June 27 2007

With 7 pitchers over the age of 40 taking to the mound on Tuesday Major League Baseball is celebrating with a “Blue Plate Special”. In addition to affecting their ERA each pitcher will be given a contribution to their IRA. In honour of the players each team will wear their “throw-back” jerseys some dating as far back as the pitchers rookie year.

Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson were penalized by NASCAR for having illegal fenders after a “nose bra” didn’t conform to the proper shape. This is the most trouble an athlete has had with a bra since Dennis Rodman got married.

After finding out 317 of the more than 10,000 eligible retired players are getting disability payments NFL officials were shocked and quickly met to see how they could lower that number.

Responding to evidence that retired players are more likely to suffer acute mental illness lawyers for the NFL said “the best players have always been a bit crazy”.

The NFL is trying hard to avoid legislation that would require them to pay disability benefits arguing most of the retired players don’t have a leg to stand on.

It looks like Jim Bailsille may become one of those pushy uninformed owners. Sources close to the Nashville Predators say he was furiously trying to get them to use their draft pick on Greg Oden.

The WWE is outraged over reports steroid use may have caused “roid rage” in Chris Benoit saying they will tear the limbs off anyone who believes it.