There is just something about the new coach of the Calgary Stampeders that reminds me of the Godfather. Maybe it was his pitch to the players of an offer they can’t refuse.
A new report from Statistics Canada says 1 in 5 Canadians were born elsewhere and 50% of those were fathered by Travis Henry.
It turns out Travis Henry did not have marijuana in his system but according to 8 of the 11 mothers of his children he must have some performance enhancing help.
Edmonton is swooning over Sidney Crosby coming to town as they say they are in the best position to judge how Sid compares with the great one Wayne Gretzky. Fans say they will wait until he plays to pass judgement and more important how he handles himself when he leaves.
Minnesota Vikings defensive end Ray Edwards was suspended for 4 games for violating the league’s steroid policy. In his defence Edwards said he got the pills from Doc while taking the Love Boat cruise.
Miami Dolphins linebacker Zack Thomas will miss the next game with migraines. The condition appears to be contagious as most of the Dolphin fans complain of headaches after watching them.
The Government of Scotland is stepping in to try and revive a golf development proposed by Donald Trump. Legislators hope to avoid the Donald pulling the rug from under the deal.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
Merry Dickmas
The Washington Redskins started with 10 men on defence instead of 11 in tribute to recently slain teammate Sean Taylor. After running a play right at the empty spot Denver Broncos coach Dick Jauron lived up to his name...Dick.
Baseball Veterans Committee elected 4 new members including 3 owners and a former commissioner. Asked why former union leader Marvin Miller was again excluded the Veterans said he didn’t meet the criteria of reducing costs, making obscene amounts of money for the owners or being in the pockets of an owner.
Scott Suggs became the first angler to cash a $1,000,000 cheque when he landed 7 bass for a total of 17 lbs. in a recent tournament. Second prize went to a fisherman from Newfoundland who landed 780 lbs. of cod and took home $39.99.
The New Jersey Devils are on a 7 game winning streak which coincided with Coach Brent Sutter using some of his junior tactics namely bed checks, curfews and weapons checks.
The Calgary Hitmen set a new record when over 26,000 teddy bears were thrown at a recent game. This eclipsed the record of 29,000 towels thrown in by Calgary Flames fans on Saturday. There hasn’t been so much fur flying in Calgary since the Stampeders lost to the Roughriders.
The Toronto Blue Jays showed off new powder blue uniforms to keep in synch with their powder puff line-up.
Canada begins its journey for another Jr. Hockey Gold medal and to help the players deal with the pressure they Hockey Canada has signed a promotional deal with Tums.
The Calgary Stampeders signed John Huffnagel to coach the team and in his first speech said he wants to eliminate bad football. John says he hopes to make Calgary a tougher place to play by taking less penalties, creating more turnovers and finding a place for the new Cowboys Nightclub to open.
A new game making the rounds is the Philadelphia Flyers bingo. Once all the Flyers have been suspended opponents get a blackout.
Baseball Veterans Committee elected 4 new members including 3 owners and a former commissioner. Asked why former union leader Marvin Miller was again excluded the Veterans said he didn’t meet the criteria of reducing costs, making obscene amounts of money for the owners or being in the pockets of an owner.
Scott Suggs became the first angler to cash a $1,000,000 cheque when he landed 7 bass for a total of 17 lbs. in a recent tournament. Second prize went to a fisherman from Newfoundland who landed 780 lbs. of cod and took home $39.99.
The New Jersey Devils are on a 7 game winning streak which coincided with Coach Brent Sutter using some of his junior tactics namely bed checks, curfews and weapons checks.
The Calgary Hitmen set a new record when over 26,000 teddy bears were thrown at a recent game. This eclipsed the record of 29,000 towels thrown in by Calgary Flames fans on Saturday. There hasn’t been so much fur flying in Calgary since the Stampeders lost to the Roughriders.
The Toronto Blue Jays showed off new powder blue uniforms to keep in synch with their powder puff line-up.
Canada begins its journey for another Jr. Hockey Gold medal and to help the players deal with the pressure they Hockey Canada has signed a promotional deal with Tums.
The Calgary Stampeders signed John Huffnagel to coach the team and in his first speech said he wants to eliminate bad football. John says he hopes to make Calgary a tougher place to play by taking less penalties, creating more turnovers and finding a place for the new Cowboys Nightclub to open.
A new game making the rounds is the Philadelphia Flyers bingo. Once all the Flyers have been suspended opponents get a blackout.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
A Century of Obscurity
This is my 100th post and to both my fans I say thanks!
Former hockey great Theo Fleury is looking to create a reality TV show from his new concrete business. This will be the 1st reality show dealing with concrete since The Sopranos.
