Interesting choice of coach for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers as they replace a crook with LaPolice
England has removed the captaincy from John Terry after revelations he scored an own goal on his teammates girlfriend. This has disrupted the whole WAG (Wives and girlfriend) community in England causing the price of Hermes bags to soar.
I’m curious who fakes more… English soccer player diving on the pitch or the WAGS in their battleground feigning climax
Top 5 rejected Superbowl commercials
# 5 FEMA planning for the past working for tomorrow
# 4 Madame Jacquie’s French Quarter Super Special
# 3 The NBC tie in to Jay Leno at 10:00
# 2 A day in the life of the Budweiser Clydesdale stable boy
# 1 Indianapolis Chamber of Commerce: We’re not as bad off as New Orleans but we could use the tourists as well
During training runs for the Olympic Downhill officials spotted both a bear and a lynx. More concerting however was the number of cougars hanging around the men’s hockey teams.
Jeff Pain of the Canadian Luge team has made allegations the European teams are using magnets to increase the speed of their sleds the only time the words magnetic has been applied to the sport or athletes.
Top 5 signs you may not win an Olympic Winter medal
# 5 Eddie the Eagle calls you a longshot
# 4 You accidentally ate a McDonalds meal before your event
# 3 The cheque you sent to the figure skating judges bounced
# 2 Your countries icemaker doubles as a bartender
# 1 At the start of your 2 man luge run there is a fight to see who goes on top
Olympic Officials were scrambling to save the snow from melting last week with an urgent call for BC residents to donate any spare bales of “hay” they may have from their home grow ops.
NBA officials are proposing a salary cut to players causing a panic in the tattoo, stripper and small arms industries.
It appears the warnings about random drug testing is being heard at the Olympics with BC officials saying it is the 1st time in memory no one from the Province has tested positive.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Fat Ass Jean Therapy
Researchers have discovered a gene that causes people to become morbidly obese and it is called the Levi 5001 wide ass stretch waist gene. The gene was very hard to identify as it was constantly being mistaken for Sara Lee Cheesecakes.
Parents were relieved saying they could now put their children into programs more suited to their genetic makeup like offensive lineman, Opera singers and Sumo wrestling
All was not lost for Hollywood producer Oren Koules after he was forced to sell the Tampa Bay Lightening saying his experience has created a better horror script than any of his Saw movies.
It’s funny he never Saw this horror movie coming…
Interesting choice of coach for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers as they replace a crook with LaPolice
England has removed the captaincy from John Terry after revelations he scored an own goal on his teammates girlfriend. This has disrupted the whole WAG (Wives and Girlfriend) community in England causing the price of Hermes bags to soar.
I’m curious who fakes more… English soccer player diving on the pitch or the WAGS feigning climax
Top 5 rejected Superbowl commercials
# 5 FEMA planning for the past working for tomorrow
# 4 Madame Jacquie’s French Quarter Special
# 3 The NBC tie in to Jay Leno at 10:00
# 2 A day in the life of the Budweiser Clydesdale stable boy
# 1 Indianapolis were not as bad as New Orleans but we could use the tourists too
Parents were relieved saying they could now put their children into programs more suited to their genetic makeup like offensive lineman, Opera singers and Sumo wrestling
All was not lost for Hollywood producer Oren Koules after he was forced to sell the Tampa Bay Lightening saying his experience has created a better horror script than any of his Saw movies.
It’s funny he never Saw this horror movie coming…
Interesting choice of coach for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers as they replace a crook with LaPolice
England has removed the captaincy from John Terry after revelations he scored an own goal on his teammates girlfriend. This has disrupted the whole WAG (Wives and Girlfriend) community in England causing the price of Hermes bags to soar.
I’m curious who fakes more… English soccer player diving on the pitch or the WAGS feigning climax
Top 5 rejected Superbowl commercials
# 5 FEMA planning for the past working for tomorrow
# 4 Madame Jacquie’s French Quarter Special
# 3 The NBC tie in to Jay Leno at 10:00
# 2 A day in the life of the Budweiser Clydesdale stable boy
# 1 Indianapolis were not as bad as New Orleans but we could use the tourists too
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
What Dat?
