Phoenix Suns guard Steve Nash broke his nose and then rearranged it while on the court. Steve is glad it happened saying it would make him look less like an immigrant from Canada
A report out of Hamilton says the CFL Tiger Cats and Toronto Argonauts are considering playing in the same stadium. In order to make the deal more financially viable they are considering playing some of their home games in Phoenix and Saskatoon as well
A report out of NY says the NHL Islanders have canceled a training camp trip to China. Team owner Charles Wang is quoted as saying he isn’t sure what went Wong
Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been replaced from a youth football camp by his coach Mike Tomlinson. A spokesman for the youth is disappointed saying they wanted to learn how to hook up with more than just receivers
With NY being awarded the game for the 1st time in years a Super Bowl will be played outside in winter conditions causing Brett Favre to re-consider playing in the game
A report says the Kansas City Chiefs had a new play in their arsenal called the import where they flew in pretty girls to hook up with before games. Team spokesman were quick to deny the reports saying the players only picked up locals except for the married players who used professionals
Residents of Toronto were shocked when an airplane fell out of the air and landed on the roof of a building. Jays fans were relieved it wasn’t their team crashing back to earth
Pac Man turned 30 this week the most powerful pill popping game next to baseball, football and cycling
A 13 year old boy from California has become the youngest ever to climb the highest peak in the world. He joins other record holders including class mates who got high and peaked in world record time
A study released has shown 10 solid ways to tell if the person you are talking to is lying. The number rises to 11 if you count people who say they thought the Philadelphia Flyers would be in the Stanley Cup final
The US Government is investigating professional cyclists who were paid by the US Postal Team to determine if they bought performance drugs with government money. The investigation is centred on Lance Armstrong and his suspicious success with an underweight package
Diego Maradonna says he will streak naked in Buenos Aires if Argentina wins the World Cup thus ending the argument if he is using performance enhancing drugs
Calgarian Jamie Kureluk shot a record 25 on the back nine of a Canadian Tour golf event. Jamie credits watching the Flames all year as they showed him how to consistently play under par
After a successful Cup run the Montreal Canadians are planning to raise ticket prices. Asked to comment a spokesman for the Toronto Maple Leafs was shocked saying they didn’t know you could get more money for winning
Actor Jack Nicholson will wave the green flag to start the Indianapolis 500 which should help Danica Patrick who will be looking to pass a few good men
President Obama has picked the LA Lakers over Boston Celtics to win the NBA championship but mind you he also has BP over the Gulf oil spill
If the Top Kill plugging attempt to stop the Gulf oil spill fails BP say they will pump down the documents on the Phoenix Coyotes bankruptcy trial and see if any of Gary Bettman’s mud will stick
MLB umpire Joe West has hired a publicist to get additional employment. So far he has had offers from Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers and The Biggest Loser
The NHL combine is set for this weekend 6 months before most of the prairie prospects will get on their everyday combine
Calgary has been awarded a Winter Classic by the NHL and to take advantage of the coldest time of the year plans are to have it in June
Peter Pocklington pleaded guilty to perjury in a California court and faces deportation to Canada. His lawyer says he will apply for refugee status on the basis that if he was to return to Alberta fans with long memories might still attempt to have a lynching party
A group of protestors has blocked plans by Donald Trump to build a golf resort in Scotland. Asked to comment a spokesman for the Donald said it was possible he would take a haircut on the deal
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
A Law with teeth
A man offered to give his three-month-old to a mechanic in exchange for two beers. The deal was thwarted when Travis Henry’s baby mama’s noticed he returned from the park with only 6 of the 7 kids he left with.
Police in South Africa staged a display of force before the World Cup to calm resident’s fears of rioting. The Police have taken a page out of Arizona’s new immigration laws and will target fans with bad teeth that are obviously British.
Looters who participated in the riot after Montreal beat Pittsburgh in the Stanley Cup playoffs have been captured on film. Once the identities are confirmed the participants will qualify for a Quebec Dramatic Arts Grant to be funded by Alberta and BC transfer payments.
Ontario has confirmed over $1 Billion in unpaid parking tickets are outstanding. The Government of Quebec say they have no such problem as any car left unattended for more than a couple hours is burned in celebration of a hockey victory.
