ERA of 7-11

After paying over $100 million for Dice-K the Boston Red Sox are now rolling craps!

Lawyer Paul Kelly has been nominated for the position of Director of the NHLPA. The announcement was made by outgoing Director Ted Saskin who said he read it in an email. TSN talking head Gord Miller immediately phoned Gary Bettman and offered to provide inside information on Paul in the best interest of the game.

Unable to come to an agreement the National Lacrosse League has suspended the upcoming season. In order to avoid penalties with their broadcast partner the NLL will instead air re-runs of last season because no one watched that one either.

Anaheim Ducks forward Todd Bertuzzi is out for an indefinite period with a concussion. Doctors say it is hard to determine when Todd will be back as the damage is obscured by natural dementia. Asked to comment former Colorado Rockies forward Steve Moore says he hope Todd will resume playing soon so he can earn enough to pay him in the upcoming civil lawsuit.

Former New York Mets clubhouse attendant Kirk Radomski has spilled the beans to investigators fingering past and present baseball players that received supplements and steroids. According to Radomiski he had given players enough to last until the first week in September.

Two accomplices in the OJ Simpson memorabilia robbery trial have agreed to plead guilty and receive lesser sentences in return for helping prosecutors in their case against OJ. The defendants were offered lesser jail time, a choice of locations and a couple of really sweet early OJ trading cards. In hopes lighting will strike twice OJ jumped into a white Ford Bronco and threatened tow write all over himself with a magic marker.