The NFL is slapping New Orleans companies with cease and desist orders over copy write infringement of theT-shirts with the saying “Who Dat”. In a related item the Calgary Flames are considering the same lawsuit over the clothing, videos, blogs... etc... with the words LOL, OMG and WTF... as they are now property of the Flames Phan Attics... a wholly owned subsidiary of WTFIGOAH?
PGA golfer John Daly says he is tired of embarrassing himself and wants to quit golf... which threw the PGA into a tailspin as he was the only player anyone wants to watch.
Daly has a history of retiring and un-retiring... it’s part of who he is... Daly the ultimate advertisement for a Harley-Davidson... when it was brilliant... everything moving with precision and speed... the throttle gaining torque... Beeeeeeeeeeeeer... I hated it when the ride ended...the violent and yet remarkably vivid memory of the law of averages... and of bonus the brutalization that followed the inevitable... something fails... he hit the wall... face first... in public... while mooning Youtube... he retires... places himself in a sobering environment... sobers up...gets some perspective on his worth both fiscally and spiritually... start calculating all of the Visa and MasterCard bills... the new dependents and cherished obligations... notice lack of food in the fridge... no recently laundered clothing... and reach a point where you go... the man with the gun to your head is right... I’ll pay back the creditors and start a life anew... so you announce a new swing... or swing coach and hit the Tour... what guy doesn’t envy that?
I have a sneaking suspicion this wasn’t the Maple Leaf Dion Phaneuf wanted to put on this year. In hindsight the trade is great as Dion can now separate himself from the chaos of Calgary.
Can we just admit Phaneuf was traded for a salary dump... during a dump? I think it’s more than coincidence that the new Nachos at the Saddledome suddenly went on the Heart Smart menu
I think the trade was brokered by CBC... having Dion in Toronto gave Don Cherry both a reason to live and a bit of an orgasm
The trade was better for Don’s hockey Cherry than a bottle of Viagra and a six pack of Blue
The trade was expected as Calgary had to part with some talent to comply with Canadian equalization payments to have not teams
Quebec was livid with Calgary when they traded away their best player to Toronto saying as a Quebec have not Province they were entitled to 1st dibs... and besides the last one you gave the Montreal Canadians... Michael Camalari... broke...
Is it even possible that at the NHL GM Meetings last year Daryl Sutter was caught on video urinating in someone’s drink? That is about the only way I can explain it... that makes any sense at least...
If that was the case we know Toronto and NY Rangers GM”s each had a cell cam...
Fans going to the Super Bowl will not be allowed to bring in umbrellas which could be a problem as everyone knows in Miami... it’s raining men...
The ban on products is extensive. A security spokesman for the event says they have to be 100% whereas a terrorist only has to be lucky once... and the Saints need a miracle...
Fans going to the Super Bowl will not be allowed to bring in umbrellas which could be a problem as everyone knows in Miami it’s raining men.
Fans are questioning The Who as choice for the Super Bowl halftime band. Daryl Sutter the GM for the Flames approved saying every now and then you have to go with a youth movement...
Oscars gave a nod to The Hurt Locker for best dramatic picture this week... but then Flames GM Daryl Sutter says he isn’t finished with his room yet...
Athletes headed to the Olympic Games are getting shots, surgical masks, sanitizers and supplements and that is just for a stroll down Robson St.
Unconfirmed reports say Tiger Woods will be released from sex therapy soon. Officials with the recovery center were quoted as saying sometimes all they need is a quickie
A report says the NY Islanders will hold their training camp in China next year. The venue is being debated by NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman as one of the proposed sites Qiqihar translates in English to Hamilton
A rare agreement on Groundhog Day in Alberta when both Edmonton and Calgary reported their critters saw identical shadows which foretells 6 more weeks of crappy hockey
I’ve spent some time on a farm so I was surprised at how green the “hay” bales were that Vancouver placed under their artificial snow for this time of year... The insight came to me during training runs as none of the snowboarders managed to find the finish line
Top 5 signs you are at a bad Super Bowl Party
# 5 During commercial breaks your host show videos of the family trip to Detroit
# 4 The souvenir New Orleans Saints Voo Doo Dolls looks suspiciously like you
# 3 All the other guys at the party keep pointing to you and asking your GF "Who Dat?"
# 2 Host constantly telling everyone about that crazy time he went to a Who concert in 1971
# 1 The surprise Halftime Show: Time Shares vs. Amway
PGA golfer John Daly says he is tired of embarrassing himself and wants to quit golf... which threw the PGA into a tailspin as he was the only player anyone wants to watch.