You have to wonder if the former Dr. for the Toronto Argonauts can realistically be charged with using performance enhancing drugs on the players. You would think at some point the team has to show some example of enhanced performance
U.S. Democratic Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal has been criticized for claiming he served in Vietnam when in fact he was with the reserves and never saw action. This is like a player from the Toronto Maple Leafs claiming they have extensive playoff experience
Police are warning of an online scam that invites users to take part in a World Cup Lottery during this year’s soccer competition. The scam becomes apparent when the user as asked to guess how many goals Canada will score in the tournament
Prime Minister Stephen Harper has appointed David Braley, a Hamilton-area businessman who owns two Canadian Football League teams, to the Senate to fill a vacancy from Ontario. This is the 1st time a person from the CFL has been given a guaranteed salary in decades.
Toronto has shut down both the CN Tower and the Toronto Blue Jays during the G-20 Summit thus leaving only the Subway lines as places for tourists to see some scoring
Lance Armstrong is furious fellow cyclist Floyd Landis has accused him of taking steroids saying he didn’t have the balls to tell him to his face
Top 3 reasons to elect a CFL executive to the Senate
# 3 Familiar with delays, unnecessary roughing and being blind sided
# 2 Used to working less than 6 months a year
# 1 Lots of experience passing small bills
A reports says fathers can suffer from post partum depression which explains the number of anti-depressant prescriptions being issued to NBA players
Arizona Cardinals defensive tackle Darnell Dockett was livid when an online streaming video showed him taking a shower saying he wants to know who leaked it to the press
CBC commentator Ron Maclean will release his biography and if his on air puns continue it will probably be called The Wrath of Grapes
Police in South Africa staged a display of force before the World Cup to calm resident’s fears of rioting. The Police have taken a page out of Arizona’s new immigration laws and will target fans with bad teeth that are obviously British.
Looters who participated in the riot after Montreal beat Pittsburgh in the Stanley Cup playoffs have been captured on film. Once the identities are confirmed the participants will qualify for a Quebec Dramatic Arts Grant to be funded by Alberta and BC transfer payments.
Ontario has confirmed over $1 Billion in unpaid parking tickets are outstanding. The Government of Quebec say they have no such problem as any car left unattended for more than a couple hours is burned in celebration of a hockey victory.
You have to wonder if the former Dr. for the Toronto Argonauts can realistically be charged with using performance enhancing drugs on the players. You would think at some point the team has to show some example of enhanced performance
U.S. Democratic Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal has been criticized for claiming he served in Vietnam when in fact he was with the reserves and never saw action. This is like a player from the Toronto Maple Leafs claiming they have extensive playoff experience
Police are warning of an online scam that invites users to take part in a World Cup Lottery during this year’s soccer competition. The scam becomes apparent when the user as asked to guess how many goals Canada will score in the tournament
Prime Minister Stephen Harper has appointed David Braley, a Hamilton-area businessman who owns two Canadian Football League teams, to the Senate to fill a vacancy from Ontario. This is the 1st time a person from the CFL has been given a guaranteed salary in decades.
Toronto has shut down both the CN Tower and the Toronto Blue Jays during the G-20 Summit thus leaving only the Subway lines as places for tourists to see some scoring
Lance Armstrong is furious fellow cyclist Floyd Landis has accused him of taking steroids saying he didn’t have the balls to tell him to his face
Top 3 reasons to elect a CFL executive to the Senate
# 3 Familiar with delays, unnecessary roughing and being blind sided
# 2 Used to working less than 6 months a year
# 1 Lots of experience passing small bills
A reports says fathers can suffer from post partum depression which explains the number of anti-depressant prescriptions being issued to NBA players
Arizona Cardinals defensive tackle Darnell Dockett was livid when an online streaming video showed him taking a shower saying he wants to know who leaked it to the press
CBC commentator Ron Maclean will release his biography and if his on air puns continue it will probably be called The Wrath of Grapes
Thursday, May 13, 2010
What a riot!
Hank Haney Tiger Woods long-time swing coach resigned and did it with a text message which read “Saw u on TV OMG WTF r u doin 2 my rep?”