The NHL is looking to revamp the schedule for the 2008 season with each team playing each other once and the Calgary Flames fighting against each other nightly.
NHL Commissioner Gary Berrman has said he is not in favour of competing in the 2014 Winter Olympics. This has outraged members of the Oilers, Flames and Leafs who demand to be able to under perform on a bigger stage.
Stunt man Evel Kenevel died at age 69 and after the many near fatal injuries he sustained during his career the biggest leap he made was to collect his social security cheque. Evel leaves behind grieving friends, family and an inconsolable insurance agent.
The Australian Open Tennis Tournament has decided to suspend play once the heat becomes too great. This will not extend to opponents of Alicia Molik who will have to play her despite the fact she is smoking hot no matter what the temperature.
The Minnesota Wild have announced the retirement of Wes Waltz bringing to an end the saga of Where Waltz Go.
New Jersey Devils goalie Martin Brodeur has set a new record for shutouts erasing the previous one set by Toronto Maple Leafs GM John Ferguson Jr. on Draft Day.
The 4 teenagers charged in the death of Sean Taylor all had previous criminal records but surprisingly not one was a member of the Miami Hurricanes.
The Calgary Flames are having such a bad year the Alberta and Canadian Governments are asking them to lower the flags on their jerseys to half mast.
Two of the defendants in the dog fighting trial of Michael Vick were sentenced to 18 and 21 months in prison or in dog years enough time to find a bitch.
After being booed by the NY Knicks home crowd coach Isaiah Thomas is now claiming he is a victim of harassment.
Isn’t it ironic Hulk Hogan now will be having the shirt ripped off his back in a divorce settlement?
The NHL is considering an 84 game schedule which will mean for the first time the playoffs will end just in time for training camp. With the drop in TV viewers for NHL games more games is like getting your kid to sit at the table until his turnips are finished.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
The Commercial Cup
The Vancouver 2010 Olympic Games has picked their mascots with Miga, Quatchi and Sumi just beating out the trio of Hippie, Happy and Hempie.
During the Grey Cup CBC announcers Mark Lee and Chris Walby must have thought CFL commissioner Masrk Cohon was going to try for a field goal by the way they were licking his boots during the game.
The CBC ended its 55 year run of broadcasting the Grey Cup and it appeared they were bent on making up for all the commercials they forgot to air over the years.
Hard to say what was greeted with more yawns, the announcement of a new Middle East Peace talks or the Toronto Maple Leafs management circus.
Who would have thought Miami Dolphins running back Rickey Williams would be unable to play because his arm was out of joint?
During the Grey Cup CBC announcers Mark Lee and Chris Walby must have thought CFL commissioner Masrk Cohon was going to try for a field goal by the way they were licking his boots during the game.
The CBC ended its 55 year run of broadcasting the Grey Cup and it appeared they were bent on making up for all the commercials they forgot to air over the years.
Hard to say what was greeted with more yawns, the announcement of a new Middle East Peace talks or the Toronto Maple Leafs management circus.
Who would have thought Miami Dolphins running back Rickey Williams would be unable to play because his arm was out of joint?
Thursday, November 22, 2007
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
Leaving David Beckham on the bench for the first half of a critical Euro League Soccer game would be like sitting Wayne Gretzky for an important Olympic shootout.
England losing in an important soccer match is like Toronto losing in an important hockey game, expected.
Seeing the best sailing race in the world being postponed by lawyers fighting over the rules I finally see why it is called America’s Cup.
The Royal Bank of Canada is suing former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick over money he is supposed to owe them. A spokesperson for Vick say that the amount is so small it is not worth kibbling over.
OJ Simpson is going to trial over sports memorabilia, Pete Rose is being persecuted for signing baseballs saying I”I cheated” and Barry Bonds is going to face his former collectable partner in court over his alleged perjury. Going to jail as a result of sports paraphernalia is the new signing of the times.
One of the people scheduled to testify about Bonds steroid use is his ex girlfriend who is in a unique position to discuss shrinkage.
Seeing Saskatchewan Roughriders quarterback Kerry Joseph agree to take a $150,000 pay cut to play for the team makes me remember what sports is all about, playing a game for a still ridiculous amount of money. Kerry said he was happy to take the pay cut and is just hoping the officials with the Riders gave him the actual negatives.
Asked if he would take a huge pay cut Calgary Stampeders quarterback Henry Burris said he just wants to focus on the Grey Cup and then leave for a 2 month holiday. The other quarterbacks in the league couldn’t be reached for comment as they were busy sticking Kerry Joseph Voodoo Dolls with pins.
The sentencing of former NY Mets clubhouse drug dealer Kirk Radomski has been re-scheduled until later in December. Asked why the delay prosecutors were reported to have said they just wanted something for Barry Bonds Christmas stocking.
