July 3 2007

In an effort to control their image the NFL is limiting the media to 45 seconds of video per day and newspapers to 2 mug shots per team.

The CFL is having a salary cap crisis when it was revealed the Saskatchewan Roughriders were giving players a 2 for 1 coupon to Dominos.

The wife of NY Yankee’s Alex Rodriguez was seen in the family section wearing a shirt that contained a 2 word profanity on it. Cynthia was embarrassed saying she just got back from a Toronto strip club and didn’t have time to change.

After winning 8 games in a row Seattle Mariners manager Mike Hargrove resigned saying he was finding it increasingly difficult to wake up with any enthusiasm for the game. Responding to the news NY Yankees manager Joe Torres suggested he follow his routine and just not go to bed.

Barry Bonds was voted to the All Star game and later said his possible omission from the game was because of a vast right swing conspiracy.

The owner of the Milwaukee Bucks is trying to persuade Chinese power forward Yi Jianlian to drop his request to play in a city with a larger Asian population by reminding him Vancouver hasn’t had a team for years.

I was a bit surprised at the glowing praise the media has heaped upon the Canadian under 20 men’s soccer team prior to the World Cup tournament. With a record of 4 wins 5 ties and 24 losses it takes “homer” to a whole new level. Can’t we just be happy if no one loses an eye?

Before I go into the jokes on the NHL free agent signings I think it is important to say that because we are Canadians the thought of giving 7 million dollars to an athlete is tough to understand. But in reality compared to a lot of sports our players are "reasonably" priced and give great value for money. That said... they still need to know we can't feel their pain...

To put the NHL free agent frenzy into terms fans of the movie the Transformers can relate to the NY Rangers went from a car to a big rig while the Edmonton Oilers changed from a truck to a 1972 Lada.

Todd Bertusi has agreed to a $4 million a year contract to be a part of the “happiest place on earth”, away from any media that cares about hockey. Brian Burke has spent too much time in Hollywood if he thinks this is a good deal for an optimist way past his prime.

The Toronto Maple Leafs entered the free agent market signing 34 year old Jason Blake to a contract they hope will ease him into retirement. GM John Ferguson Jr. was ecstatic with the signing saying it would shore up the Leafs suspect defense. When told he must have been thinking of LA Kings Rob Blake Ferguson said “abracadabra” and left in a puff of smoke.

The Canadian Mint has created a $1 million dollar solid gold coin in response to requests from NHL owners for “pocket change” to get a 4th line centre.

The only people in Edmonton cheering the signing of Denis Grebeshkov and Dick Tarnstrom were those paid by the letter to sew the names to the jerseys.

The NY Rangers had some help with their salary cap management by tapping into the wealth of experience available from NY Yankees owner George Steinbrenner.

Peter Forsberg had surgery on his ankle again but a source with inside information said he is still able to walk to the bank and cash his cheque.