Patrice Cormier the Captain of Canada’s World Jr. team has been charged with assault causing injury. Cormier is leaning on other captains for support especially Captain Morgan
Former Ottawa Rough Riders offensive lineman Bill Stanton passed away at age 86. Family say he just couldn’t hold on any more
TSN did a Top 10 Montreal Canadians game 7 moments but when they came to # 1 they didn’t mention Don Cherry even though it was his gaffe that caused the Boston Bruins to lose the game. In retaliation CBC did a Top 10 worst trades and didn’t mention |TSN’s Mike Millbury, A Top 10 most embarrassing interviews and didn’t mention Michael Landsberg and the Top 10 hottest Sportscasters and didn’t mention Vic Rauter
The City of Glendale Arizona has voted to keep the Coyotes and pay for all losses until an owner is found. The debate was heated with law enforcement officials voicing concern a hockey team would just encourage illegal Canadians to move to Arizona
The Province of Saskatchewan will issue special 100th Anniversary Roughrider license plates. The plates are a collector’s item especially the ones made personally from prison by former Rider Trevis Smith
A riot broke out after Montreal beat Pittsburgh when fans discovered Alberta will no longer subsidize the petrol bombs they are throwing in celebration
41 people were arrested in the riot creating a new band name Stunned 41
As an Albertan I think the idea of transfer payments to have not Provinces is great but did the Flames need to send Camalarri and Hamerlick to Montreal?
Convicted sexual predator Graham James has been found living in Mexico and he apparently blends in well with other Mexican imports like drug dealers and Montezuma’s Revenge
Looking forward to the new movie this week that has a hero that robs from the rich and gives to the poor a sort of reverse Toronto Maple Leafs
Patrice Cormier the Captain of Canada’s World Jr. team has been charged with assault causing injury. Cormier is leaning on other captains for support especially Captain Morgan
Former Ottawa Rough Riders offensive lineman Bill Stanton passed away at age 86. Family say he just couldn’t hold on any more
TSN did a Top 10 Montreal Canadians game 7 moments but when they came to # 1 they didn’t mention Don Cherry even though it was his gaffe that caused the Boston Bruins to lose the game. In retaliation CBC did a Top 10 worst trades and didn’t mention |TSN’s Mike Millbury, A Top 10 most embarrassing interviews and didn’t mention Michael Landsberg and the Top 10 hottest Sportscasters and didn’t mention Vic Rauter
The City of Glendale Arizona has voted to keep the Coyotes and pay for all losses until an owner is found. The debate was heated with law enforcement officials voicing concern a hockey team would just encourage illegal Canadians to move to Arizona
The Province of Saskatchewan will issue special 100th Anniversary Roughrider license plates. The plates are a collector’s item especially the ones made personally from prison by former Rider Trevis Smith
A riot broke out after Montreal beat Pittsburgh when fans discovered Alberta will no longer subsidize the petrol bombs they are throwing in celebration
41 people were arrested in the riot creating a new band name Stunned 41
As an Albertan I think the idea of transfer payments to have not Provinces is great but did the Flames need to send Camalarri and Hamerlick to Montreal?
Convicted sexual predator Graham James has been found living in Mexico and he apparently blends in well with other Mexican imports like drug dealers and Montezuma’s Revenge
Looking forward to the new movie this week that has a hero that robs from the rich and gives to the poor a sort of reverse Toronto Maple Leafs
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Having a riot in Montreal
Media and protesters are flocking to Arizona due to their seemingly racist profiling of illegal alien workers which has given the economy a huge boost… this has resulted in a new state motto… Arizona… come for the human rights violations… stay for the golf…
In order to show the law was more than just profiling those of Hispanic heritage… Glendale sheriffs raided the 7th game of the Coyotes/Red Wings playoff… and were shocked to find there were Americans citizens with tickets…
Tiger Woods had a bad day on the course missing the cut. Later it was reported he had over 120 affairs surprisingly par for the course
The fabric roof at BC Place Stadium is being replaced with a new retractable roof. The old roof will be recycled with most of the fabric going towards new shirt collars for Don Cherry
Ben Roethlisberger is undergoing personality evaluation as part of his suspension from the NFL. The test will include interviews, ink blot tests and later a cocktail party with Ben giving autographs to pretty interns
The Grand Ole Opry House in Nashville Tennessee was hit by a flood this week. This is the first flood of any interest in Nashville since the Predators took the lead against the Blackhawks
P.E.I. Senator Catherine Callbeck wants to take the Canadian penny our of circulations saying they are only found in jars at homes and on CFL contracts
Taking a high dose of Vitamin D has been found to be effective increasing the chances of fertility in some females. I guess this explains why Manny Ramirez likes playing in the California sun
A recent study shows repeated laughter has the same effect on the body as exercise. Researchers found the results while they studied patients involved in laughter inducing events such as reading a funny book, listening to a comedy CD or watching a Toronto Maple Leafs power play
The suit that OJ Simpson wore when he was acquitted of the murder of 2 people is now in a museum. The item is a relic of history and a harsh reminder of the consequences of naming your kid after an ingredient in a Harvey Wallbanger
The Police officer who tazered a teenager for running on the field during a Philadelphia Phillies game, was within the proper police protocols and will not be punished. According to 70 year old Phillies owner Al Reach any whippersnapper cutting across my lawn should be shot