Daly has a history of retiring and un-retiring... it’s part of who he is... Daly the ultimate advertisement for a Harley-Davidson... when it was brilliant... everything moving with precision and speed... the throttle gaining torque... Beeeeeeeeeeeeer... I hated it when the ride ended...the violent and yet remarkably vivid memory of the law of averages... and of bonus the brutalization that followed the inevitable... something fails... he hit the wall... face first... in public... while mooning Youtube... he retires... places himself in a sobering environment... sobers up...gets some perspective on his worth both fiscally and spiritually... start calculating all of the Visa and MasterCard bills... the new dependents and cherished obligations... notice lack of food in the fridge... no recently laundered clothing... and reach a point where you go... the man with the gun to your head is right... I’ll pay back the creditors and start a life anew... so you announce a new swing... or swing coach and hit the Tour... what guy doesn’t envy that?
I have a sneaking suspicion this wasn’t the Maple Leaf Dion Phaneuf wanted to put on this year. In hindsight the trade is great as Dion can now separate himself from the chaos of Calgary.
Can we just admit Phaneuf was traded for a salary dump... during a dump? I think it’s more than coincidence that the new Nachos at the Saddledome suddenly went on the Heart Smart menu
I think the trade was brokered by CBC... having Dion in Toronto gave Don Cherry both a reason to live and a bit of an orgasm
The trade was better for Don’s hockey Cherry than a bottle of Viagra and a six pack of Blue
The trade was expected as Calgary had to part with some talent to comply with Canadian equalization payments to have not teams
Quebec was livid with Calgary when they traded away their best player to Toronto saying as a Quebec have not Province they were entitled to 1st dibs... and besides the last one you gave the Montreal Canadians... Michael Camalari... broke...
Is it even possible that at the NHL GM Meetings last year Daryl Sutter was caught on video urinating in someone’s drink? That is about the only way I can explain it... that makes any sense at least...
If that was the case we know Toronto and NY Rangers GM”s each had a cell cam...
Fans going to the Super Bowl will not be allowed to bring in umbrellas which could be a problem as everyone knows in Miami... it’s raining men...
The ban on products is extensive. A security spokesman for the event says they have to be 100% whereas a terrorist only has to be lucky once... and the Saints need a miracle...
Fans going to the Super Bowl will not be allowed to bring in umbrellas which could be a problem as everyone knows in Miami it’s raining men.
Fans are questioning The Who as choice for the Super Bowl halftime band. Daryl Sutter the GM for the Flames approved saying every now and then you have to go with a youth movement...
Oscars gave a nod to The Hurt Locker for best dramatic picture this week... but then Flames GM Daryl Sutter says he isn’t finished with his room yet...
Athletes headed to the Olympic Games are getting shots, surgical masks, sanitizers and supplements and that is just for a stroll down Robson St.
Unconfirmed reports say Tiger Woods will be released from sex therapy soon. Officials with the recovery center were quoted as saying sometimes all they need is a quickie
A report says the NY Islanders will hold their training camp in China next year. The venue is being debated by NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman as one of the proposed sites Qiqihar translates in English to Hamilton
A rare agreement on Groundhog Day in Alberta when both Edmonton and Calgary reported their critters saw identical shadows which foretells 6 more weeks of crappy hockey
I’ve spent some time on a farm so I was surprised at how green the “hay” bales were that Vancouver placed under their artificial snow for this time of year... The insight came to me during training runs as none of the snowboarders managed to find the finish line
Top 5 signs you are at a bad Super Bowl Party
# 5 During commercial breaks your host show videos of the family trip to Detroit
# 4 The souvenir New Orleans Saints Voo Doo Dolls looks suspiciously like you
# 3 All the other guys at the party keep pointing to you and asking your GF "Who Dat?"
# 2 Host constantly telling everyone about that crazy time he went to a Who concert in 1971
# 1 The surprise Halftime Show: Time Shares vs. Amway
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Shuffling the engines on the Titanic...
