Owning Up!

The National Lacrosse League has shut down for a year with management blaming the players for being stubborn. Who could have guessed that guys who get hit on the helmet for 60 minutes could be so hard headed? Management says the players should feel lucky they play in the same rink as Jerome Iginla, get treated like rock stars by their fans and don’t have to worry about stuff like taxes. The two sides were stuck on the length of term each indentured slave would have to work before he became a free man. Sources for the owners group are upset saying they will now need to pay to get their cotton picked.

You can tell Calgary is still feeling envious towards Toronto because after watching the Maple Leafs score an own goal on Monday they had to go one better than them and score 3 on themselves on Tuesday.

The NY Yankees may be looking for a new manager and say they will need someone who speaks the language of the players. An early favorite for the job is Chef Ramsay from Hells Kitchen.

The Calgary Flames have equaled a record for two goal games at the start of the season. This is the most times a player has scored a pair since Wilt Chamberlains early years.

Kobe Bryant has missed the first few days of practice fueling speculation he may be traded. Kobe denied the reports saying he was getting prepared for the upcoming season by practicing alone.

Saskatchewan Roughriders fullback Chris Szarka took off the tips of his fingers over the weekend in a freak carpentry accident. Chris says he never saw it coming.

Brett “The Hitman” Hart has a new book out and in early excerpts he admits to being unfaithful on the road but makes no mention of steroid use. Brett says he wants to come clean but it might be more interesting if he came clear. Brett also says his brothers are upset with him about revelations his father Stu Hart was abusive to the boys. It seems there was an understanding that what happens in the dungeon stayed in the dungeon.

The Calgary Flames are among the NHL teams trying out the new heated hockey blade. Team spokespersons say they hope the blade will prove effective as it will add more punch to their slogan “Fire on Ice”. Toronto Maple Leafs defenseman Bryan Mcabe must have been trying the new rechargeable blades out because after scoring an own goal against the Buffalo Sabres he was seen sticking his skate into an electrical outlet.

A spokesman for the people who make the ice at NHL arena's was quoted as saying "Yippee".