Top 5 signs the Montreal Canadians have won a playoff game
# 5 Molotov Cocktails are the biggest sellers at the bar
# 4 Bi-lingual property destruction
# 3 Smoke signals announce the score
# 2 None of the guys in Canadians sweaters fighting have tied down their jerseys
# 1 A 1 alarm fire means a loss… a 2 alarm fire is a great victory!
In order to show the law was more than just profiling those of Hispanic heritage… Glendale sheriffs raided the 7th game of the Coyotes/Red Wings playoff… and were shocked to find there were Americans citizens with tickets…
Tiger Woods had a bad day on the course missing the cut. Later it was reported he had over 120 affairs surprisingly par for the course
The fabric roof at BC Place Stadium is being replaced with a new retractable roof. The old roof will be recycled with most of the fabric going towards new shirt collars for Don Cherry
Ben Roethlisberger is undergoing personality evaluation as part of his suspension from the NFL. The test will include interviews, ink blot tests and later a cocktail party with Ben giving autographs to pretty interns
The Grand Ole Opry House in Nashville Tennessee was hit by a flood this week. This is the first flood of any interest in Nashville since the Predators took the lead against the Blackhawks
P.E.I. Senator Catherine Callbeck wants to take the Canadian penny our of circulations saying they are only found in jars at homes and on CFL contracts
Taking a high dose of Vitamin D has been found to be effective increasing the chances of fertility in some females. I guess this explains why Manny Ramirez likes playing in the California sun
A recent study shows repeated laughter has the same effect on the body as exercise. Researchers found the results while they studied patients involved in laughter inducing events such as reading a funny book, listening to a comedy CD or watching a Toronto Maple Leafs power play
The suit that OJ Simpson wore when he was acquitted of the murder of 2 people is now in a museum. The item is a relic of history and a harsh reminder of the consequences of naming your kid after an ingredient in a Harvey Wallbanger
The Police officer who tazered a teenager for running on the field during a Philadelphia Phillies game, was within the proper police protocols and will not be punished. According to 70 year old Phillies owner Al Reach any whippersnapper cutting across my lawn should be shot
Top 5 signs the Montreal Canadians have won a playoff game
# 5 Molotov Cocktails are the biggest sellers at the bar
# 4 Bi-lingual property destruction
# 3 Smoke signals announce the score
# 2 None of the guys in Canadians sweaters fighting have tied down their jerseys
# 1 A 1 alarm fire means a loss… a 2 alarm fire is a great victory!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Daft Draft
The NBA has hit a winner with their “NBA Cares” promotions showing players in a garden because if there is anything they know about it’s planting seeds
A Muslim cleric in Iran says scantily dressed women are causing earthquakes. I guess the outfits and actions of cheerleaders at the NBA playoffs are behind the eruption of the Icelandic volcano.
Paralympics curler Jim Armstrong was arrested at the Canada/US border and charged with trafficking in Viagra. Officials say they became suspicious when he didn’t have to hurry to be hard
Goldman Sacs is charged with creating an investment that they knew would fail and then promoting it to buyers as having a chance to be the best buy ever. They called the investment a “Maple Leaf” in honour of how the Toronto Maple Leafs put together their team each year and sell premium tickets knowing the product has no chance of winning
I now have to apologize to every guy who was unable to throw a ball well when I said they threw like a girl. I should have said they threw like a Danny boy.