The NFL has slapped New Orleans companies with cease and desist orders after they created T-shirts with the saying “Who Dat”. In a related item the Calgary Flames are trying to stop vendors from selling T-shirts commemorating their recent trades with the Leafs and Rangers. The Flames contend LOL, OMG and WTF are trademarked
PGA golfer John Daly says he is tired of embarrassing himself and wants to quit golf... which threw the PGA into a tailspin as he was the last player anyone wants to watch.
Daly has a history of retiring and un-retiring so chequered even Brett Favre and Cher are going come on make up your mind.
I have a sneaking suspicion this wasn’t the Maple Leaf Dion Phaneuf wanted to put on this year. In hindsight the trade is great as Dion can now separate himself from the chaos of Calgary.
Can we just admit Phaneuf was traded for a salary dump during a dump?
I think the trade was brokered by CBC... having Dion in Toronto gave Don Cherry both a reason to live and a bit of an orgasm
The trade was better for Don’s hockey cherry than a bottle of Viagra and a six pack of Blue
The trade was expected as Calgary had to part with some talent to Toronto to comply with Canadian equalization payments to have not teams
Quebec was livid with Calgary when they traded away their best player to Toronto saying as not only a have not Province but a don't give a shit Province.. they were entitled to 1st dibs
Is it even possible that at the NHL GM Meetings last year Daryl Sutter was caught on video urinating in someones drink? That is about the only way I can explain it... that makes any sense at least...
Fans going to the Super Bowl will not be allowed to bring in umbrellas which could be a problem as everyone knows in Miami it’s raining men.
The ban on products is extensive. A security spokesman for the event says they have to be 100% whereas a terrorist only has to be lucky once... and the Saints need a miracle...
PGA golfer John Daly says he is tired of embarrassing himself and wants to quit golf... which threw the PGA into a tailspin as he was the last player anyone wants to watch.
Daly has a history of retiring and un-retiring so chequered even Brett Favre and Cher are going come on make up your mind.
I have a sneaking suspicion this wasn’t the Maple Leaf Dion Phaneuf wanted to put on this year. In hindsight the trade is great as Dion can now separate himself from the chaos of Calgary.
Can we just admit Phaneuf was traded for a salary dump during a dump?
I think the trade was brokered by CBC... having Dion in Toronto gave Don Cherry both a reason to live and a bit of an orgasm
The trade was better for Don’s hockey cherry than a bottle of Viagra and a six pack of Blue
The trade was expected as Calgary had to part with some talent to Toronto to comply with Canadian equalization payments to have not teams
Quebec was livid with Calgary when they traded away their best player to Toronto saying as not only a have not Province but a don't give a shit Province.. they were entitled to 1st dibs
Is it even possible that at the NHL GM Meetings last year Daryl Sutter was caught on video urinating in someones drink? That is about the only way I can explain it... that makes any sense at least...
Fans going to the Super Bowl will not be allowed to bring in umbrellas which could be a problem as everyone knows in Miami it’s raining men.
The ban on products is extensive. A security spokesman for the event says they have to be 100% whereas a terrorist only has to be lucky once... and the Saints need a miracle...
Thursday, January 28, 2010
A Long Shot
Daryl Katz the owner of the Edmonton Oilers has donated $500,000 to the Art Gallery of Canada He says he really hoped this time he would help in creating a masterpiece.
Bad day for the NBA with Gilbert Arenas getting suspended for bringing a gun to work and Greg Oden for unleashing his on the internet.
Oden was remorseful for taking the pictures but happy they showed a corresponding proportion
If PM Harper was really serious about making Canadians happy he would prorogue the NHL season for Toronto, Calgary and Edmonton
A debate is raging in light of Tiger Woods transgressions as to whether sex addiction is an actual medical condition and if it is should it be treated by nurses?
A new theme park at Universal Studio’s is based on the Harry Potter novels but to keep some of the souvenirs current they are asking for permission to use a copy of Tiger Woods magic wand.
A report says Canadians are dissatisfied with politics and also they love hockey, beer and breathing air.