England losing in an important soccer match is like Toronto losing in an important hockey game, expected.
Seeing the best sailing race in the world being postponed by lawyers fighting over the rules I finally see why it is called America’s Cup.
The Royal Bank of Canada is suing former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick over money he is supposed to owe them. A spokesperson for Vick say that the amount is so small it is not worth kibbling over.
OJ Simpson is going to trial over sports memorabilia, Pete Rose is being persecuted for signing baseballs saying I”I cheated” and Barry Bonds is going to face his former collectable partner in court over his alleged perjury. Going to jail as a result of sports paraphernalia is the new signing of the times.
One of the people scheduled to testify about Bonds steroid use is his ex girlfriend who is in a unique position to discuss shrinkage.
Seeing Saskatchewan Roughriders quarterback Kerry Joseph agree to take a $150,000 pay cut to play for the team makes me remember what sports is all about, playing a game for a still ridiculous amount of money. Kerry said he was happy to take the pay cut and is just hoping the officials with the Riders gave him the actual negatives.
Asked if he would take a huge pay cut Calgary Stampeders quarterback Henry Burris said he just wants to focus on the Grey Cup and then leave for a 2 month holiday. The other quarterbacks in the league couldn’t be reached for comment as they were busy sticking Kerry Joseph Voodoo Dolls with pins.
The sentencing of former NY Mets clubhouse drug dealer Kirk Radomski has been re-scheduled until later in December. Asked why the delay prosecutors were reported to have said they just wanted something for Barry Bonds Christmas stocking.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
1st Down and Looong!
Top 3 Signs your prison cellmate was a pro football player
#3 Before a rampage asks prisoners to huddle up
#2 When asked to pass the shiv tells you to go long
#1 Has spent time in solitary for illegal use of the hands
Mike Tyson was issued standard pink underwear for his one day stay in prison despite his insistence he was a boxer man. The prison Tyson was in is located next to a dog pound or as Michael Vick called it Hell.
Green Bay Packers are denying reports they offered a bounty for defensive players instead calling it a head tax. In a related story the Edmonton Oilers are denying reports they offer players incentives to live in Edmonton.
Tennessee Titans suspended defensive lineman Packman Jones is defending himself against allegations he started a fight with a teammate earlier this week. According to Jones he was just trying to keep himself in playing shape.
Toronto Maple Leafs GM John Ferguson Jr. is pointing out his recent draft success especially seeing the potential in goalie Tuukka Rask.
After years of waiting for a Grey Cup Saskatchewan Roughrider fans are hoping to hear the theme song from deliverance on Sunday.
In an effort to crack down on drug use in Canada the Government has come up with new laws that include stiffer sentences, more dedicated police and a regulation limiting the number of NFL stars allowed on the Toronto Argonauts.
#3 Before a rampage asks prisoners to huddle up
#2 When asked to pass the shiv tells you to go long
#1 Has spent time in solitary for illegal use of the hands
Mike Tyson was issued standard pink underwear for his one day stay in prison despite his insistence he was a boxer man. The prison Tyson was in is located next to a dog pound or as Michael Vick called it Hell.
Green Bay Packers are denying reports they offered a bounty for defensive players instead calling it a head tax. In a related story the Edmonton Oilers are denying reports they offer players incentives to live in Edmonton.
Tennessee Titans suspended defensive lineman Packman Jones is defending himself against allegations he started a fight with a teammate earlier this week. According to Jones he was just trying to keep himself in playing shape.
Toronto Maple Leafs GM John Ferguson Jr. is pointing out his recent draft success especially seeing the potential in goalie Tuukka Rask.
After years of waiting for a Grey Cup Saskatchewan Roughrider fans are hoping to hear the theme song from deliverance on Sunday.
In an effort to crack down on drug use in Canada the Government has come up with new laws that include stiffer sentences, more dedicated police and a regulation limiting the number of NFL stars allowed on the Toronto Argonauts.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Going for Green
After leaking the news that they were going to replace Coach Tom Higgins with John Huffnagel before the start of their playoff game the Calgary Stampeders are now saying they will not officially announce the signing until after the Grey Cup. This will give the team time to get all three rings of the circus in order.
The St. Louis Blues are creating a bronze statue of Al MacInnis which will still be more difficult to get around than the Calgary Flames defense.
After signing a big money contract it appears Calgary Flames goalie Mikka Kipprusof has come down with (Roman) Tureks syndrome. The only difference between Tureks syndrome and Turrets syndrome is that the swearing comes from the fans.
Michael Vick turned himself in early for prison saying he hoped his actions would show that you can teach an old dog a new trick. Vick says he wanted to be in prison before Christmas to beat the Holiday rush.
