autograph.
San Francisco rookie Michael Crabtree wants $ 23 million in guaranteed money. He says it is his duty to hold out in order to help stimulate the stripper economy his version of cash for knockers.
Top 5 stipulations in the NHL bid to buy the Phoenix Coyotes
# 5 Judge must drink the Kool-Aid before reading the bid
# 4 Creditors accept autograph pictures of Shane Doan in lieu of cash
# 3 Arena to be re-named Jobbed.com
# 2 No Blackberries to be allowed in Phoenix
# 1 Potential owners must be no taller than 5’4”
The NHL has tendered an offer to buy the Phoenix Coyotes. The offer is far less than the one given by Jim Balsillie as Commissioner Gary Bettman says he’s a little short at the moment.
The NHL says it is not in a conflict of interest and as a show of good faith to the other teams plans to ice the same shoddy product as in the past.
The IOC says they will help Vancouver with any shortfalls in their Olympic budget. They plan to raise the money by asking delegates to donate 10% of the bribes and graft they have been given in the past.
Louisville coach Rick Pitino says the sex scandal has been hell for his family and worst of all has totally ruined all you can eat Wednesdays for them.
Calgary Flames coach Brent Sutter gave a motivational talk to rodeo athletes before they left for the world championships in Brazil. Brent stressed teamwork, focus and most of all brand loyalty.
Police are questioning Oakland Raiders Head Coach Tom Cable after an altercation between him and assistant coach Randy Hanson ended with Hanson being hospitalized with a broken face. Cable denies any wrong doing and then beat up the reporter who asked the question.
A source in Minnesota says Vikings players are divided on the signing of Brett Favre with some saying they think he will help the team and others who are still trying to get an autograph.
San Francisco rookie Michael Crabtree wants $ 23 million in guaranteed money. He says it is his duty to hold out in order to help stimulate the stripper economy his version of cash for knockers.
Top 5 stipulations in the NHL bid to buy the Phoenix Coyotes
# 5 Judge must drink the Kool-Aid before reading the bid
# 4 Creditors accept autograph pictures of Shane Doan in lieu of cash
# 3 Arena to be re-named Jobbed.com
# 2 No Blackberries to be allowed in Phoenix
# 1 Potential owners must be no taller than 5’4”
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The Grass is greener...
Blue Bombers QB Stephan Lefors has been asked to take a pay cut of $60,000 because he is no longer the starting QB. No word on if Coach Mike Kelly is losing any money for coaching like an assistant.
Bernie Madeoff is applying to the NHL for a prison franchise after getting glowing recommendations from the Gary Bettman and the Board of Directors. The deal is contingent with NY State officials moving the prison to Phoenix.
I have Mats Sundin in my NHL pool but it is in the shallow end.
The NCAA has wiped out the record of Memphis after their coach was hit with recruiting violations. The process is similar to Leafs fans forgetting the last 5 years ever happened, but with more drugs and hookers.
Tampa Bay Lightening owners are facing economic problems due to bad investments and a tanking real estate market. Things have gotten so bad one of them will leave and try to buy the Phoenix franchise.
Can you use pop bottles as collateral for an NHL franchise?
Dany Heatley says he won’t sign with Edmonton because he wants options and he has already been in one car wreck so why kill his career over it?
Is it possible to trade Heatley to Winnipeg and have the Bombers cut his salary?
Dwayne De Rosario says he will leave Toronto FC unless they get better grass coincidentally the same reason Rickey Williams gave for leaving the Miami Dolphins.
The Jamaican men’s relay team failed to set another world record prompting call for drug testing to determine why.
Bernie Madeoff is applying to the NHL for a prison franchise after getting glowing recommendations from the Gary Bettman and the Board of Directors. The deal is contingent with NY State officials moving the prison to Phoenix.
I have Mats Sundin in my NHL pool but it is in the shallow end.
The NCAA has wiped out the record of Memphis after their coach was hit with recruiting violations. The process is similar to Leafs fans forgetting the last 5 years ever happened, but with more drugs and hookers.
Tampa Bay Lightening owners are facing economic problems due to bad investments and a tanking real estate market. Things have gotten so bad one of them will leave and try to buy the Phoenix franchise.
Can you use pop bottles as collateral for an NHL franchise?
Dany Heatley says he won’t sign with Edmonton because he wants options and he has already been in one car wreck so why kill his career over it?
Is it possible to trade Heatley to Winnipeg and have the Bombers cut his salary?
Dwayne De Rosario says he will leave Toronto FC unless they get better grass coincidentally the same reason Rickey Williams gave for leaving the Miami Dolphins.
The Jamaican men’s relay team failed to set another world record prompting call for drug testing to determine why.
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