Final Column

Korean skater Yuna Kim is a pop star in her country which is only fitting as their flag looks like the Pepsi logo

Competitors are calling Kevin Martin the Michael Jordan of curling except he doesn’t rock the rim he rolls it up

Having all the women figure skaters do a move that requires them to grab their leg, hold it over their head and glide around the ice surface seems inappropriate. I guess the IOC is concerned about gender identity and have incorporated the Chick Check as a way of verifying.

The Canadian women hockey players are being ripped after drinking and smoking a cigar following their gold medal win. Officials with the IOC were livid as it showed disrespect, set a bad example and used up party supplies reserved for them.

The scene is being hailed by the Taliban as an example of why women should not be allowed to play sports or be out in public and by adult film companies as the beginning of a really good movie.

The IOC is especially upset because after all the effort they went to prevent the little ladies from hurting themselves in ski jumping they go and do something that could have broke a nail.

The IOC might have to remove the women from Olympic hockey because there isn’t enough competition. Asked to explain why Nordic skiing, which has been consistently dominated by Countries such as Norway, Sweden and Finland, should not also be removed an official was indignant saying the men clearly had better genetics and when they win they share the cigars and liquor.

If women are not allowed to play then I just know Gary Bettman will refuse on the grounds of equal rights.

Top 5 signs your Winter Olympic sport may be cancelled
# 5 Uniforms have less than 50% sequins
# 4 No judges to influence the outcome
# 3 Relies on Gatorade instead of gunpowder
# 2 North Americans love it
# 1 You don’t need an interpreter to understand the rules

Blind Canadian Olympic skier Brian McKeever was denied a chance to become the 1st athlete to compete in both the Olympics and Paralympics when he was not included on the men’s 50 km relay race. Asked to comment McKeever says he never saw it coming

It took until overtime but finally Canada... it’s Miller Time!

Not sure where there was more elbowing at the Canada-US game or Jack Layton trying to get his face on TV at Gretzkys Bar in Toronto...

The PM has such massive powers so how come he couldn’t prorogue Nickleback from the closing ceremony?