Apple unveiled a new electronic device called the iPad which is not to be confused with NBA players pick up line to go back to my pad
Players with the Toronto Maple Leafs are asking to be traded prompting coach Ron Wilson to tell them to just keep playing like the band on the Titanic
Jacques Rogge, president of the International Olympic Committee, is urging the NHL to commit its players to take part in the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. He wants the Olympics to feature the best of all Winter sports and if the NHL millionaires don’t show up it may affect the quality of hookers available to the Committee.
Mike Danton scored in his 1st game with the St. Mary’s Huskies with his coach calling it a break out performance.
Fans are questioning the bonus that millionaire NHL players could receive if they win a medal at the Olympics. Most people surveyed said the money should go to athletes near the poverty line like those in luge, biathlon and CFL players.
While trying on his jacket as part of the Olympic bob sleigh team Jesse Lumsden grimaced but later said it was just a tweak
How bad is it when Andre Dawson begged to be inducted in the Baseball Hall of Fame as a Cub instead of an Expo because he didn’t want to be known as a loser?
Bad day for the NBA with Gilbert Arenas getting suspended for bringing a gun to work and Greg Oden for unleashing his on the internet.
Oden was remorseful for taking the pictures but happy they showed a corresponding proportion
If PM Harper was really serious about making Canadians happy he would prorogue the NHL season for Toronto, Calgary and Edmonton
A debate is raging in light of Tiger Woods transgressions as to whether sex addiction is an actual medical condition and if it is should it be treated by nurses?
A new theme park at Universal Studio’s is based on the Harry Potter novels but to keep some of the souvenirs current they are asking for permission to use a copy of Tiger Woods magic wand.
A report says Canadians are dissatisfied with politics and also they love hockey, beer and breathing air.
Apple unveiled a new electronic device called the iPad which is not to be confused with NBA players pick up line to go back to my pad
Players with the Toronto Maple Leafs are asking to be traded prompting coach Ron Wilson to tell them to just keep playing like the band on the Titanic
Jacques Rogge, president of the International Olympic Committee, is urging the NHL to commit its players to take part in the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. He wants the Olympics to feature the best of all Winter sports and if the NHL millionaires don’t show up it may affect the quality of hookers available to the Committee.
Mike Danton scored in his 1st game with the St. Mary’s Huskies with his coach calling it a break out performance.
Fans are questioning the bonus that millionaire NHL players could receive if they win a medal at the Olympics. Most people surveyed said the money should go to athletes near the poverty line like those in luge, biathlon and CFL players.
While trying on his jacket as part of the Olympic bob sleigh team Jesse Lumsden grimaced but later said it was just a tweak
How bad is it when Andre Dawson begged to be inducted in the Baseball Hall of Fame as a Cub instead of an Expo because he didn’t want to be known as a loser?
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Rough Therapy
Top 5 signs your star athlete needs sex therapy
# 5 Plays nine holes before he hits the course
# 4 He spend his days off working out with the LFL and he plays baseball
# 3 Has to hire a PI to find his kids for a family reunion
# 2 He gives hook up advice to Wilt Chamberlain
# 1 He is always praying for rain so he can head out and make it rain
Whistler Mountain will go up for auction during the Olympic Games. The title of the auction will be Higher, Faster, Poorer
Brendan Taman has been named the new GM for the Saskatchewan Roughriders with team officials saying they like his experience, recruiting ability and the fact he has no kids at home needing a babysitter.
People are upset that Mike Danton a convicted criminal is allowed to attend St. Mary’s University. A spokesman for the University says they have to allow criminals into the school or they would not fill all the spaces available for new Lawyers.
Coach Rex Ryan of the NY Jets is convinced his team will win on Sunday to which the Indianapolis Colts say “fat chance”.
The Olympic Torch arrived in Calgary just ahead of the Calgary Flames who were still trying to recover from their scorching at the hands of the San Jose Sharks. Team officials refused to allow players to run with the Torch as they were concerned the hand off would be intercepted and returned to Greece.
Vancouver is praying for snow to allow them to host a successful Olympics the 1st time they have prayed for white stuff not sold on street corners.
The NHL is saying they need more time to make substantial rule changes regarding head shots and say they will move forward once Gary Bettman recovers from the concussion he received banging his head against the wall trying to sell the Phoenix Coyotes.