Mike Tyson spent one day in jail for a DUI charge and later phoned Lindsay Lohan to swap prison tales. Asked how he was able to get out early Tyson said he managed to get the ear of the warden.
Toronto is fighting for the right to hold the 100th Grey Cup game but are asking for the game to be played at 8:00 AM so it doesn’t conflict with the NFL pre game show on TV.
I love how the “Big City” media are quick to jump on the Winnipeg-Saskatchewan fans as being dim, uncultured hicks unlike the refined fans from Edmonton, Montreal and Vancouver who nearly burned down their Cities while celebrating sporting events. I guess they are right because fans in the prairies tend to pick weeds instead of smoking them and drink coke instead of snorting it.
You have to wonder who are more gullible, fans from the prairies or refined scalpers from Toronto who hoped to make money buying Grey Cup tickets.
Seattle Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck received electrical stimulation on his ribs to help him play on Sunday prompting the RCMP to issue a press release extolling the health benefits of a good tasering.
Canadian Olympic Athletes will be rewarded if they finish with a medal in upcoming games. Gold medals will be worth $20,000, silver $ 15,000 and bronze $ 10,000 while those finishing 4th will be scorned for their lack of patriotism. Olympic officials say they wanted to extend an olive branch to winners but they demanded cash instead.
New slogan for Canada’s Olympic athletes “Who wants to be a Thousandaire?”
Olympic officials were divided on how to motivate athletes with some in favor of cash incentives for medals and others supporting the idea of increasing the deposit for returned bottles.
Asked how they would spend the money athletes in Saskatchewan said they would put it towards a house, in Manitoba they would buy a car and in B.C. they would get a tall mocachino non fat latte with extra foam.
A spokesperson for former PM Brian Mulroney was outraged saying to pay for performance goes against everything Mr. Mulroney stands for.
Top 3 Signs the Riders are in the Grey Cup
#3 Watermelons are considered the years best cash crop
#2 Toronto sports writers are running out of adjectives for hillbilly
#1 The last person leaving Sask. For Toronto is being asked to turn off the lights
The St. Louis Blues are creating a bronze statue of Al MacInnis which will still be more difficult to get around than the Calgary Flames defense.
After signing a big money contract it appears Calgary Flames goalie Mikka Kipprusof has come down with (Roman) Tureks syndrome. The only difference between Tureks syndrome and Turrets syndrome is that the swearing comes from the fans.
Michael Vick turned himself in early for prison saying he hoped his actions would show that you can teach an old dog a new trick. Vick says he wanted to be in prison before Christmas to beat the Holiday rush.
Mike Tyson spent one day in jail for a DUI charge and later phoned Lindsay Lohan to swap prison tales. Asked how he was able to get out early Tyson said he managed to get the ear of the warden.
Toronto is fighting for the right to hold the 100th Grey Cup game but are asking for the game to be played at 8:00 AM so it doesn’t conflict with the NFL pre game show on TV.
I love how the “Big City” media are quick to jump on the Winnipeg-Saskatchewan fans as being dim, uncultured hicks unlike the refined fans from Edmonton, Montreal and Vancouver who nearly burned down their Cities while celebrating sporting events. I guess they are right because fans in the prairies tend to pick weeds instead of smoking them and drink coke instead of snorting it.
You have to wonder who are more gullible, fans from the prairies or refined scalpers from Toronto who hoped to make money buying Grey Cup tickets.
Seattle Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck received electrical stimulation on his ribs to help him play on Sunday prompting the RCMP to issue a press release extolling the health benefits of a good tasering.
Canadian Olympic Athletes will be rewarded if they finish with a medal in upcoming games. Gold medals will be worth $20,000, silver $ 15,000 and bronze $ 10,000 while those finishing 4th will be scorned for their lack of patriotism. Olympic officials say they wanted to extend an olive branch to winners but they demanded cash instead.
New slogan for Canada’s Olympic athletes “Who wants to be a Thousandaire?”
Olympic officials were divided on how to motivate athletes with some in favor of cash incentives for medals and others supporting the idea of increasing the deposit for returned bottles.
Asked how they would spend the money athletes in Saskatchewan said they would put it towards a house, in Manitoba they would buy a car and in B.C. they would get a tall mocachino non fat latte with extra foam.
A spokesperson for former PM Brian Mulroney was outraged saying to pay for performance goes against everything Mr. Mulroney stands for.
Top 3 Signs the Riders are in the Grey Cup
#3 Watermelons are considered the years best cash crop
#2 Toronto sports writers are running out of adjectives for hillbilly
#1 The last person leaving Sask. For Toronto is being asked to turn off the lights
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