Top 5 signs your NFL draft picks are a bust
# 5 The Oakland Raiders are laughing at your picks
# 4 Terrel Owens calls your WR pick a drama queen
# 3 Your # 1 pick threatens to go to the CFL
# 2 None of the player you selected has a rap sheet
# 1 When asked who he would compare himself to your new franchise QB named Jesus
A new nickname for Montreal Canadians goalie Jaroslav Halak after seeing more rubber than a racetrack... Shellak
The GM of the Miami Dolphins asked a college student before the draft if his mom was a prostitute during interviews. This was not a violation of policy but maybe he shouldn’t have followed up by asking how much for an around the world.
Research from a University in England has found the brain is hardwired to expect certain conditions. Taxi drivers anticipate traffic, sanitation engineers expect unpleasant odours and Leaf fans exopect to win the Stanley Cup.
The FIFA World Cup Trophy made a visit to Toronto ahead of this summer’s event. Organizers said they chose Toronto as the only Canadian stop as they have teams that scores less than most soccer games
Arizona passed a law requiring police to check immigration papers of people who are potential illegal immigrants. Police will now stop people of Hispanic heritage and Caucasians wearing hockey jerseys.
A snow storm blew into Calgary on Wednesday the biggest snow job since Darryl Sutter had his year end press conference
A report from Health Canada says Canadian kids are not getting enough exercise and are becoming obese at an earlier age. The report says this will limit children’s employment options to MLB umpire, NFL coach or sportswriter
A giant worm has been found in Idaho shocking scientists who thought it would be in an NFL or NBA city
A Muslim cleric in Iran says scantily dressed women are causing earthquakes. I guess the outfits and actions of cheerleaders at the NBA playoffs are behind the eruption of the Icelandic volcano.
Paralympics curler Jim Armstrong was arrested at the Canada/US border and charged with trafficking in Viagra. Officials say they became suspicious when he didn’t have to hurry to be hard
Goldman Sacs is charged with creating an investment that they knew would fail and then promoting it to buyers as having a chance to be the best buy ever. They called the investment a “Maple Leaf” in honour of how the Toronto Maple Leafs put together their team each year and sell premium tickets knowing the product has no chance of winning
I now have to apologize to every guy who was unable to throw a ball well when I said they threw like a girl. I should have said they threw like a Danny boy.
Top 5 signs your NFL draft picks are a bust
# 5 The Oakland Raiders are laughing at your picks
# 4 Terrel Owens calls your WR pick a drama queen
# 3 Your # 1 pick threatens to go to the CFL
# 2 None of the player you selected has a rap sheet
# 1 When asked who he would compare himself to your new franchise QB named Jesus
A new nickname for Montreal Canadians goalie Jaroslav Halak after seeing more rubber than a racetrack... Shellak
The GM of the Miami Dolphins asked a college student before the draft if his mom was a prostitute during interviews. This was not a violation of policy but maybe he shouldn’t have followed up by asking how much for an around the world.
Research from a University in England has found the brain is hardwired to expect certain conditions. Taxi drivers anticipate traffic, sanitation engineers expect unpleasant odours and Leaf fans exopect to win the Stanley Cup.
The FIFA World Cup Trophy made a visit to Toronto ahead of this summer’s event. Organizers said they chose Toronto as the only Canadian stop as they have teams that scores less than most soccer games
Arizona passed a law requiring police to check immigration papers of people who are potential illegal immigrants. Police will now stop people of Hispanic heritage and Caucasians wearing hockey jerseys.
A snow storm blew into Calgary on Wednesday the biggest snow job since Darryl Sutter had his year end press conference
A report from Health Canada says Canadian kids are not getting enough exercise and are becoming obese at an earlier age. The report says this will limit children’s employment options to MLB umpire, NFL coach or sportswriter
A giant worm has been found in Idaho shocking scientists who thought it would be in an NFL or NBA city
Saturday, April 10, 2010
i-sorry Tiki Tiger and Ben edition
In addition to not playing for the past 5 months Tiger was breaking in a new set of clubs and weaning himself off of being in clubs
The US Military is trying to repeal the `Don`t ask, don`t tell policy” so it was strange to see Daryl Sutter use it during his year end press conference
Alberta men captured both the World curling championships and the Olympic curling gold medals in addition to having hockey teams that were swept out of playoff contention
16 year old Matteo Manassero made the cut at the Masters and says to get a Green Jacket he plans to work on his short game, putting and lose his virginity
Top 5 memories of the Masters for Matteo Manassero
5 Hooking up with Tom Watsons Great Granddaughter
4 Listening to Arnold Palmer talk about the golfing with wooden clubs
3 Playing X-Box with Jack Nicholas
2 Getting wardrobe advice from Sam Snead
1 The All Bran Breakfast of Champions
It says in my crystal ball that Nashville will be the surprise in the NHL playoffs. I was leaning towards Phoenix but I can’t help but think every team would love to get a chance to beat the club owned by Gary Bettman.