Alberta has reversed their decision to close Hospital beds citing an increase in patients, surgeries and players on the Oilers injured reserve list.
A supplier is offering knife proof vests in your team colours for the upcoming World Cup in South Africa. FIFA officials are incensed saying they should be available for executives and officials 1st. British fans say they will not wear them and just rely on their Guinness Guts.
Tom Brady says he won’t attend the Pro Bowl and after all other QB’s were considered it turns out Rex Grossman will come out of retirement to lead the team.
# 5 Plays nine holes before he hits the course
# 4 He spend his days off working out with the LFL and he plays baseball
# 3 Has to hire a PI to find his kids for a family reunion
# 2 He gives hook up advice to Wilt Chamberlain
# 1 He is always praying for rain so he can head out and make it rain
Whistler Mountain will go up for auction during the Olympic Games. The title of the auction will be Higher, Faster, Poorer
Brendan Taman has been named the new GM for the Saskatchewan Roughriders with team officials saying they like his experience, recruiting ability and the fact he has no kids at home needing a babysitter.
People are upset that Mike Danton a convicted criminal is allowed to attend St. Mary’s University. A spokesman for the University says they have to allow criminals into the school or they would not fill all the spaces available for new Lawyers.
Coach Rex Ryan of the NY Jets is convinced his team will win on Sunday to which the Indianapolis Colts say “fat chance”.
The Olympic Torch arrived in Calgary just ahead of the Calgary Flames who were still trying to recover from their scorching at the hands of the San Jose Sharks. Team officials refused to allow players to run with the Torch as they were concerned the hand off would be intercepted and returned to Greece.
Vancouver is praying for snow to allow them to host a successful Olympics the 1st time they have prayed for white stuff not sold on street corners.
The NHL is saying they need more time to make substantial rule changes regarding head shots and say they will move forward once Gary Bettman recovers from the concussion he received banging his head against the wall trying to sell the Phoenix Coyotes.
Alberta has reversed their decision to close Hospital beds citing an increase in patients, surgeries and players on the Oilers injured reserve list.
A supplier is offering knife proof vests in your team colours for the upcoming World Cup in South Africa. FIFA officials are incensed saying they should be available for executives and officials 1st. British fans say they will not wear them and just rely on their Guinness Guts.
Tom Brady says he won’t attend the Pro Bowl and after all other QB’s were considered it turns out Rex Grossman will come out of retirement to lead the team.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Performance enhanced column
What a wonderful feeling to hear people from Vancouver being envious of the rest of Canada for having enough snow to ski on.
Mark McGuire says now that he has talked about his steroid use all the shots should be behind him... again.
Mikka Kipprusof the shining light for the Calgary Flames had to deal with a laser directed in his eyes by the dimmest bulb in Vancouver.
Pat Quinn carried the Olympic Torch in Edmonton the closest he has been to a flaming hot group for a while
Top 5 signs you are hated by referees
# 5 You get a technical while in the shower
# 4 You are called for goaltender interference and you are the goaltender
# 3 On 4th and goal he gives you a 2 minute time-out
# 2 Before you can take a face off you have to say “mother may I?”
# 1 You are only allowed to take 4 steps after you stop dribbling
Brian Burke says Leafs coach Ron Wilson’s job is a safe as the gold in Ft. Knox. This contradicts earlier reports his job was as safe as the gold in the Canadian Mint.
Mark McGuire says now that he has talked about his steroid use all the shots should be behind him... again.
Mikka Kipprusof the shining light for the Calgary Flames had to deal with a laser directed in his eyes by the dimmest bulb in Vancouver.
Pat Quinn carried the Olympic Torch in Edmonton the closest he has been to a flaming hot group for a while
Top 5 signs you are hated by referees
# 5 You get a technical while in the shower
# 4 You are called for goaltender interference and you are the goaltender
# 3 On 4th and goal he gives you a 2 minute time-out
# 2 Before you can take a face off you have to say “mother may I?”
# 1 You are only allowed to take 4 steps after you stop dribbling
Brian Burke says Leafs coach Ron Wilson’s job is a safe as the gold in Ft. Knox. This contradicts earlier reports his job was as safe as the gold in the Canadian Mint.
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