July 30 2007

Curt Schilling pitched 5 scoreless innings in his second start after rehab and credits his success with not going to the same clinic as Lindsay Lohan.

A cat in a nursing home is said to be able to predict a patient’s death by cuddling up to them just before they expire. The only cat more comfortable around loss is the mascot for the Detroit Lions. In addition to lying with the terminally ill the cat also enjoys watching the Tour de France.

With near record low scores the only event this weekend with more sub par performances than the Canadian Open was the movie “Chuck and Larry get Married”.

With so many unknowns on the leader board, the only place where the odds of getting lucky the first time were better was at a CD signing by Paris Hilton.

Calling broadcaster Bob Costas a midget was even for Barry Bonds a low blow. Now when you type in tightrope, sideshow and midget in a Google search you get a picture of Barry Bonds.

Donovan McNabb says he can be an elite quarterback when he is only 75% healthy so you can only imagine the potential once he gives us NFL minimum 110%.

Michael Vick has had his trading card removed by Upper Deck, his jersey discontinued by Rebock and his shoe contract with Nike cancelled. In what is being called an unrelated event the PR Manager for Vicks Vapo-rub is recovering in hospital after “accidentally” shooting himself 7 times.

After going through a bitter divorce NY Giants defensive end Michael Strahan says he is considering retiring to avoid an even worse fate 2-a-day practices.

I know it looks bad on the Stahl brothers but what is more Canadian than two hockey players filled with Molsons?

Headline after PGA golfer Jay Williamson fire his caddy on the 15th hole of the Canadian Open “Caddy Sacked”

Letting tour player Davis Love design the course for the Canadian Open meant it was going to be a player friendly event. What next? The Sidney Crosby sloping ice or the Chad Johnson trampoline field and of course the Alex Rodriguez 180’ left field fence.

Jose Canseco is back in the news and has once again talked with Senator George Mitchell about steroid use. Jose now has a better attendance record than most US Senators. The big problem with the publishers of Jose’s new book is to whether to release it as a fiction or non-fiction.

Co-defendant Tony Taylor has pleaded guilty and will testify against Michael Vick. Taylor is quoted as saying “hey it’s a dog eat dog world bro” and “they threw me a bone and I took it ‘cause the charges could fetch a big sentence”

Frank Gore of the San Francisco 49ers broke his hand in a non-contact drill and later found out his wife is pregnant despite being on the pill, foam and sponges.

In a tribute to Bill Walsh the pallbearers will line up in the West Coast Offence so he can go deep one more time.

Headline in Cleveland “Holdout Brady wants a Bunch”