The Tampa Bay Lightning have fired their coach and GM an almost annual rite that is causing scientists to revise their earlier beliefs that lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice
In an effort to help GM Darryl Sutter with his hockey operations the Calgary Flames are installing breathalyzers on all phones during the lead up to trade deadlines and the draft
In what has to be an early Mothers Day present to his wife Edmonton Oilers defenseman Sheldon Souray has asked to be traded
Former NFL player Tiki Barber showed his ability to run behind blocking by announcing he will leave his 8 months pregnant wife for a 23 year old at the same time Tiger Woods was having a press conference. The success of the play will forever be copied by cheating, lying, and responsibility dodging athletes and will be known as the “Tiki Sneak”
Pittsburgh Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger held a press conference saying he would not talk about his allegations of sexual assault. The Police dropped the case after the accuser suddenly decided against pressing charges. Unlike Tiki Barber it seems Ben used the old “Buck stops her” method
You know you are a bit slow when Terry Bradshaw says you are acting like an idiot
Apple has added a new download to their App Store called i-sorry. The i-sorry app will give instant notification of any transgressions and the appropriate apology. i-sorry version 1.0 will focus on sports and will include players from the NBA, NFL and Toronto Maple Leafs. i-sorry version 2.0 will include a special Tiger Woods edition once they figure out how to keep it from hooking up with the other apps.
The US Military is trying to repeal the `Don`t ask, don`t tell policy” so it was strange to see Daryl Sutter use it during his year end press conference
Alberta men captured both the World curling championships and the Olympic curling gold medals in addition to having hockey teams that were swept out of playoff contention
16 year old Matteo Manassero made the cut at the Masters and says to get a Green Jacket he plans to work on his short game, putting and lose his virginity
Top 5 memories of the Masters for Matteo Manassero
5 Hooking up with Tom Watsons Great Granddaughter
4 Listening to Arnold Palmer talk about the golfing with wooden clubs
3 Playing X-Box with Jack Nicholas
2 Getting wardrobe advice from Sam Snead
1 The All Bran Breakfast of Champions
It says in my crystal ball that Nashville will be the surprise in the NHL playoffs. I was leaning towards Phoenix but I can’t help but think every team would love to get a chance to beat the club owned by Gary Bettman.
The Tampa Bay Lightning have fired their coach and GM an almost annual rite that is causing scientists to revise their earlier beliefs that lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice
In an effort to help GM Darryl Sutter with his hockey operations the Calgary Flames are installing breathalyzers on all phones during the lead up to trade deadlines and the draft
In what has to be an early Mothers Day present to his wife Edmonton Oilers defenseman Sheldon Souray has asked to be traded
Former NFL player Tiki Barber showed his ability to run behind blocking by announcing he will leave his 8 months pregnant wife for a 23 year old at the same time Tiger Woods was having a press conference. The success of the play will forever be copied by cheating, lying, and responsibility dodging athletes and will be known as the “Tiki Sneak”
Pittsburgh Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger held a press conference saying he would not talk about his allegations of sexual assault. The Police dropped the case after the accuser suddenly decided against pressing charges. Unlike Tiki Barber it seems Ben used the old “Buck stops her” method
You know you are a bit slow when Terry Bradshaw says you are acting like an idiot
Apple has added a new download to their App Store called i-sorry. The i-sorry app will give instant notification of any transgressions and the appropriate apology. i-sorry version 1.0 will focus on sports and will include players from the NBA, NFL and Toronto Maple Leafs. i-sorry version 2.0 will include a special Tiger Woods edition once they figure out how to keep it from hooking up with the other apps.
Monday, April 5, 2010
The World are you Serious?
Dion Phaneuf has been named the most overrated player by his peers. The voting was restricted to players making $6.5 million for scoring 10 goals and being a minus player
The NCAA is trying to figure out what killed the TV ratings for the final game and it turns out like any good murder mystery the Butler did it.
Tiger Woods started his press conference saying the gallery for a practice round blew him away and no one asked if that was figurative or literal
Tiger said he did everything according to the letter of the law especially the XXX letters
Tiger says he has never took any illegal drugs not HGH, steroids, roofies, ganja, scag, chronic, diddlies and especially not disco biscuits.
Tiger says he will always have a sore knee especially when a warm front blows in or a cold front talks to him about divorce
Tiger used a technique to put the media at ease by mentioning them by their nickname which had an equal success when used on the Sopranos by Pauly Walnuts
Tiger says he is getting the itch to play which was a relief because he had been getting the itch after playing
Washington Wizards forward Gilbert Arenas will have to spend 2 days in jail as part of his 30 day sentence for gun possession. The 2 days are sort of a law enforcement version of the NBA shoot around warm-up
Loved hearing Jason Spezza break into the giggles which reminded us it is a game for men played by boys
QB Donovan McNabb has been traded from Philadelphia to Washington but won’t be forgotten by the team. Eagles chairman Jeffrey Lurie hopes Donovan will come back to be honoured as a Hall of Fame QB and does so while still being able to walk
Watching the Raptors makes you wonder if they are a sleeper playoff team or just a sleeper.
India has enacted sweeping reforms to their education system making it illegal to skip school for those under 12. This will be a blow to their families, the economy and more important to the release of the new Nike Air Rashid shoe
Lamb was in short supply this Easter weekend although a few sacrificial ones were being offered up by the Calgary Flames and Toronto Raptors
After nearly bouncing one to one catcher in the All Star game and tossing it over the head of another on opening day we can assume Little League wasn’t a pre-existing condition for President Obama
Top 5 signs your team may not be in the World Series
# 5 Leadoff batter’s nickname is Pokey
# 4 The team as a whole had 4 no hitters in pre season
# 3 They rely on Milton Bradley for team leadership
# 2 Manager is the new spokesman for an anti-depressant
# 1 The only staff gains are the infections from the shower
The NCAA is trying to figure out what killed the TV ratings for the final game and it turns out like any good murder mystery the Butler did it.
Tiger Woods started his press conference saying the gallery for a practice round blew him away and no one asked if that was figurative or literal
Tiger said he did everything according to the letter of the law especially the XXX letters
Tiger says he has never took any illegal drugs not HGH, steroids, roofies, ganja, scag, chronic, diddlies and especially not disco biscuits.
Tiger says he will always have a sore knee especially when a warm front blows in or a cold front talks to him about divorce
Tiger used a technique to put the media at ease by mentioning them by their nickname which had an equal success when used on the Sopranos by Pauly Walnuts
Tiger says he is getting the itch to play which was a relief because he had been getting the itch after playing
Washington Wizards forward Gilbert Arenas will have to spend 2 days in jail as part of his 30 day sentence for gun possession. The 2 days are sort of a law enforcement version of the NBA shoot around warm-up
Loved hearing Jason Spezza break into the giggles which reminded us it is a game for men played by boys
QB Donovan McNabb has been traded from Philadelphia to Washington but won’t be forgotten by the team. Eagles chairman Jeffrey Lurie hopes Donovan will come back to be honoured as a Hall of Fame QB and does so while still being able to walk
Watching the Raptors makes you wonder if they are a sleeper playoff team or just a sleeper.
India has enacted sweeping reforms to their education system making it illegal to skip school for those under 12. This will be a blow to their families, the economy and more important to the release of the new Nike Air Rashid shoe
Lamb was in short supply this Easter weekend although a few sacrificial ones were being offered up by the Calgary Flames and Toronto Raptors
After nearly bouncing one to one catcher in the All Star game and tossing it over the head of another on opening day we can assume Little League wasn’t a pre-existing condition for President Obama
Top 5 signs your team may not be in the World Series
# 5 Leadoff batter’s nickname is Pokey
# 4 The team as a whole had 4 no hitters in pre season
# 3 They rely on Milton Bradley for team leadership
# 2 Manager is the new spokesman for an anti-depressant
# 1 The only staff gains are the infections from the shower
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